Long Time Friendship seems finished

[peterso2]

Hello,

I've been having a tough time dealing with a changing friend dynamic lately and was hoping to share with others on the forum here to get any insight.

So lets start with what has lead to where I'm at now.

 

I've known a good friend for almost 15 years. We're both 30 now. We went to high school, hung out. I went to college, he chose a different path, and did some military and eventually local college but never really finished (still working).

 

After I moved back to my parents to start working after college, we were still great friends even though not hanging out much during college. For about 6 years as I was home, we hung out all the time with my other friends. But slowly (as I'm sure many here know)...those friends found girlfriends and got married...or found a new job and moved away.

 

Our friend circle was then down to about 2 or so people. He lived at home with his parents trying to finish school and hanging out. Then about 2 years ago I moved a state away (still within driving distance). I come home about once a month, usually hoping to hang out with family and the few friends I have left. However, it seems as lately he's never able to hang out, won't call me, and if I'm in town tend to blow me off. I have a hard time finding friends in general, and since I've known him for so long, its tough to say "cya". What would you guys do? It seems as if I'm now second-fiddle to the other friends. We still talk about once a month but it really seems like theres no connection...I've been home quite frequently but its just he doesn't plan trips because of finances (I understand) but cant come and visit and hang out ever?

 

I rarely get phone calls anymore, and we usually do an annual trip to summer vacation but I don't see that happen anymore. Is this what happens when friends drift apart? Moving to Indiana was a great career move, however from a friends standpoint I really struggle and miss having someone to hangout with that actually understands myself.

 

Has anyone experienced this before? Any recommendations on what to do?

It's been on my mind a lot lately and wonder if I should mention any of this (probably will blow up most likely since he's borderline Bi-Polar)

 

Thanks,

Jason

[J2911]

Hello,

I've been having a tough time dealing with a changing friend dynamic lately and was hoping to share with others on the forum here to get any insight.

So lets start with what has lead to where I'm at now.

 

I've known a good friend for almost 15 years. We're both 30 now. We went to high school, hung out. I went to college, he chose a different path, and did some military and eventually local college but never really finished (still working).

 

After I moved back to my parents to start working after college, we were still great friends even though not hanging out much during college. For about 6 years as I was home, we hung out all the time with my other friends. But slowly (as I'm sure many here know)...those friends found girlfriends and got married...or found a new job and moved away.

 

Our friend circle was then down to about 2 or so people. He lived at home with his parents trying to finish school and hanging out. Then about 2 years ago I moved a state away (still within driving distance). I come home about once a month, usually hoping to hang out with family and the few friends I have left. However, it seems as lately he's never able to hang out, won't call me, and if I'm in town tend to blow me off. I have a hard time finding friends in general, and since I've known him for so long, its tough to say "cya". What would you guys do? It seems as if I'm now second-fiddle to the other friends. We still talk about once a month but it really seems like theres no connection...I've been home quite frequently but its just he doesn't plan trips because of finances (I understand) but cant come and visit and hang out ever?

 

I rarely get phone calls anymore, and we usually do an annual trip to summer vacation but I don't see that happen anymore. Is this what happens when friends drift apart? Moving to Indiana was a great career move, however from a friends standpoint I really struggle and miss having someone to hangout with that actually understands myself.

 

Has anyone experienced this before? Any recommendations on what to do?

It's been on my mind a lot lately and wonder if I should mention any of this (probably will blow up most likely since he's borderline Bi-Polar)

 

Thanks,

Jason

 

 

Sorry to hear this , friend .

Yes, sadly , often friends drift apart some.

It could be his personality, or maybe he is embarrassed about living at home with his parents still.

There are a lot of changes that go on in our thirties. Drifting apart and finding new lives are common.

I know what it's like to move away and not know anyone. It's hard and depressing .

If you're single that's hard too when your friends are involved in relationships.

Try getting to know others. Join a gym , get your mind off things a bit.

[bluegreen]

More or less had same thing happen to me and I learned valuable lesson from it :

Never make someone your priority while you are being treated like their option only ....

[Sugarkane]

Yes I've had the same thing happen to me too. Even more so that I've become a parent now. It's sad.