I broke up with him but he still contacts me. Should we be friends now?

[tulipe-noir]

Hello all! I am new to the forum.

 

I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months. It wasn't that he had done something bad to me to cause it rather I stumbled upon old personals online where he was looking for sex with Trans women and looking for friends with benefits with genetic women leading to relationship.

 

These are NOT dating sites by any means. These are those seedy sex sites you stumble upon on pornhub, etc.

 

I created profiles on these websites to see how recent they were and all were really old dating way before he met me and have not been updated. Must of been some time shortly after his divorce. Maybe he was desperate for sex?

 

It didn't come as a surprise because he is a very sexual person. However, he didn't share with me all of his fantasies like I shared them with him. The sex was great.. he couldn't get enough some times going at it 4 times in a day. But since he knew I was so open minded it made me sad he felt he had to hide the tgirl loving side of him. Had he told me from the beginning this had not been an issue.

 

I addressed it to him when I noticed he had added a trans woman pornstar account on Facebook. All be it, a really pretty trans woman. Surely wouldn't give him the time of day. Which tells me that probably when we are not together he masturbates to this kind of porn and she happens to be his favorite porn actress or whatever.

 

I was calm and we spoke about it. He was cool about it as well and admitted that he was introduced to trans women by a girlfriend that he briefly dated that had several trans friends. He said that she "allowed" him to watch her have sex with one and he found himself feeling turned on by the act of trans women having sex. That it is a deep fantasy of his that he hasn't acted out on. He considers himself straight and says he has never had sex with a male.

 

I believe that he was introduced to it by a friend because he has several friends and this is totally plausible. I don't believe however that he has not had sex with a trans woman. I am sure he has already had his share and joined in on the fun. Now... the problem lies in this. As a genetic woman do I have what it takes to keep him satisfied? Will he stray if he ever feels the need to be with a trans woman? Will these online activities continue?

 

Shortly after explaining things he cut me off abruptly. I got so frustrated by everything I sent him to hell and broke up blocking him on my social medias. He didn't contact me for days. Feeling bad that maybe I had acted out impulsively I contacted him and he got mad and stated that I was intrusive and had no right to dig up dirt on him or judge who are his friends.

 

I told him that was not the case and explained how I stumbled upon the websites and he quickly apologized. Days passed again and he messaged me that he still loved me. We spoke about his job but kept the conversation simple and then stopped talking for days. Then we spoke again about missing each other and him being busy helping his family out. A week passes by.. no contact... I'm starting to clear out my thoughts. He contacts me a week later to ask me how I have been and that he hopes I'm well. I didn't receive this message on time. It was through Skype and I don't check it. It's the only way he has to contact me and I told him I was well and he was free to contact me. I don't know if he's read.

 

Since I can't hold anything against him... he didn't cheat on me. Do I become his friend?!? Let us ease into friendship to better understand him? I have some doubts.. only he could answer. But I'm not sure he will be willing? He can go days without speaking to me but obviously he always ends up always contacting me.

 

Advice any one?

Edited May 29, 2014 by tulipe-noir

[erklat]

First, stop monitoring his online activities because most of us don't share all our sexual fantasies with our partners.

 

To answer the question in the title - no. You are all in or you fold. There is no friendship after romance.