a_random Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 i've always been confused about ex's being friends. My current boyfriend is friends with his ex-gf (he dated for a few months last year), his 'first love'. Now, I've been trying to be friends with my first love (i dated him for about 2 years) but it's impossible to be friends with him. I mean, can you really be friends with somebody u've shared and loved so much? I dont mean i still have feelings for him and vice versa and that's what's stopping us from being just friends, it just seems so hard to not talk or act like 2 regular friends who havn't shared such a deep connection in the past. Insight anybody?
tiki Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 There are too many people in the world to befriend an ex. You guys split up for a reason, because you weren't compatible. I can see bing civil for the fact that you have a child together, but friends? That's just sick to me.
Hund1976 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I think its pretty hard to be good friends with an ex. Talking to them occasionally is one thing but I wouldn't want my girlfriend hanging out with an ex boyfriend all the time, that would seem really wierd to me.
Sukotto Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Tried it and someone always changes for the worst, in this case my ex started making an attempt then gave up. I was more than willing to try to be friends. Its now been over a month since we spoke last, and the last conversation she was just out right rude.
CoolAunt Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Wow, I'm like a bazillion years older than most everyone here so you guys probably won't relate, but here goes. On the one hand, I don't think that I could be friends with an ex-bf of just a few months ago unless we never got serious to start with. If we were serious, I would be too hurt still in only a few months after breaking up. On the other hand, I am friends with an ex from way back, tho. We never married, but I lived with a man all thru my 20s. We split up a little over ten years ago. It took me about five years to get over being angry at him. Once I got over it I called him and we've been friends since then. He's getting married in May and I'm invited to the wedding. No, I don't feel awkward around him and his fiance at all. I have no desire to be with him sexually or as a SO or any way at all. I think that she was concerned about our friendship when they first became engaged. But I talked to her a few weeks ago at a get together at a mutual friend's house. This was only the second time that I met her. I brought the subject up because ex-bf told me that she had indicated some insecurities about our friendship, but I didn't tell her that he said that. Anyway, she said that she wasn't concerned but I could tell that she was not being honest. I told her that I would be if my fiance had a friendship with his ex-gf UNLESS I knew that they'd never allow themselves to be in a situation that would merit suspicion and/or doubt. I could see the lie leave her face. (That girl should never try to bluff in a poker game!) Then, I assured her that he and I rarely see each other face to face and when we do, it's never just the two of us, that there are always other friends around. We NEVER hang out together alone and we only talk to each other on the phone maybe once or twice a month, some months not at all. Unless something important is going on with one of us, the conversations are brief, maybe 10 minutes each time we talk, just long enough to say hi, confirm that the other is still alive and all is well. I could see her face change again with the relief she felt. Anyway, she and I finished that conversation and then chatted for a while about other stuff (their upcoming wedding, our pets, "girly" stuff...) and I think between our brief, private chat, the fact that I hung with her rather than following ex-bf and some other folks into the next room, and the way that he and I are so NOT flirty or touchy-feely with each other, any worries she had are now gone. He and I are like old friends or even siblings in that we grew up together; we were kids when we got together and adults when we said our last "f*ck offs" to each other. She seems nice and I hope that they'll be happy. (Mostly, knowing him, I hope he doesn't f*ck it up! )
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