Doubtsforever Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Hi all, I have been here for a while now. Before I posted anything I was reading many of the advice in here an it all seems good. I wan to share my story, i'll be grateful if you as well share your view points to me on to this. I dated with my ex for almost six months, but i had met him since I was 17. I broke up with him 3 weeks ago. We had no real issues, except for his depression. At first it felt like lack of disinterest, but when i finally spoke to him he told me straight that he was depressed due to his actual status on life, he doesn't has a stable job and still lives with his parents and his younger sister. He was feeling low for a while but tried to keep it away from me. I tried everything i could to help him and cheer him up, not only because i love him, but because i truly believe on him and on that it was only temporary. A month passed since we had that conversation and he was getting better, he never went to therapy but he started working out and it made him well. He was more stable and started looking out for a new job, and left the unstable one. Please, don't judge me for what i will tell you next. Since that conversation about how he was feeling about himself and his life, i also started doubting myself, as a person and a partner for him. I know with all my heart that i tried to cheer him up, but many times i would feel like he wasn't the same, even after he got happier again. felt like the feeling he had, or the person he was when we fell in love wear off. It was weird. He became better. Maybe i was afraid of being an obstacle to what he can be. 3 weeks ago I broke up with him. I was now the one being low. It might sound egoistical, but it isn't, i know it is not. I am not currently interested in another man. i really do like him, and admire him, and love him, but it is not the same love as it was before. I felt like i was going to regret my choice the minute i did it. He cried and begged a little, but suddenly, he changed and told me that he actually felt something was going on or something was wrong with me and my mood before this happened, he told me all the things he never liked about me and told me that maybe he didn't loved me anymore. I took it well and suggested to him that be could, maybe one day, be friends. He said he would think about it but asked me for space, and that same night i noticed he erased me from FB and blocked me too. A week after this incident a male friend wanted us to hang out, and I did, just for the sake of going out. I knew he likes me, but I dont really like him. My ex suddenly messaged me to complain about how I¿i lied to him about not wanting any relationship by now, i was surprised, how did he knew i was hanging out with that guy? i just replied to him once telling him straight that i didn't owed him any explanation and to leave me alone. Two days after that he sent me another message saying he was sorry for that reaction, that he was upset and that he never really wanted me to leave the relationship, but that it was my choice etc, and he told me that he expected me to be very happy. I didn't replied to that last message and he hasn't sent anything since, and i don't expect him to do. A good friend of his, who is his neighbor too, told me that he has been improving himself a lot, but that he seems distant from people. I feel like i harmed him and myself too. I am not going to lie, i am still hanging out with this guy, but in reality, he fells short of what my ex is, even when i am not sure if i love him or not. I miss him sometimes, and i miss him a lot, we were much alike. he has been the only person who has been there for me no matter what, always giving me great advice, treating me with respect and a lot more. I don't like the reaction he had when i broke up with him, but i have been sincerely reading the dumpees view point many times on many stories here and it makes sense. I feel depressed. In reality i am afraid i won't get another chance with him on the future when i became better or at least with someone similar to him. it is truly impressive to read how many people get dumped cause of GIGS or abuse, or partner's issues with drugs, or cheating. And he was really a great guy and I really felt like i was being an obstacle to his happiness. I don't expect you to understand what i did because many times i don't even understand myself. I miss him but i want to be convinced that breaking up was the right thing to do at that point and i can't. I know he isn't dating anyone but he is a great guy and really handsome, so he will have no problem on the future with it...
jbelle6 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 If you care about this guy, and he is depressed. Leave him alone unless you actually are sure you want to get back together with him. Don't contact him or respond to him because it will get his hopes up and crush him each time. Just let him heal. 1
Author Doubtsforever Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Thanku, i actually haven't been in contact since he messaged me about me dating a new person, and i am actually not proud of how i responded, because i really don't know how I feel. I told the new guy i wanted to be alone by now and so i would not date him or anyone else i want to clear my mind.
jbelle6 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Well, to be fair to you, he had no right to call about you going out with someone. A date isn't a relationship and you broke up with him first so it's not like you cheated. He's just coming from a place of hurt. Taking time to think and be sure is smart. You'll figure it out and if you decide this is the right thing, let him come to you for friendship when he is ready. 1
Black Cement Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Its sounds like he really loves you still. If you really still love him, hit him up & see where things are with him and you. 1
Author Doubtsforever Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Its sounds like he really loves you still. If you really still love him, hit him up & see where things are with him and you. It is a strange case. Sometimes, i mean, the last times we hung out he wasn't the same. Many things happened along the rs and he was, i think, starting to get some resentment towards me. So all the time it was like he was there, but not in a 100% like he was when we first met. Also, for the things he told me after i broke up with him i am not sure if he was just hurt, or if he was also feeling all those things he told me, and those things made me feel insecure about his love for me. I know i loved him a lot and still do at some point, it's just not the same. And i am afraid i will never find someone like him again, but that loves me. I am afraid i will never find what we had again. And i know that he fears the same, but he can do so much better... he is growing a lot and i think i am stuck now
redbaron005 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Well, the six-eight month mark is when a real relationship begins, when the honeymoon period fades and you start to see people for who they really are. I sense almost a brotherly/sisterly love for him that you have now and you miss that excitement that you had at the beginning. If you really love someone, you stick with them during the hard times. Running away is a sign of insecurity and immaturity. I think your feelings of guilt for doing so is clouding your judgement. I'd wait 3-4 months and work on reconciling your feelings. It feels like a long time, I know, but it will be worth the wait to learn more about yourself and make an informed decision. 1
Author Doubtsforever Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Well, the six-eight month mark is when a real relationship begins, when the honeymoon period fades and you start to see people for who they really are. I sense almost a brotherly/sisterly love for him that you have now and you miss that excitement that you had at the beginning. If you really love someone, you stick with them during the hard times. Running away is a sign of insecurity and immaturity. I think your feelings of guilt for doing so is clouding your judgement. I'd wait 3-4 months and work on reconciling your feelings. It feels like a long time, I know, but it will be worth the wait to learn more about yourself and make an informed decision. Thanks... i am indeed doubting my choice right now... but did you mentioned that about me running from trouble because i might not love him? or because i might have some issues on myself?... i never felt for anyone like for him, that's real
redbaron005 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Thanks... i am indeed doubting my choice right now... but did you mentioned that about me running from trouble because i might not love him? or because i might have some issues on myself?... i never felt for anyone like for him, that's real I don't doubt that you loved him, it just seems IMHO that your love was coupled by the infatuation and lust that comes in the early stages of relationships. It's not a bad thing, however many young women chase that excitement instead of fluidly communicating with their partner to express feelings and resolve issues. We all have room for self-improvement, so I would use some time to do just that and with time will come clarity on your true feelings. 1
Author Doubtsforever Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Well, the six-eight month mark is when a real relationship begins, when the honeymoon period fades and you start to see people for who they really are. I sense almost a brotherly/sisterly love for him that you have now and you miss that excitement that you had at the beginning. If you really love someone, you stick with them during the hard times. Running away is a sign of insecurity and immaturity. I think your feelings of guilt for doing so is clouding your judgement. I'd wait 3-4 months and work on reconciling your feelings. It feels like a long time, I know, but it will be worth the wait to learn more about yourself and make an informed decision. I don't doubt that you loved him, it just seems IMHO that your love was coupled by the infatuation and lust that comes in the early stages of relationships. It's not a bad thing, however many young women chase that excitement instead of fluidly communicating with their partner to express feelings and resolve issues. We all have room for self-improvement, so I would use some time to do just that and with time will come clarity on your true feelings. Well, you're right but i think that my insecurities were not something that he could help me to handle with... i felt inadequate to be with him... i really believed that i could gave my all to him again but couldn't, and now that he isn't here i just feel sad and like he lost a bad thing, but i lost a good one. Dont know how to explain it
Black Cement Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 This story sounds like a relationship i once had. I hated and resented my ex for what she did to me. I knew she still had feelings for me still, even after she was rebounding with someone else. I took my anger out on her further & pretended like i was moving on, but god knows to this day i really love her still. I wait for her to reconcile with me...
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