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fighting for the one you love

alexwood

By alexwood
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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alexwood Established Member

alexwood

Posted
Posted

i always see stuff about no contact but whats wrong about fighting for the one you love

 

i understand if she/he cheated or abuses you

 

but if it's just a break up (feelings are starting to differ, some problems arise) why just go no contact and give up?

 

if they mean so much to you why not figt for them

 

im not saying be calling them crying and begging but try to work the issues out

  • Like 1
crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

Posted
Posted
i always see stuff about no contact but whats wrong about fighting for the one you love

 

i understand if she/he cheated or abuses you

 

but if it's just a break up (feelings are starting to differ, some problems arise) why just go no contact and give up?

 

if they mean so much to you why not figt for them

 

im not saying be calling them crying and begging but try to work the issues out

 

I always believed in fighting for one you love but it didn't work out in my case. It actually back fired so it depends. Usually when other person wants to break up with you they have already prepared themselves mentally about living without you and they have made up their mind that they are right in their decision. So whatever you do or say doesn't change them. It's just depend from person to person. Some people might want to give you another chance but majority of people have made up their mind. In this situation whatever you do, you always come off needy, crazy ex. Letting go is best thing because if you two are meant to be together it will eventually happen regardless you have broken up.

  • Like 1
Jupiter1111 Member

Jupiter1111

Posted
Posted

I actually believe my ex is the person I'm supposed to be with when it's good it's great and when it's bad it's actually not that bad, BUT she thinks it's to hard to work at it so why should you keep trying to convince someone of there feelings or if they want to be with you,

 

I tried to convince me ex that we should fight to make it work but you can only bang that drum so many times, my advice would be take sometime to find out if they are worth the fight and if they want to fight for you because it can't be one sided they have to want to work at it.

  • Like 4
Greeneyegemini Member

Greeneyegemini

Posted
Posted

I also fought hard for my relationship. Begged, pleaded....and pretty much made a huge fool of myself. But in the end, I can't say I regret it...because I tried everything I could to keep us together. And in the end...if he felt the same way about me as I did about him...he wouldn't have left in the first place. So yeah, now is my NC time. I hear if I keep up with it, it'll eventually get better. That is what no contact is all about. Learning to live your life without that other person.

 

And CrazyBestie is right. IF you are meant to be together...you will be together in the end. I've just learned not to hope for that, and just focus on mending this broken heart of mine.

  • Like 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted
i always see stuff about no contact but whats wrong about fighting for the one you love

 

i understand if she/he cheated or abuses you

 

but if it's just a break up (feelings are starting to differ, some problems arise) why just go no contact and give up?

 

if they mean so much to you why not figt for them

 

im not saying be calling them crying and begging but try to work the issues out

 

People want to be fought for DURING the relationship....not after.

 

Once its done, its done. If they meant so much to you, they wouldnt be breaking up to begin with.

 

The end

  • Like 11
emotionalMess Established Member

emotionalMess

Posted
Posted

Look, there are no details here on why the relationship ended so I will assume she dumped you. In many cases, in the dumpers mind, the can do better than you. Now is your chance to take that as a challenge. Take some time for yourself. Be selfish. Work on the stuff you can change and want to change. Accept the things about you that cannot change. Try to be all you can be. The person who Accepts who you are and all your imperfections is who you want. If this is your ex, then fine, if not then you can be confident that she is not someone who you need. You do not want to be with someone who does not want you for YOU!! There are several women who will, trust me. You must go forward with this perspective otherwise you will quickly fall into a place where you do not want to be. Trust me, many of us are there now and are learning how to crawl out. My perspective is more and more clear every day and I'm starting to look at my past relationship not as a loss but a huge gain in self-awareness and self-worth. This is not a loss for you, this will be a gain in the end if you do this now. Take care.

  • Like 6
Alcatraz Member

Alcatraz

Posted
Posted

True love is about letting her go and seeing if she returns.

  • Like 3
Marco Valerio Established Member

Marco Valerio

Posted
Posted
I always believed in fighting for one you love but it didn't work out in my case. It actually back fired so it depends. Usually when other person wants to break up with you they have already prepared themselves mentally about living without you and they have made up their mind that they are right in their decision. So whatever you do or say doesn't change them. It's just depend from person to person. Some people might want to give you another chance but majority of people have made up their mind. In this situation whatever you do, you always come off needy, crazy ex. Letting go is best thing because if you two are meant to be together it will eventually happen regardless you have broken up.

 

I totally agree. You can't change your exe's feelings towards you, so don't try. Once they have decided they don't want you in their lives you should move on. Why are you going to fight for a RS that the other person doesn't want anymore?

  • Like 2
Survivor12 Established Member

Survivor12

Posted
Posted

There is a big difference between fighting obstacles that threaten to come between you and the one you love and fighting the one you loves's wishes/feelings/decisions.

 

Fighting for a relationship is finding ways to overcome obstacles (distance, outsiders, circumstances) or things within yourself (urges, fears, limitations, emotional baggage) that are barriers to a successful relationship--not trying to convince someone that they should be with you.

 

Attempting to manipulate, change or ignore someone's emotions and choices to make them be with you is not about love. It's about you.

  • Like 1
jalfy Member

jalfy

Posted
Posted

Fighting for the relationship = respecting the other party's decision and boundary

 

Constant contact with the other party despite them being the dumper = screwing up the relationship and future chances of reconciliation

  • Like 1
erklat Established Member

erklat

Posted
Posted
Fighting for the relationship = respecting the other party's decision and boundary

 

Constant contact with the other party despite them being the dumper = screwing up the relationship and future chances of reconciliation

 

This.

 

There's no fighting.

 

When woman wants to be with you, nothing will stop her. When she doesn't, her mind is not going to change.

 

Divert your energy somewhere you can be productive with.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted
but if it's just a break up (feelings are starting to differ, some problems arise) why just go no contact and give up?

 

if they mean so much to you why not figt for them

 

When these negatives start to arise before the reach critical mass & cause the break up You should fight to stay together if that is healthy

 

Once somebody pulls the trigger in a dating relationship & ends it, chasing after that person only demeans you.

 

The cycle of breaking up & making up is destablizing & unhealthy. You can disagree & even fight without ending the whole relationship.

  • Like 1
Strength in Healing Established Member

Strength in Healing

Posted
Posted (edited)
People want to be fought for DURING the relationship....not after.

 

Once its done, its done. If they meant so much to you, they wouldnt be breaking up to begin with.

 

The end

 

 

Well, an ex girlfriend was very busy with school and her externship on top of it, and I broke up with her because I didn't want to only see her one day a week. I would've taken a bullet for her, and I do miss her every day -- but she was just too busy. She wasn't trying as hard because she couldn't.

Edited by Strength in Healing
jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

Posted
Posted

fighting the wrong battle….

 

 

 

Because it takes two to want to make a relationship work and this woman ended the relationship. Fighting for someone YOU want is actually a rather selfish battle because you are fighting for what YOU want and not taking into account what THEY want. If she doesn't want to get back together with you then the battle you are fighting will be AGAINST her. You aren't fighting together to save your relationship.

 

You are suffering from a broken heart. All the emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal. You can actually get through this. At the moment, though, you are intent on fighting the wrong battle.

jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted

I'm not fighting for someone that threw me away and thought they'd be better off without me in their life. I will move on, get fitter and healthier and find someone who adores me and can't imagine their life without me.

  • Like 5
lauri Established Member

lauri

Posted
Posted

It isn't about how you feel, it's about how they feel.

 

I think you need to stop thinking about how you feel inside. If your ex has built up these reasons / feelings for not being into you anymore, sticking around and fighting will do zero to change that. They will feel that they made the "right" decision if you do. However, if you disappear it could (most of the time not) lead to them realizing they made a mistake. Either way, going NC protects yourself and in the end you win because you did what was right for you.

  • Like 1
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

I personally find it degrading to beg a woman to love me. If she doesn't want me then oh well. I might be sad but life goes on.

  • Like 4
me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
I also fought hard for my relationship. Begged, pleaded....and pretty much made a huge fool of myself. But in the end, I can't say I regret it...because I tried everything I could to keep us together. And in the end...if he felt the same way about me as I did about him...he wouldn't have left in the first place. So yeah, now is my NC time. I hear if I keep up with it, it'll eventually get better. That is what no contact is all about. Learning to live your life without that other person.

 

And CrazyBestie is right. IF you are meant to be together...you will be together in the end. I've just learned not to hope for that, and just focus on mending this broken heart of mine.

 

I like this. A lot.

 

Good stuff.

me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted

I "fought" very hard for my last RS during and after.

 

But almost an entire year later, there is no "fight" left in me, only love for myself now.

  • Like 4
ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted
Well, an ex girlfriend was very busy with school and her externship on top of it, and I broke up with her because I didn't want to only see her one day a week. I would've taken a bullet for her, and I do miss her every day -- but she was just too busy. She wasn't trying as hard because she couldn't.

 

If you REALLY loved her...I mean REALLY loved her, you'd live with that because losing her would be too much to handle.....and vise versa.

  • Like 2
No Limit Established Member

No Limit

Posted
Posted

I'm curious about this, people always say that they want to fight for it.

 

Well, how do you intend to do it? Give me your idea of fighting for the one you love without creating resentment or making you look like a total pitiful fool.

me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
I'm curious about this, people always say that they want to fight for it.

 

Well, how do you intend to do it? Give me your idea of fighting for the one you love without creating resentment or making you look like a total pitiful fool.

 

 

Haha I like your style.

 

BUT... one becomes shameless when they are truly in love and are convinced they belong with someone.

 

At some point, I'm sure everyone goes through a stage where their pride is no matter to them, just the hope in lying next to the "love of their life" again.

 

I was willing to swallow my pride and disregard all consequences. How much one is willing to disregard, who knows. Everyone is different.

 

Some would never make a fool of themselves. Some do.

 

Big deal.

 

I didn't keep doing it over and over and over lol. I pleaded a few times then got tired of being rejected and learned from it & now I've moved on.

  • Like 1
jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted

I think if you did something specifically wrong and there was some kind of argument/fight and you break up, then maybe trying to make right could be an option. You should probably apologize either way if you were in the wrong.

 

But, if someone is just slowly losing feelings and they want to spend less and less time and grow distant until they are no longer in love? Then that's it, it's done. I have never seen anyone come back from that.

 

I was the second so I knew right away there was no point. I asked if he was sure, he said yes, I wished him luck and said goodbye. Went no contact right after. I have too much self respect to beg someone to love me.

  • Like 1
Elle1975 Established Member

Elle1975

Posted
Posted
i always see stuff about no contact but whats wrong about fighting for the one you love

 

i understand if she/he cheated or abuses you

 

but if it's just a break up (feelings are starting to differ, some problems arise) why just go no contact and give up?

 

if they mean so much to you why not figt for them

 

im not saying be calling them crying and begging but try to work the issues out

 

Tell you what.. I had an ex "fighting for me".. He would not let me breath.. He showed up at work, he showed up at my house, messaged me, etc.. Horrible..

 

Now if you mean getting in great shape and let's say get a better job, etc.. I'd agree. If you mean bugging the crap out of them till they cave in, bad, bad idea.

  • Like 1
me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
I think if you did something specifically wrong and there was some kind of argument/fight and you break up, then maybe trying to make right could be an option. You should probably apologize either way if you were in the wrong.

 

But, if someone is just slowly losing feelings and they want to spend less and less time and grow distant until they are no longer in love? Then that's it, it's done. I have never seen anyone come back from that.

 

I was the second so I knew right away there was no point. I asked if he was sure, he said yes, I wished him luck and said goodbye. Went no contact right after. I have too much self respect to beg someone to love me.

 

 

I only wish my ex would've said he didn't love me anymore.

 

All he's ever said was that we fought a lot.

 

He's been so confusing.

 

Says he never fell out of love...

 

Still to this day will say he loves and misses me but where is he??

 

In someone else's arms.

 

Actions speak louder.

 

He doesn't have to say he doesn't love me anymore. His breaking up with me and getting into a new RS proves it.

  • Like 1
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