Cessius Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 (edited) Like everyone else here I have gone through a breakup roughly 1.5 months ago. (shocker!) I made an ass outta myself the first 2-3 days begging her back, then realized she had moved on weeks before the BU with another guy and that made it easier to move on for me. I don't have time for cheaters. I have school with both of them 3 times a week for 4-8 hours a day and even though she sits right behind me I have maintained NC for 1 month and during the days I feel fine. I have grown to be pretty numb around her when she walks by, is with the new SO, tries to join conversations I'm in, etc. My problem is always nights... Going to bed is fine, I have people that I talk to until I get tired and then fall asleep. I can't stop dreaming about her though. They are all different, sometimes repeats, good bad and everywhere in between. They differ from us fighting, to us snuggling, to us having sex, to us being friends and hanging out with the new SO... Why? Why is my subconscious trying to play out all these scenarios? I know I have not moved on but I am getting to the point now where waking up at 2am either pissed or sad or crying isn't worth it and it makes me not want to sleep. I already find myself not going to bed until 1-2 am and waking up at 6am. Exhausted throughout the day drinking coffee like it's my last lifeline. The day to day is fine, I've accepted her leaving and don't want her back. I miss sharing my life and bed but do not want to share it with her again. Has anyone else had this and know when the light at the end of the tunnel appears and nights get easier? Or better yet how to steer your dreams to think about ponies and fairies and not your previous ex? Edited May 29, 2014 by Cessius Added Clarity
Strength in Healing Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I feel ya. I feel so fine some days then wake up the next morning and everything is different. Like two different people. I don't even remember the dreams mostly but they affect my mood so adversely the whole day(s) after. There is a way to control dreams called lucid dreaming. I've only been able to do it once. I was driving in my neighborhood in my dream and a wave of zombies started coming after me. I realized I was dreaming and then controlled everything. 1
somedude81 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 When I sleep, I lie on my side and I like to use a pillow under my top arm for support. I don't remember when I started this habit for some reason I believe it started after I started sleeping with her, having my arm around her. One thing I'm definitely aware of is that I want to squeeze the pillow with my top hand like it was one of her breasts. I have to stop myself as soon as I realize what I'm doing Sleeping alone ever since she left has been a major change and I'm always so angry when I try to fall asleep. 1
Author Cessius Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 When I sleep, I lie on my side and I like to use a pillow under my top arm for support. I don't remember when I started this habit for some reason I believe it started after I started sleeping with her, having my arm around her. Sleeping alone ever since she left has been a major change and I'm always so angry when I try to fall asleep. This is something that I had to stop weeks after BU. Hugging and wrapping my arms around a pillow made me feel better but I quickly realized I was using it to still hold on to thoughts and feelings of her. I imagine with time it will pass, but like SiH said... It really effects my mood for the day if not days about something that never happened. I am starting to write them down in a journal as I find writing out my feelings helped post BU so I will try writing out my dreams to see if that helps me as well.
somedude81 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 This is something that I had to stop weeks after BU. Hugging and wrapping my arms around a pillow made me feel better but I quickly realized I was using it to still hold on to thoughts and feelings of her. I imagine with time it will pass, but like SiH said... It really effects my mood for the day if not days about something that never happened. I am starting to write them down in a journal as I find writing out my feelings helped post BU so I will try writing out my dreams to see if that helps me as well. Weeks? Ha, I've been doing it for six months. A journal is a good idea. I've been doing that as well, but then I realized that I wasn't making any progress with my moods so I just stopped. Hopefully it will be better for you. 1
me85 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 The stage you're in is what I call DETOX. You're coming down from "the love-drug." Seriously! This is what that is. Love is a natural high, right? Well, there you go. It's like having withdrawls. When it's completely out of your system you'll be better than ever. ORRR...just go get a dose from someone else. :laugh: 1
Recommended Posts