lovebirds Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I'll try to keep this short. M (male) breaks up with F (female) after four year relationship. F is devastated. She is very down, sad, even if it has been six months. She has done the whole begging/trying to convince him thing but it has not worked. M's reasons for breaking up are not clear: he cannot really explain it but it does not work for him. I am her friend. I heard from a friend (who is not on a friendly basis with F, so maybe not the best source) that M came out as gay to his friends before he got into a relationship with F and that those friends were quite surprised that he got into relationship with F after the coming out. More details: F does not know this, I'm 99% sure, M is in the army (workaholic and adjustment problems when he comes back from overseas), they had a good sex life. Question: I know they are meeting up soon and she's hopeful that they'll talk and work it out, although she know chances are slim she can't let go. Do I tell her about this rumour? On the one hand it's not my place to do so, but she's so desperately looking for answers that I think this might help her to close the chapter... If it is true, which I don't know.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Tell her, but be clear that this is secondhand information from a dubious source. Normally I'd say to leave it alone but since she's meeting him soon and still entertaining hopes of reconciliation, it would be good to her going into their meeting with that in mind. Perhaps even hearing such a thing might finally make things "click" with her and she may begin to understand why they didn't work out.
Art_Critic Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 rumour? Exactly, don't be part of keeping a possibly false rumor going. why would you even think about creating that kind of drama in their relationship or whatever they have. They are adults, treat them like they are... 1
Author lovebirds Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Exactly, don't be part of keeping a possibly false rumor going. why would you even think about creating that kind of drama in their relationship or whatever they have. They are adults, treat them like they are... The reason I would think about telling her is that I think it might help her to understand the break-up. I've been trying to be the best friend I can by helping her, talking to her, trying to keep her spirits up but she's having a very hard time getting over him. She can't seem to kill the hope, because he's not giving her a clear reason why he wants to break up and is vague about the future. Another reason: I think I would want my friend to tell me this, even if it was a rumour. But in my mind it does not feel right to tell her something he obviously does not want to tell her. If the rumour is true, it feels weird that he felt ready to come out to a part of his close friends but still went on to have a gf. I don't know. It's a mess.
preraph Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 If they had a good sex life, then he's not gay, he's bi. I think I'd just leave it alone and here's why. They had "x" relationship. That's the relationship she's got to come to terms with ending. Her having to wonder if he's bi or not would just be something else to keep her wondering about him. And if he's bi, she may know, too, and not talk about it. I just say it's not going to help her get past it, particularly.
CC12 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 The reason I would think about telling her is that I think it might help her to understand the break-up. It's not your responsibility to help her understand the breakup. You weren't part of their relationship and you don't know what actually happened that caused their breakup. Let her work it out herself. 1
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