Author nadine5 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 I know, Happy. It was very very immature of him... but the worst part is, I still like him, and I have to see his stupid face every day!
guest572 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 That is disgraceful! What a huge privacy invasion.. If he did read that particular text then he cant know that you were talking about him anyway right? Even so, i agree with happy!
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Oh my goodness! I know this is serious and you're upset and rightfully so BUT reading your OP was priceless and it had me laughing out loud just picturing the whole thing playing out!! I especially LOVED "...but the worst part is, I still like him, and I have to see his stupid face every day!" Okay, okay, enough giggling for now and on to the problem at hand... Yes, this guy is indeed a bit of an a** for taking the liberty of reading your text messages. Seriously. Who does that? Up until this text message debacle, you liked him and continue to like him but he's kind of on the fence about you. And probably even more so now that he got wind of your conversation with your sister. What should you do? Honestly? Absolutely nothing. I think you just ignore it and pretend like it never happened. I mean, think about it for a moment. Even before he creeped your text messages, YOU had to work overtime for a whole week game playing to get HIS attention. Is that really how you want to win him over? Isn't that a tad exhausting? If a guy is into you he's going to move mountains to be with you. He'll also let you know it straight up. Most guys are pretty simple in this department. Just because YOU like him doesn't mean he supposed to like you back. It's unfortunate but that's life. 3
Author nadine5 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 Unfortunately, Brightnight, I mentioned his name a few times in my messages! Those little quips I gave you were just summaries! Thanks Michelle. He told me he was "on the fence" BECAUSE we work together, and our office is QUITE small, so I guess I will never really 100% know if that was the real reason he was on the fence or not. My main concern is saving face. I can probably fall out of like with him eventually...it's only been a couple of weeks since our last "encounter" (date, etc.), so the whole thing is still kind of fresh. I just hope that he doesn't plaster this story all over the office and make fun of me.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I certainly hope that you can put the "like" you have for him aside for a moment and look at ALL his actions. There will be other guys for you to like, and most likely, they won't play games nor will they invade your privacy. I am guessing nothing anyone here will matter as you will still pine for him for a bit. I just hope you don't waste too much time. 1
Author nadine5 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 Thanks D'Artagnan. He is really immature, and I think the only reason that I like him so much is that I got drunk and slept with him...and I'm kind of needy and codependent. (I can admit that over the Internet and to my sister!...I try not to act like it in real life.) I know it's a flaw, but it's something I have to live with. 1
MikeyBe Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 WHAT should I do? ANY advice? I feel like death. Sorry girl, you already did it. This is why you shouldn't date coworkers. There's nothing for you to do here besides dealing with the repercussions and there will be more. Guy kinda sounds like a douche.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Unfortunately, Brightnight, I mentioned his name a few times in my messages! Those little quips I gave you were just summaries! Thanks Michelle. He told me he was "on the fence" BECAUSE we work together, and our office is QUITE small, so I guess I will never really 100% know if that was the real reason he was on the fence or not. My main concern is saving face. I can probably fall out of like with him eventually...it's only been a couple of weeks since our last "encounter" (date, etc.), so the whole thing is still kind of fresh. I just hope that he doesn't plaster this story all over the office and make fun of me. If he was concerned about having a relationship with you BECAUSE you worked together, I really can't see him shooting off his mouth now about your date and anything else that transpired between the two of you. He would only be making the situation even more uncomfortable if he started to include others in on the tale. And if he does, so be it. That would say a LOT about his character as a man. You should thank your lucky stars you dodged that bullet. Good luck.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Thanks D'Artagnan. He is really immature, and I think the only reason that I like him so much is that I got drunk and slept with him...and I'm kind of needy and codependent. (I can admit that over the Internet and to my sister!...I try not to act like it in real life.) I know it's a flaw, but it's something I have to live with. This says it all unfortunately. He doesn't have to be interested in you because you gave up the goods too soon and without any real thought to the very real repercussions. He got what he wanted and is off to the next pretty face unfortunately. Sorry hun.
guest572 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 That's right and it will make him look stupid to say "oh i read her phone messages and...she insulted the crap out of me cause i am a massive loser" its his problem, not yours! You are mortified now but give it time and you will look back and laugh. Hang in there! 2
DArtagnan2 Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 Thanks D'Artagnan. He is really immature, and I think the only reason that I like him so much is that I got drunk and slept with him...and I'm kind of needy and codependent. (I can admit that over the Internet and to my sister!...I try not to act like it in real life.) I know it's a flaw, but it's something I have to live with. well, left that little part of sleeping with him out now didnt we? Seeing as that happened and he stopped talking to you, I would venture to say he just hooked up with you given the environment you were both in. Just a guess and my opinion. 1
Author nadine5 Posted June 6, 2014 Author Posted June 6, 2014 Yeah, I just don't know how to handle myself in the real world. I'm 29 years old and I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years about 3 months ago...so I always just thought having sex on the first date was like, a normal thing to do.
ascendotum Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 ..."Last week, I had a conniption because I realized that he didn't like me as much as I thought he did" Seems like you know how this played out. You have already slept with him, and "I was drunk at the time" excuse wasn't going to help him see you in a more favorable light. If even after hanging out with him & having sex with him, he hasn't warmed to your charms, its just not going to happen. you need to act professional around him and act like your fine with it. His reticence at having an office romance (in a small office) I get, but really he should have put the hand brake on before he decided to flip you around the bed naked. Sorry but you are just a pleasant memory for him, and you should try take that same memory away from your encounter with him. You are not his type when it comes to having a gf I'd say regardless of working together or maybe seeing your txt msg. It was also really rude of him to start flipping & reading through your phone messages. I get why you are horrified, but you should also be really pissed off at him. Maybe he did not see your embarrassing one, but if he did it certainly wont make him reconsider. If he gave you the heads up early on, about being "on the fence" then you really should have kept your emotions in check and not slept with him. Ive noticed many times that when a girl is into a guy and they are drinking they drink at double pace, but when the guy is someone that have zero attraction for they tend to nurse their drinks. 1
marcjb Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 I know, Happy. It was very very immature of him... but the worst part is, I still like him, and I have to see his stupid face every day! What he did wasn't right, but lesson learned, don't get involved with anyone at work.
kane30us Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 (edited) Okay, a guy perspective here. I'm in my 40s and came across this crazy site after a bad breakup last winter. It really helps to get this stuff off your chest. Anyway, There is nothing wrong with communication. I don't get the responses of do nothing, pretend you don't like him, that will show him. All that shows is him thinking you don't like him. Tell him you had a nice time and would like to see him again. But, my advice don't sleep with him until he shows the respect you deserve and you feel he really wants get to know you. As for him online. Thats part of life. He has every right to be online. He doesn't have to like you back and you're not in a serious relationship with him. You can do the same. In fact you should be doing the same. BTW- My guess is he's talking to the other guys at work about how he had sex with you. Be careful. It can be bad dating someone from work. Edited June 6, 2014 by kane30us
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 6, 2014 Posted June 6, 2014 (edited) Okay, a guy perspective here. I'm in my 40s and came across this crazy site after a bad breakup last winter. It really helps to get this stuff off your chest. Anyway, There is nothing wrong with communication. I don't get the responses of do nothing, pretend you don't like him, that will show him. All that shows is him thinking you don't like him. Tell him you had a nice time and would like to see him again. But, my advice don't sleep with him until he shows the respect you deserve and you feel he really wants get to know you. As for him online. Thats part of life. He has every right to be online. He doesn't have to like you back and you're not in a serious relationship with him. You can do the same. In fact you should be doing the same. BTW- My guess is he's talking to the other guys at work about how he had sex with you. Be careful. It can be bad dating someone from work. Although I respect your post and can agree with most of it, I'm hesitant to agree with your advice that she reach out to this guy at this point. Oh my goodness, where do I begin?! There are a TON of red flags here not the least of which is the fact that SHE just came out of a 6 year relationship ONLY 3 months ago, THEN she describes herself as "needy and co-dependent". It also didn't help that the OP left out the fact that she got drunk and f*cked this guy on the first date in her introduction. And then the fact that she had "a conniption" when she realized he's still online and... Get it? Never mind HIM for a moment, I think Nadine has some SERIOUS work to do on herself BEFORE she dates anyone again least of all THIS rock star stud. All you're doing by telling her to let her feelings be known to him is set her up for more disappointment and possibly putting her in harm's way. She clearly isn't able to handle the situation or herself right now. Nadine - stay clear of this guy and go back and re-read your threads. Like you said, you're 29 who doesn't know how to handle yourself in the real world. Does that sound healthy to you? You need to grow up and that means knowing when it's time to take a break from the drama and focus on getting healthy and happy on your own, without a man. Good luck. Edited June 6, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 2
DArtagnan2 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Yeah, I just don't know how to handle myself in the real world. I'm 29 years old and I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years about 3 months ago...so I always just thought having sex on the first date was like, a normal thing to do. It sure seems to be becoming the normal thing to do now-a-days for most. I on the other hand will stay old school and wait. Sorry about your Long term breakup, those are not easy.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 7, 2014 Posted June 7, 2014 Although I respect your post and can agree with most of it, I'm hesitant to agree with your advice that she reach out to this guy at this point. Oh my goodness, where do I begin?! There are a TON of red flags here not the least of which is the fact that SHE just came out of a 6 year relationship ONLY 3 months ago, THEN she describes herself as "needy and co-dependent". It also didn't help that the OP left out the fact that she got drunk and f*cked this guy on the first date in her introduction. And then the fact that she had "a conniption" when she realized he's still online and... Get it? Never mind HIM for a moment, I think Nadine has some SERIOUS work to do on herself BEFORE she dates anyone again least of all THIS rock star stud. All you're doing by telling her to let her feelings be known to him is set her up for more disappointment and possibly putting her in harm's way. She clearly isn't able to handle the situation or herself right now. Nadine - stay clear of this guy and go back and re-read your threads. Like you said, you're 29 who doesn't know how to handle yourself in the real world. Does that sound healthy to you? You need to grow up and that means knowing when it's time to take a break from the drama and focus on getting healthy and happy on your own, without a man. Good luck. yeh, what she said ... ^^^^^^^
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