RVNX Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Hello loveshack, I have been a lurker for a full year now, I have not made any posts about my breakup because it was the same as everyone else so I read and took advice of NC and getting along with my life and it helped! I will very briefly go over the break up and what is going on now. I dated a girl for a 3 month fling. I did not realize it was a fling until she told me after. When we first met I was very hesitant of even talking to her. I was heavily abused physically and verbally by my father so I have been emotionally shut off for 5+ years focusing on school and work. This girl brought back emotion and it caused me to hit depression in the relationship but I hid it well. Well it ended after 3 months, she said after we broke up "you act like we are never going to talk again". I replied, "I'm not sure, are we?" (in a straight, normal tone, not sarcastic but as a serious question, I realized after I said it because I was so hurt). She took it very hard and said "REALLY? and left. *She broke up with me, she gave the whole "It's not you, It's me". But I'm pretty sure she just lost interest and only wanted a Summer fling* (The relationship ended in August 2013) Well, since then my depression got worse due to dealing with forgotten emotion about my father and this break up. I followed the awesome advice of LS and hit hit the gym and grew a ton of self confidence. Since then I have made many friends and went on a few dates. But just a few weeks ago my mom had a brain aneurysm and was put in a coma for 3 weeks. I did not go back into depression but I became emotionless again, I couldn't handle my last family member passing away, she was all I had left. So again I buried myself in work cut off contact with my new friends and became emotionless again. It worked out for awhile until these dreams started occurring. (I explained to my friends why I was leaving, I wanted to be a positive influence on peoples lives, but when this happened I knew it was best for me to be alone again). Lately I have been having these vivid dreams about my ex, not about getting together or sleeping together. But apologizing to her. Saying how sorry I was for acting immature and I did not mean to hurt her. It's odd, I would have expected these dreams to be us working out, but no it's just me saying how sorry I am. It's affecting my work because once again it is making me feel so guilty and low through out my days. This is the 5th day in a row having the same dream in different settings of me apologizing to her. It has been about 3 months since I last thought about her and I just am struggling with this. I just find it so odd that I dream about this now and not before. So my question is how do I handle it? Would going to a therapist be the best bet? I know I need to face my past with my father but I feel like I'm not strong enough as of yet. I just wish I did not feel so guilty about the way I left it off. I'm just lost of what to do, any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. Edited May 30, 2014 by RVNX
Itspointless Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Hey man, I am really sorry for all the things that you have been and are going through. Yes, therapy would be the best thing. The fact that you started avoiding your friends is in a way telling, just as the dreams you are having. Unfortunately abuse often is incorporated by children as I did something wrong, my parent cant be bad, so it must have been me: I must be unlovable. Deep down you seem to blame yourself even as you know that the end of the relation wasn't your fault. Now you are avoiding your friends, as you tell yourself that you have to be positive, as otherwise ... Why, because deep down you repeat this deeply ingrained thought-pattern. The fact that you experience this now is I think because your mother made you feel vulnerable (emotional). The best thing I think you can do - next to going to therapy - is staying in contact with your friends, as hard and unnatural that must feel. Let them be there for you. You do not have to be perfect and you are really OK as you are!! Good luck man! 1
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