chelsiethe Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I've known the person who I'm writing this about for a few years but I never thought we would end up in the position we are in. Before we began happening he was known as the "lad" who would kiss loads of girls and do stuff to impress everyone. When me and him began happening everyone was shocked. Shocked that we were going to the same parties together and he wasn't with other girls, shocked he would spend nights in with me and overall shocked because he hadn't been like this with anyone since his ex girlfriend back over a year ago. We went through all the phases and although if was only 3 months, it became very deep and we were together perhaps too much. Eventually he panicked and we ended things. I was heartbroken and so was he and obviously there's that question of "well if you two cared about each other so much why are you breaking up?" And I guess it's all down to rubbish timing and we're very young. I began no contact and took a break from social media however he kept trying to find out how I was, asked friends, went out looking for me when my friends worried I was on a walk to do something stupid (even though it was just a walk to clear my head) and wanted to speak to me over the phone to check I was fine. He's not a bad person, not at all. I know that I'm missing him and his family, not just memories and that's very sad to go through. He just puts on a mask for other people. Yesterday he was attempting to ask how I was and I told him that this was just making things harder and giving me hope that it would happen again and I said a lot of stuff. He didn't reply to the text but liked photos of me and my friends on my friends instagram and requested to follow me (he'd also kept following me on twitter every time I'd blocked him) and that might sound childis but I found it weird. He then text me telling me he would drop my watch off so he came and I went down to his car. I then got emotional and I tried hard not to be but seeing him there just brought the emotions to the surface. He then kept telling me he cared and that he was more upset than I thought and lots of stuf that I know means he loves me. However he then became quite patronising and said "oh chels is going through her first heart break" and it made me very angry because he is not the type to be patronising. His front of being okayish also annoyed me because previously he had cried over us and just the manner in which he was angered me because I had never seen him like this. I felt pathetic. I then got out of his car and he tried to pull me back in by hugging me but I pushed him away and before I slammed his door I said "I love you you ----" and walked away whereas he had to move because another car was coming. I was very upset, confused, sad and hurt. I then text him one final text telling him how pathetic he had made me feel and then I blocked his number, blocked his social network accounts again, blocked his friends and their numbers and deleted everything to do with him. To sum it all up, I'm certain he was/is my first love and I know he loves me. He panicked and is scared and has admitted it. Obviously I don't want to go back there due to the way he acted and due to wanting to spend time on myself. As stupid as it sounds I'm very young and so is he and it was only 3 months but I didn't realise how quick and how deep things could become. It's very sad that someone who you can have amazing chemistry with and who makes you feel amazing can also make you feel rubbish when something like this happens. I'd really like some advice on where to go from here, how to regain my self esteem and how to become independent again. Obviously going to miss him a lot and it's going to be hard as we are in the same friendship group, however I am certain that I can do this. All I need is some hope. -I'd been in a long term relationship (on and off 3 years) and I survived that break up but for some weird reason this doesn't compare to it. It hurts more. I also know that some couples have been together for years and years and do it. I just hope that someone doesn't view this as too pathetic and could help maybe give advice as I am feeling fresh pain and emotions. (It happened the 28th of may and today is the 29th) There is so much I could write but I guess you can't write everything haha:p
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