Questioning my judgement

[Perrier]

Long post - sorry!

 

Met a guy last October at a singles event who seemed pleasant and well educated. Because our convo was about work I was surprised when my friend who was there said he’s interested romantically in me. I didn’t believe her until he asked me for a drink, so we went to the bar and spoke for two hours. That weekend he found out my tastes and made a restaurant date. We spoke a few times on phone and his texts were warm and full of kisses. The meal was nice though I felt a drink might have been less pressured for a first meeting. Afterwards he took me dancing then we parted ways. He texted to say he’d got home then I never heard from him again. Assuming he’d moved on I wished him well.

 

Fast forward to two weeks ago, I saw him at another singles event (run by the same company). He smiled and looked awkward, came over and profusely apologised, that his coat and belongings had been stolen from a bar, so he lost his phone. He got a new phone and began again storing numbers but didn’t know how to get hold of me. He begged for forgiveness, and said that was the first dating event he’s been to since we met. He also refused to attend the speed dating part of the event after seeing me but said I was free to attend if I wanted to. He asked if I’d eaten and continued pressing me (playfully) to go for a meal - we left shortly afterwards, and he held my hand in the road, cuddled me on the bus, but stopped when I said I was uncomfortable with that. At this stage I was seeing if I could get used to him again.

 

Anyway, the restaurant and meal were lovely. He took my number again and I noticed there was another woman’s name same as mine in his phone but thought it’s someone else so no biggie. We talked a lot, his hand was on my knee, which I was okay with. Then he surprised me by stating at the singles’ event, a woman had approached him for sex. I listened, but didn’t recall seeing the woman he described. I wished her well and hoped she’d what she’s looking for. He said he declined her offer because he wasn’t interested but there was nothing wrong with what she was doing. As he tried to talk more about sex in general, I noticed his glazed eyes and flushed face. I tried to change the convo and joked it’s time I went home as I have an early start next day. He asked me if I enjoy sex and I said it was a very long time ago since I had it with my ex so I can’t remember what it was like.

 

When it transpired that I’d not been intimate with a man in many years he said, ‘so you control yourself?’ and I said, yes, I’m old fashioned and causal intimacy isn’t my thing. That I’m busy with projects to accomplish so that’s where my energy is, but that I’d be looking forward to romance again with the right guy. He said he is old fashioned too but is changing as he learns more about himself. He asked if any guy at a singles event has approached me for sex because from conversations he overheard in the venues, many men there were just looking for sex. I said I was surprised to hear this but that no man had approached me for that. I said he should show me these men so I can avoid them.

 

We talked about family and he asked if I am close with mine, and I said yes, and that I live across the road from them and love it. I think lives alone, though he flies to Italy to see his family twice a year. Later we walked around and had a smooch (kissing and cuddling) in a discreet off street area (he was fine to kiss in the road but I told him that is not my things as I find it a bit off.) When I finally got the bus at 1am, I noticed he walked off immediately and didn’t look back. Contrast with last year, the first time we met, he waited for me to find a seat and waved until the bus was out of sight. Anyway I text me when he got home cos he had a long way to go, and I put a kiss at the end of my text. He texted at about 2.45am saying it was nice to meet me, he is home now, goodnight. I haven’t heard anything since and it’s been two weeks.

 

I am now wondering if the other ‘helen’ I saw in his phone was actually my number and that he lied about losing his phone last year. I’m disappointed because he really gave the impression that he was going to follow up, attended to me so well, and asked what I’m doing the following weekend. I’m just wondering why this guy changed because I felt . He’s in his early 30s if it’s any odds. After the last incident with another guy early last year, I’m now seriously beginning to question my judgement. Thanks for any advice guys

[travelbug1996]

Don't question your judgement, you did fine. He seems like he was only out for one thing. When a woman doesn't put out immediately a man will disappear leaving the woman thinking she's done something wrong. Good riddens!!

[PegNosePete]

Yes, seems like all that sex talk was simply sending out the feelers to see if you're up for it.

 

NEXT...

[Perrier]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Yes, thinking about it, it would seem that by bringing up this woman who approached him for sex (if she really existed), that he was trying to gauge my feelings on sex without putting himself on the line. I've deleted his details anyway - timewaster!

[DArtagnan2]

No reason to question your judgement mainly because you gave him a shot, twice, he feel through each time AND you didn't compromise yourself or your beliefs.

[Perrier]

Thanks DArtagnan. It's at times like this that I'm glad I don't compromise on my beliefs. I shudder to think how it would have ended up otherwise - a big disaster for me no doubt, wondering why he'd disappeared, when he would probably have disappeared after sex anyway.