YongukShinsa Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I am new here, and it would take me forever to write the full details of my story, but to cut that long story short I have been in a relationship twice with the girl I see as the "one" Our first relationship lasted 8 months and then we went about 10 months of on / off contact and got back together last year for 5 months. We broke up again after I discovered she was seeing another guy. I know this girl has some commitment issues that stem from her teenage years (she is 26 now) and we have talked about them. Her excuse for two timing me was because she felt she could never live up to my expectations for her. I am not sure what she really meant by that, but I have given her a lot of help and support with her job and future career. So she took the new boyfriend because she wanted a normal life with normal expectations. I was not aware that I was putting her under any pressure, but maybe I subconciously was. Here is a copy of her email explaining why ... please understand that English is not her native language... "Dear ... You know me.... well enough... I am not the complete person especially the INSIDE. And... I am always worried if you leave me or abandon me or... i would make you dissapointed at me.... And I have no confidence for English anymore.... That means I can't never fill you one hundred percent with my mind.... And I have no confidence to impress you anymore.... You said.. I'm very unique.... But I'm not unique anymore... I don't want to pretend like unique person If you start to feel I am a just woman.... then I will be scared you will leave me... So I made a decision to have this boyfreind who feels I'm just a woman as normal... I don't know why i lost my confidence and my unique things... You see I can't express my feeling well in english anymore.. I lost many things.... including you...... But.. it's ok..... This is my turn to get the purnishment because I hurt you again.. Don't be depressed anymore.... Please don't be sad........ " Anyway... That was 4 months ago, I have tried to move on and for the majority of the time I have been ok, but recently I have been missing her tremendously and I feel hurt all over again. Nothing has happened really to spark this, just a growing feeling inside. I do not understand why I cannot let her go from my mind. With the exception of Christmas when we exchanged emails we have had no contact. I have been in about 12 relationships since I was 16 years old and have been close to marrying twice. Yet nobody has come close to the feelings I have for this girl. I just do not know why I love her so much and cannot let her go. I have a very strong instinctive feeling that we will get back together sometime in the future. Her relationships historically do not last beyond 6 or 7 months, and I expect she will be calling me if her new relationships ends. Could this unrealistic expectation be the reason I cannot let go?? It is her birthday next week and I so desperately want to send her a "happy birthday" message, but I know that that is "contact" and contact will only probably bring me more hurt. I do not know, I just want to be able to forget this girl and move on with my life, but I do not know how to do it. I love her with all my heart and miss her terribly. Any words of wisdom from you guys would be greatly appreciated.
Devildog Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Sorry I am not giving you the personal treatment, but your post has alot of similarities to one I responded to the other day for No Foolin. Mostly, why can't you let this person go issue. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56585/ Check the thread out and I think it will answer some of your questions. If not, maybe we can clear things up better.
Author YongukShinsa Posted February 12, 2005 Author Posted February 12, 2005 Thanks for the link, I 've read through the responses and although I can see some similarities, our realtionship was not "fight / sex" we very rarely fought, and she is not really abusive. Her childhood issues are from the fact that her parents were not there when she needed them and I think it was at that stage she chose men to fill the hole, the trouble she has now is that most or all of those men desserted her at some point or another. I remember one conversation we had when she said I would dessert her just like all her other ex boyfriends. Anyway, I need to get over her and I need to really move on.
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 The details of the relationships might not be the same, but the advice is still relevant to your situation I believe. You tried to save her from her past, make her a better person. And in the end, for all your sacrifices, she still left you for someone else. Look at the advice, not the details of the situation.
Author YongukShinsa Posted February 12, 2005 Author Posted February 12, 2005 Devil Dog, You are right, I know tried to help her with everything, her career, her life, her past and I am no psychiatrist and I really am not qualified to help her. I guess I liked the role of "knight in shining armour" and I got slayed by the dragon. Oh well, back to the drawing board ^^
Devildog Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 A good piece of advice for you Yonguk, You can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved.
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