it finally happened

[snappytomcat]

so as most of you know,the xow has been harassing us,we even had to file a couple of police reports,on june 7th will be 1 year since dday,and my husband has kept nc,even though she continues to try to contact him,through me I have never responded to any of her email,texts etc,ive even blocked her,and she just sets up another gmail account,shes relentless.

 

 

shes been calling,but I never answer blocked numbers,or numbers I don't recognize,but this evening I said screw im going to answer im tired of this crap,so I did and I took her by surprise,she didn't say anything at first,until I said I know this is you,please be woman enough to respond to me,since you called me,at this point I have fascinated for almost a year,about shredding her to pieces,i just wanted this moment so I could tell her off,but something else happened instead,i heard the deep sadness in her voice,and believe me im no doormat,i used to be a big biotch,until something happened in my life to turn me around,i like to say im a reformed biotch,but if need be I can definitely be one.

I asked what she wanted,she said she didn't know she doesn't feel anything for my husband at all,except for hate she said.

 

 

she asked if she could talk to me for a bit,i agreed I was as gentle as I could be with her,as a fellow human being,she said she felt used by him,and she sick that she even had an affair,especially with someone that never loved her,she just hated the thought,that she was so miserable,and he just lived his life like she never existed,she said shes never been a woman that men fought for,or even looked at,but mu husband did,she said they both fed off each others ego stroking.

 

 

she also said my husband always loved me,and bragged about how beautiful I was inside,and out,i asked if hes been in contact,and she said no,that's one thing that pizzed her off,as she thought they were soulmates,and had a special relationship.

 

 

I asked her to please stop harassing us,and she apologized and agreed,i wished her well,and told her its time to move on,and find someone that will cherish her,and she started crying,and said she doesn't deserve any happiness for the pain she caused,now I don't know if shes genuine or trying to make me feel bad for her,so I just said I wish you well,and then she asked if she could talk to me again,cause im so easy to talk to,and I declined I told her that would not be a good idea,i really want this to be the last time we talk,i wished her luck,and hung up

 

 

I truly hope this is the end of her craziness,but I do feel shes so needy,and unstable who knows,i mean she acted like we were going to be best friends or something,which Is odd,i never could have talked to her like this 6 months ago,but with time I was able to,and I never even triggered once

[gettingstronger]

You know how much I like you, right? I have been down this path of trying to smooth it over with a crazy ow. I responded to a text that lead to a string of them. Sadly , it seemed to only make her fixate on me even more until she finally gave up and started to go anon and harass me. I am not saying you were wrong because I did the same thing, I am just saying what I had hoped was closure ended up being a big gaping hole back in to my life.

[Hope Shimmers]

Hi snappy,

 

I truly hope this is the end for you. Good for you for talking to her.

 

There is no excuse for what she has done to you, but I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult to deal with the devastation of being in that position and having the OM who made promises just leave. Most of it really is self-hate because you wonder how you could have put yourself in a position to disrespect yourself and everyone else so much. I know for me, it destroyed me.... I lost all confidence in myself and that is very, very hard to come to terms with. I think she was hurt very much.

Edited May 29, 2014 by Hope Shimmers

[BetrayedH]

Glad you had the strength to be kind to her. Her story sounds like so many others on the OW forum - made to feel like they were loved and then ditched like a piece of trash. If she knew he was married, she had it coming (they always seem to forget that part). But at the same time, I've come to empathize with her anger at the MM. He lied to both women and from the OW's perspective, he got away with it and just returned to his life unscathed. Hopefully she gets some peace from your interaction and she lets you have some peace as well.

[PachucaSunrise]

so as most of you know,the xow has been harassing us,we even had to file a couple of police reports,on june 7th will be 1 year since dday,and my husband has kept nc,even though she continues to try to contact him,through me I have never responded to any of her email,texts etc,ive even blocked her,and she just sets up another gmail account,shes relentless.

 

shes been calling,but I never answer blocked numbers,or numbers I don't recognize,but this evening I said screw im going to answer im tired of this crap,so I did and I took her by surprise,she didn't say anything at first,until I said I know this is you,please be woman enough to respond to me,since you called me,at this point I have fascinated for almost a year,about shredding her to pieces,i just wanted this moment so I could tell her off,but something else happened instead,i heard the deep sadness in her voice,and believe me im no doormat,i used to be a big biotch,until something happened in my life to turn me around,i like to say im a reformed biotch,but if need be I can definitely be one.

I asked what she wanted,she said she didn't know she doesn't feel anything for my husband at all,except for hate she said.

 

STC - that's just bananas! Still at it, even a year later?! WOW. I know I don't have to tell you this, but she sounds SERIOUSLY unstable. I'm glad you've been able to keep her at a distance aside from tonight. I mean, not only for your M and personal mental health, but for your safety, too. You just never know when someone's so unpredictable and impulsive. That's kinda scary, actually. But tonight definitely sounds like it was some kind of turning point, so I'm glad you followed your instincts and answered her call.

 

she asked if she could talk to me for a bit,i agreed I was as gentle as I could be with her,as a fellow human being,she said she felt used by him,and she sick that she even had an affair,especially with someone that never loved her,she just hated the thought,that she was so miserable,and he just lived his life like she never existed,she said shes never been a woman that men fought for,or even looked at,but mu husband did,she said they both fed off each others ego stroking.

 

VERY, VERY kind of you to be gentle with her. I hope I'd have the strength to be the same way if I ever find myself in your situation.

 

How did what she have to say make you feel?

 

she also said my husband always loved me,and bragged about how beautiful I was inside,and out,i asked if hes been in contact,and she said no,that's one thing that pizzed her off,as she thought they were soulmates,and had a special relationship.

 

How about this part?

 

I asked her to please stop harassing us,and she apologized and agreed,i wished her well,and told her its time to move on,and find someone that will cherish her,and she started crying,and said she doesn't deserve any happiness for the pain she caused,now I don't know if shes genuine or trying to make me feel bad for her,so I just said I wish you well,and then she asked if she could talk to me again,cause im so easy to talk to,and I declined I told her that would not be a good idea,i really want this to be the last time we talk,i wished her luck,and hung up

 

I'm sure it was very tough to judge if she was truly genuine or not. I believe you did the best thing you could have by keeping it short and simply wishing her well. By the way, that was kind of you to do. I think you're definitely on the right track - let this be the final contact. If she has ANY chance to talk to you in the future, I'm sure she'll take it in a heartbeat, and that would be unhealthy for the both of you. Not only that, but being that she's so needy and relentless, I think that would give her some kind of false hope. If she can't have your H, the next closest thing to him is you, and I can almost guarantee that she'll CLING to that relationship. If you give her an inch, she's bound to take a mile, and then some. PLUS - it's not your job to be her therapist - that's not at all fair to you. You've been more than understanding towards her, and now it's time to completely cut ties. Excellent call on your part. I'm sure there are other people in her life that she can talk to who would be much more appropriate than her FAP's W. WEIRD and AWKWARD!

 

I truly hope this is the end of her craziness,but I do feel shes so needy,and unstable who knows,i mean she acted like we were going to be best friends or something,which Is odd,i never could have talked to her like this 6 months ago,but with time I was able to,and I never even triggered once

 

She may try... Like you said, you can't be sure with how unstable she is, but I definitely think you laid down the law... And in the most loving way possible. Hopefully that did the trick.

 

But a HUGE high-five to you!! ROCK ON! Not even triggered once!?! I guess that shows you just how far you've come. That's awesome. You should be super proud of yourself - for handling the situation in such a diplomatic manner, AND for even being able to talk to her in the first place. That's HUGE. I'm really happy for you, STC! You should treat yourself to a big, fat bowl of ice cream! Congrats! This is great to hear!!

[Red123]

Go for some wine. Ice cream is good but wine is better:) I'm so impressed with you:)

Edited May 29, 2014 by Red123

[PachucaSunrise]

Go for some wine. Ice cream is good but wine is better:) I'm so impressed with you:)

 

HA! Seriously! What was I thinking? Ice cream is small potatoes for this. WINE. And lots of it!

 

CHEERS!

[snappytomcat]

You know how much I like you, right? I have been down this path of trying to smooth it over with a crazy ow. I responded to a text that lead to a string of them. Sadly , it seemed to only make her fixate on me even more until she finally gave up and started to go anon and harass me. I am not saying you were wrong because I did the same thing, I am just saying what I had hoped was closure ended up being a big gaping hole back in to my life.

thank you gettingstronger

yes I know I could have opened a can of worms,but I said my peace to her,and im at peace.

if she continues on,i will just have to continue like I was doing before,she is unstable,but one thing she did say is her daughter keeps telling her to let it go,and move on,and she needs to take her advice,so im hoping she will stay away

[snappytomcat]

Hi snappy,

 

I truly hope this is the end for you. Good for you for talking to her.

 

There is no excuse for what she has done to you, but I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult to deal with the devastation of being in that position and having the OM who made promises just leave. Most of it really is self-hate because you wonder how you could have put yourself in a position to disrespect yourself and everyone else so much. I know for me, it destroyed me.... I lost all confidence in myself and that is very, very hard to come to terms with. I think she was hurt very much.

thank you hope,

it took me a long time to get to this point,and realize that she is in pain too,actually I think shes in more pain,than me or my husband,i heard it in her voice,she even admitted it,and for that I do feel for her,even though she is 50%to blame for it

[snappytomcat]

Glad you had the strength to be kind to her. Her story sounds like so many others on the OW forum - made to feel like they were loved and then ditched like a piece of trash. If she knew he was married, she had it coming (they always seem to forget that part). But at the same time, I've come to empathize with her anger at the MM. He lied to both women and from the OW's perspective, he got away with it and just returned to his life unscathed. Hopefully she gets some peace from your interaction and she lets you have some peace as well.

thank you betrayedh

yes I do feel she is 50%to blame for this,as she knew he was married,and well when you play with fire you eventually get burned,but like you ive come to empathize with her,i feel shes hurting more than XWH,and I just cause shes kinda of a recluse,doesnt excuse it,just I feel bad for someone like this

and yes I hope she can move on now

[cocorico]

so as most of you know,the xow has been harassing us,we even had to file a couple of police reports,on june 7th will be 1 year since dday,and my husband has kept nc,even though she continues to try to contact him,through me I have never responded to any of her email,texts etc,ive even blocked her,and she just sets up another gmail account,shes relentless.

 

 

shes been calling,but I never answer blocked numbers,or numbers I don't recognize,but this evening I said screw im going to answer im tired of this crap,so I did and I took her by surprise,she didn't say anything at first,until I said I know this is you,please be woman enough to respond to me,since you called me,at this point I have fascinated for almost a year,about shredding her to pieces,i just wanted this moment so I could tell her off,but something else happened instead,i heard the deep sadness in her voice,and believe me im no doormat,i used to be a big biotch,until something happened in my life to turn me around,i like to say im a reformed biotch,but if need be I can definitely be one.

I asked what she wanted,she said she didn't know she doesn't feel anything for my husband at all,except for hate she said.

 

 

she asked if she could talk to me for a bit,i agreed I was as gentle as I could be with her,as a fellow human being,she said she felt used by him,and she sick that she even had an affair,especially with someone that never loved her,she just hated the thought,that she was so miserable,and he just lived his life like she never existed,she said shes never been a woman that men fought for,or even looked at,but mu husband did,she said they both fed off each others ego stroking.

 

 

she also said my husband always loved me,and bragged about how beautiful I was inside,and out,i asked if hes been in contact,and she said no,that's one thing that pizzed her off,as she thought they were soulmates,and had a special relationship.

 

 

I asked her to please stop harassing us,and she apologized and agreed,i wished her well,and told her its time to move on,and find someone that will cherish her,and she started crying,and said she doesn't deserve any happiness for the pain she caused,now I don't know if shes genuine or trying to make me feel bad for her,so I just said I wish you well,and then she asked if she could talk to me again,cause im so easy to talk to,and I declined I told her that would not be a good idea,i really want this to be the last time we talk,i wished her luck,and hung up

 

 

I truly hope this is the end of her craziness,but I do feel shes so needy,and unstable who knows,i mean she acted like we were going to be best friends or something,which Is odd,i never could have talked to her like this 6 months ago,but with time I was able to,and I never even triggered once

 

It sounds as though you handled this with incredible grace and generosity. It hope it brings closure.

[snappytomcat]

STC - that's just bananas! Still at it, even a year later?! WOW. I know I don't have to tell you this, but she sounds SERIOUSLY unstable. I'm glad you've been able to keep her at a distance aside from tonight. I mean, not only for your M and personal mental health, but for your safety, too. You just never know when someone's so unpredictable and impulsive. That's kinda scary, actually. But tonight definitely sounds like it was some kind of turning point, so I'm glad you followed your instincts and answered her call.

 

thank you Pachuca,

yes she is unstable,but thank goodness she lives on opposite coast,and I do have 2 Dobermans,and a shepard that don't take kindly to strangers,and not to mention my attack cat snappytom

 

VERY, VERY kind of you to be gentle with her. I hope I'd have the strength to be the same way if I ever find myself in your situation.

 

How did what she have to say make you feel?

I actually felt really sorry for her,even though shes 50%to blame,my husband was her whole life,really sad actually since they really didn't know each other

 

 

How about this part?

 

 

 

I'm sure it was very tough to judge if she was truly genuine or not. I believe you did the best thing you could have by keeping it short and simply wishing her well. By the way, that was kind of you to do. I think you're definitely on the right track - let this be the final contact. If she has ANY chance to talk to you in the future, I'm sure she'll take it in a heartbeat, and that would be unhealthy for the both of you. Not only that, but being that she's so needy and relentless, I think that would give her some kind of false hope. If she can't have your H, the next closest thing to him is you, and I can almost guarantee that she'll CLING to that relationship. If you give her an inch, she's bound to take a mile, and then some. PLUS - it's not your job to be her therapist - that's not at all fair to you. You've been more than understanding towards her, and now it's time to completely cut ties. Excellent call on your part. I'm sure there are other people in her life that she can talk to who would be much more appropriate than her FAP's W. WEIRD and AWKWARD!

oh no,i will not speak to her again,i said my peace to her,and hopefully she can move on,and yes she told me her daughter begs her to let it go,and move on

 

 

She may try... Like you said, you can't be sure with how unstable she is, but I definitely think you laid down the law... And in the most loving way possible. Hopefully that did the trick.

 

But a HUGE high-five to you!! ROCK ON! Not even triggered once!?! I guess that shows you just how far you've come. That's awesome. You should be super proud of yourself - for handling the situation in such a diplomatic manner, AND for even being able to talk to her in the first place. That's HUGE. I'm really happy for you, STC! You should treat yourself to a big, fat bowl of ice cream! Congrats! This is great to hear!!

well I passed on ice cream as I don't like sweets(odd I know)but I drank my wine

[tornapart2002]

So after reading this I kept thinking how lucky I was I don't have an OW like this. Then I made the mistake of looking at her page after I had taken such a long break and there she is wearing one of my husband's old hats and saying how much she misses him and she hopes he knows it too. I think she is trying to draw me out so she can bash me, but I'm ignoring her. Other than that she's never tried to get ahold of us. My husband says he has no interest in talking to her and prefers to focuson rebuilding this marriage. and he's shown it in many ways....More so in the last few months than ever before. And yes, I'm blocking her again and never looking back. I'm fighting for my husband and for this marriage,but not against her...not against anything but with him.

[snappytomcat]

So after reading this I kept thinking how lucky I was I don't have an OW like this. Then I made the mistake of looking at her page after I had taken such a long break and there she is wearing one of my husband's old hats and saying how much she misses him and she hopes he knows it too. I think she is trying to draw me out so she can bash me, but I'm ignoring her. Other than that she's never tried to get ahold of us. My husband says he has no interest in talking to her and prefers to focuson rebuilding this marriage. and he's shown it in many ways....More so in the last few months than ever before. And yes, I'm blocking her again and never looking back. I'm fighting for my husband and for this marriage,but not against her...not against anything but with him.

yes block her,and never look at her fb page again,

yes my husbands xow,tried to draw me out for almost a whole year,and I never responded,everyone kept saying eventually she will get tired of no response,and fade away,but no she was relentless,she took a couple breaks here and there.

im glad I finally talked to her,we will see what comes of it.

and yes just focus on your marriage and your husband don't give the xow anymore power over you.

I remember looking at xow fb constantly,but its been months since I have,and I have no desire to,i don't know she might even have pics of my husband on there,and I don't care,cause that's all she has are just pics,nothing else,so she can have the pics

[tornapart2002]

I feel so, so, so stupid for even looking and briefly unblocking her. It was a moment of weakness. I wanted to see if she was still whining about her life, like she's so innocent. Instead I find her disrepecting herself and my marriage. She is several states away from us and my husband has shown me phone records, lets me go through his email, invites me to look at his work email, and hands me his phone and his other digital devices. He told me today if she ever contacted him he'd tell her not to do it again and immediately tell me what happened. Strangely enough, even after everything, I believe him.

 

I shared with him whatI saw and he said he is bewildered why she's doing this because he doesn't think of her unless I bring her up. I'm sure he does from time to time, but I think it is more with sickness of what he did to our marriage. I truly don't know and I know that is ultimately his issue, not mine.

 

I know one thing...my husband was always her fallback guy. When a guy would break up with her she'd turn to him -- before me. Her husband has left her for another woman and she is "lonely" so she is trying to reach out to her old fallback guy again. The biggest thing for me is not that I want to possess my husband, but I don't want her to try to hurt and use him again. He told me today he's not stupid enouh to fall for that anymore. He's in a better place (depression was severe at the time with the loss of a very close family member), he has resources to turn to for support in addition to me, and he doesn't want to jeapordize the new happiness he's found.

 

Anyhow, I'll have my weak moments and make mistakes, but I'm glad these mistakes of looking at her stuff are happening less and less. I'm feeling stronger day by day and realizing...I really can survive all this and so can "We" as a couple.

 

Take care and stay strong!

 

He

yes block her,and never look at her fb page again,

yes my husbands xow,tried to draw me out for almost a whole year,and I never responded,everyone kept saying eventually she will get tired of no response,and fade away,but no she was relentless,she took a couple breaks here and there.

im glad I finally talked to her,we will see what comes of it.

and yes just focus on your marriage and your husband don't give the xow anymore power over you.

I remember looking at xow fb constantly,but its been months since I have,and I have no desire to,i don't know she might even have pics of my husband on there,and I don't care,cause that's all she has are just pics,nothing else,so she can have the pics

[tornapart2002]

I have to add....part of me feels a bit sorry for her and I don't mean that in a nasty way. here she is pining and thinking about my husband and he's totally over it all and out of the "fog" and says he truly wants to save this marriage and is worried about losing me. But, I think she thinks she can just snap her fingers and he'll come when she calls. I feel sad that's how she thinks and that she's going to be rejected again after being rejected by her husband too. At least she better be rejected. Again, I want to clarify that NOT ever OW is like this and I dont mean to analyze her. I may be totally, totally wrong. I just hate to see her keep opening herself up to get hurt over and over again. I want her to move on for her own good too. Just like i need to!

 

yes block her,and never look at her fb page again,

yes my husbands xow,tried to draw me out for almost a whole year,and I never responded,everyone kept saying eventually she will get tired of no response,and fade away,but no she was relentless,she took a couple breaks here and there.

im glad I finally talked to her,we will see what comes of it.

and yes just focus on your marriage and your husband don't give the xow anymore power over you.

I remember looking at xow fb constantly,but its been months since I have,and I have no desire to,i don't know she might even have pics of my husband on there,and I don't care,cause that's all she has are just pics,nothing else,so she can have the pics

[tornapart2002]

Oh additionagain...I laughed when i saw the photo. If I ever did confront her (butI'm never goingto do that) I would say "You can have the hat, because I have the man." If I was crude like her, which I'm not, at least when itcomes to actually saying something to a person's face "You have his hat on your head and I have his body on mine several times a week...who is winning here?" Haha.

 

It's a bit funny but really, it's also mean and cruel and I'll only joke about it here and NOT really do it. It won't help her recovery or mine! Plus there is no "winning." to be had by either side...

yes block her,and never look at her fb page again,

yes my husbands xow,tried to draw me out for almost a whole year,and I never responded,everyone kept saying eventually she will get tired of no response,and fade away,but no she was relentless,she took a couple breaks here and there.

im glad I finally talked to her,we will see what comes of it.

and yes just focus on your marriage and your husband don't give the xow anymore power over you.

I remember looking at xow fb constantly,but its been months since I have,and I have no desire to,i don't know she might even have pics of my husband on there,and I don't care,cause that's all she has are just pics,nothing else,so she can have the pics

[snappytomcat]

tornapart my husband says the same thing he never thinks of her at all,he has no feelings towards her not hate,not like,or love and only thinks of her when I bring her up,and he says not fondly,of course I wanted to say this to the xow,but why?im not one to want to intentually hurt someone,she is a sad soul,and I heard it in her voice,and you know I thought nothing would make me happier to know shes miserable,but it doesn't make me happy I pity her.

and like you said they might have memories but we have our men,and mine does frustrate me at times

[PachucaSunrise]

I was thinking about ya, Snappy. Just wondering how everything is going?

 

Has she been keeping her distance? I sure hope so, for everyone's sake.

 

Wow. Just read through this thread again. I must say, you and Torn... You two have some really HUGE hearts. The empathy you guys display is pretty amazing.

 

And... BTW, did you celebrate a birthday?! I checked out your profile to find your latest posts and thought something changed, ha! If so.... HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! Andddd... Ahhhhh, if not.... Don't mind me. We can blame that on old age, haha.