DrumMajor13 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I've been going out with my bf for three months now. I'm not very experienced with relationships and he's been very patient with me and NEVER made me feel stupid for my inexperience. He's really into the physical aspect of our relationship (as well as the mental) and is always making sexual remarks. This doesn't make me uncomfortable at all as i know he's just joking. But i also know that he wants to have sex, though he's never pressured me at all and never will make me feel uncomfortable. We are both virgins. I would have sex with him if it weren't for my fear of getting pregnant, but i'm wondering if it's too soon? Should I bring up the topic for discussion? Or leave it alone?
crisp Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 What's your age? How much do you see eachother? I don't think you're scared of a pregnancy, you simply are not ready to start your sex life. Millions of women have sex and if they protect themslves properly, they do NOT get pregnant. Give it some time and don't be afraid to listen to your instict. Hum... to be honest, I don't like the negation in your phrases... Of course he should not pressure you, it's your body and it's your life. I think that his sexual jokes and alusions are indeed a more subtle way of pressure. You should have been able to recognize it. Hon, how about waiting for someone whom you really want to share this very special moment? It is indeed a precious time. I think that feeling love for the person you're sleeping with (instead of lust or pressure) may prepare you for the psychological change that shall come after going through with it. Trust is very very important in every relationship, especially in a sexual one. Take your time and stand up to yourself ! Cheers, Curly
CoolAunt Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 DM, if you don't feel ready for sex then don't allow anyone to pressure you - not your bf's, your girl friends, your peers, the media - nobody. Don't have sex until you want to and feel that you are emotionally ready. I assume from your nickname and the facts that you aren't yet on birth control and are a virgin that you are a teen. Take your time and have fun. Acquire more experience in dating and relationships before introducing sex to the mix. Enjoy being a teen. Enjoy high school. Enjoy NOT having to worry about sex and the complications that come along with it. You can worry about sex later but you can only be a teen now. Three months dating isn't all that long. Guess what? I have friends who are much older than you are (30s and 40s) who have dated men longer than three months before they (as couples) decided to advance their relationships and introduce sex into them. In fact, one of my girl friends told me that four months of dating is the minimum before she considers having sex with her bf. That may seem like a long time to many, but that time dating without sex gives her and her bf's (past and present) a chance to get to know each other without being blinded (deceived?) by the (not always authentic) feelings of intimacy that sex brings to a relationship. One rule of thumb for me: If I can't talk candidly about sex, contraception, protection from STDs, and sexual history (just an overvie, no details, please!)...if I can't feel comfortable talking about that stuff with the man I'm dating, then our relationship hasn't progressed enough for sex just yet. Think about it. If I don't feel that I know him well enough to talk about condoms with him, do I know him well enough to have sex with him? Anyway, don't let your bf pressure you. And if his dirty jokes and sexual inuendo bother you, don't be shy to tell him so. You're not one of the guys and he shouldn't talk to you like you're one of them. To quote Crisp, take your time and stand up for yourself. Cool Aunt
sami Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Pressure takes many ways. Whether you admit it or not this boy is putting you under tremendous pressure. Proof is: you are here now raising the question for discussion. You might be somewhere there talking about someting else.
Pocky Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 If you have to ask if you're ready, then you're not ready. You're the only one that should decide when it's the right time.
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