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Hi my name is Jim and I have a problem

himynameisjim

By himynameisjim
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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himynameisjim New Member

himynameisjim

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I didn't know where to go and I have lurked her for a few weeks so I feel like I can come here and just talk and get help.

 

I have a problem getting my heart broken. I have been in 5 relationships. 2 were serious.

 

My first serious girlfriend broke up with me due to me being immature and didn't treat her right. I regretted it but got over it as I Realized there was no future

 

My recent ex was the one I thought. We had gotten along so well and had great times together. I thought she was the one for sure.

 

She left me for another man.

 

2 days after we had a fight and broke up. I couldn't believe it. I had no idea and a week later we met up for lunch. She told me she had been going to his house the whole week and were sexually involved but weren't dating. I felt like a bat was just taken to my stomach. I was speechless. She said she wasn't sure if she liked him but he just had this bad boy thing going on. I felt sick. She said she just couldn't commit to someone fully at 21 years old

 

I had so many questions I just couldnt stop asking. She wanted to remain friends and hang out. The next week on two seperate occasions I got ditched for him. I found myself with another girl sleeping with her. The next week my ex found out and was upset sayng I had moved on. I told her I hadn't but I wasn't waiting for her.

 

The next night she texted me saying she had been missing me and was thinking about us getting back together. I told her I wouldn't until major changes happen. Then she invited me over to watch a movie. We watched it (nothing sexual happened) and then she said she had to leave Once again she was going to his house. That night I texted her some things along the lines of "I'm not your toy" "Quit using me" "I have much more class than you" "I don't care what happens to you"

 

We went a week without talking and we texted syaing hello. that saturday we texted a bit and she said she missed me. that night she was at his house again and we fought. i lost my cool and texted more horrible things

 

its been 3 weeks and yeah we are on speaking terms and she spent the night along with her brother at my house after her dad kicked them out(drunken mess). I heard she is no longer seeing him or anyone.

 

She said the stuff I had said was very hurtful and that it would take some repair work. I told her she had some work to do herself and that I don't see a future between us unless major changes happen but that could be 2-4 years

 

 

the point I'm trying to make is I have some problems when it comes to holding my emotions in. When I get hurt I lash out. I say mean things I shouldn't and I do feel bad after I say them, but in that moment I dont care

 

I have talked ot many people about this and no one has an answer. I dont consider myself immature to be honest

 

I just have a hard time forgiving myself for stooping to that low level of saying mean things to a loved one

 

Is anyone out there to give some advice on how i can fix my problem?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I really can't blame you for being angry. It seems she wants to see this other guy and have you sit and wait for her. She may have stopped seeing him for now but more than likely will resume sooner than later. I think you should go complete (NC) No Contact with her. Drop off the face of the earth as far as she is concerned, block all contact from her. In the meantime it is advisable to seek anger management counseling for yourself. Do not blame her cheating on your bad temper. Her cheating is what she wants to do and has nothing to do with you. Start dating other people. If your ex wants you back make her work for it by showing you she has changed.

jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

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I would suggest NC for good.

 

Also, I would suggest NOT dating for a while. Take some time to see why you would go back to a woman who abandoned you. Perhaps a book like, "Journey from Abandonment to Healing" would be helpful.

 

You medicating with another female is a very bad idea. If you do, then the odds are you will continue this pattern in future relationships. Take some time out for your, your healing and your growth.

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jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

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If I was seeing some guy who was jerking me around while screwing someone else I'd have said way worse than "I'm not your toy" "Quit using me" "I have much more class than you" "I don't care what happens to you".

 

You don't need anger management, you need No Contact from your slutty ex girlfriend.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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Ugh..So, you're asking how to "fix" your problem now? I'll explain to you exactly how.

 

Please do me a favour and never talk to her again. This girl is selfish, horrible, manipulative and wants the best of both worlds.

 

As far as I am concerned, this girl wants you to want her and not move on (b/c it makes her feel good about herself)... once she finds out your with another girl she gets upset? Wow... the nerve this girl has. She was most likely cheating on you with the guy lined up the entire time.

 

You need to have a lot more self respect and protect yourself from being hurt more from this girl. You did zero wrong, and to be honest with you, she deserved to hear a lot worse. How DARE she come and try to be in your LIFE to feel better about HERSELF when she knows it's hurting you, while shes getting physical with another guy! This makes me so mad.

 

I cannot believe the nerve of some people...

 

So in short, the solution to your problem is you cutting this girl out. Never talking to her again. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life.

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himynameisjim New Member

himynameisjim

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I understand I should cut her out of my life, but WHY when I am hurt do I lash out?

 

Why can't I be the bigger person and just move on?

 

Instead I called her names and looked like a man with no class or respect.

 

Is it something mental?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Anyone would lash out when treated the way you have been by your ex. If you do this to other people and this is a habit seek professional help. If you are doing this because this chick is treating you like dirt you are perfectly within your right to lash out. Stop seeing her and your anger will go away.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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I understand I should cut her out of my life, but WHY when I am hurt do I lash out?

 

Why can't I be the bigger person and just move on?

 

Instead I called her names and looked like a man with no class or respect.

 

Is it something mental?

 

This is not mental, not at all. You are this way because she PUSHED you to be like this.

 

I'm not one for advocating treating someone poorly, no matter what they have done...so trust me when I say that what you said and did was not wrong at all. She deserved 10x worse in my opinion.

 

You should careless about how you "appeared" to her. If anything, she appears like the biggest loser...you were being a MAN by telling her enough is enough. That is more manly then being "nice" to someone who did all the BS she did. I understand you are looking at faults within yourself right now instead of facing the music and realizing who she really is.

 

Like dude, she met up with you to tell you that shes sleeping with a guy, doesn't know if she likes him and that she just loves how he is a "bad boy"? Cmon, that would push anyone over the edge after just freshly being taken out of a relationship. That shows me how low class, game playing and horrible she is. Selfish and horrible.

 

Do not worry about things you have said in the past / what you've done. All you can do now is worry about protecting yourself from any further pain. You will react this way towards her b/c of all the horrible things she has done to you. You may not realize it yet, but the root of the problem is her for your outbreaks.

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jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted
I understand I should cut her out of my life, but WHY when I am hurt do I lash out?

 

Why can't I be the bigger person and just move on?

 

Instead I called her names and looked like a man with no class or respect.

 

Is it something mental?

 

 

 

Seriously, unless things went down A LOT harsher than you are describing, you did not lash out. And she's the one who disrespected YOU.

You don't want to see my Italian family fight if that's lashing out to you lol.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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Seriously, unless things went down A LOT harsher than you are describing, you did not lash out. And she's the one who disrespected YOU.

You don't want to see my Italian family fight if that's lashing out to you lol.

 

Especially if they are Calabrese or Sicilian ;).

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Phoe Established Member

Phoe

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You did not lash out.

 

You were poked and prodded in an awful way, and still your responses show restraint.

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jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

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Especially if they are Calabrese or Sicilian ;).

 

 

 

LOL, too true! :p

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himynameisjim New Member

himynameisjim

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i think one of the reasons i wonder about it is this is the same thing my dad would do. he would verbally abuse my mom. when i would get mad and say this stuff to my ex calling her "worthless" "a bitch" "a liar" telling her meeting her was the biggest mistake i made

 

i thought "oh my gosh, im just like my dad"

 

yeah what she did hurt and she knows that she hurt me, but i hate that i hurt her sounds stupid but i honestly thought i would marry her so yea

lauri Established Member

lauri

Posted
Posted (edited)
i think one of the reasons i wonder about it is this is the same thing my dad would do. he would verbally abuse my mom. when i would get mad and say this stuff to my ex calling her "worthless" "a bitch" "a liar" telling her meeting her was the biggest mistake i made

 

i thought "oh my gosh, im just like my dad"

 

yeah what she did hurt and she knows that she hurt me, but i hate that i hurt her sounds stupid but i honestly thought i would marry her so yea

 

Jim, I truly am sorry you went through that growing up.

 

Take a step back and don't think about your past for a second...you gotta realize you didn't hurt your ex...she hurt herself..she did this to herself. You need to realize that this isn't your fault. She is going to play the victim card to make you feel guilty and like this entire situation is your fault...but really, deep down inside, do you think it is? I personally know it isn't and so should you.

 

Let's recap her decisions:

1) Rub it into your face shes banging a new guy

2) Sends you mixed messages

3) Uses you to make herself feel better even though she knows its torturing you

 

One day, you'll find a girl who will never push you to the edge like this and make you react in a way you don't like. But trust me man, this girl deserved 10x worse then what you said to her b/c she is a horrible person. I'm going to keep repeating it until it clicks for you - she is a bad person.

Edited by lauri
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himynameisjim New Member

himynameisjim

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Jim, I truly am sorry you went through that growing up.

 

Take a step back and don't think about your past for a second...you gotta realize you didn't hurt your ex...she hurt herself..she did this to herself. You need to realize that this isn't your fault. She is going to play the victim card to make you feel guilty and like this entire situation is your fault...but really, deep down inside, do you think it is? I personally know it isn't and so should you.

 

Let's recap her decisions:

1) Rub it into your face shes banging a new guy

2) Sends you mixed messages

3) Uses you to make herself feel better even though she knows its torturing you

 

One day, you'll find a girl who will never push you to the edge like this and make you react in a way you don't like. But trust me man, this girl deserved 10x worse then what you said to her b/c she is a horrible person. I'm going to keep repeating it until it clicks for you - she is a bad person.

 

 

 

i know i know..i wish i could realize it myself... like i said i dont know why im being so hard on myself....i think part of it is, i always hear about guys should just walk away and not sya anthing and i didnt, making me look weak, like i was begging for her

 

its something ill just have to realize i didnt screw up

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i have issues using the word slut and people who use it who dont know reasons..... so i wont........wont use whore either

 

she did the wrong thing by you she has no claim to you now or claim to who you are with........she has issues i dont know about so no shame from me me....however .... they are not your issues to own either...move on....find someone who truly cares for you and not only what they want and need but what you need and want is important to them as equally.....best wishes.......deb

Natsume21 Established Member

Natsume21

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Funny story, man.

 

My ex broke it off with me as well, citing random excuses. Five days later, I found out from her new boyfriend that she had been together with him for a month before...well she broke it off with me. Classic cheating.

 

Gets better. While I was in the absolute WORST pain, she came up to me and asked me to remain friends...I did, reluctantly, and then I went on a date with another girl, and she FLIPPED out saying I shouldn't move on when I have other plans.

 

^This actually happened.

 

Trust me when I say you did NOTHING, nothing wrong, though while you're hurting, she manipulated you into feeling like shiz when she's the girl with the crappy personality.

 

She's attracted to bad boys. Don't be one, let her get hurt and move on. You'll be glad you did.

jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

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i have issues using the word slut and people who use it who dont know reasons..... so i wont........wont use whore either

 

she did the wrong thing by you she has no claim to you now or claim to who you are with........she has issues i dont know about so no shame from me me....however .... they are not your issues to own either...move on....find someone who truly cares for you and not only what they want and need but what you need and want is important to them as equally.....best wishes.......deb

 

If someone is single I don't like the word either, but for cheaters, male or female I find them slutty. I'm not politically correct in any way though, words are just words.

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himynameisjim New Member

himynameisjim

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Funny story, man.

 

My ex broke it off with me as well, citing random excuses. Five days later, I found out from her new boyfriend that she had been together with him for a month before...well she broke it off with me. Classic cheating.

 

Gets better. While I was in the absolute WORST pain, she came up to me and asked me to remain friends...I did, reluctantly, and then I went on a date with another girl, and she FLIPPED out saying I shouldn't move on when I have other plans.

 

^This actually happened.

 

Trust me when I say you did NOTHING, nothing wrong, though while you're hurting, she manipulated you into feeling like shiz when she's the girl with the crappy personality.

 

She's attracted to bad boys. Don't be one, let her get hurt and move on. You'll be glad you did.

 

 

yeah i told her she still had feelings for me and didnt want me to move on.

 

its funny because she would sit there and say th stuff you called me really hurt, ok well you do realize you hurt me right?

alexwood Established Member

alexwood

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what stuff did you say?

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himynameisjim New Member

himynameisjim

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what stuff did you say?

 

i dont remember everything exactly to be honest.

 

but stuff like "i have more class than you" "i wish i never had met you" "you are a backstabber" "i thought you actually cared about me" "you are throwing me away for that?" "have a ****ty life" "you are a piece of **** whore"

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

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She's using you for a back up plan and your letting her. Stop being her patsy and move on. The only thing that will happen is you'll never heal your wounds by seeing her over and over again and the result will always be the same.

 

Chalk it up as experience and find someone else who isn't into head games.

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lauri Established Member

lauri

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yeah i told her she still had feelings for me and didnt want me to move on.

 

its funny because she would sit there and say th stuff you called me really hurt, ok well you do realize you hurt me right?

 

How the f*** does that make sense? She is trying to turn it on you like I said.

 

She's using you to get OVER you man. That is exactly what she is doing. She is keeping you around to slowly reduce her interest in you until she is at the point she doesn't care anymore.

 

100% selfish and a waste of time. This chick pisses me off.

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