sterlingarcher Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I'm new to this forum. Hi everyone. Background summary: - Im 29, she's 25 - We started 2 years ago when I visited her country and continued as a LDR couple when I came back to my home - She's been to my place and we have about 1 year of time together physically - We got engaged 8 months ago with the purpose of marrying soon so she can move and live with me Ok, so here's the issue. We usually talk on phone (viber) every night before sleeping but 2 days ago when messaging her she just wished me goodnight and told me she needed some time alone. I pushed it abit yesterday wanting to know what the issue is and both of us ended up abit pissed. Today we talked on phone. She wants to deal with her issue alone, insisting it doesn't concern me or us. We agreed next time we talk will be on her initiative. I feel shut out. If its a small issue, then whats keeping her from telling me? If its a big issue I don't see how it doesn't affect us both? We are marrying 2 months from now. This is not the kind of behaviour I would expect from my wife, or any wife. We have a policy of having full honesty, transparency and focusing alot on communication. This feels like the opposite. Its been 2 months since we saw each other and still one month until we see each other again. From experience things get a little edgy between us because we are both frustrated by the fact we're so far apart. Small issues become big. She insists it has nothing to do with cheating or anything and that I have nothing to worry about. She also told me that if she thinks I'm ready to know and she's ready to share, she will share. Maybe next week, maybe next decade, she couldn't really tell at this point. WTF? Any comments, thoughts, please.
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You're engaged. If that is true her troubles are your troubles & vice versa. Wanting a few hours of alone time is one thing but in an LDR you get tons of alone time, not much togetherness. If she's hurting, I don't understand why she doesn't want to share unless what's upsetting her has something to do with whether she's having second thoughts about getting married. 1
GemmaUK Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 In my LDR's I had so little alone time that it drove me off the whole relationship. I was supposed to be 'there' at all times between 5.30am and 11.30pm. I lived with someone for 14 years and didn't have to be 'on call' as much as that! We also didn't need to tell each other absolutely everything..life is like that. Trust her..give her some rope. Let her get on with whatever it is...just trust her.
giblesp Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Gemma UK has a good point, have you been giving her freedom to contact you when she wants? Or is she on a 'schedule'? My relationship is also sometimes a LDR, I actually prefer it when we don't talk so much sometimes, as yes there can be some tension in communication and small things become big. Without knowing your relationship, I'd say that if there is love and trust between the two of you, give her full space. And do NOT push it, don't expect a rational answer. Right now she's closed off a bit, give her the space to open. Everything will probably be ok in a day or two if you give her the space to be open.
Author sterlingarcher Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 So the weekend is about to end and still no progress. Just a few "hi, how are you"s from her which I replied without being pushy and today I was left with a message saying she's going out of town for a family sleepover and leaving her phone until tomorrow. This is silly and stupid. Last week she kept saying how much she misses me, then all of a sudden she completely shuts me out. Is she having second thoughts about us? Has someone close to her died? Does she just want space? Whatever it is, I don't get why she can't just tell me and I will be fine with it. I'm not gonna push her, but if she doesn't open up soon I will seriously start wondering whats up. I have never treated her or any of my ex GF like this, so I just don't get it.
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