BUBS Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I've been with my significant other for 10 months, we were friends a few years before that. Those who know me on this thread mostly know me from my previous engagement ending. My question for this thread is mainly do the head games ever stop? I'm 25 and my boyfriend is 21. I've had issues adjusting the different maturity levels I knew I would have to deal with in dating him but I guess I didn't factor in just how much I've changed in the 4 year span of our age difference and how my priorities have changed as well. For the first 9 months of our relationship we basically lived at my grandmothers house while I got myself on my feet financially. We stayed in my room most of the time, in bed watching movies or listening to music, playing cards and so forth, we usually stayed in during the work week, very affectionate with one another (probably because we were just laying in bed for hours on end) and on the weekends we would usually go out with friends but were still attentive to one another to a certain extent. We had a few rough patches in the short time we've been together, as I said before Ive had trouble adjusting to the fact that in dating a 21 yr old there are going to be things we don't agree on and different views on what we want out of our lives. But oddly enough for most of the time we lived at my grandmothers he seemed pretty mellow and uninterested in the party scene. He was very attentive and I felt confident in his feelings for me. In the beginning of this month we got an apartment, and I got my dog back after a year and a half from my ex fiance. Thats when the problems started for me and thats I guess why I'm here. We have been fighting non stop, and I get that its a stressful time sinking money into a place and furniture and figuring out decorative styles and how to manage our times, but more of our fights have been starting out of feeling neglected by him and seeing a shift. I know the infamous honeymoon stage is over and things are getting comfortable, but my sister made a good point that while I may be above the mind games, at his age he may not, and he may be getting bored of me because I make myself too available and put my feelings out there too often. I thought maybe the reason things changed had to do with the set up of things, the fact that we now watch tv on a couch with recliners and the dog in between us and that now that summer has started hes just starting to show his more childish side in wanting to party all the time and not be bothered to pay me much mind. I don't know what it is, but I've been pretty open about feeling like I am not getting the assurance that I need from him as of late, especially with the fighting I find myself restless every night rather than feeling at home and loved. But could what my sister said be true? He was always so attentive and wonderful towards me, and now he just seems to treat me as if I'm there. He doesn't want to end the relationship although I fear hes just having me hold his hand till hes comfortable ending it, but I don't understand what I should do in this circumstance. Its difficult for me to have the patience to play head games like my sister suggested, because i feel like I'm past that. I understand that being around someone this long its completely natural for them to want to go take time to them self, or even be less affectionate, but I guess what I'm hoping to find out isn't about playing games like trying to be petty and childish like making them jealous, but rather of anyone here on the boards agrees with my sister that maybe the best thing to do is to stop expressing my worry and concern about the relationship being on the brink or not getting what I need, and rather just focus on myself, let him do as he sees fit, and distance myself in a way to almost make him more attentive or interested in me? Even writing that makes me feel like a doormat but I want to find a practical solution to this. I have a lease for a year with him, and I don't want to quit over it, but I also don't want to feel under appreciated, boring, or uninteresting and I'm starting to feel like that. Any advice?
Author BUBS Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I don't want the relationship to become a power trip, but I remember when I was 21 I most def thrived on things like that in comparison to how I do now. I just want to figure out if hes losing interest, or if hes getting comfortable, if he needs space, or he thinks im boring or what the heck is going on. He's had a thing for me since we met years ago, and up until recently he always made it abundantly clear that he couldn't believe he was with me, and made me feel as if I was valuable in his life. Now it seems like he has no patience whatsoever. I don't know how to go about things anymore. If I should give him space, if I should break up with him. Its hard to play hard to get or interesting when we live together, if I distance myself he thinks its a set up and that I'm trying to show him something is wrong, for example if I were to go read in our bedroom while he watched tv in the living room, in attempts to show him I have my own interests and own life, at this point he would just assume I was huffy about something. Sorry for venting
mortensorchid Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Communication is the key to anything and everything. I would simply ask him how he feels about things, notice that things have changed since the new set up, etc. If you are 25 and he is 21, you both are going to change over time. You may have already gone through that early/mid twenties party time with those millions of little seductions that he is just now seeing, and ... Well quite honestly you're not going to get over that until you have been through it. There is nothing you can or can't do about it until it's out of his system.
Assasda Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Your sister has wise advice. Use it. Do your own thing and better yourself. He'll like you more for it. Be emotionally independent. Yes, it is sexy
jbelle6 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I don't think he's playing games. I think he's being a 21 year old. 21 year old guys don't have a "decorating style", they want to go out and party. 4 years is not a big deal but I feel it really is before 25. Even if you were 29 and he was 25 I'd be more optimistic about this relationship.
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