Valerie876 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I have a great bf....BUT....sigh....the sex just does NOT satisfy me!!! I'm not impossible to please...but like a lot of women, I take alittle work...and he's just done a lot quicker... I dont like to attack him about this or make him feel like he is inadequate in any way, but I really think that you can work to satisfy your gf!!! And that fact that when HE'S done, WE'RE done...makes me feel like he doesnt care. There are things about sex I dont LOVE, but if he enjoys it...I'll meet him halfway, so I dont understand his lack of effort!!! He supposedly LOVES me more than anything...but doesnt care that I dont even want to have sex anymore. ARGH! We've been going out for almost 3 yrs...I seriously don't want to make SEX such a big deal...but I am just getting frustrated. And I am not sure how to approach it. Any Advice? Sexually Frustrated in CA
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 His WORDS say he loves you...but his ACTIONS say he can't be bothered. Hmmm. It's really easy for men to say, "I love you." It seems to just trip right off their tongues. I've had a bad experience and those WORDS just don't mean a lot to me anymore. I only believe the actions. Sex is only a big deal when you're not getting any satisfaction out of it. Ideally, your physical r/s would bring the two of you closer. More intimacy, experiencing pleasure together, feeling really treated like a queen/sex goddess whom he desires and wants to please. Right now, your sex life is a NEGATIVE in your r/s. Every time he disappoints you with his "I'm done, good night" behavior, your love for him crumbles a little. He's making withdrawals from your Love Bank (see http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html for the explanation). You HAVE to be able to talk about your sex life for it to be worth having. You can say everything you've told us here and not make it an attack. But he does need to know that you're not satisfied. I hope he CARES whether you are satisfied or not. Trust ACTIONS, not WORDS. Good luck.
startingover1028 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Unfortunately, if it isn''t good now... I doubt it will get any better. You need to decide how important sex is in your relationship and plan your life accordingly.
xxxImaginaryloverxxx Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 i was with this guy for 2 yrs. to be honest he wasent the best in bed. he had the same problem ur bf has. but heres a tip, before u guys go full head on sex. have a bunch of forplay for u. that way ull be almost there when u start to go at it.
valerie876 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 well, we were having sex last night when it happened, and he immediately starts to fall asleep right after he comes. and then he;s like, honey, i'll finish you. but his eyes were already half closed!!! so i got mad and started yelling...but it was pent up over so many times! when we have sex, he kinda sits back and i do EVERYTHING!!! i always thought it was the guy that was supposeed to twirl you in the air and put your legs this way and that way! anyway, i have told him this nicely before, but last night i'm sure i just came off like a real bit$h. Is it possible that he is just NOT GOOD in bed? when we are having sex it feels good...it just doesnt last that long...and its not things that make ME feel extra good. maybe it is the foreplay thing...i guess after 3 yrs you kinda cut to the chase! Sigh...i dont even feel like calling him i just dont feel like seeing him! Val
nattfodd Posted February 12, 2005 Posted February 12, 2005 Do what most every other woman does in your situation: Cheat on him, or leave him for that exciting, hot sensation of a new relationship. I think the problem today is that so many people think that love and marriage can be the fairy tales they have been made out to be, and that sex will always be amazing, and frequent, or even barely satisfactory. Marriage was never intended to suit any purpose other than to create a convenient financial situation.
babybear Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 Originally posted by nattfodd Do what most every other woman does in your situation: Cheat on him, or leave him for that exciting, hot sensation of a new relationship. I think the problem today is that so many people think that love and marriage can be the fairy tales they have been made out to be, and that sex will always be amazing, and frequent, or even barely satisfactory. Marriage was never intended to suit any purpose other than to create a convenient financial situation. If she cheats on him she'll be posting in here with a whole NEW problem! Bb
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 13, 2005 Posted February 13, 2005 Well it seems like you and him have reached the peak of the sexual relationship. Get him a book on better sexual living or something if you want him to do some work. Btw, if you're hot and single in the future. Lemme know - cause I'm getting tired doing most of the work too.
Fuzzy Chickens Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 It sounds to me like you need to rogh things up. If his eyelids get droopy, smack him around a bit. Tell him to "say my name, bitch!" and so on. He'll stay awake for that, believe me
amerikajin Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 I certainly don't advocate cheating, but I know that if I were your in your boyfriend's position I might be awakened if I saw you flirting with other men. Maybe a shred of jealousy can be a healthy thing once in a while, though I'm sure others will disagree. I guess before that, I'd be inclined to suggest a sit-down talk or maybe a talk about it after a date (in the car or something). Communication is important - trite but true. I know one thing: he's not taking your interests seriously enough. That has to change.
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