lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I have also been worried alot about STD:s. I am going to get tested in a week or so, but I am worried that even if the results are ok I have some unknown std? Is there any way to find out, like be absolutely certain? Because if I some day meet a woman I don´t want there to be any risk at all that I give her an STD... There are no "unknown STDs" out there that would somehow only affect you, not show up on a test and be missed by all the millions of doctors in the world who work on researching them. Sure there are undiscovered diseases that have not been or are not readily traced to their origin. Maybe you get some virus and the long-term effect on your body is that you start to become more chemically sensitive or start having other immune or stomach issues. Maybe it doesn't happen to everyone who is exposed (their immune system fights it off better), or to the same degree, so it's not as easy to trace back to a certain source or transmission. It doesn't mean that they don't exist. They don't have names yet, or clear sources of transmission. The more partners you have unprotected sexual contact with, the more you are at risk of getting whatever they have, known or unknown. Medicine is evolving all the time. It is now thought possible that lyme disease could be sexually transmitted - but no one thought of it as a possibly sexually transmitted disease until very recently, and it would certainly be missed by any std test, even though it can possibly be sexually transmitted. Study Suggests Lyme Disease Could Be Sexually Transmitted Between Humans
Author Eric_1 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Ok but is there some general blood test or other test you Can do to see if you have any infections in your body - known or unknown? Or do I have to live with this possibility?
lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Ok but is there some general blood test or other test you Can do to see if you have any infections in your body - known or unknown? Or do I have to live with this possibility? Undiscovered diseases, no. They don't know what to look for. I wouldn't focus too much on this specific thing, but it is a risk, and one of the reasons why I am careful sexually. We all have to live with varying degrees of uncertainty in our lives.
KathyM Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 You guys seem to all be talking about cheap hookers, what about the beautiful high end call girls that cost thousands of dollars. Like in that showtime show "Secret Diary of a Call Girl". I always thought it would be a fun experience to eat at a nice restaurant with a beautiful woman (and by beautiful I mean a perfect 10) go up to an expensive hotel room and have a great time. High end call girls are not immune to STDs, they see multiple men, they forego condoms at times, they likely have a drug habit they are funding with their prostitution, and they are also likely to have been sexuallly abused as a child.
lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Also, the belief that many of the women are doing it against their will is a myth. Damn the FBI and their feminist agenda! Analysis of their common circumstances and reasons for prostituting caused investigators to believe that they were sex trafficking victims. Human trafficking is using force, fraud, or coercion to recruit, obtain, or provide a person for sexual exploitation. FBI ? Prostitution and Human Trafficking: A Paradigm Shift
lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 It's weird though how hard people are defending against his awareness of how insensitively he knows he behaved with these women. Even if these were not prostitutes, he's describing that he realized that he was with these people in a way that was objectifying and and insensitive to their humanity. He recognizes that he just wanted to use them, didn't care who they were, how they felt, and even ignored when they weren't into it. And feeling that way while entering their bodies. I'm not sure why anyone is encouraging someone to be more self centered and objectifying towards others. No wonder why Elliot Rodgers existed in this culture. Seriously, people.
jbelle6 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I have to laugh at all this STD talk, go to the tinder thread, like trolling for ass after the bar isn't risky. Prostitutes usually get tested and use condoms more than regular people. The stigma of sex workers in general annoys me. It's always from other women too which is even worse. 3
lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Also, another point: if prostitution were legalized, there would be no place for this kind of thing, as it would be more regulated like it is in other countries. Oh really? For example, in Germany, where prostitution was legalized a decade ago, human trafficking crimes have increased 70 per cent, and much of this involves youth. In the Netherlands, which legalized in 2000, it is estimated that child prostitution increased by more than 300 per cent between 1996 and 2001. Legalizing Prostitution Doesn't Help Sex-Trafficked Youth | Kevin M. Ryan
jbelle6 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 The simple fact is, no matter how anyone feels or thinks, it's always been here and it always will be. Regulated it or not, there will always be women selling sexual service for money, may as well make it legal and regulate really. Just seems logical to me. 5
lollipopspot Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Huffington Post is a feminist driven site that basically contains only opinions. There is no actual news there. Citing that website is no better than us describing our opinions here. Nice try though. It does link to other articles. Try this one though, very respected source: When Germany legalized prostitution just over a decade ago, politicians hoped that it would create better conditions and more autonomy for sex workers. It hasn't worked out that way, though. Exploitation and human trafficking remain significant problems... Human Trafficking Persists Despite Legality of Prostitution in Germany - SPIEGEL ONLINE
KathyM Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I have to laugh at all this STD talk, go to the tinder thread, like trolling for ass after the bar isn't risky. Prostitutes usually get tested and use condoms more than regular people. The stigma of sex workers in general annoys me. It's always from other women too which is even worse. Sex workers are high risk people because of the sheer volume of customers they service and because they have no clue as to the sexual health of their customers. It's a fact. 1
guest572 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I dont see this as a big deal. Your priority right now is to get to the doctor and get the answers you need regarding your sexual health. Getting the all clear. Particularly seeing as you mentioned you had unprotected sex with some of them (?) As for viewing them as objects. well you go and pay purely for sex, not to get to know someone and marry them. 1
ThatMan Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know if anybody has said this but I think it's really commendable that you've figured things out. You'll be amazed how many people out there cannot tell the difference between a sex trade worker and a women empowering herself sexually by playing the field. I think this thread should serve as a real eye opener for you. You could recognize how soliciting a prostitute is potentially harmful. That's far more empathy and understanding than many people could ever claim themselves. Try to remember that. With that said you aren't the sum of your worst experiences and decisions. There are countless ways to work through this and move on. Do your research prior to your STD panel. Remember that you can be as candid as possible with your doctor and it'll be entirely confidential. You need to specifically request testing for exact stds or they won't screen you for them. And please enlist the aid of a therapist. You absolutely can address these impulses, look at things differently, and then move on with life free from whatever dark clouds are hanging over you. 1
giblesp Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 No I will never do it again because I have realised what I have done and that it is so sad....I guess the best thing would be to just be honest about it...because I don´t know if I could hide this if I meet a woman... Feels like most women would disapprove of it though... A woman who judges you on your sexual history wouldn't be worth being with. The fact is that you've now decided to move on from that, and taken steps to improve yourself. Don't wear this as a badge of shame, something dirty that you must be judged for by potential girlfriends. You're not a criminal and there's nothing wrong with you. The right person for you, will see who you are in the present. Don't beat yourself up about this, you just went through a stage and discovered it wasn't you. Let it go and move on. Give yourself some time to come to peace with it.
hotpotato Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 A woman who judges you on your sexual history wouldn't be worth being with. The fact is that you've now decided to move on from that, and taken steps to improve yourself. Don't wear this as a badge of shame, something dirty that you must be judged for by potential girlfriends. You're not a criminal and there's nothing wrong with you. The right person for you, will see who you are in the present. Don't beat yourself up about this, you just went through a stage and discovered it wasn't you. Let it go and move on. Give yourself some time to come to peace with it. Exactly. *nods*
HEY2147 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 The simple fact is, no matter how anyone feels or thinks, it's always been here and it always will be. Regulated it or not, there will always be women selling sexual service for money, may as well make it legal and regulate really. Just seems logical to me. Exactly but unfortunately people in the US and even some in Canada are still uptight when it comes to sex. Especially for women. I really don't understand what is the big deal with people paying for sex. If a competent woman (and man too) is willing to have sex with someone for money I don't see what the problem is.
todreaminblue Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 doesnt matter if they legalise it or not .....the underground will become age driven moreso then probably......they will go younger.....more risky....darker......shed light on the seedy side of life .....and they go deeper underground......fact the point is op feels bad .....that is how he feels and in a lot of ways that fact alone deserves respect...he has remorse ..... i find it touching actually he can see that maybe some of the women prostitutes he slept with weren't happy. and for sure he doesnt need to feel bad anymore.....or in future relationships.....his spirit has grown wiser more intuitive maybe to a womans feelings and that sex need not be sordid but something wonderful to share between not only consenting adults ,but adults who have love to give other than what is between their legs....................you have learned opening poster, and you have feelings that are correct....for you......and an insight into what sex shouldnt be for you and seen unhappiness in others that who have consented to have sex that way...consenting is not the piece of resistance ......it is not the only important thing.... ... no matter what anyone says...rely on you....you dont need to feel bad anymore from my heart i say this....because you now know what isnt right for you......or wasnt right for some of the women you paid.....let it go dont let it eat you up...move on and find a woman who you can share your heart with....you do deserve that you know......everyone makes mistakes......you have to know when its time to let that mistake go.....and be at peace......if it helps any you will become a blur to those women and join the faceless many before and after you........you did not hurt them they are numb probably to you and your emotions....what you probably saw was acceptance and numbness......they did not see you as an individual .......you have heart ....so give it to someone deserving dont leave your heart in the dark place it doesnt belong anymore.......deb
lollipopspot Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Okay, fair enough. Still though, these women are making CHOICES to enter the field of prostitution. So, in that regard, I don't see the big deal. They should just make better choices. Did you read the article? It talked about trafficking, not choice, even in a country where it is legal. Unless you are referring to the choice of do it or be killed. Prostitution is about the only "profession" I can think of where personal accounts abound of women being forced to do it under threat or actuality of themselves or their family members being hurt or killed. There is big money to be made by pimps. Unless you know that prostitute intimately, you cannot know upon visiting her what her situation is. It's not the same as any other profession, much as people want to believe that it is. Where there isn't direct coercion, there is often economic or "softer" coercion or a history of sex abuse that makes continued objectification or abuse seem natural. Which isn't to say that in every case there is coercion, people love the exceptions. If the women here think prostitution is such a great profession, ask yourself why you're not doing it. 1
Author Eric_1 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 doesnt matter if they legalise it or not .....the underground will become age driven moreso then probably......they will go younger.....more risky....darker......shed light on the seedy side of life .....and they go deeper underground......fact the point is op feels bad .....that is how he feels and in a lot of ways that fact alone deserves respect...he has remorse ..... i find it touching actually he can see that maybe some of the women prostitutes he slept with weren't happy. and for sure he doesnt need to feel bad anymore.....or in future relationships.....his spirit has grown wiser more intuitive maybe to a womans feelings and that sex need not be sordid but something wonderful to share between not only consenting adults ,but adults who have love to give other than what is between their legs....................you have learned opening poster, and you have feelings that are correct....for you......and an insight into what sex shouldnt be for you and seen unhappiness in others that who have consented to have sex that way...consenting is not the piece of resistance ......it is not the only important thing.... ... no matter what anyone says...rely on you....you dont need to feel bad anymore from my heart i say this....because you now know what isnt right for you......or wasnt right for some of the women you paid.....let it go dont let it eat you up...move on and find a woman who you can share your heart with....you do deserve that you know......everyone makes mistakes......you have to know when its time to let that mistake go.....and be at peace......if it helps any you will become a blur to those women and join the faceless many before and after you........you did not hurt them they are numb probably to you and your emotions....what you probably saw was acceptance and numbness......they did not see you as an individual .......you have heart ....so give it to someone deserving dont leave your heart in the dark place it doesnt belong anymore.......deb Yes it was a mistake, I have realised that now and I have realised that I did not act in harmony with what I believe and value. Everything is up and down right now, one minute I feel like I will accept Everything and the next I feel intense guilt and shame. Guess it will take some time to come to terms with all of this but I hope I can reach that point where I can just let go and look forward instead of backwards and that I truly can accept it. What makes me feel hope is that there was something inside me strong enough to make me stop and start thinking and start to realise that it was wrong. That realisation is what makes it difficult though, because I can not deny it or just try to cover it up anymore. I try to focus on where I want to go. I want to find real Connection to other people, but it will take some time to stop thinking that I am not worth it.... I guess everyone has done mistakes that they have to deal with, this just feels alot worse than the mistakes of the average person. I don´t know if that is true or not and maybe that is irrelevant. 2
Author Eric_1 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 A woman who judges you on your sexual history wouldn't be worth being with. The fact is that you've now decided to move on from that, and taken steps to improve yourself. Don't wear this as a badge of shame, something dirty that you must be judged for by potential girlfriends. You're not a criminal and there's nothing wrong with you. The right person for you, will see who you are in the present. Don't beat yourself up about this, you just went through a stage and discovered it wasn't you. Let it go and move on. Give yourself some time to come to peace with it. I will try to see it in that way....that this is something that belongs to the past and I will try to focus on what I have learned from all of this and live from that experience.
Author Eric_1 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I just had a thought that I think is very constructive. I know that I have a strong tendency to feel guilt and shame, not just for my sexual related problems but in general. But what good does that really do? It will not do anything good for the people I might have hurt in the past, and it will not do anything good for neither myself nor the people I will encounter in the future. The only thing that makes sense is to shift focus and look at what I can do to in some way, do something good in this world and focus the rest of my life on this. I think this is the only constructive way to get out of this....I must do something good for other people, not as a way to somehow excuse what I have done or to make myself look better, but because I think that somehow is the more profound answer to what constitutes a meaningful life. I want to thank all of you who have written to me for your encouragement, it has really made a difference and has given me some perspective. 2
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