Author hillybilly45 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 A couple of responses, notably Still an Angel shows the understanding of what I need...some input without judgement that will help me to get over my bewilderment. Of course I know I'v done wrong, of course folks will feel I did not work hard enough in my marriage, of course the deceiver has been deveived...but at the moment I need to get the closest plausible reason as to what happened. I know the Company is not in trouble neither can my AFFAIR partner be professionally threatened by anyone ( to answer Still...)but the other possiblities, harsh & humiliating as they are, seem real. As for my marriage, this will sound like an excuse, it lacked something from the word go. I made a grave mistake of continuing with it and a graver mistake by having an affair, imagining it would be my second bid for happiness, those I did wrong but I did many right things with my marriage...but that's a two way street is it not? Thanks again.
Spectre Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) I just can't figure out how, in this day and age, it took you so long to get a divorce from your husband. I don't care if you lived in different cities. Either it is WAY WAY harder to get a divorce then I ever thought..or something is amiss. I have known people who decided to divorce and had the process going and wrapped up in a few weeks so..why did it take you years? Yes, you indeed did get played by this OM, which is probably karma I guess? You were still technically married at the time, so it is an emotional affair. If you and your husband were in so much agreement the marriage was over then..why wasn't it over? Why drag it out and have an emotional affair? You guys weren't 50,000 miles apart or anything. It's just..why is it so hard for people to refrain from getting with other people until they are truly broken up? If you want to get with a woman who is going to divorce her husband you don't do anything until she divorces..because if they are still technically married there is ALWAYS that chance they might get back together, even if it is slim. Edited June 1, 2014 by Spectre
TiredFamilyGuy Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) I have the impression that you still have a strong need for emotional validation that is leading you down a path where there is nothing for you. Consider this: So he does not want to talk - you can fix that if you have the will. -Go there to his office "Why did you deceive me?" -Post stuff on his Facebook wall: "You had an affair with me and deceived me" -Send an open letter to his professional colleagues "He had an affair with me and deceived me". -Put him on Cheaterville Confront .. there are many ways to do it. None without some cost. You will then find out what he says as to why. Of course, you will not like it. But you can get the actual information from the horses mouth. What is stopping you? The further humiliation? Well yes. But you can do it if you want to. I think you already have all you need to know. It's not all you want to know. But it's all you need. Edited June 1, 2014 by TiredFamilyGuy
WasOtherWoman Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Yikes, not a good situation, obviously. What I am wondering though, is this.. .how did you end up jobless? Did you not have a signed offer letter with this new company prior to giving notice at your old one? Being dumped is one thing, but jobless is entirely another
Author hillybilly45 Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 Sooner than later I will hear of how my Affair Partner has moved on and is married or committed to someone else. In all likelihood to another former collegue of ours, one to whom he gave a job to in his new firm, (although he always professed she was not good as a person or professional, but SHE always had a thing for him & the office gossip was that they had a history). Can you please tell me how I can prepare for that eventuality? Also I have tried almost everything to get on with my life I am being able to. I cannot go into therapy. I have not the means or access
Oberfeldwebel Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Sooner than later I will hear of how my Affair Partner has moved on and is married or committed to someone else. In all likelihood to another former collegue of ours, one to whom he gave a job to in his new firm, (although he always professed she was not good as a person or professional, but SHE always had a thing for him & the office gossip was that they had a history). Can you please tell me how I can prepare for that eventuality? Also I have tried almost everything to get on with my life I am being able to. I cannot go into therapy. I have not the means or access Part of your problem is that you are looking for logic and there isn't really much logic in this situation. As you can see from your own writing above, he is a user. He used you for his own entertainment, just as he has done for a long time. Your perception above will likely come true, though it is hard to see that he would commit to anyone other than himself, whether he is married or not. The best advise I can give you is finish one relationship, before you start another one. Multiple relationships tend to cloud your judgement and make you do things you would not have done otherwise. I imagine that you were using this new relationship as a safety net to escape the other. This left you susceptible to the smooth talking, confident man who led you to believe he cared. When he got to the new place, he in all likelihood started up his old tricks with the next flavor of the month and divested himself of all previous relationships. Learn from this experience and don't let someone snooker you again. 1
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