yessy21 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Okay. I know this is hard.. but don't answer the phone this whole weekend. Boyfriends WANT birthday SEX on their birthday and he isn't going to be getting it from you. READ BETWEEN THE LINES... look at all your convo's. THE TRUTH IS HITTING U SMACK IN THE FACE ... just open your eyes.
Author Gaeta Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 However, in light of the OP stating she knows the man doesn't love her and she knows she doesn't love him, this kind of dynamic is outside my boundaries of what interpersonal relationship of this type (romantic) are so I'll leave it at that and wish them well. Isn't it everyone dynamic at the beginning of a relationship till it turns into something?
Spirit1985 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 How long have you been dating? If he was really into you he'd want to consider you in his plans not make you wait until he's free. Sometimes you will question things, but more often then not the signs are there and you just don't want to acknowledge them. If you're having to ask these questions, it probably means you already know the answer.
Author Gaeta Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 UPDATE: So I asked him very casually what was that personal stuff he needed to do Saturday. He replied laughing 'it's personal'. I said he sounded very shady like he was hiding something and he laughed again and said he didn't see how that sounded shady. I said I didn't think it was funny that he practically never gave me his Saturday nights and when I ask for details he won't answer me. He got all 'babe' on me, babe we talked about that before I told you another 3 weeks and I am going to have more time for you. I said his refusal to explain what he was doing gave me no choice but to conclude he was seeing someone else. He simply replied : 'wrong'. We ended the conversation there.
Keenly Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I think its a huge leap to jump from he won't tell you to he just be seeing some one else. You have no evidence of that, other than paranoia.
xxoo Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 UPDATE: So I asked him very casually what was that personal stuff he needed to do Saturday. He replied laughing 'it's personal'. I said he sounded very shady like he was hiding something and he laughed again and said he didn't see how that sounded shady. I said I didn't think it was funny that he practically never gave me his Saturday nights and when I ask for details he won't answer me. He got all 'babe' on me, babe we talked about that before I told you another 3 weeks and I am going to have more time for you. I said his refusal to explain what he was doing gave me no choice but to conclude he was seeing someone else. He simply replied : 'wrong'. We ended the conversation there. I would be all done with that relationship. Open, easy communication, or nothing at all. 9
Author Gaeta Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 I think its a huge leap to jump from he won't tell you to he just be seeing some one else. You have no evidence of that, other than paranoia. Lets make a deal. Try it on your next 3 month/girlfriend. Tell her you are unavailable on Saturday nights and it's personal. Lets see what will cross her mind. 12
pteromom Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I said his refusal to explain what he was doing gave me no choice but to conclude he was seeing someone else. He simply replied : 'wrong'. We ended the conversation there. And now you have to continue it. Tell him that you want to feel like a priority in his life. That in order for your feelings to grow, you need him to start being open and letting you into his life. That giving vague answers like "personal stuff" only keeps you at a distance, because even friends are able to discuss details of their lives with each other. Then tell him that if he isn't ready to move forward and start making your relationship more of a priority, NOW, not in three weeks, that you are just done. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 This guy is playing games with you. I think he's somehow enjoying watching you get riled up over his vague responses, and that is not okay. Granted, he might not be seeing anyone else , but the fact that he's being so evasive instead of simply answering your question is telling. You're not on the same page together. 7
stillafool Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 We've been dating for 3 months. We have not introduced each other to our friends and family yet so I don't expect to be brought along. The fact he has other plans tonight is my fault, I was really last minute asking him for tonight. That being said that 'personal stuff' answer doesn't sit well with me. I have to agree that this is your fault. You knew his bday was today and you should have made plans with him earlier in the week. You would not be happy if he did this to you on your bd.
clia Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I think its a huge leap to jump from he won't tell you to he just be seeing some one else. You have no evidence of that, other than paranoia. Then what is your explanation for why he doesn't just tell her what "personal things" he's doing? What's the big secret? She's not asking for a minute-by-minute itinerary of his evening. 1
clia Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 UPDATE: So I asked him very casually what was that personal stuff he needed to do Saturday. He replied laughing 'it's personal'. I said he sounded very shady like he was hiding something and he laughed again and said he didn't see how that sounded shady. I said I didn't think it was funny that he practically never gave me his Saturday nights and when I ask for details he won't answer me. He got all 'babe' on me, babe we talked about that before I told you another 3 weeks and I am going to have more time for you. I said his refusal to explain what he was doing gave me no choice but to conclude he was seeing someone else. He simply replied : 'wrong'. We ended the conversation there. This is pretty ridiculous. I think you should tell him you can't get together on Sunday because you have "personal stuff" to do. No, actually I think you should end this relationship. 7
GemmaUK Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 UPDATE: So I asked him very casually what was that personal stuff he needed to do Saturday. He replied laughing 'it's personal'. I said he sounded very shady like he was hiding something and he laughed again and said he didn't see how that sounded shady. I said I didn't think it was funny that he practically never gave me his Saturday nights and when I ask for details he won't answer me. He got all 'babe' on me, babe we talked about that before I told you another 3 weeks and I am going to have more time for you. I said his refusal to explain what he was doing gave me no choice but to conclude he was seeing someone else. He simply replied : 'wrong'. We ended the conversation there. Oh Geata ((hugs)). You give such great advice for the loved up and go for it side on here.. Me..I am more cautious and laid back. You gotta listen to your own advice. Imagine your sister or your very best friend telling you this relationship story..what would you tell them to do? You've done the best you can do. This last bit really sucks - he is way off any level of consideration for you. Don't continue this. Find better for yourself. You're a lovely person and you deserve better than this. 1
Tayla Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 OP- Step one was to open the conversation up for discussion with no preconceived ideas of what his answer would be. In lieu of reading the comments, I must conclude that He really sincerely does sound like an adult. He gave you his answer and its good enough for most adults. Can you perhaps give him the benefit that he is an adult who is responsible and does continue to date you. There needs to be a level of acceptance for the answer given instead of digging. respect one anothers space and time. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 He may NOT be hiding anything! But it is still wrong to flat out refuse to tell you what he was doing and simply say " babe...." My disappearing pr!ck of an ex did that, he said EXACTLY the same things! He even said " in 3 weeks I will have more time for you Leigh 87 " When I only asked to see him weekends anyways. He saw me once a week. I didn't even push to see him more, yet HE was the one who came forward and said " so soon I will have time off work more, and I will get to spend a lot of time with you" The fact he went " on babe..." on you when you wanted to know what he was up to says it all. Seriously, Gaeta. This man is NOT falling in love with you. I know men well, this is SHADY. 1
Keenly Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 He may NOT be hiding anything! But it is still wrong to flat out refuse to tell you what he was doing and simply say " babe...." My disappearing pr!ck of an ex did that, he said EXACTLY the same things! He even said " in 3 weeks I will have more time for you Leigh 87 " When I only asked to see him weekends anyways. He saw me once a week. I didn't even push to see him more, yet HE was the one who came forward and said " so soon I will have time off work more, and I will get to spend a lot of time with you" The fact he went " on babe..." on you when you wanted to know what he was up to says it all. Seriously, Gaeta. This man is NOT falling in love with you. I know men well, this is SHADY. Please explain how its wrong to keep something private. Are you not entitled to privacy as a human being ? When you are dating, you don't get to make demands. He doesn't owe any explanation He is not obligated to report his GPS coordinates to you simply because you are asking form them. I don't know what year dating turned into surveillance.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Please explain how its wrong to keep something private. Are you not entitled to privacy as a human being ? When you are dating, you don't get to make demands. He doesn't owe any explanation He is not obligated to report his GPS coordinates to you simply because you are asking form them. I don't know what year dating turned into surveillance. He's not obligated to report anything, but common courtesy dictates you at least give a partner some notion. His response was pretty cagey. Personally (and especially with a new guy) I never ask for a man's whereabouts to the point where I've been accused (very recently in fact) of not really being interested in a guy because I don't seem to care what he does when he's not with me, but I feel that what you do on your own time is your business. If I trust you I trust you. If I didn't, you wouldn't be around. However I'd like to think that should it ever strike me to ask, I wouldn't be met with "personal stuff". That sounds like bulls*t on so many levels. There are way to maintain privacy without being intentionally vague. Besides, she's not asking for a copy of his day planner, she just wanted to know what in the world he could be doing. That statement, coupled with his past behavior towards OP are real clear red flags. Edited May 30, 2014 by Lernaean_Hydra 4
kaylan Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Please explain how its wrong to keep something private. Are you not entitled to privacy as a human being ? When you are dating, you don't get to make demands. He doesn't owe any explanation He is not obligated to report his GPS coordinates to you simply because you are asking form them. I don't know what year dating turned into surveillance. Dude be serious here. A guy or girl with nothing to hide doesnt tell their partner they have personal stuff to do...and then whine "babe...." when their partner wants more clarification. Itd be one thing if they just starting dating. But 3 months into a relationship a woman should be able to tell me whats up. The only people Ive known who hide their plans and whereabouts from their partner, have been people up to no good. 7
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I saw in another thread that he is not from up here, so I'm sure he doesn't have a ton of family up here. I will assume he does not have to work Sat nights. Can't really have any appointments Sat night. If he were going out with his buddies would normal human beings not just say the guys are taking me out and leave it at that? Seems simple. So to anyone saying he's not seeing someone else, WHAT THE F*** ELSE IS HE DOING? LOL And not just this Saturday, but all the Saturdays that he is not giving the OP? *also think if people read previous threads about this guy their responses might be different. Oh, and just saying a "friend" invited him to dinner Friday isn't a big deal on it's own but SHADY SHADERSON!!! 1
Keenly Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Guilty until proven innocent? Does the word trust not mean anything in 2014? Kaylan, you pretty much said " he is not obligated to report everything, but common sense says he is obligated to report everything. " If you want to follow everyone's advice and break up with him over paranoia and insecurity, break up with him for the fact that there is just clearly no trust on your end of this relationship. Everyone's talking about how he should respect her enough to tell her, but shouldn't she respect him enough to leave " PERSONAL business " at that? Respect is a two way street. This man has never given you any indication anything is wrong, so you are creating a problem where there shouldn't be one.
kaylan Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) Read the OPs other threads. This bf is bad news bears. If it was me, and my girl was acting fishy and couldnt be open with me, Id just bail. Ive never had to deal with a girl hiding her whereabouts from me, and I never will. Jeez, I ask my guy friends what their up to or what theyre doing, and I get an answer all the time. Id expect an answer from a girl Im screwing that Im supposed to be closer to. Edited May 31, 2014 by kaylan 5
Treasa Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 If you're going to continue seeing him, which I'm sure you will despite being told often that you should get rid of him, at least treat him the same way he's treating you. Sure, he doesn't "owe" you anything, but you don't owe him jack **** either. Since he wants to keep things so casual with you, suggest that you both date other people. And then START DATING OTHER PEOPLE. I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything I do, but I don't have a problem sharing my life with those who are important to me. I don't have a reason not to answer a simple question, especially if the person asking really wants to know and I'm not hiding anything. The fact that he was laughing about it is what's irritating. No, ignore all that...just tell him to **** off. You shouldn't be having THIS many issues after just three months. Geez, I've been with Keith for 17 years and even we don't have this many issues. One of us asks a question, the other answers. No big deal. 8
kaylan Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 If you're going to continue seeing him, which I'm sure you will despite being told often that you should get rid of him, at least treat him the same way he's treating you. Sure, he doesn't "owe" you anything, but you don't owe him jack **** either. Since he wants to keep things so casual with you, suggest that you both date other people. And then START DATING OTHER PEOPLE. I don't owe anyone an explanation for anything I do, but I don't have a problem sharing my life with those who are important to me. I don't have a reason not to answer a simple question, especially if the person asking really wants to know and I'm not hiding anything. The fact that he was laughing about it is what's irritating. No, ignore all that...just tell him to **** off. You shouldn't be having THIS many issues after just three months. Geez, I've been with Keith for 17 years and even we don't have this many issues. One of us asks a question, the other answers. No big deal. Speaking of Keith. Lol, excuse my quick derail, but I love that movie xD 2
CaliGypsy Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I noticed you mentioned a couple of times that he's going to be free on Saturday nights in a few more weeks? Maybe he's doing something he's embarrassed to share? Don't know what, but a class of some kind?(dance?) Side job? I'll be honest. Whether it was my "business" or not..I'd want to know what my boyfriend was doing every Saturday night.
jbelle6 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 OP!!! I just saw this in your other thread!!! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/474457-ultimatums-don-t-work Been dating this man for 2 months. We had the exclusivity talk quite early on. I deleted my profile from pof and he said his was still on, he tried to delete it before but can't find where. He says anyway he doesn't go on it anymore. I told him to check the help section. I left it at that, as long as he was not using it I did not care much and thought eventually he would delete it. Once in a while I would search his nickname and never once he used his profile the past 2 months, except this weekend. Late afternoon I decide to check his nickname and huge surprise he had put up a new picture. I recognized the picture from last weekend so he had just changed his picture. I did not wait, I told him right away. He had no explanation at all to offer. He just said he was not looking for another woman and nothing was going on. So I gave him an ultimatum, knowing very well they don't work. I told him if he wanted to see me again he has to delete him. I had been flexible at first but for me to continue investing time and feelings in him this thing needed to go away. He did not comment he just said: OK We did not speak again and at around 21h30 he sent me a good night. The profile is still up this morning. I think we know where he gets his "friends". Leave him, you deserve better!) 3
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