GregL714 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I recently broke up with a double Scorpio woman. She is a widow. Her husband died back in 2007. I knew what I was getting into. We had been going together for close to two years. There is quite as age difference and our relationship was pretty much dysfunctional in my opinion. I'm not here to bash here because I do take my part in it. We had broken up at least 4 times during this 2 year period. Also involved was her 16 year old son. We had many arguments in front of him. This was terrible to say the least. At the end I'm sure he told his mother that this has to stop. The woman had to sell her house last December. From the time she told me what was happing with her finances the house was sold in 3 weeks. Our relationship was quite stable at the time. Also a dog was involved. A beautiful Golden Retriever named Winnie. The place she moved to was small and did not except pets. Because I love dogs and I loved the woman it was no problem for me to take Winnie and care for here. My girl friend moved to the small apartment, it was going to be temporary. I've had the dog since December. I pay for everything for the dog. Food, Grooming. Etc. I have actually become very attached to the dog. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to give some background. One thing I would like to point out that she swore to god in front of me that the next move she made she will never leave that dog behind. So since last December this woman and her son have spent weekends with me. I can't tell you how sorry I was for here. I felt her pain. I have been with her high and low. I spent so much time with her thru her legal matters concerning her son. He is a troubled child. Losing his father when he was 9. I've been there for both of them. Her depression was unbearable. Every Sunday when she had to leave she would go into coma like state. She hated the place she was at. There was nothing I could do or say. I know there was resentment against me because I wouldn't move into the house she had to sell. I know she feels that I could have helped to save the outcome. Actually I could have but my heart said not to. Arguing galore. I was having trouble with her son too. While staying here she went on my computer and found old inactive dating sites. We'll get to that in bit. I took her out constantly. Every where trying to break her mood. I noticed she gradually was suspicious of everything I did. Questioning where I was, who I was taking to. Telling me over and over I didn't really love her. She became the needy person in the relationship with her constant depression and neediness the life was being sucked out of me. I mean it,, I don't know how I made it threw it. It was almost like she was blaming me for all the bad things that were happening in her life. Near the end I my anger started to get the better of me. I can't tell you how many times I told her that if she was that unhappy just get out. She never did. This went on for over a 3 month. Friday May 9th 2014 we went out and she was all excited. She found a town house that really liked. At first I was excited for her to. Next thing I know she tells me that she's moving in two weeks. That didn't compute. How could you find a place make a down payment and get the town house in less than two weeks. The answer is obvious. She didn't want to stay over so I finally just went home. The next day she calls and says she wants to pick up the dog and she and son are going to take Winnie to the park. I said that's cool. Next I said it's going to be really cool that Winnie's going home and you guys can finally re-unite. She told me that no dogs are allowed in the town houses. Lol,,, I couldn't believe it. So she comes and pick up the dog and off to the park they go. I didn't want to go. As a matter of fact I'm pissed but don't say anything. Hey I forgot to mention this too. Two weeks before she decided to go back to school. She was starting 5-13-14. Quite a bit of change don't think in a very short period of time. : Were getting close to the end now. So, she comes back from the park about 5 hours later. 4 hours later then she said. We are supposed to go out. I'm really mad now. We start to argue … she's in battle mode now.. She's in my face yelling so is this a break up!! Over and over. I finally said YES.. She storms off and I haven't seen her since. In high in sight I think it was a setup. So here comes the good part. I didn't text her call her or anything for about 10 days. We've broke up so many times that this whole thing is routine. So I go and check out her Facebook. She has all these cute sayings post. You know all the starting life over. Blah, blah, blah. I scroll to the very beginning the post date was 5-12-14 two days after our blow out. And there it is. I'm not seeing the man I was dating anymore,, so I'm announcing that I'm officially single again. Ooh well… guess it really is over now. Believe me it kind of hurt that she did it on Facebook.. On the other had I had this great felling of relief. It really was over. Cool lets move on. Another 5 days go by and I know this is for real. I'm thinking, what am I going to do with this dog. So I text here a one liner. "What am I supposed to do with Winnie and your other stuff" she waits a day and text me back.. "I will find somewhere for her. In the meantime I would like to visit her. I would like to get my other items and give back you key. My dad will come and pick up the guns" yep you heard that right. When she moved I stored all her deceased husbands guns. I've been threw this possession thing with her before. Last time it was me trying to my stuff back. Took a month and a half. She would always make up an excuse for not getting around to it. The day after she sent me the return text I got a call from one of my friends saying that she was bad mouthing me. I then lost it. I wrote one of the most blistering emails of my life. I mean it wasn't burning the bridge. I nuked it. I sent a text message and the email at the same time. The text message said "This Sunday the nightmare ends. I sent you an email telling you what I'm doing with other stuff.." The key point was that she had to until Sunday this date to make arrangement for the dog or I was taking it to the dog shelter. In the meantime I took the guns to her parents. Her dad was bewildered. He knew nothing of the guns. He did know about the breakup though. In the mail I told her to get off her ass and pick her other stuff that I set on the porch. If she didn't I would be moving it out the curb on trash day. Ok you guys,, I know I maybe over reacting a bit. But, If you were in a breakup up and left your dog some where. Won't that be the fist thing you would be working on? It's been 18 days and she hasn't even started looking. And what is she going to do. The place doesn't allow pets. Worse yet the dog is really her son's dog. Alright,, moving on. She sends me a text saying that she has no internet in here new place. So, she can't read the email. I responded with "that's a crock of sh*t. There's free internet everywhere. Take the nook I gave you a find a place. I recommend you read it" this goes on for a six rallies of text messages.. I finally end with "Just have Winnie out of here by Sunday June 1st. or she's going to the shelter" Her last reply was "God have mercy on your soul.. U R a very sick person. Goodbye. That's how that night ended. Next day I'm kind of feeling guilty. I sent the email from hell and am taking a pretty hard stand. I really did love this woman once, and she is a widow. In my mind though I really think she has always just been using me. I don't want to paint to good of picture of her either. She is wild and has been in more that one relationship other than me since her husband died. I must be co-dependant because I sent her a text telling her how angry I was. I can't take back what I said but maybe we can work out something with the dog. Almost at the exact moment I send it and text come from her. This is verbatim 5-28 "Nice email. Our relationship ended the day I found u on those dating websites. Plain and simple. Say and think what u want. U did it. I will pick my things up may have a place for Winnie. Don't ever text or email me again. No more replies. Goodbye" I text nothing - 3 hours later… "Pls give me more time to find a place for Winnie. 4 Days is not enough time to find a place for a dog. Please" Yep,,, This woman has moved to a new place. Has returned to school. Announced our breakup. Posted it on Facebook… and yet didn't even think about the dog till I went ballistic. All of this within a 25 day span. I swear to god. I have to tell you that I did begin to think maybe I went a over board. I did text her back. I was starting to worry about karma. Told her that I really did want the best for her and that she had a reprieve. Canceled the Sunday event.. That would be this Sunday coming up. I can't believe I caved. Told her to take her time. Well, things did get a little clam so I thought I'd slip this in. Me: "Why don't you just give me the dog. We can work out some kind of visitation rights" Her: "I don't think that would be a good idea.. But thank u anyway" Me: "Just our of curiosity.. If it was the dating sites that ended the relationship (about three months ago) Why did you stay so long?" Her: "Personal reasons that are no longer valid. That was why I was so unhappy all the time I know that now. Pls don't put anyone else through that hurt." WTF….. So torture me for three months…. Lol - Women - I don't get it That was yesterday. Today I'm so mad at saying take your time. My anger is starting to get to me again. I don't trust her. I should have set a firm date. I know that in break ups there are all kinds of emotions. We did have a lot of good times. I really loved her alot Two years of my life. The real problem is that this dog is not letting me heal. Obviously the dog being here only reminds me of her. I don't want to go back with this woman. It is over. I want to move on but the dog is standing in the way. Thanks for letting me share some of my life with you. It's really helped to sit down and write this. What I hoping to get is some advice. It would have been much better if she just left when she had the grievance. Right now my emotions are too much in the way. I'm sure some will blame me. Maybe you all will. I'm not as concerned about that as I am on handle this from here. Time to sit back for a bit. Regroup. Should I send back a text and define a new date? What should I do with dog? With the whole situation? What's with this woman? - I don't understand ……. HELP
SoleMate Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Do you actually want the dog or care about it at all? Or is it just a tool to use while fighting with your ex?
Author GregL714 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 I do not want the dog. I took the dog because she had no place else for it to go. We have broke up. It is her dog that she had before I met her. The dog makes it so I can't have NC.. It's to much of a reminder. It's keeping me from moving on
rester Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I feel badly for the dog. She's an innocent bystander that is getting tossed aside. If your ex cared about the dog, she wouldn't have bought a townhouse that doesn't allow them. She could have at least spoken to you about what to do with the dog if she bought the townhouse. Could you help her find a good home for the dog? Could you learn to love the dog and keep her? 1
erklat Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I adopted Alaskan malamute from the shelter. As another owner, I would give both of you a nice slapping because of the dog. Also I can't go NC because dog reminds me of her is poor excuse. I sheltered him because I needed to fill my time. Now I've healed. The dog doesn't remind me of pain. He reminds me of how he was there when it was tough for me. 5
lollipopspot Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I do not want the dog. I took the dog because she had no place else for it to go. We have broke up. It is her dog that she had before I met her. The dog makes it so I can't have NC.. It's to much of a reminder. It's keeping me from moving on Your story is confusing. Are you not able to have NC because she will keep contacting you about the dog? If so, tell her the dog is now yours and to stop contacting you, and block her. If she isn't contacting you, but the dog is just a "reminder," then you're just looking for an excuse to give up the dog. You have your own relationship with the dog, who is also an individual. Your relationship with the dog is not dependent upon or currently related to your relationship with your ex. Since it seems that you don't want the dog, try to rehome the dog to a good home. Read up on this. You want to ask for some money (you can take that money and give it to the vet of their choice for vet care), and you want to be able to go to the home first and check it out, and preferably check on the dog at least once. There are some very bad homes and people out there. If you give the dog to a shelter, she will probably be killed, unless you have a no or low kill in your area. But being killed is preferable to being placed in a bad home carelessly. There may also be a golden retriever rescue that you can contact. 1
rester Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Your story is confusing. Are you not able to have NC because she will keep contacting you about the dog? If so, tell her the dog is now yours and to stop contacting you, and block her. If she isn't contacting you, but the dog is just a "reminder," then you're just looking for an excuse to give up the dog. You have your own relationship with the dog, who is also an individual. Your relationship with the dog is not dependent upon or currently related to your relationship with your ex. Since it seems that you don't want the dog, try to rehome the dog to a good home. Read up on this. You want to ask for some money (you can take that money and give it to the vet of their choice for vet care), and you want to be able to go to the home first and check it out, and preferably check on the dog at least once. There are some very bad homes and people out there. If you give the dog to a shelter, she will probably be killed, unless you have a no or low kill in your area. But being killed is preferable to being placed in a bad home carelessly. There may also be a golden retriever rescue that you can contact. I would also add that a no-kill or low-kill shelter may not be preferable to her being euthanized. Some of them keep the dogs in horrendous conditions. You need to do your research. It would be best for the dog for you to provide her with a good home, but if you are unable or unwilling to do that, please do the necessary research to get her to a good home. 1
No Limit Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 No offense but I believe your problems aren't coming fromt he dog. Either way, look for a good home. Not necessarily a shelter, as written above.
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