Ragdoll01 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Hi first time poster, I have been reading a few things here and there on the forum trying to find some guidance for my situation and decided to dive in to get some more perspective on things. So I'll try to keep this short, my problem is I am trying to maintain no contact with a coworker who I have had a crush on for over six months, we both work on the same department and both started working around the same time and she caught my eye during the training period and we were quite friendly. To begin with I was focusing more on getting on with work after a long time of unemployment and generally I don't have much confidence with approaching women, however I decided to go for it ask if she would like to meet up for coffee, which we did and it was fun and I thought she was interested. However after the training period we were transferred to a new store over the Christmas period and a one of the new team members began to spending time with her, I didn't think much of it however when I asked if she would like to go out for dinner she became evasive saying the timing wasn't right because things were busy with the store. I was disappointed especially as she spent less time around me and more time with him, despite the fact he had a girlfriend at the time. Time passed and it got to the point where I was uncomfortable working in this situation and an opportunity to pursue other work came up, when she found out I was planning on leaving she sent me a text expression how she was sorry for avoiding my dinner date because she was afraid she wouldn't be good company and hoped to stay in touch as she was very attached to me. I asked if she would like to meet up and we had a chat where I made it clear how I felt about her but wasn't comfortable being friends if she was pursuing this other guy, which she denied. We spent the day together and ended up having a meal together and somehow when I thought I was saying goodbye, we were getting closer. Unfortunately the other job opportunity fell through but I was a bit happier at work as I didn't share any shifts with this other guy, we went meet up out of work and spent time together a couple of times and I thought things were progressing as it was fun and flirty, however after a trip to the cinema she hugged me and I decided to man up and try to kiss her. However she pulled away, even though I was gutted I waved it off as nothing. Since then I tried to arrange some time together but she just gave me excuses, when the entire department had a shift together it became clear she and the other guy were now a thing. I was devastated. For the past two weeks I had been trying my best to avoid her, deleted her number and generally try to take my mind off her. She sent me a text asking me if everything was OK which I didn't reply to. However 3 weeks into No Contact I had to talk with her with regards to work and ended up relapsing into talking with her like before, talking about the things we're both into and even saying she should drop me a text if she was interested in checking out a film together. I kicked myself afterward for falling back into crushing on her when I know its going nowhere. Apologies for the wall of text however I hope the info provides enough context to help guide me. Am I crazy to try no contact with a coworker? Is there a better way for me to get over her, part of me wishes things could be different, but its been a roller coaster of fun when we were close and utter devastation when we weren't and I rather not go through that over and over again.
d0nnivain Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You are not going to be able to go completely NC unless one of you gets a new job. If your employer throws you together, you will be required to interact in a professional manner or risk getting fired. Outside of those professional & required bounds it will be better for you to avoid her. If she reaches out be straight with her. Explain that it's too hard / painful for you to watch her with the other guy & you'd rather limit your contact to work only. If she's a nice person she should respect that. As for getting over her, keep yourself busy. Go out with friends. Sign up for OLD if you have never done it. Pursue your hobbies. Eventually you should find a new crush potential GF & that will make her fade away.
Author Ragdoll01 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Thanks D0nnivain for taking the time to reply I am trying to distract myself but I have good days and bad days as we shared similar hobbies so sometimes it can remind me of her but for the most part I have been able to take my mind off her, however at work its a different story as its very easy for me to forget I'm trying to put some distance between us and end up spending time just chatting with her like before. In an ideal world I should probably just shrug it off and just be a friend but I know if I go down that route I'd just be clinging onto the idea she might one day see me as more again. Should I simply tell her I want to put some space between us? I know some people use NC as a way to try and rekindle interest from the other party so don't recommend doing so, but I would rather get to a point where I can get on with my life as I feel like any interest on her part either wasn't there to begin with and she was just leading me on or she lost interest moment this other guy showed up and I've just been wasting time since.
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