me2me2 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I am divorced and I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. He has been divorced from his children's mother for several years. But he talks about her ALL the time. I guess they briefly got back together last year. But, he says there's nothing left between them. It's true he complains about her and her actions around their kids -- but it is non-stop. I've delicately told him that it bothers me and it makes me insecure with him ...and he apologized and said that I was number one and he would make sure to put those words into action.....but that hasn't really happened. I sent him an article today about how feminine and masculine energies need to be well balanced for a healthy sexual relationship and he proceeded to discuss his ex again.. Then he told me he sent that article to a "girl" friend of his that he was talking to who just started dating a new guy... I thought WOW. Am I too sensitive? After our conversation he started sending me youtube songs like "you are so beautiful" and saying crap like..."when people google that song...your face should pop up".... Seem extreme?!?
ayala Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It's only common if they're still hung up on their ex. 5
Author me2me2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 That's kind of what I thought. It makes me disappointed to learn that my intuition is correct. How would you end this one? Tell him that I would like to take a break and give him time? He insisted that he IS completely over her and that he just gets caught up in the frustration of her.... that he is OVER her. How do I nicely tell him he's wrong?
halfcrazed_i Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Sounds like you've been having crazy cases of whiplash... Maybe you should try talking to him again about the ex thing? I know you've already mentioned it once, but it didn't look like it worked. Another try... and if it still doesn't work, bolt. 1
ayala Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 You have to be open and honest with him or he won't be able to trust you. Tell him that if he really expects you to start a committed relationship with him, he's gonna have to stop thinking of his ex all the time. It's toxic to bring a past relationship into a current/future one. If he wants to talk about his kid, that's fine. The kid's part of him too. But his ex? No, unless you ask him yourself to talk about her. 1
udolipixie Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It's common in my opinion for a guy to talk about his ex a lot when he is manipulating the gal he's dating as in conditioning her behavior, having her see he's desirable, seeking her jealousy. Or if he's butthurt about her actions bruising his male ego or pride.he complains about her and her actions around their kids -- but it is non-stop. In my opinion you're too sensitive as I find it suited for a gal to not genuinely care about what a guy wants, feels, or thinks.
jbelle6 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Most of my exes were very considerate about this. Except one!!! He would even call me her name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes. That did NOT end well. He had folders of all his exes emails all saved and stuff. And no, I don't snoop, the weirdo was pretty open about it.
Thewayitwas2 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 OMG! Call her name?! Holy hell! As for the poster, I can commiserate with you. I think it is too much for a woman to handle. I would tell him point blank that you can't do it anymore.
jbelle6 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 YES!!! I can only imagine my face when he did that. He was all kinds of messed up though lol. Good times.
todreaminblue Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 i think its important to eb open about past relationships but it should nto coem up every day or all the time i dont think they should be centred in a new one.....deb
ChooseTruth Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 How long was he married? I think whether you break up or not, you should be honest about why and if it's final or not. Don't string him along with false hope. That's cruel imho and only lessons the awkwardness for you.
Author me2me2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 He was married to her for 2 years but they were together for 4 and then he got back together with her last year...for 8 months... And he admitted that he was suicidal over her... But then will say they never shared any real romantic moments in their time together and that it was all business. That he never had moments where he could talk deeply to her??? But, he was so heartbroken when they broke it off TWICE? So it seems bizarre for him to say he has absolutely no feelings for her... now.
amaysngrace Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 He trashes the mom in front of the kids. That's way worse than being the rebound girl. Because you are the rebound girl... 2
jbelle6 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 He trashes the mom in front of the kids. That's way worse than being the rebound girl. Because you are the rebound girl... Agree with this so much! Also, I always found that the one complaining non stop is not always telling the truth about being the Saint, they usually aren't.
cif Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Are there certain events that trigger the discourse or does he find ways to turn the convo to his ex? Either way he's not over her and no amount of "discussing things" will make him stop.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 he's obviously hung up on whatever it is that was the reason they are not together. He may be over her, but he is not over whatever broke them up, twice. Probably why he has so much hate for her. Feelings or hurt or anger from whatever happened to cause the break isn't resolved with him. I know an older lady who still complains about her ex cheating on her with a much younger woman. This is 10 years later still. Some just don't let that hate or anger go. He may never let it go and continue to hate on her. Given the fact that jsut last year they got back together for most of the year, I would think he needs some time to calm down and get past whatever it is. How to tell him? Let him know exactly what you think. That he may still need some time to process his past relationships. Dont tell him how he feels though. let him know you would love for it to work out, but the constant talking about his ex leads you to not want to really invest because those are common actions of someone who still appears to have unresolved feelings.
Author me2me2 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 It just seems to come up all the time. He will start talking about work and then delve into why she was so bad to work for. Or how people in his office tell him it's clear she still wants to have her grips on him (non romantically) even though she is dating another guy now. And he was at her house one night and even snapped a picture of her house and asked me if I liked the style of it. I mean it just comes up randomly but often. I will say it has recently slowed a bit and he apologized. Just tough to be on other end of it. Also I should say he didn't talk bad about her in front of the kids. Just to me. And he broke up w her (second time) about 6 months ago. I think he's dated some since...
amaysngrace Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It just seems to come up all the time. He will start talking about work and then delve into why she was so bad to work for. Or how people in his office tell him it's clear she still wants to have her grips on him (non romantically) even though she is dating another guy now. And he was at her house one night and even snapped a picture of her house and asked me if I liked the style of it. I mean it just comes up randomly but often. I will say it has recently slowed a bit and he apologized. Just tough to be on other end of it. Also I should say he didn't talk bad about her in front of the kids. Just to me. And he broke up w her (second time) about 6 months ago. I think he's dated some since... I thought you said he talks about her around the kids? Regardless...if she's always on his mind there is no room in his head for him to think about you. Even while he is with you. That's pretty insulting, don't you think?
mangetout Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 No its not common. But my ex was hungup on his ex girlfriend he dated three years before me and he did not once speak about her. Instead he met up with her for coffee and slept with her :-/ Its difficult to say whether your BF is still hung up on his ex just because he talks about her all the time. it could just be a habitual thinking which needs breaking. Just make sure that there is definite closure from his marriage. And keep pressing him with the fact that you do not accept his talk about his ex.
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