SJC2008 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 When I was in my late teens I went on a few dates with a black woman and for the most part I didn't care what anyine thought. I guess I'm different than most white men when it comes to IR dating because I have always been a minority where I lived. Anyway, fast forward to my eary 30's. There's a young woman whom I know as an acquaintance from an establishment I frequent whom I am very attracted to and I'm 99% sure she likes me. Well the first problem is that she's very young (20-21) and the second thing is that she's black. I have matured a lot as I've aged but for some reason I don't feel as open to dating a black woman as when I was younger. I know we're not supposed to care what people think but that's what most of my insecurities are about. Things like "he couldn't get a white girl" or "he coudn't get a white girl as pretty as her" . The double takes would bother me. When my nephew (black father) lived with us people double taked and it bothered me after a while. I know my mother wouldn't approve one bit. I'd feel uncomfortable in public at first. She seems like a sweet girl and if this were 10 years ago I'd of dated her in a heartbeat. I've just gotten soo insecure with myself as a whole these last couple years I don't know what to do. I don't have any questions persay but I'm open to suggestions/opinions.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I am half black/asian in my first "real" relationship with a white man. I sometimes feel a lot of the same apprehensions that you are thinking and I live in the deep south. He is from up north and surprisingly, could care less what people think, even though I'm the first "non-white" person he's ever dated. He shows my pictures off like I'm the golden ticket. Lol. I was SOOO nervous the first time he told his mother about me. He simply didn't care, and you know what? She didn't either. She is so happy for us. He told a coworker about me and then showed my pic and she was shocked and said, "Omg, D! She's black!" His response? "Holy sh--! You're right! What do I do??" She laughed and told him she thought it was great. Shopping in Target a few weeks back, I saw 3 interracial couples - 2 of them were white men with black women. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we all worry a little about what other people are thinking, but you have to live for you and not them. And whether you want to believe it or not, interracial dating is far more the norm and accepted than you think. 3
Assasda Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It seems like this is more a case of AGE than RACE. Because if she was closer to your age, I dont think you'd be over thinking it so much. -You probably think that, youre not that hip and with it right now because of your age, but big deal... I say, you should go out with her if she has some stuff in common with you. Who cares what other people think. I've been in interracial relationships, and this may seem like a cliche, but all women are all the same, once you get to know them. -Their the same, in the sense that, they all just need somebody to love, and someone to love them. So bottom line is, I think its your age insecurities that is getting in the way. Deal with that
Author SJC2008 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 It seems like this is more a case of AGE than RACE. Because if she was closer to your age, I dont think you'd be over thinking it so much. -You probably think that, youre not that hip and with it right now because of your age, but big deal... I say, you should go out with her if she has some stuff in common with you. Who cares what other people think. I've been in interracial relationships, and this may seem like a cliche, but all women are all the same, once you get to know them. -Their the same, in the sense that, they all just need somebody to love, and someone to love them. So bottom line is, I think its your age insecurities that is getting in the way. Deal with that Yeah age is a big part of it too. If I was to ask her out I hope she's 21. Also, I tend to look younger than I am so she may think I'm mid-late 20's so I'b be embarrasses if she did like me but then deal broke me over age (which I wouldn't blame her for).
HappyLove Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 "I've just gotten soo insecure with myself as a whole these last couple years I don't know what to do." THIS is your problem! You are insecure not because she's black but you, for some reason, have lost yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a man who goes after what he wants! You're 30 years old are you really going to date only who mommy approves of? That's a sad life to pretend and go after a partner you don't desire. What's the point in that? Go after what you want in life and don't let anyone tell you any different. Your mother has to respect your decision as a MAN. The funny thing is the one thing that would help make you secure, happy, and get your mojo back is the one thing you deny yourself and that's love. Stop worrying about what people think and start worrying about being yourself and making yourself happy. Your mom has to decide if she would rather lose a son or keep her son and gain a daughter. I'd never let anyone choose my path in life. Good luck!
HappyLove Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Yeah age is a big part of it too. If I was to ask her out I hope she's 21. Also, I tend to look younger than I am so she may think I'm mid-late 20's so I'b be embarrasses if she did like me but then deal broke me over age (which I wouldn't blame her for). Stop making up scenarios and ask her out already!
Author SJC2008 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 "I've just gotten soo insecure with myself as a whole these last couple years I don't know what to do." THIS is your problem! You are insecure not because she's black but you, for some reason, have lost yourself. There is nothing more attractive than a man who goes after what he wants! You're 30 years old are you really going to date only who mommy approves of? That's a sad life to pretend and go after a partner you don't desire. What's the point in that? Go after what you want in life and don't let anyone tell you any different. Your mother has to respect your decision as a MAN. The funny thing is the one thing that would help make you secure, happy, and get your mojo back is the one thing you deny yourself and that's love. Stop worrying about what people think and start worrying about being yourself and making yourself happy. Your mom has to decide if she would rather lose a son or keep her son and gain a daughter. I'd never let anyone choose my path in life. Good luck! I agree but trust me I wouldn't let my mom stop me. I know she won't approve and I'm not happy about that but I wouldn't let it stop me. Remember I briefly dated a black woman before. I do need to get my mojo back!
Author SJC2008 Posted July 30, 2014 Author Posted July 30, 2014 I seen her again yesterday. She looks so young! I just wish a more age appropriate woman whom I'm attracted to liked me. I don't know, even if I decide to go for it I'd probably still chicken out.
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