amymarieca Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I've recently been seeing a guy again that I dated a while back. We split up for two main reasons, one being he was working far away, and also a major life decision I made that he strongly disagreed with that would affect his future as well as mine. In the end, he wasn't really one of those guys that screwed me around, or at least I never felt that way. He has since moved back to the city I am in and we startly seeing each other again immediately and there are conversations that involve us talking about being in a relationship again. Now the problem lies here. A friend of mine absolutely hates this guy. She met him once. I was out with her one night and the bf happened to be in the same area so we stopped to have a drink with him and his friends. From the moment she got there, she was acting very rude to everyone and just kind of kept to herself, playing around on her phone. I was not impressed. I'm not sure if it's because she didn't want to go, but either way her behaviour was totally uncalled for. Afterwards she apologized and said she really didn't like my bf. When I asked why she said it was because of his handshake. Seriously? I can't believe that's even a reason for completely disliking someone! Since bringing up the fact that we are talking about being in a relationship again, she's explicitly told me at least three times how much she can't stand him and that she won't be hanging around me if he's there. I responded with the fact that she needs to respect whoever I'm dating and accept it. I can't stand the fact that she keeps bringing this up. She's dated some real losers before and I keep my mouth shut, because at the end of the day, it's her decision. Is it wrong to expect the same from her? I've questioned whether it's perhaps a 'loyalty' thing to me or trying to protect me (not sure from what), but this guy has never done anything bad to myself or to her. Has anyone experienced this in the past? It's bothering me to the point where I don't know if I even want to hang out with this person anymore. She has no respect for my decisions! Am I just being too hard on her, or is this something that could be a deal breaker?
pteromom Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I would have a very serious conversation with her and ask her what it is she doesn't like about him? Did he do or say something she hasn't told you about? Because it isn't a handshake. There are a few possibilities: - He did or said something she is afraid to tell you about (maybe made a move on her or she heard something bad about him from others) - She is jealous of you being in a relationship and having less time for her. - She actually has a crush on him and is jealous you are with him. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Don't worry about it. Keep them apart. When they have to interact, tell her you expect that she respects your decision & judgment. When all your friends don't like a SO that's something that requires further evaluation on your part. When it's 1 friend, it's a personality conflict.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I would have a very serious conversation with her and ask her what it is she doesn't like about him? Did he do or say something she hasn't told you about? Because it isn't a handshake. There are a few possibilities: - He did or said something she is afraid to tell you about (maybe made a move on her or she heard something bad about him from others) - She is jealous of you being in a relationship and having less time for her. - She actually has a crush on him and is jealous you are with him. I think the same thing. One doesn't refuse to be around someone because of a handshake. Come on, now. There's something more to it. I disagree that she has to accept who you're dating, though. She doesn't. She should be civil and treat you respectfully, but that doesn't mean that she has to be ok with whomever you choose to date. And vice versa. As another poster said, it could just be a personality conflict between the two of them. But I get the feeling that isn't it. How does he feel about her, out of curiosity?
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I disagree that she has to accept who you're dating, though. She doesn't. She should be civil and treat you respectfully, but that doesn't mean that she has to be ok with whomever you choose to date. And vice versa. Who the OP dates is entirely up to the OP. If the friend doesn't like it, the friend can chose to stop spending time with the OP but can't force the OP to stop dating the guy. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Who the OP dates is entirely up to the OP. If the friend doesn't like it, the friend can chose to stop spending time with the OP but can't force the OP to stop dating the guy. Well, yes. Exactly. That's what I'm getting at. She doesn't have to accept it. 1
Author amymarieca Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 That's a good question. He doesn't usually give his opinions about people unless they make me feel bad or are obviously rude. After he met her, he wondered what her problem was and said she seemed like she acts spoilt when she doesn't get her way. He didn't say this to her of course, just to me
stillafool Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 The good news for your friend is he's your bf not hers so she doesn't have to like him. When she complains that you guys don't hang out much anymore just tell her you have been hanging out with him and you don't invite her to things because she said she doesn't like your bf. Simple.
todreaminblue Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Not really my friends are sort of like me and wouldn't do that, they will tell me when they think someone is treating me badly and i might not be seeing it i often vague out .....they worry....but at the end if the day they know i wont be influenced by their opinions and they dont avoid me......or spending time with me regardless of how they feel about who i am dating or in a relationship with......they would be cautious around them and they would be watching...my friends and family are protective.......i dont allow my family or my friends .......to treat someone i am going out with, disrespectfully, because i am also protective and they dont like seeing me upset or on the defense i am not the same person then ....because they are friends......and family..they allow me for the most part to make my own decisions unless i am not myself..with my ex who did do the wrong thing....they went off fro quite a while ....hurt because i was hurt, they never said i warned you , i knew you woudl get hurt....but they also know....things happen for a reason.....and its my life....and they are forgiving also i feel that this friend of yours is not being a true friend and her reason is a crock........its not true.......she is the one who is not being truthful with you......you need to explain to her what you feel a friendship is ....yours and hers.....and that you make your own decisions whether what may come or not eventuate, it is yours to own ...you do not base who you go out with on her like or dislike of a handshake......i loathe saying goodbye to friends........i hardly ever do, i have lifers........but if i see an uncaring way with a friend who is all about what they want and when they want.....or get given ultimatums by friends to get rid of someone.......it will be them i would say goodbye too......its not right..and thankfully i have always had true friends who cared about me....that i dont have to say goodbye...because i hate it.....i am depressed now.....smilin though.......dont you do what someone else wants or needs you to do ...you do you ....and be happy........deb
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