Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) This is a very rosy view of prostitution. Consent is difficult to judge with prostitution. Just because they took money, does not mean they weren't being pimped, they weren't desperate, there weren't very terrible things that brought them to a life they would not otherwise choose. I'm sorry but this seems to be reaching a bit. The same could just as easily be said for strippers or, hell the random chicks who indicate that they're down for a casual hookup. I mean seriously, you don't know if that girl at the bar was molested by her dad as a kid, or raped as a teen or even in an abusive relationship right now. If the someone presents as willing and consenting, there's no reason to sit there and imagine all the various scenarios which brought them there. It's not your problem. *edit* Contrary to what some might think, not all prostitutes are victims of anything, not even circumstance. There are some women who do indeed see prostitution as an easy way to make some tax free money and have no hard luck tale to share. It's a job you need zero education to do. I've known some girls, well women really who were nice enough looking and amiable enough and saw that they could make a profit off the attention they were already getting from men. From straight up hookers to escorts to 'dancers' who do a little "extra" on the side to sugarbabies. Edited May 30, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra 3
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You should not go to any more prostitutes, since you feel so bad about it. You will have to be honest about this part of your life with any woman you start to care about. Some of them will not be able to handle it and they will leave. But some will be accepting. If he gets tested, then his past sex life is NO ONE'S business but his own. I have an extremely low number and I still don't like discussing it. 3
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 OP, I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, I know a lot of guys (and girls) who have been with WAY more women than you. Here in Canada prostitution in Canada is legal and they get tested more often than people who sleep with someone new each night in most cases. Get tested and you are not obliged to tell anyone about your past. If you feel the porn is preventing you from doing other things consistently then maybe see someone about that. Nothing you are doing was evil or anything. I'm more worried about how you feel about yourself than anything you did. 3
preraph Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Most of us have done something we wished we hadn't at some time or another. It says something positive about your ability to self-monitor to catch yourself on this before you got so caught up on it you lost your compass entirely. Just move on. Don't look back. If this has taught you that nobody, regardless of the choices they've made, should be treated like an object to be bought, used, and discarded, then that's a valuable lesson. If you did this without betraying a wife or girlfriend, then you have less to feel guilty for. Or if your gut just told you it was wrong at some point, again, it's great you have that instinctual guide within. 2
Author Eric_1 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Most of us have done something we wished we hadn't at some time or another. It says something positive about your ability to self-monitor to catch yourself on this before you got so caught up on it you lost your compass entirely. Just move on. Don't look back. If this has taught you that nobody, regardless of the choices they've made, should be treated like an object to be bought, used, and discarded, then that's a valuable lesson. If you did this without betraying a wife or girlfriend, then you have less to feel guilty for. Or if your gut just told you it was wrong at some point, again, it's great you have that instinctual guide within. Well that´s the thing...when I visited these women I saw them more like objects than as real human beings with feelings. Most of the women seemed to be ok, some of them I just talked to for a while but there were one or two women who just did not seem like they wanted to be there...and I took advantage of them instead of just leaving when I saw a woman who did not look happy. That is what troubles me the most...I never really took into consideration the well-being of the women I met - I was so self-centered. as I said I was watching a lot of porn as well, so I was kind of in a state where a lot of my input from the world came from this. Sometimes it felt like a cumpulsion....like one part of me was thinking that I should just go home instead, but there was something in me that just made me go there.... The only positive things I can remember were just talking with some of the women and at those times I thought to myself - what am I doing here? I sit here and talk with a woman but why should any of us be here in the first place? I know that there are women who freely choose to work as prostitutes and that there are women who aren´t affected in a negative way from it but there is a dark side to it as well.
Author Eric_1 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 OP, I don't think you have anything to be ashamed of, I know a lot of guys (and girls) who have been with WAY more women than you. Here in Canada prostitution in Canada is legal and they get tested more often than people who sleep with someone new each night in most cases. Get tested and you are not obliged to tell anyone about your past. If you feel the porn is preventing you from doing other things consistently then maybe see someone about that. Nothing you are doing was evil or anything. I'm more worried about how you feel about yourself than anything you did. Well, what I feel bad about is that I viewed the women as objects and was so self-centered that I did not take into consideration the well-being of the women i met. There were one or two women I met who did not seem very happy but instead of leaving I took advantage of them. Were they forced to be there - is that why they were unhappy? I don´t know, and as I said - at that time I was so focused on myself that I ditn´t take these things into consideration. That is why I feel like I do now, that I realise what I have done and I just don´t know how to relate to this. 2
Author Eric_1 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Your 'relationship' with prostitutes was far more honest and completely above board than half of the marriages on here where a husband or wife is sleeping with someone else and lying to their spouse. I have much more respect for you than people like that. YOU might feel ashamed, but I'd argue there is no reason to. There's a stigma to prostitution, and I'm not saying the profession is A-ok, but you got what you paid for and they perform a service. I would imagine you could find a woman to love and have a relationship where you don't pay her for sex. But I think about someone who has a problem and women don't find them attractive, or the person has some issue and I think about how alone and lonely they must feel and I'm glad there is prostitutes to help alleviate that loneliness if only for a while. Anyway, the main thing is that you realized it is not something that works for you, so, you change that. I'm on the fence about telling a prospective date. I am sure that if you got an STD you do need to share that information, but you could get an STD from someone that is not a prostitute just as easily. Anyway, you're kind of refreshing actually, because you're honest, and that's a hard trait to find in people anymore. Hugs to you. Well, I try to be honest and stop deceiving myself. In the past I have never taken responsibility for my action - I just blamed verything on my upbringing, which maybe was ok to do when i was 20 but now that I´m 30 I realise that I cannot blame anyone else for the bad things I have done anymore. Loneliness yes, but I also realise that I for a very long time have been more drawn to darkness than to happiness. As I said I viewed these women as objects and did not take into consideration how they felt. 2
Iguanna Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I don't understand this 'wrong path' speech. You visited prostitutes, you had and exchange of money for sex, you did not force anyone, It's not wrong or right, it was an act between 2 contenting adults. The act was risky, even with condoms, and I am sure you understood the risks. Now go get a complete std screening, if it comes back clean you owe no confession to anyone. A relationship is not a confession, no one needs to know that phase you visited prostitutes. Yes and no. I agree that he doesn't need to start confessing this (while I don't think it's that bad, in my opinion porn addiction is worse cause it's more difficult to completely quit from it) to every woman he meets. But to the one woman who will plan to marry one day, I think he has to confess this just like it is: a mistake that he did when he was younger and he regrets it. I don't want to believe there are women who would leave him for that, the way it will be presented. Nobody has made no mistakes in life. 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Well, what I feel bad about is that I viewed the women as objects and was so self-centered that I did not take into consideration the well-being of the women i met. There were one or two women I met who did not seem very happy but instead of leaving I took advantage of them. Were they forced to be there - is that why they were unhappy? I don´t know, and as I said - at that time I was so focused on myself that I ditn´t take these things into consideration. That is why I feel like I do now, that I realise what I have done and I just don´t know how to relate to this. You're making yourself feel bad based on a multitude of 'what if' scenarios you've concocted in your own mind and nothing more. How you can suddenly wake up one day and feel this level of guilt for something so innocuous is beyond me. Unless the prostitutes you were visiting were obviously underage and you sought them out because of it, why do you care so much what brought them to the point they were at when you met them? That's like being a carnivore your whole life then suddenly feeling guilty for eating meat due to the possibly inhumane ways in which all those steaks you ate last year might have been slaughtered. Honestly, the guilt you're experiencing is something I truly cannot even begin to comprehend. There are thousands, nay, millions of women on the street, in strip clubs or on "" and elsewhere that made a conscious choice to start selling themselves without being forced into it. There has got to be a deeper issue here because "omg, some of those girls might not have been so enthusiastic about being there after all" seems pretty lame and far-fetched to me. Not being positively giddy about sleeping with random men for money is not the same as hating every minute of it or being forced to do so by some evil pimp. Edited August 17, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Eric_1 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Well I dont know how many are forced into it. But the fact that I did not realy consider it is what makes me feel bad. Most of the women I met seemed to be ok, but at one or 2 occasions I had the feeling that they were not ok. But instead of leaving I had sex with them. 1
endlessabyss Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Listen to your conscious. It's wrong, and everyone knows it is. Please, stop visiting prostitutes, and address whatever personal problems you need to fix. Be strong and ask for forgiveness. You're going to be alright.
preraph Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You have excellent conscience, so always listen to it. You might have gone your whole life without understanding what is behind prostitution, so this turned out to be a valuable experience. There are many studies on prostitutes and some say 85% of them have been abused or had boundaries crossed or trauma of some sort as children or teens. Most of them don't "get" that that is why they find it okay or even desirable to offer themselves as prostitutes. So it is a sad profession and for some, they may see it as a way to take power back, while others are simply trapped in it and don't know how it happened because they're so lost. There's a charity called Children of the Night that rescues children from prostitution if you were able to or feel the need to further absolve yourself. 1
SmartDude Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Prostitution is different than most people believe. You would not know unless you encounter "the life" in some way. I have visited a few myself and observed this world. It is a large spectrum. a one-size-fits-all stereotype is useless. There are some sex workers that should be avoided, and its not hard to do. Theses are the women with drug addictions, pimped out by "boyfriends", loose morals, streetwalkers, scamers...etc. The ones that are ok to see are the single mom’s trying to earn money, the college student, the ones who just like the combination of sex-money-travel and the occasional lurkers who may do it briefly out of curiosity or for a thrill. OP, maybe your problem is how you have handled these encounters. If you have been looking at a lot of porn you may be conditioned to the male pornographic fantasy. If you look at porn, you see that they depict women as always horny, always willing and always available for sex. Real sex with actual women is quite a bit different. You may need to work to remove those images, themes and beliefs of the male porn fantasy which may be embedded in your subconscious mind. I say don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is no law against treating a sex worker like a beautiful lady that you respect and care for:D Treat it like a date with a friend. Try to ensure that she has a good time too by being warm and personable. Make sure she does not feel like **** when you leave. Its easy, just don't treat her like an object. You can view it as practice for a real date, work up your confidence and then stop seeing sex workers. 3
Author Eric_1 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 I know there are a lot of differences between women who work as prostitutes and I have met those who seem ok and some who don´t. How they really feel I have no idea though and that´s the problem with the whole business. I have decided to stop doing it though, because it does not feel right and there is a risk you hurt people. I think what you said about living in a porn fantasy makes sense. I used to Watch a lot of porn and started to have a lot of fantasies about prostitutes. It almost became like a cumpulsion, many times when I was on my way to see someone I found myself just longing to get it over with so that I could go home again. I realise I should have acted different and as I said just left in some instances but I was so filled up with my fantasies that I could not see clear enough. Now I just feel disgusted by it all and have made a vow never to do it again. I will try to forgive myself and leave all of this behind, get myself checked for STD:s and I also need to understand what made me act in this way.
hotpotato Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Yes, I need to do something that would make me start respect myself if I am to find a way out of this because right now I just feel worthless... SO you think that I should not tell it to anyone? I feel like on the one hand it would be very hard to live with this, like lying about something from my past...on the other hand it feels like most people would reject me if I told them... If they reject you, you may need to find a different group of friends anyway. People may not like it, but a lot of people are hypocrites about this. they will believe that prostitution in private is wrong but prostitution on camera is fine. Smh. I think you are more honest and a lot more brave than a lot of guys I have encountered. 1
ThaWholigan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Personally I don't think it's that bad (I have nothing against prostitution personally, just the bad that comes with it) but that's just me. Your perception is reality and I can't make you be less upset with yourself. All I can say is that in your own time, come to terms with it all and accept that your past is your past. It is admirable that you are honest with yourself and are prepared to be so with others should you need to disclose aspects of your past. So I say continue, but try to find peace with your decisions, and know that they came from a place of unenlightened being in terms of what you wanted from life. We all reach times of enlightenment at different stages and some of us have to make many mistakes and fall many times before we make it there. I am confident that you will find atonement within someday. Have faith . 1
Author Eric_1 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 If they reject you, you may need to find a different group of friends anyway. People may not like it, but a lot of people are hypocrites about this. they will believe that prostitution in private is wrong but prostitution on camera is fine. Smh. I think you are more honest and a lot more brave than a lot of guys I have encountered. Hi, maybe you´re right. I know at least one person I could tell without him rejecting me. Right now I just feel free, having decided never to visit a prostitute again and stop watching all that porn I did in the past... I want to be proud of who I am, I actually feel proud for having made this desicion to quit. Of course one could wory about getting back to those dark patterns but it just feels like something very deep inside of me has changed, like I have gotten more in contact with something more profound than just being controlled by sexual impulses, something which is more like the one I wish to be. I Think I have realised the importance of self respect, I want to be able to look myself in the mirror and see a man who choose good instead of what is destructive. I am responsible for what I have done, but I will try to leave all of this behind, and I think I can given time. Can I ask you, from a female perspective, how do you think most women would react to something like what I have told you? You Think women woulb be able to respect a man who has done these kinds of things in his past?
Author Eric_1 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Personally I don't think it's that bad (I have nothing against prostitution personally, just the bad that comes with it) but that's just me. Your perception is reality and I can't make you be less upset with yourself. All I can say is that in your own time, come to terms with it all and accept that your past is your past. It is admirable that you are honest with yourself and are prepared to be so with others should you need to disclose aspects of your past. So I say continue, but try to find peace with your decisions, and know that they came from a place of unenlightened being in terms of what you wanted from life. We all reach times of enlightenment at different stages and some of us have to make many mistakes and fall many times before we make it there. I am confident that you will find atonement within someday. Have faith . That´s an interesting thought. I guess I have been living much of my life in an unenlightened state of mind. I just have a hard time nuderstanding how I could go along for such a long time without realisingthat what I was doing was something I needed to stop doing. As I stated in the post above, deciding to change my ways has given me a sense of freedom. I Think that I can choose a better way of living my life, I want to look myself in the mirror and see a man who choose what he deep inside knew was the right thing to do. Now I just need to prove myself through action that these feelings are true. I haven´t seen a prostitute in 6 weeks and almost watched no porn at all the last weeks and I don´t miss it. I just hope things will continue this way but i feel confident they will.
Author Eric_1 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 You have excellent conscience, so always listen to it. You might have gone your whole life without understanding what is behind prostitution, so this turned out to be a valuable experience. There are many studies on prostitutes and some say 85% of them have been abused or had boundaries crossed or trauma of some sort as children or teens. Most of them don't "get" that that is why they find it okay or even desirable to offer themselves as prostitutes. So it is a sad profession and for some, they may see it as a way to take power back, while others are simply trapped in it and don't know how it happened because they're so lost. There's a charity called Children of the Night that rescues children from prostitution if you were able to or feel the need to further absolve yourself. At some level I have always known that it was not right, but I allowed my darker impulses to dictate my life. I lived in a fantasy World for a very long time. I choose to focus on what was wrong instead of realising that I should have chosen to act in accordance with what I deep inside knew was the right way to act. Guess I never realized the importance of self respect (the self respect you get by doing what is right).
Author Eric_1 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 I have also been worried alot about STD:s. I am going to get tested in a week or so, but I am worried that even if the results are ok I have some unknown std? Is there any way to find out, like be absolutely certain? Because if I some day meet a woman I don´t want there to be any risk at all that I give her an STD...
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I have also been worried alot about STD:s. I am going to get tested in a week or so, but I am worried that even if the results are ok I have some unknown std? Is there any way to find out, like be absolutely certain? Because if I some day meet a woman I don´t want there to be any risk at all that I give her an STD... STD results can be accurate as soon as three weeks post your last encounter in same cases. That being said, the more time that passes, the more reliable your results but 3-6months has been the standard for a while now. If one day you meet some woman you really like go get tested again. It's really that simple. There are no laws that state you can't get tested as much as you like. If you have an STD, it'll show up on the results. There are no "unknown STDs" out there that would somehow only affect you, not show up on a test and be missed by all the millions of doctors in the world who work on researching them. I'm am not a psychologiast but at this point you seem to just be looking for reasons to freak out and make yourself feel worse. I'm not sure what your deal is but this is more than a bit of guilt. I'd see a therapist if I were you to really help you work through your issues. 3
Koopa Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 You guys seem to all be talking about cheap hookers, what about the beautiful high end call girls that cost thousands of dollars. Like in that showtime show "Secret Diary of a Call Girl". I always thought it would be a fun experience to eat at a nice restaurant with a beautiful woman (and by beautiful I mean a perfect 10) go up to an expensive hotel room and have a great time. 2
Koopa Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I have also been worried alot about STD:s. I am going to get tested in a week or so, but I am worried that even if the results are ok I have some unknown std? Is there any way to find out, like be absolutely certain? Because if I some day meet a woman I don´t want there to be any risk at all that I give her an STD... Well I have good news and bad news, the bad news is there is no approved HPV (genital warts) test for men and they are going to stick a q-tip up your urethra too. Every other STD can be tested for and so many people have HPV even if you do have it, you won't have too hard a time finding someone else who has it also. Most types of HPV never even cause warts.
Author Eric_1 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 STD results can be accurate as soon as three weeks post your last encounter in same cases. That being said, the more time that passes, the more reliable your results but 3-6months has been the standard for a while now. If one day you meet some woman you really like go get tested again. It's really that simple. There are no laws that state you can't get tested as much as you like. If you have an STD, it'll show up on the results. There are no "unknown STDs" out there that would somehow only affect you, not show up on a test and be missed by all the millions of doctors in the world who work on researching them. I'm am not a psychologiast but at this point you seem to just be looking for reasons to freak out and make yourself feel worse. I'm not sure what your deal is but this is more than a bit of guilt. I'd see a therapist if I were you to really help you work through your issues. I guess you are right. I think I have always looken for resdons to feel guilt and shame for myself, growing up in a shamedriven environment and without any role models in terms of relationships and how to connect with other people. I know that I would never have Done these things otherwise. This is ni excuse but if I am to understand I think part of the reason comes from my dysfunctional family and the effects of it. There was so much hate and I am a rather sensitive person so it affected me alot. The sad thing is that I could not get myself past it without doing harm myself.
BarackObama Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 You guys seem to all be talking about cheap hookers, what about the beautiful high end call girls that cost thousands of dollars. Like in that showtime show "Secret Diary of a Call Girl". I always thought it would be a fun experience to eat at a nice restaurant with a beautiful woman (and by beautiful I mean a perfect 10) go up to an expensive hotel room and have a great time. I agree with this. Dating world is harsh if you don't have the patience and thick skin. Sleeping with hot expensive escort is fine atleast for me, because chances of her being forced into the profession is low. Don't feel bad OP, srs.
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