Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 So did you find out exactly what was due to change in three weeks regarding his Saturday nights? He must have known they meant SOMETHING to you, if he made that point about three more weeks. He has a contract (renovation) due to hand over by July 1st. To be able to meet that deadline he works 7 days a week so the time he usually devotes on his other projects (weekend day time) is being pushed to evenings.
jphcbpa Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 are you over your ex bf? maybe this bu showed you that you need to take the time to process those feelings.
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 are you over your ex bf? maybe this bu showed you that you need to take the time to process those feelings. I am not over him as I wish I would be. I have a thought for him each day still. I still see him as being the perfect man for me. Yesterday I had to take a detour in town and ended up in a soccer park. My heart stopped. He coaches soccer. Just seeing a soccer field hit me, imagine if I come across him.
MidwestUSA Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 He has a contract (renovation) due to hand over by July 1st. To be able to meet that deadline he works 7 days a week so the time he usually devotes on his other projects (weekend day time) is being pushed to evenings. Sounds innocent enough; why did he feel the need to not tell you what he was doing? 4
Kamila Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 He acted like he did not understand why this was an issue for me. I reminded him his wish for a relationship with no secrecy and he kept insisting I know all his personal stuff he has no secrets. I pointed again the Saturday nights and he went 'that again'. He did not want to recognize it looks shady, it's bad communication, it's inconsiderate for my feelings, nothing. He ignored your feelings, that is not good. And after 3 months he should still be in the honeymoon phase and all over you. I still can't grasp why he won't spend his birthday with you. Anyway, it's good you tackled the issue with him and that you won't be treated less than his girlfriend. 1
Keenly Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 He ignored your feelings, that is not good. And after 3 months he should still be in the honeymoon phase and all over you. I still can't grasp why he won't spend his birthday with you. Anyway, it's good you tackled the issue with him and that you won't be treated less than his girlfriend. The fuse had already made plans. OP acknowledges she waited until the last minute and it was her bad. I hope we aren't going to play this game where even though the man has noe explained himself, we are still going to find things wrong and nit pick him to death .
snowflakes88 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I wasn't able to read the other thread from start to finish, but how did you end up resolving the issue of him still being active on POF?
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Sounds innocent enough; why did he feel the need to not tell you what he was doing? It may be because of the way I approached the subject. He felt like I wanted him to report to me his every move. Which is not the case. I am very <live and let live> and he agreed I have not been a controlling girlfriend. My daughter and my best friend tell me often I have no tact sometimes. I think it also transpires on here as well in some of my posts I have to watch that.
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 The whole birthday thing is more an issue for people on here than it is for me. What really bothered me was the secrecy about his Saturday night. He did what he had to do, he heard no words from me about his birthday so he accepted other invitations that came his way. I am really biting my fingers on this one. I should have been on it early and show how I appreciated him, instead I left it last minute like it was no big deal. If he had done that to me I would have been hurt. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I wasn't able to read the other thread from start to finish, but how did you end up resolving the issue of him still being active on POF? He took down his profile the day I posted on here about it.
Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 The whole birthday thing is more an issue for people on here than it is for me. What really bothered me was the secrecy about his Saturday night. He did what he had to do, he heard no words from me about his birthday so he accepted other invitations that came his way. I am really biting my fingers on this one. I should have been on it early and show how I appreciated him, instead I left it last minute like it was no big deal. If he had done that to me I would have been hurt. A man that was into you would have really wanted to spend his birthday with you. When a man really wants something he usually asked. I wouldn't have invited myself along to my bf's birthday. I actually need am invite to birthdays. Look, this man was never that smitten with you, he may not be killing time with you but he is not that into you either. His actions have made that as clear as day. Are you sure you don't want to hold out for a guy who's crazy about you ? Who does not stay online 2 months after meeting you because he wants to see of something better comes along? Because that is what he did. That is why he was still online uploading a new picture. I just can't see this guy ever falling in love with you sorry. I wish I could be optimistic. He will probably grow to love you after a lot of time.... a few more months.... but only in the same way you grow to love a friend. I think you will miss the in love feelings altogether. Is that what you want? Can you honestly see this relationship EVER being passionate? Are you cool with essentially having a really good friend whom you enjoy sex with? Sans the in love feelings at least from his part? 4
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 A man that was into you would have really wanted to spend his birthday with you. When a man really wants something he usually asked. And a girlfriend that is really into her man doesn't wait the birthday morning to make plans. Look, this man was never that smitten with you, he may not be killing time with you but he is not that into you either. His actions have made that as clear as day. Are you sure you don't want to hold out for a guy who's crazy about you ? Who does not stay online 2 months after meeting you because he wants to see of something better comes along? Because that is what he did. That is why he was still online uploading a new picture. I just can't see this guy ever falling in love with you sorry. I wish I could be optimistic. He will probably grow to love you after a lot of time.... a few more months.... but only in the same way you grow to love a friend. I think you will miss the in love feelings altogether. Is that what you want? Can you honestly see this relationship EVER being passionate? Are you cool with essentially having a really good friend whom you enjoy sex with? Sans the in love feelings at least from his part? Leigh not all relationships start with a shot through the heart. The last man that was completely smitten with me still abandoned me without a word or an explanation. I am not a thrill seeker. Yes I believe sometimes relationships start slowly and grow into something. Also, maybe we did not go into this 'smitten' phase because we met 2 years ago, we went through the newness phase back then. 1
snowflakes88 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 You give really quality, solid advice to posters in other threads, Gaeta. I can't imagine you'd advise yourself to stick around, if you were viewing this from the outside looking in. You seem like a really nice person, so here's hoping you make good decisions for yourself going forward. 6
Keenly Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Your level of personal introspection is very remarkable.
pteromom Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 He told me he is not just killing time with me, I mean a lot to him, if sometimes he appears 'not so into me' it's not it, I perceive it that way but it has nothing to do with me. His mind is preoccupied by other things but soon it will be better of and I will see him all the time. Hopefully he also took into account how you perceived it, and asked how he can make you feel more loved. It's fine that he is busy, but NOT fine that he can't answer simple questions or gets defensive if you are feeling insecure. In order for the relationship to move forward, he needs to learn to be open with you.
Baller25 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) At first I tried to plan things ahead but I would get: Don't know when, don't know yet, maybe, etc. I hate dating anyone like this, I don't know how it hasn't driven you crazy. Certain things require planning especially special events, and having a "go with the flow" lifestyle seems very 'grass is greener' / pot-head /actor like. It's like someone that never wants to make any plans just in case something else comes up, even though it never does, and the planned trip would have been much better. I dated a girl for about 8 months and I told her about my plans to go to Paris for our 1 year anniversary to make sure she was available. She did the same "yes I want to go but I don't know if I can yet" BS even though she had nothing planned for those days. Later she agreed and I told her I booked the flight even though I didn't because my instinct told me that we wouldn't even make it to 1 year. I was correct, I laughed hard when she brought up "what about Paris?" when we broke up. Forget this guy. He's the type of person that's always looking for something better; couldn't keep a nail down even if he hammered it in. Edited June 2, 2014 by Baller25 2
Author Gaeta Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I hate dating anyone like this, I don't know how it hasn't driven you crazy. Certain things require planning especially special events, and having a "go with the flow" lifestyle seems very 'grass is greener' / pot-head /actor like. It's like someone that never wants to make any plans just in case something else comes up, even though it never does, and the planned trip would have been much better. That made me smile It's not driving me crazy probably because we have not dated long enough and no event we needed to commit to came up yet. Yes he got that go with the flow attitude but not the style that usually goes with it. He's a church boy lol, he never misses Mass, he's god fearing, never heard him swear, he is vanilla in the bedroom, I don't think I heard him say the word sex once lol. We will see how the next few weeks will unfold 1
starrynightz45 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Pacifying someone due to insecurities is counter productive to an adult relationship. Validate, yes, pacify, no. It sounds to me based off some of these responses that personal projections are being cast upon this particular fell'r, who may or may not be entirely forthright. Thats his perogative. The OP has to make a wise decision to entrust and accept his response at face value, digg for an answer to catch him , or silently wait for him to discuss his whereabouts later on down the road. Not sure its healthy to stick around if the mindset is underlined with misgivings, which the OP seems to have. Pacifying is not the same as responding to a valid and appropriate question. I don't agree that he is necessarily cheating or doing some horrible thing (maybe he is, maybe he isn't), but I do think he hears her concerns and is not willing to discus them with her. That is a problem. He should always be willing to at least have a discussion, even if he doesn't agree that her question is proper. If he really feels that it's "too personal" to share with her, two things. 1. She has a completely valid right to not accept that. They've been together for 3 months, and "it's personal" is not a good enough excuse for why he won't spend Saturday with her. 2. It makes little to no sense, given the extensive "personal info" he's shared already. All of that tells me that, he knows it bothered her, he's not too concerned about how she feels, and is not willing to have an open discussion about it. Even if he wants to stick with the "its personal" bit, at the very least he could sit down with her and give her some sort indication that he hears her concerns and that she shouldn't worry. Laughing on the phone, repeating "its personal" and then changing the subject doesn't quite cut it. All of the above = not good. 1
jbelle6 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 That made me smile It's not driving me crazy probably because we have not dated long enough and no event we needed to commit to came up yet. Yes he got that go with the flow attitude but not the style that usually goes with it. He's a church boy lol, he never misses Mass, he's god fearing, never heard him swear, he is vanilla in the bedroom, I don't think I heard him say the word sex once lol. We will see how the next few weeks will unfold I know it might not matter to this, but my most physically and emotionally abusive ex was the most religious. Sent me for stitches. So we can't judge by that. 1
Emilia Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Yes he got that go with the flow attitude but not the style that usually goes with it. He's a church boy lol, he never misses Mass, he's god fearing, never heard him swear, he is vanilla in the bedroom, I don't think I heard him say the word sex once lol. Why were you with him? 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Why were you with him? Because I find it refreshing and endearing. 1
sweetjasmine Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 What baffles me is why a man who was apparently so hurt and scarred by being cheated on would fail to understand why the "I'm doing personal stuff" brush-off and refusal to be open, especially when he's been open about the arranged marriage thing, would make someone suspicious. Come on, no one is that thick. Do you really believe he didn't realize how it'd make you feel, Gaeta? 1
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