Ivy2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I've never posted my story here before, though I've been a lurker for a year and a half (the whole length of my affair). I WAS a single OW, he was older more worldly MM. Suddenly out of nowhere after 18 months I woke up yesterday and decided it was over. Like a switch flipped in my mind. I ended it with one message and that was that. I've spent this whole year plus obsessing about him every second of the day. I knew he was never leaving and had accepted that a quarter (it's never half) of him was better than nothing. Then yesterday I finally woke up and was like 'what the hell??' I'm posting this because I remember the dark dark times when I was torturing myself about why he hadn't called or messaged and I read posts here about people coming through the other side and I think I took some comfort. Do you know now I just feel numb inside about him. I don't feel any pain really. I don't care if I hear from him or not. I never ever thought I'd leave him but I have and WOW just WOW. 6
Ailsa1983 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I've never posted my story here before, though I've been a lurker for a year and a half (the whole length of my affair). I WAS a single OW, he was older more worldly MM. Suddenly out of nowhere after 18 months I woke up yesterday and decided it was over. Like a switch flipped in my mind. I ended it with one message and that was that. I've spent this whole year plus obsessing about him every second of the day. I knew he was never leaving and had accepted that a quarter (it's never half) of him was better than nothing. Then yesterday I finally woke up and was like 'what the hell??' I'm posting this because I remember the dark dark times when I was torturing myself about why he hadn't called or messaged and I read posts here about people coming through the other side and I think I took some comfort. Do you know now I just feel numb inside about him. I don't feel any pain really. I don't care if I hear from him or not. I never ever thought I'd leave him but I have and WOW just WOW. This is a great start, but unfortunately the odds are against you, please please don't let him emotionally blackmail you back into the A as most MM do, and I also hope that this ending it you may think he will finally leave her. A year and a half is a long time (same as my own A) just to cut ties without and-day However you may be one of the lucky ones and your A has just fizzled out. I would like you to keep us informed of his actions and texts/calls if you do not mind and we will see a pattern. I wish you well on your own road to recovery I hope for your own well being that you ignore him and do not become involved with him again. It's hard it's really really hard and in my own A we split up numerous times but always fell back into it.
Speakingofwhich Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 You can do this, Ivy2014! So glad you feel numb.
jesienna31 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 You can do this, Ivy2014! So glad you feel numb. I felt numb for the first week. SO Happy and free that I put an end to this affair... but then the feeling of longing, desire, lust, ego, not finished conversation, not explained emotions... kicked in... and it is hard sticking to NC... The forum helps... But gosh, the moments of weakness are so STRONG! Stay strong, write down why you broke it off and keep reminding yourself about it. Cause confusion and the emotional storm that will come, no doubt, will make you loose the sigh of what you wanted to achive with the break up in a first place. You reasons will fade away and you will feel like you want to run back into the affair. DON'T. The fact that you feel numb now I guess is your defence mechanism that kicked in and right now is on the guard of your emotions. But once it weakens with time and you will get in touch again with your emotions and ego, be ready for storm. Just a warning, this is exactly what I am going through now. 2
Author Ivy2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I think it has fizzled out for me. Lately I've got less and less out of seeing him and the last time we met it was pretty awful. I got sick of the horrible come down after. He's already ramped up his attention. Says he understands and he's ok with it but he's still messaging and his messages have suddenly got much sweeter. I'm ignoring them for now. I don't doubt that there will be moments where I'll get the trigger feelings but it's all so bloody pointless. It can't go anywhere, can it? No turning back now. 2
C00kie Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I loved reading your post. Wow, it's just wow! And you should be proud of yourself. Every second you lost thinking about him...make that up now. Do things that you love, take time to heal yourself. Get your life back. You already took the first step! Don't fall for his sweet words. Words don't change anything. Focus on yourself. You may get worse before you get better, but you will be fine. As time goes by, his words will upset you less and less. Resist them. Stand your ground. All the best 6
Author Ivy2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 Those words don't mean anything at all, do they? Not when you're crying yourself to sleep night after night. 12
Speakingofwhich Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 There comes a point when you realize the words (without action) mean nothing really. 6
Author Ivy2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I guess the shock has worn off. Dreamt about him all last night. Was really awful. Crying the whole night. Woke up this morning desperate to speak to him. I haven't and won't. Everytime I go to message him I still think 'what's the point?' And there isn't one. This has shaken me, though.
still_an_Angel Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Thank you for your post Ivy, I wish I have the strength like you to walk away. Maybe I'll get there someday but stories like yours give me a lot to think about. I wish you all the best, be strong. Hugs, Angel 1
confuzed23 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Those words don't mean anything at all, do they? Not when you're crying yourself to sleep night after night. amen, 2 1/2 years of scraps and a bunch of empty words from a coward, selfish, MW for me. The old saying is true, actions speak louder than words. Now that I am removed from being the OM and gave myself time to heal. I am now in an awesome, healthy relationship with an AVAILABLE woman....no hiding, you don't have to care where you go or what you say.....they can give you all the time and attention you want and vice verse.....don't ever look back.....it's a dead end. 3
Speakingofwhich Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Ivy, for every time that you have a night like last night was, realize that it's behind you now. Had you not gone NC it would be in the future. Slowly but surely you are knocking out the bad times and heading into the good times of freedom! Think of all the times you were miserable in the relationship and wished you had the strength and courage to get out of it. Think of how crummy it is to love someone who sleeps with another woman, goes out with her, celebrates Christmas with her, her birthday, his birthday, on and on.......I get angry thinking about the disrespect involved.......someone who hurts you and her, too. Good for you! Not allowing yourself to be used like that. Yes, it's painful going through a break up.....but the pain will lessen more and more until it's gone.......and you are standing up for yourself and taking back your dignity!! You can look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing. You can look at everyone you know, love and respect, friends and family, and know your life is an open book. That you are not hiding secrets from them. 2
Speakingofwhich Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Thank you for your post Ivy, I wish I have the strength like you to walk away. Maybe I'll get there someday but stories like yours give me a lot to think about. I wish you all the best, be strong. Hugs, Angel If the desire is in your heart, still_an_Angel, you will get there in time. It's a journey. Pray about it, if you are a person of prayer. And even if you're not, now might be a time to begin!
Author Ivy2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Ivy, for every time that you have a night like last night was, realize that it's behind you now. Had you not gone NC it would be in the future. Slowly but surely you are knocking out the bad times and heading into the good times of freedom! Think of all the times you were miserable in the relationship and wished you had the strength and courage to get out of it. Think of how crummy it is to love someone who sleeps with another woman, goes out with her, celebrates Christmas with her, her birthday, his birthday, on and on.......I get angry thinking about the disrespect involved.......someone who hurts you and her, too. Good for you! Not allowing yourself to be used like that. Yes, it's painful going through a break up.....but the pain will lessen more and more until it's gone.......and you are standing up for yourself and taking back your dignity!! You can look yourself in the mirror and know you did the right thing. You can look at everyone you know, love and respect, friends and family, and know your life is an open book. That you are not hiding secrets from them. This is so spot on. The only things keeping me going right now are 1) he can't hurt me anymore and 2) I walked away. I did it. I'm stronger than him. I can look myself in the mirror now. I accept I made a big mistake getting involved but in the end I did the right thing. 3
tornado Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Bravo, Ivy! Keep strong and determined. Wished I had your strength. 1
Charlie Harper Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 It takes a lot to do it, because you have feelings and good times, but letting go and putting yourself on TOP is the only way out of a loosing situation… congrats and welcome to the world of those who have survived that difficult decision. 1
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