Having A Hard Time With The Breakup? Read this.

[Ben Dover]

There is no sure way to get an ex back. Believe me I’ve looked everywhere for one, and nope. Nada. I even checked Amazon, because they have everything. NOPE. I was just like all you here, on every single breakup forum on the internet all day long looking for an answer to fix this unreal pain I was feeling in my chest. I would have done ANYTHING just to have my ex back. Sound a little familiar? Most of you have been hearing about NO CONTACT. Let me tell you right now, NC doesn't guarantee 100% that he/she will come back. DO NOT think this will absolutely for sure bring your ex back. However I can guarantee you one thing from experience.... NC is your best shot at getting them back.

 

When I mean NC, I mean literally zero contact with ex. No communication whatsoever. Not even checking their Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, blah blah blah. NOTHING. You have no idea how important this is for yourself most importantly to never ever check up on them when you’re broken up. EVER. I know most of you will anyways, cause curiosity just gets the best of us and were in a vulnerable state. I get it, I was there, I made that stupid mistake and boy was that STUPID. It was like shooting myself in the foot. If you do it you're gonna be like OMG BEN DOVER IS SO RIGHT I SHOUDN'T HAVE done that. Just don't do it. I'm trying to save yourself from the pain that it WILL cause you. NC will be the hardest thing you'll probably do to date. But trust me it's really not what you think it is.

 

You all know NC is the only way to go but you don’t wanna hear it. You don’t wanna go that route. You tell yourself …

 

“There must be some other way to get them back, right?! I can’t completely cut them off they were my best friend for the last X amount of years! We talked every single day! I just can’t. I’m too nice to do that. What if she/he forgets about me and starts dating other people and I’m forgotten about forever?! What if this backfires on me?! Did I just ****?!”

 

Well guess what? They broke up with you. IT’S OVER. Oh I can guarantee you after a breakup he/she will start talking to other people and continue to enjoy life. BUT THAT DOESN’T MATTER ANYMORE. The only thing that’s gonna rush them into talking to new prospects for dating is if you BEG THEM AND BUG THEM TO COME BACK TO YOU AND WORK THINGS OUT. This is a classic mistake. I made this mistake and looking back I feel like such an idiot for doing that. Every person who has ever done this thinks back to it and says OMG WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I didn’t know any better. But man did I look pathetic doing so. If you’ve started the NC process good for you! High 5! Keep it up. For those thinking about breaking NC, you know you shouldn't. SO DON'T DO IT. Trust me, if it blows up in your face (AND THERE IS A VERY VERY GOOD CHANCE NOTHING COMES OUT OF IT) you go alllllll the way back to DAY 1 of the NC process. I've been there. IT SUCKS REALLY BAD. Literally the moment I broke NC months ago, I instantly regretted it. The moment I pressed send. DON'T DO IT. After awhile of NC, you'll start to notice a change. You'll start to think of her less and less. You'll slowly but surely start being yourself again and feeling better about yourself. This can only be done through NO CONTACT, not LITTLE CONTACT. Remember that.

 

Getting over somebody and moving on is a serious commitment. Relationships are a lot like sand in your hand. Just visualize yourself holding sand in your hand. What happens when you try to squeeze the sand in your hand? It slips through your fingers. Like when you try to force a relationship with your ex after she breaks up with you. What happens when you let the sand just sit there in your hand? It stays there. You don’t lose it. That is exactly what is happening with you and your ex. Don’t force it. Let him/her be. No squeezing of the sand.

 

Going into NC I really had the hopes that it would bring her back. That after a few months she would be crying at my doorsteps saying “Ben Dover I made a huge mistake and I want you back. Please take me back, I even brought you tacos and a slurpee and I promise to watch sports with you all day all the time”. Pretty much what we all wish for right? The truth is people, NC changed me as a person. We all played a role in the breakup and that’s just the truth. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO REALIZE. You’re gonna wanna blame yourself for everything like it was all your fault. But it really wasn’t. I did this and it was so unhealthy. Both people are responsible for the breakup. What NC did, was made me look at myself and say “this wasn’t all her fault. I wasn’t perfect and I could have done things better. I can be better. How come I’m not the best Ben Dover I can be? What should have I done differently?” This is the most important thing I want you to take away from this rant. This right here. KEEP PUSHING FORWARD AND EVOLVE. That's the best advice I can give any of you. Become an even better person. Use this breakup as a fire. Let that fire get bigger and bigger and motivate you to become the best YOU that you can be. Don't be the same person you were when things ended. Do you really wanna be the same person that you were when your ex broke up with you? Think about it. We're all at some fault for our breakups and we need to accept that. PLEASE ACCEPT THAT. So do something to change that. Become even better. Do it for yourself though. When you really start fixing problems from within yourself, your life will change for the better. And when your confidence and self esteem start to raise again or to an all time high women/men WILL pick up on this. Trust me. There's nothing women/men love more than confidence. Every girl/man is attracted to a confident man/woman. NC made me realize so many things I wanted to change about myself. It was a BLESSING IN DISGUISE and I believe for a lot of people thats what breakups are. I truly believe this. The next woman I meet is going to get the best Ben Dover there has ever been. No woman is gonna stop me from becoming everything I wanna become. All my ex did was motivate me even more. I love myself more than I ever have and it feels amazing.

 

This next part, I want you to read very carefully because I believe a lot of people are in this stage with their ex right now. Don't be like me. Don't be a doormat for your ex. Don't get strung along. Don't let her use you as a PLAN B just in case her new guy breaks up with her, or she gets lonely for a night or is just bored. THIS HAPPENS A LOT AFTER BREAK UPS. A LOT MORE THAN YOU THINK. The dumper will contact the dumpee just to see if he/she has control over the dumpee. They send a pathetic text message like HEY, HOW ARE YA? Don’t let your ex suck you back in because if they really want to be with you, TRUST ME THEY WOULD BE WITH YOU. THEY WILL MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THEY WANT YOU BACK. I got strung along badddd. Don’t be me guys.I was her emotional crutch for wayyyy too long and it gave me false hope. Guess what happened? It blew up in my face and after a few months I went alllll the way back to how I felt on Day 1 after the breakup. Is that what you want? Trust me, you DO NOT WANT TO EXPERIENCE THAT. This held me back from recovering BIG TIME. I was a total idiot by allowing her to text me all the time and responding to every single text. Once I cut her off and didn't respond anymore. That's when she started getting desperate.

 

The universe has a crazy way of working. Sounds lame and cheesy but it is sooooo true. What I'm about to tell you is something very very common in breakup stories...Once I started going out, meeting tons of girls, going on dates, becoming intimate again, and had my confidence at an all time high....guess who came back? Anybody wanna guess? Anybody? Yup you know who. Point is guys, NC is really the only choice. For those of you sticking to NC keep it up. Trust me when I say this, YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING. Keep it up and use this fire your ex has given you and become a better person. NOBODY IS GONNA HOLD ME BACK. NOBODY.

 

Another thing I want you guys to know is that when I was going out and meeting new girls, I realized something. This is what I realized after hanging out with multiple girls...

 

 

THERE ARE A LOT OF REALLY COOL AND BEAUTIFUL CHICKS OUT THERE.

 

You know how so many people tell you after they hear you're heartbroken "its fine man, there are tons of fish in the sea" . You know why so many people say that? BECAUSE ITS TRUE. 100% TRUE. This helped my healing process so much. I took about two months off after the breakup before I started going out on dates and stuff. Most of you should probably do the same. Grieve the breakup. Thats fine, its healthy. Then start your path to recovery and be serious about it. Don't half-**** it. But man I can't tell you how much going out and meeting new women helped me heal. I'm not saying go out and try having sex with all of them. But just go out and socialize. Flirt. if you get the chance to be intimate, it's your call. You'll realize there are definitely some great girls out there. YOUR EX ISN'T THE ONLY ONE. After a breakup we tend to think our ex is the best woman in the world and nobody can ever replace her. HAHA I thought that too, but you'll see what I mean if you give it a try. I'll say it again. YOUR EX ISN'T THE ONLY AMAZING GIRL OUT THERE.

 

After I was done feeling sorry for myself and being sad all the time I said enough is enough. I’m telling you, breakups a lot of times are really blessings in disguise. Make the most of this. USE THAT FIRE TO BECOME SOMETHING SPECIAL. I started going to the gym and lifting like crazy, now I'm only a semi-girly man. it's awesome I feel great and people are noticing. I also started reading self-help books. They're awesome. Started playing basketball again. Started playing poker again. Doing everything I love. It's an amazing feeling guys. I just want you all to feel like this. BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE. I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS. THE PAIN, THE EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER.

 

I really hope you guys learned something from this. I'm just trying to help. I was exactly where most of you are right now. Trust me it gets better, when YOU want it to be better. You decide when things get better. Only you. Don't forget that.

 

 

LAST THING!

If none of you have seen the movie "Swingers" I highly suggest you do. It's an amazing breakup movie. Go check it out NOW. You'll thank me later.

[Strength in Healing]

I decided to drink wine a lot, and feel better for a few hours every time.

[seminoles84]

Bump not sure how this didn't get more replies. Well said!

[Natsume21]

I'm writing a thread in response to this.

[JoeFallkon]

So she came back? after how long? What did her text say that convinced you to break the NC?

 

Ive read a lot of threads that say NC might be the best way to get the ex back, but havent found much info about this topic.

 

thanks

[bulldogz]

I think the opening post implies that there was some contact... otherwise how would the ex have known he was having a great life, working out, meeting other women, etc?

 

If you go totally "ghost," the ex wont know anything.... which could help (or hurt) your situation...

[Lizie29]

your story really moved me alot , im a girl living the same thing , i know your a guy but are stories are the exact same ..thx for that posted i feel much better gives me hope im soon gonna be happy again . Your advice is much appreciated . Wish you good luck in meeting a good girl.

[WhiteTan]

I think the opening post implies that there was some contact... otherwise how would the ex have known he was having a great life, working out, meeting other women, etc?

 

If you go totally "ghost," the ex wont know anything.... which could help (or hurt) your situation...

I think OP was implying that this happened because of some sort of ironic "universal force," not because of the ex's direct knowledge.

 

This shouldn't matter anyway, because this thread is about moving forward, not moving backwards. if your ex does contact you eventually, it could be an ego boost for some but otherwise, so what?? they left because they didn't appreciate you. what self-respecting person wants to be with somebody who doesn't value them? lol

Edited June 3, 2014 by WhiteTan

[emotionalMess]

I made classic mistakes too in the first month but stayed NC for the most part afterwards.

 

So I wonder if I would have gone NC from day one, how different things would be today?

 

I did feel like a achieved a some type of closure during that first month so would I take it back now? Nope but my case is a little different. See I never

told her that I loved her even though I did. I had to do this or I would have regretted it forever. I'm not sure if she ever loved me or not but it didn't matter.

 

I am like you in a sense that the rejection has really been a huge blessing and I feel I am pretty much unstoppable right now in terms of where I am going. I am somewhat picky when it comes to women. When I start dating again (soon), I am only going top-shelf, yes I am arrogant but it will be easy to get dates with beautiful, smart, wealthy, witty women if I want to. I don't care so much about the wealth or the level of external beauty but why not start there? The challenge will be finding someone who wants me for me and all of my imperfections.

 

With that said, I would be lying if I did not say that I would not feel bad if the ex were to catch wind of my success in life and with dating. I surely do not intend to broadcast any of my future personal life on social media and I sure as heck will not be contacting her. I won't shed a tear if she regrets rejecting me to the point where she gets an ego boost when telling her grand kids how she could have had "that guy" but she broke up and decided to date a loser.

 

All joking aside:

 

When you believe in yourself, you become unstoppable. I do and I am.

[mtnbiker3000]

I decided to drink wine a lot, and feel better for a few hours every time.

 

I prefer whiskey!!!

[sugarlove]

I prefer the analogy to holding soap. The tighter you hold on, the more it slips away. Though sometimes I rather throw that soap in his face.

[emotionalMess]

I'm not the most interesting man in the world, maybe the second?

I never drank beer but when I do, it will be dos equis.

[Heartbroken_84]

Hey guys u have probably read my thread, and I'm sure most people are bored of my story but I had to post here because I am having such a bad day.

 

I blocked my ex on facebook a few weeks ago and then unblocked him, (I know so stupid) and today i saw that he had written a happy birthday message on a mutual friends wall. I dont know what happened but as soon as I saw it I burst into tears and I feel so depressed now, like I am back to square 1. Its been nearly 3 weeks since I had contact with him and its killing me.

 

i have blocked him again and I know that this time I have to leave him blocked, i am only hurting myself. Its like I'm back at the start, grieving for him all over again. I wish i had been stronger and had more courage to not have unblocked him but I just wasnt ready. The finality of the break up has hit me all over again, i'm just in bits. Cant get a hold of myself. I think i kept hoping deep down that he might come around, but he wont. Its over. Its killing me inside to know that he's moving on and that he is fine with his decision. i just dont understand how he doesnt regret losing me. I will never understand and its eating me up.

 

Please post your comments and thoughts guys. Sorry for ranting

[emotionalMess]

Just learn from it and don't do it again. Yep, you are back to square one but now you are wiser at square one. Your gonna be okay.