Kevin_D Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a short message to a mutual friend who always had been really nice to me. I apologized for cutting off all contact and explained that I did that to protect myself from getting information about her life, because the breakup came as big shock. About a week later, I got a message that read something like this: "Several little birds told me that you are writing crap about me to mutual friends. What do you want?" Before you say anything, yes, I know it was a mistake to contact the mutual friend. I really felt like apologizing was the right thing to do, but I realise that I created a new mess. Anyway, I find her message very creepy, for several reasons. First off, I only contacted one mutual friend, so there can only be one "bird". Secondly, I never said anything bad about her. And thirdly, what makes her think she has the right to ask me questions about these things? I'm so confused. Would our mutual friend lie about the content of my message? Most unlikely. But yet she seemed quite angry. Then it hit me. I caught her lying about our breakup to her father. Of course, she lied to her friends as well. She wanted to immediately run off with a new guy, but she knew that she would look bad if she did that. So she told her father, and probably her friends as well, that we fought all the time and AGREED that the relationship wasn't working. My apology most certainly caused a stir among her friends, since it made it obvious that she had lied to them. So they had to confront her, which made her even more angry at me. It's so bizarre. How could such a shy, nice girl turn into this calculating, cold-hearted, compulsive lying monster? She treated me so badly and but I accepted her decision without any yelling. But she is so creepy. It's like she doesn't have any emotions and it scares this **** out of me. As you may or may not recall, she has earlier accused me of calling her several times (which I would never do) and laughed at me for going NC and said: "Giving me the silent treatment won't help you get over me any faster." Oh, yeah... She sporadically tries to contact my friends and family members, such as my brother's girlfriend, who she never cared about before. Thankfully, they ignore her. But how can she have this kind of hostility towards me? She lied to me, broke my heart, left me for another guy, said that I was the biggest mistake of her life, and now she tries to be friendly with my friends and even family members? It's like she wants to crush me like a bug and show me that her social skills are so superior that she can seduce anyone. 2
suchamamasboy Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Don't respond to her. She's just looking for a reaction out of you and she's wrong, ignoring her WILL help you get over her faster. I don't know why she's being so hostile to you or why she's being cold, I don't even know why my own ex is like this. Just know that she's causing you pain right now and you don't want someone like this in your life. The fact that she said that ignoring her won't help you get over her faster implies that she's manipulative and she wants you in her life as a sort of punching bag despite the fact that it won't help you move on. Heck, she doesn't even want you to move on! She wants you to be in pain and want what you can't have. That's not a good person. If she had an ounce of respect for you, she would at least want you to move on and heal but her ego is too big for that. Continue to ignore her. Time will heal you. 1
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You don't owe her an explanation. Why would she care how long or the methods it takes you to get over her? She is upset because she thought you would fight for her, and you realized that maybe she isn't worth the fight. She is looking for some sort of validation that she was right about whatever picture of you she has painted in her mind to help her not feel guilty about the choice she made. Just ignore her. I write, there are a few places I write that I shared with my ex, in the name of intimacy. He has known I always write in these places, mainly because it offers complete anonymity. Since the BU he has taken to frequenting these places, reading what I write, and then demanding I stop writing there. That the "outcries for his attention are unattractive" ... why would I "air our dirty laundry publicly like that, don't I have any dignity or self respect?" The truth is, he can't help himself - he can't stop himself from going there and reading these things. With full knowledge I'm heart broken, and I miss him, and that writing is my therapy. With full knowledge that you can't actually air dirty laundry with any level of certainty of WHOM it is about in the millions of people on the internet, and so I am not realistically having any direct impact on his life that he himself can not avoid. But. Seeing how much it hurt me, seeing it in black and white and knowing what his opinion of a person who would do such things would be, is too much for him to bear. It negates the picture he has painted in his head of who I am, that rather than express these things to him directly (begging, pleading emails asking him to come back. Phone calls and texts asking him to reconsider) I am working my way through our relationship on my own, the good and the bad, and acknowleding out loud to a world full of stranger that I know it wasn't healthy, I know it is over, that I can still love and miss him, and not want him back. He feels like I OWE him the ability to not be exposed to the consequences of his actions. But I don't OWE him anything. I am not contacting him directly. I do not force him to click on titles that state "I still miss you but..." or "I rememeber" or "I guess it really is over this time" ... he chooses to open those things, he chooses to read them, and I do not owe him my coping mechanism, I do not owe him peace of mind in his decision, I do not owe him control over my grieving process. Some would say that I should spare my dignity knowing he is reading the things I say. I say the only thing my dignity is tied to is being true to myself. And part of that is acknowledging that I DO love him still. That with the proper changes and growth I would attempt a reconciliation. I do not owe him peace of mind. I do not owe him validation in his decision. I do not owe him anything. The only person I owe anything to is myself. The way I heal is through writing, and through helping others heal through that writing by letting them know they are not alone. I have a choice whether or not to write about these things. And for my dignitys sake I choose NOT to change who I am to appease him. So I choose to write. He has a choice in whether or not to open them and read them. I am not contacting him directly ... it is his dignity being lost by lashing out at me for things he absolutely can avoid. The same goes for your ex. You don't owe her validation in her choice. 2
Always Pondering Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 "Giving me the silent treatment won't help you get over me any faster." Oh, yeah... She sporadically tries to contact my friends and family members, such as my brother's girlfriend, who she never cared about before. Thankfully, they ignore her. Wow she sounds full of herself and looks like she really wants to keep you around and see if you're in her control. Like the other posters have said, ignore her as you don't owe her anything. You two are exes and out of each other's lives, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I understand your first sentence because I did the same thing, but the mutual friend friend-requested me a long time later and she understood why. Keep going NC I might even block her if I were you and she kept contacting you about this NC business. 1
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 "Several little birds told me that you are writing crap about me to mutual friends. What do you want?" I'm so confused. Would our mutual friend lie about the content of my message? Most unlikely. But yet she seemed quite angry. Then it hit me. I caught her lying about our breakup to her father. Of course, she lied to her friends as well. No your mutual friend probably didn't lie. But, once the mutual friend heard your story and how it didn't match up to what she was telling friends, then it wouldn't surprise me that your mutual friend started talking to other mutual friends to see what version of the story they've received. Once wind got back to the Ex that you actually said something about it, she went on damage control and called up as many mutual friends as possible to try and reset the story for them that she told them originally. Thus, the "several little birds" statement. And you might have fallen victim to the information chain game. You know, the game where there's a line of people and one person whispers a sentence to the person next to them and then that person repeats that sentence to the next person in line until you get to the last person and you basically discover that the original sentence that was said is completely different at the end. That might have happened. Don't worry about it. She's not going to contact you again. She just wanted you to know that she caught you trying to tell the truth. Ignore it. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Another simple answer to this one - block her, ignore her, delete her and go NC FOREVER! Done. There is no point in trying to analyze any of this because she is clearly unpredictable and ballsy at the same time. Move on. Whatever fences you think need to be mended with mutual friends aren't worth it particularly if they seem to go running to HER to let her know. It's unfortunately but that's just how the cookie crumbles with some people. Good luck.
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You should've told ALL your family members, friends and mutual friends the truth. She dumped you because she was cheating and wanted to be with the new guy. Are you saying she wanted to keep that secret and you agreed? She screwed you over and you didn't even want people to know what happened? I'll never understand what makes men act like this. I never had trouble showing anger to an ex-girlfriend. It was usually quite cathartic.
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I wouldn't hold it against Kevin. A lot of guys and girls go into NC and have a desire to NEVER hear or talk about their Ex's ever. However, I usually say that if someone asks you about what happened to your relationship, then be honest and tell the truth. 2
harrybrown Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You are lucky she is gone. good to have her in the rear view mirror.
Hoosfoos Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 It's so bizarre. How could such a shy, nice girl turn into this calculating, cold-hearted, compulsive lying monster? Because that's who she really is. 7
No Limit Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 She sounds like a real hagraven. And if you are not a gamer and don't know what a hagraven is, look it up. Get back to NC, this girl will cause trouble to her surroundings her entire life. And stop calling her "friend".
mantlefan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 How could such a shy, nice girl turn into this calculating, cold-hearted, compulsive lying monster? It's like she doesn't have any emotions. But how can she have this kind of hostility towards me? She lied to me, broke my heart, left me for another guy, said that I was the biggest mistake of her life, and now she tries to be friendly with my friends and even family members? It's like she wants to crush me like a bug and show me that her social skills are so superior that she can seduce anyone. Same questions I still ask. But let's ask ourselves. Is such a monster worth wasting so much time thinking about? 1
Greeneyegemini Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I had to laugh at the "several little birds told me" comment...haha. She sounds kinda psychotic... She's not worth your time. Contacting her will make her think "oh yeah, I can still get a reaction out of him." Look at her extreme psycho-bitchiness as a blessing in disguise. You now know what you could've been stuck with. And you possibly even avoided being stabbed to death one night in your sleep... Maybe I've been watching too many episodes of Bates Motel Lately. 1
David87 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 What an awful person she is ...... Ignore her, you deserve better than this. 1
hoping2heal Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 "Several little birds told me that you are writing crap about me to mutual friends. What do you want?" Translation : You had better not start talking about what really happened to my friends. Seems obvious that she's paranoid the real truth will come out. "Giving me the silent treatment won't help you get over me any faster." It's childish but I so want to write back for you saying "No, but realizing you're a twat supreme will". Seriously, what an absolute twat supreme she is. You were blinded by this chick and you're lucky (tho might not feel that way now) you didn't have children and marry this hag from hades. I know not all dumpers are bad people but this chick just reeks of nasty, nasty, nastiness. Just rotten to the core. A worm might pop out of her she's so rotten. [ Oh, yeah... She sporadically tries to contact my friends and family members, such as my brother's girlfriend, who she never cared about before. Thankfully, they ignore her. But how can she have this kind of hostility towards me? She lied to me, broke my heart, left me for another guy, said that I was the biggest mistake of her life, and now she tries to be friendly with my friends and even family members? It's like she wants to crush me like a bug and show me that her social skills are so superior that she can seduce anyone. This is common behavior of twat supremes. I'm glad people are not falling for it. What an ugly souled wench. 2
Sugarkane Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Sounds like what happened to me. You know the truth evenif everyone else was too thick to work it out.
todreaminblue Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 she is being nasty and to me nasty isnt seductive so i doubt she can seduce anyone but then again guys seem to like nasty girls as much as girls like nasty boys...... key word here is girl.......i dont know how old she is but its childish nasty stuff.......and not even all girls are like this......or all guys...getting lost in pain meds here......so i apologise..... i think her message to you is enough to get over her with ...dont reply to her....she isnt worth wasting text credit......i assume its texting? dont worry abotu her anymore and what she says to others......some people are really not worth your worries......you have more important things to worry about than someone who is fickle and confusing....worry for the people who care and matter to you.............best wishes....debs
Haydn Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Ignore, but if the mood takes you just text one word. `Bollocks` 2
Author Kevin_D Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Haha, thank you guys! I knew that I could count on you. Of course I didn't respond. Like you said, I don't owe her anything. I'm doing a lot better nowadays. I'm in better shape and much more confident. I think the hardest part is that I'm becoming more and more certain that she is bipolar and that her mother's suicide triggered the illness. I hate her, I love her, I feel sorry for her and I fel sorry for myself at the same time. It's confusing. Even though my message to our mutual friend caused a stir, I don't really regret it, because in a way, I took away some of her power. I did it because I cared about his feelings. It didn't have anything to do with her, even though there's little doubt that she's trying to convince herself that I'm trying to mess with her.
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