b_rouse Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Hi everyone! I posted on this site almost 4 years ago; a long rant/vent about my ex (basically he broke up with me). And even though I'm in a relationship with this wonderful guy, whom I love and have been dating for almost 1.5 years, I still think of my ex every now and then. Yes, he was my first love, and yes, I was only 19 when we met, but you never forget your first love. I'm 23 now, I thought these wounds would have healed...ish. It's gotten much worse, though. I equate it to my acceptance to Graduate School. I'll be moving to the complete other side of the US (I'm from Michigan, moving to Seattle with my current boyfriend). And I sort of had a freak moment of wondering if this is a good idea, moving so far away. That, then, made me question all other paths I've taken in life. One being, if I wouldn't have got into my car and drive off, the night we broke up. Because if I didn't, we wouldn't have broken up 4 years ago. I hate pining over my ex and thinking about these 'what-ifs' scenarios. I didn't think much about him until my acceptance letter, now it feels as if the break up just happen. Anyone else still think of him or her years later?
carhill Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I was married for around a decade and, TBH, about the only time I wax nostalgic about my M is when I listen to certain music, specifically an artist whose tour my exW and I followed internationally. We had a lot of great life experiences together and I still love who I was during those years so the memories remain. No love for her, personally, but she was a part of that time in my life. My advice would be to process this within your own mind. Like Gloria Stuart opined in the movie 'Titantic', 'a women's heart is a deep ocean of secrets', and that's OK. Life experience teaches one how to balance this stuff. Don't know if that makes sense but there ya go from someone old enough to be your father.
Itspointless Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Sometimes we encounter unprocessed grief, unprocessed because of whatever reason: most of the time because we make ourselves busy or just repress. Yesterday I saw some pictures of my mother who died 16 years ago when I was 19 (most of the pictures I have are stored at my fathers). Something within me just broke. I notice that some walls have broken down within me since my break-up, where I was faced with illness again. Make it a positive thing for yourself. What Carhill says about balancing really makes sense to me. Some things will go, we live and learn, other things will come into our lives. We can always cherish our memories.
learning_slowly Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 However, I can remember the first girl that I thought I was in love with. I assume I was but it was a long time ago. But I don't think I ever thought about her when I was with my next girl and that has happened throughout my life. I never really think about ex's after the initial break up period. I can't help that. The human brain forces you to feel pain if you care about people. But this fades and then there is no point thinking about the what ifs. You have one life, theres no point having regrets or worrying about mistakes you've made. Move on and appreciate your new bf or if you don't think you can work it out: leave him. So you can both meet people who you are compatible with. Otherwise life will pass you by without you realising. I wasted about 3-5 years trying to pick a girl to be with. I could have just picked one and fully embraced that person rather than spending that time denying everybody happiness. If you don't learn from my example, life will teach you the same lesson it taught me. Good luck.
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