Easyguy14 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I called her on it earlier today but of course she totally denied it. Just to give a shorter version of what happened. We was supposed to go on a date later tonight, everything was mapped out to a T. She even suggests that we catch a movie afterwards which I agreed to. Now things get silly from here as said woman wants to know if we're going to watch the movie or fool around. I say we can do both if you're up for it. She says ok but to tell her in details of the fooling around going to be so I just lay out a few things and now said woman cancels the whole date altogether, telling me she don't go to dinner with men she dont know and she dont kiss strange men and hung up the phone. Now I'm just beside myself with her because we've been talking for over a week with these plans and she just ups and cancels for almost nothing! Games like this turn men away from even bothering.
pteromom Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 She says ok but to tell her in details of the fooling around going to be so I just lay out a few things and now said woman cancels the whole date altogether What "few things" did you lay out? What you said may be a factor here. 3
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 She may have concluded that you only want one thing. I'm not saying you do but she may have perceived it that way. Where was the movie? In the theater or in a home? If a home, she may have realized that she was putting herself in a vulnerable position by going. When she asked for details, you should have kicked it back to her & let her specify the boundaries for the date. I'm not suggesting that would be fair for her to call all the shots but in the beginning & for a 1st meet, it's helpful to reassure the woman & make her feel safe. FWIW based on that last call, I think you dodged a bullet. The point of dating is spending time with people you don't know so you can get to know them better.
NYC-BigKat Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I called her on it earlier today but of course she totally denied it. Just to give a shorter version of what happened. We was supposed to go on a date later tonight, everything was mapped out to a T. She even suggests that we catch a movie afterwards which I agreed to. Now things get silly from here as said woman wants to know if we're going to watch the movie or fool around. I say we can do both if you're up for it. She says ok but to tell her in details of the fooling around going to be so I just lay out a few things and now said woman cancels the whole date altogether, telling me she don't go to dinner with men she dont know and she dont kiss strange men and hung up the phone. Now I'm just beside myself with her because we've been talking for over a week with these plans and she just ups and cancels for almost nothing! Games like this turn men away from even bothering. Um...are u sure u didn't say something else that turned her off? It sounds so so weird that she doesn't like u anymore just 'cause u want to kiss inside of the movies .
Author Easyguy14 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 She may have concluded that you only want one thing. I'm not saying you do but she may have perceived it that way. Where was the movie? In the theater or in a home? If a home, she may have realized that she was putting herself in a vulnerable position by going. When she asked for details, you should have kicked it back to her & let her specify the boundaries for the date. I'm not suggesting that would be fair for her to call all the shots but in the beginning & for a 1st meet, it's helpful to reassure the woman & make her feel safe. FWIW based on that last call, I think you dodged a bullet. The point of dating is spending time with people you don't know so you can get to know them better. She suggested a movie theatre in the city and I agreed. The fooling around wasn't anything extensive. How could it be inside of a crowded theatre and she knows this. I do feel I dodged a bullet because this makes no sense to me whatsoever. She was so down for the date and just cancels? This is the problem with today's women.
KaliLove Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 She suggested a movie theatre in the city and I agreed. The fooling around wasn't anything extensive. How could it be inside of a crowded theatre and she knows this. I do feel I dodged a bullet because this makes no sense to me whatsoever. She was so down for the date and just cancels? This is the problem with today's women. Oy. I'd have canceled on you too. She was testing you, trying to see if you're only looking for sex. You should have just said you wanted to meet her and get to know her and flat out denied wanting to fool around on a first date. Fail. 1
Author Easyguy14 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Oy. I'd have canceled on you too. She was testing you, trying to see if you're only looking for sex. You should have just said you wanted to meet her and get to know her and flat out denied wanting to fool around on a first date. Fail. Tests are playing games. Its the same thing. And thank you very much for confirming what I already know.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Oy. I'd have canceled on you too. She was testing you, trying to see if you're only looking for sex. You should have just said you wanted to meet her and get to know her and flat out denied wanting to fool around on a first date. Fail. No, you failed! What you just said is playing games with a man. I've had my share of dames trying to test me with nonsense just to see my reaction. It's all a damn game! That's American women for you.
Author Easyguy14 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 No, you failed! What you just said is playing games with a man. I've had my share of dames trying to test me with nonsense just to see my reaction. It's all a damn game! That's American women for you. Yea its a new game almost everyday from walking the streets to taking the subway or standing in line at the grocery. Its ridiculous! It irritates me when women see a man coming they automatically think he's going to hit on her and its not so.
Author Easyguy14 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 ...and that's why you don't map out how you're going to fool around with a girl you've never met. She wasn't playing games, you just turned her off. If you want to plan out how you're going to fool around with a woman prior to meeting her, that's fine. Just don't try and tell her about it. You clearly didn't read my thread correctly. I never said anything about that during our week long talks. The thing about fooling around was brought up by her and her only. No intervention from me. I had no desire to tell her a thing about that nor was I seriously thinking about it. She brought it up and then decided to cancel just to get on my nerves. Getting hit on at work? - pg.4 | allnurses Read this article. These are just examples of how ridiculous women can be around men and how they blow things out of proportions needlessly.
Author Easyguy14 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 I read your post correctly. You assume much. I don't care who brought it up, I wouldn't talk about it. I would just have said I was looking forward to getting to know her. That's about it. Maybe she was trying to figure out your intentions. You obviously slipped up and said/did something she didn't like. I wouldn't consider that game playing on her part. Its game-playing because had I done the opposite, she would've cancelled the date anyway using the excuse of me not seriously interested in her or attracted to her enough. Trust me because I experienced that nonsense not that long ago. Its all games to one degree or another.
MrBossMan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Could be Anti-Slut Defense (or ASD). lol You could be a little less blunt about what you want to do. Or she could have a man and she has second thoughts about cheating. 2
ThaWholigan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Lol you walked right into that trap. You should have left it to the imagination.
crederer Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Oy. I'd have canceled on you too. She was testing you, trying to see if you're only looking for sex. You should have just said you wanted to meet her and get to know her and flat out denied wanting to fool around on a first date. Fail. Yeah, testing a person. If someone feels the need to test you it's pretty good indicator she's a nutter. 2
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 EasyGuy14 Like you said it was a no win situation. Please don't think that just because this woman was flakey that all women are. Going forward if you ever encounter a trap like that again, the "correct" answer is "whatever you want; you set the pace but I'd be happy just getting to know you" and you leave it that, repeating some variation of asked again.
guest572 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Doesn't sound like a game to me, she was asking straight up what your intentions were and didn't like those intentions? But call it what you like. 3
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Doesn't sound like a game to me, she was asking straight up what your intentions were and didn't like those intentions? But call it what you like. I don't know. It seems really odd to me that an adult woman who suggested going to a movie in a public theater would start a discussion about whether there would be physical contact during or after the movie before even meeting the man. My expectation was that I would at least get a good night kiss after a date. I don't need to talk about it. If the date was in a public place, why ask if there will be "fooling around"? What does she think the guy is going to do -- attack her in the theater? Depending on the context / tone it could have been flirtatious. Assuming I was odd enough to ask the Q, if the response involved something along the lines of "I'll try to steal a kiss" . . . that could be cute. If it was more graphic. . . like I want oral or digital penetration in a public place on our 1st date, yeah I'd probably run too. "Fooling around" is kind of a vague term. 2
GemmaUK Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Doesn't sound like a game to me, she was asking straight up what your intentions were and didn't like those intentions? But call it what you like. I agree. This kid of thing would put me off also. I don't like meeting someone for the first time if they bring up this kind of chat before we have even met and before we even know whether there is any attraction. Much of that for me is down to safety but also I don't want a stranger thinking it's OK to paw me. You sound a little angry OP. Would you have been angry/annoyed also if you had met and then you made moves on her and she wasn't willing to reciprocate?
KaliLove Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Trying to find out someone's intentions is not game playing. She was protecting herself..she was making sure you didn't just want sex from her. You made it sound like you were hoping for sex so she canceled. I can see from this thread that you weren't just looking for sex, but if I was her I would have thought the same and I'd have canceled too. Although I would never have brought it up..that's really tacky. I actually do think you dodged a bullet. She sounds..fragile..
bubbaganoosh Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Chalk it up as experience and move on. There has to be something more going on with her if she asks if your going to fool around in a theater. In most cases if something is going to happen in a sexual manner then it doesn't come down to making plans on what time you take your socks off and then when the pants come off and when the action starts. If it's going to happen a detailed plan of action isn't discussed. I happens with no time table.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Doesn't sound like a game to me, she was asking straight up what your intentions were and didn't like those intentions? But call it what you like. It appears that you've missed the point. Easyguy claims she asked about if they were going to fool around. It's like an invitation to see if he was also interested in doing what she supposedly wanted to do, but then she duped him by turning the tables. It's a test which equals playing games. That's a classic form of messing with a man's head. I had one time where a young girl asked me if I liked what I saw; meaning she was showing me her cleavage and smiling at me. Then she unbuttoned her top a little more and asked me the same question again to which I smiled and nodded yes. She then buttons her top right back up and says too bad because you're a pig! I was in my 20s back then. A silly game like that could never go over with me today because I'm much too privy to women's intentions now and how they love to test men, but it's just a case in point; a variation of Easyguy's experience. Most women get off on simply teasing a man. Why do you think they dress provocative every day they go out, but yet reject our advances? They want validation; to be reminded how good they look; not necessarily to be asked out. Of course, they're a few that are expecting to be picked up. I see them in the minority. It's all a game out here. I'll admit that men play games as well. I'm not denying that they don't but it is not the same thing, because men are seeking to get laid so they'll do their best to achieve that, where they won't mess things up if they can help it. Once that mission is obtained, then men usually fall back and then it's the woman who starts pushing up on the man, where he'll often run the other way. Women decipher that as playing games with her. Many women know that they don't have really anything to offer a man, but their bodies, so they make it as difficult as possible for a man to get near them. For the fewer women who have a lot more to offer, again, they're very much in the minority, they won't use that kind of tactic, or feel the need to play the same games, if at all.
irc333 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) Man, what a mental case. Good thing you dodged the bullet. Though I woudl surmise she's probably married or involved and was doing it just for the attention. I called her on it earlier today but of course she totally denied it. Just to give a shorter version of what happened. We was supposed to go on a date later tonight, everything was mapped out to a T. She even suggests that we catch a movie afterwards which I agreed to. Now things get silly from here as said woman wants to know if we're going to watch the movie or fool around. I say we can do both if you're up for it. She says ok but to tell her in details of the fooling around going to be so I just lay out a few things and now said woman cancels the whole date altogether, telling me she don't go to dinner with men she dont know and she dont kiss strange men and hung up the phone. Now I'm just beside myself with her because we've been talking for over a week with these plans and she just ups and cancels for almost nothing! Games like this turn men away from even bothering. She was testing you This is woman-speak for "playing games". I don't know. It seems really odd to me that an adult woman who suggested going to a movie in a public theater would start a discussion about whether there would be physical contact during or after the movie before even meeting the man. Yep, to me it's pretty much an invitation fool around if she brings it up as a consideration for "post movie" get together. It's like an invitation to see if he was also interested in doing what she supposedly wanted to do Exactly, she would not have brought up such a detailed inquiry if she did NOT want to fool around after the movie. I get a kick out of the women here that would come to the woman in question's defense. LOL Edited May 31, 2014 by irc333 1
SoleMate Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I'll admit that men play games as well. I'm not denying that they don't but it is not the same thing, because men are seeking to get laid so they'll do their best to achieve that, where they won't mess things up if they can help it. Once that mission is obtained, then men usually fall back and then it's the woman who starts pushing up on the man, where he'll often run the other way. Women decipher that as playing games with her. Whereas it's really just manipulating and using? As long as sex is the goal any game is acceptable? Back to the OP, you've now learned......take it slow, don't push for sex regardless of her request or hints. If women like to test, well, they like to test and it's their choice and option to do so. You respond with your choice as well and each adult can make their decision about what they will and won't accept. Pushing women beyond what they're comfortable with is creepy. Yes, sadly, women have to test for creepiness. If women tease purely out of meanness, well then that's bad. You men can all punish those women horribly by denying them access to your body. Also, a movie is a bad choice for a 1st date, which is about getting to know each other, i.e. talking and doing something together....meal, museum, walk or hike. Not just sitting together silently in the dark. 2
GravityMan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Lol you walked right into that trap. You should have left it to the imagination. Agreed. I find it a bit strange in most cases (including Easyguy's) that someone would plan in advance how they're going to "fool around" and worse, articulate those details out loud. Just seems awkward. Fooling around tends to work better and be more fun when it's spontaneous and in-the-moment, ideally after reading each other's cues to see if they're okay with it. 1
jbelle6 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I think you dodged a bullet. And it was game playing, any time you ask a question that you believe has a set answer already in your head that you expect him to say, it's a game. She does sound nuts.
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