Author MrBossMan Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Here you go: A. Clearly apologize to her in writing. - Why don't you write her an apology that you weren't strong enough the first time and that this is the LAST TIME she will ever hear from you. - B. Apologize to her family for speaking to her that way. - Apologize to her family for rearing such a self-centered child and for enabling her for as long as you did. - C. Apologize to her best friend (who went with her on the trip). - Apologize to her best friend and advise that at some point, she too may be the brunt of this girl's insanity. - D. Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend. - Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend that he has been caught up in some Shakespearean drama not of your making. - Then, get a bottle of really good Champagne and toast your freedom and sanity. p.s. And next time your super-human strength starts to fail, reread these threads! lol That's exactly what I should do.
pteromom Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 I would just respond to her and say you have nothing to apologize for, and you are done. Then block her number and email, and move on! The longer you keep talking with her, the more she is going to attempt to manipulate you. 2
bluenote Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Oh my Oh my, Two years ago, my girlfrind went to visit family at village,we said our goodbye baby hugs cry etc and she went. The day after trouble started. I would text maybe 20 messages and get one reply call and no answer or she would promise me that she would call me back later she was busy doing this or that or not feeling good or that her grandmother did not loke her talking on mobile etc. I was so frustrated. three to four days her mobile would be off/unreachable, and then out of the blue she'd just text how are you babe, no explanations nothing. I would shout asking whats up!!!, then my shout and frustration would become the issue that I did not respect her and her feelings. This was a month and half. Long story short, she met a guy and was kept busy, I later found out that according to what her cousin related and mobile records I pulled that it was quite serious. Well after the fun, she came back and wants to just be normal with me, many other things hapened but its a year and six months we are no more. I advise, just consider the possibility, and do not start soul searching because the answer may not be within you, may be the writing is on the wall. 1
ThatMan Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Write down a completely different exercise for yourself. Make a detailed list of all the reasons why you'll be happier without her. Write down another list of why you're deserving of personal considerations, respectful treatment, and then write down all the reasons why her slander is unimportant. Then after that you need to: Get yourself tested for STDs if you haven't already.Pursue individual therapy for yourself because how you are choosing to behave is not okay.Change your phone number, email address, the locks on your door if necessary, and then refuse to engage her in any dialog including an official breakup and/or goodbye message. From this point onwards, your path must never again cross with her, and the two of you must never speak again. Therapy will help you muster up the strength to stand up for yourself. You're at the end of the line now. No more 'this is what I should do' nonsense or excuses. 1
Author MrBossMan Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) Write down a completely different exercise for yourself. Make a detailed list of all the reasons why you'll be happier without her. Write down another list of why you're deserving of personal considerations, respectful treatment, and then write down all the reasons why her slander is unimportant. Then after that you need to: Get yourself tested for STDs if you haven't already.Pursue individual therapy for yourself because how you are choosing to behave is not okay.Change your phone number, email address, the locks on your door if necessary, and then refuse to engage her in any dialog including an official breakup and/or goodbye message. From this point onwards, your path must never again cross with her, and the two of you must never speak again. Therapy will help you muster up the strength to stand up for yourself. You're at the end of the line now. No more 'this is what I should do' nonsense or excuses. I just made the list. I have 100 reasons why I will be happier without her, and 8 reasons why I would want to stay (and they're not good ones). I will go against your advice a bit and will break up with her the gentlemanly way. We've been together for years, and I would just not feel right if I simply disappear. I plan to do it tomorrow and I'll make it pretty clear and final with no room for argument. I'll make sure to post an update maybe a day or two afterwards. Edited June 12, 2014 by MrBossMan
2sunny Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Thanks guys. I read everything, and your replies are extremely helpful in piecing things together and figuring it all out. An outside, "uninterested" opinion is so valuable in showing me that I'm not crazy. Here's an update: Her mom called me. My gf is back in the states and at home. (I'll try not to use the words "she" or "her" to avoid confusion). Her mom said that my gf seems very stressed out and upset. Gf's sister showed her one of my messages (probably not the last one with the outright cheating allegations, which I won't tell about unless I have no choice. I'm not trying to ruin her life). She says she won't rush to anyone's side because she doesn't know the whole story. (She's pretty awesome). Her mom had to hang up for a while, called back, and told me that my gf asked if she was on the phone with me and asked what I said about the situation and how I sound. Mom told her that I didn't say anything, but I sound "happy." Mom said she also told my gf that she should NOT have called my parents like she did... at least until we've come to a conclusion. Her mom wants us to be civil even if we ultimately decide to end the relationship, which sounds reasonable. I said I'd tell her my perspective another day. I don't want to break NC, so I'll think about what to do. I may wait a week or something to decide. Opinions? Wait... I thought the relationship IS over? Why is her Mom making the assumption that the R isn't over and you might get back together with her daughter? Her daughter is a complete jerk and you should be glad to be rid of her. You do understand there's tons of nice gals to date, right? I can't see anything for you but misery if you go backwards. I hope you stick to no contact. Did you correct her Mom and tell her it's definitely over? 1
BeholdtheMan Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 Hi, guys. I'll try to keep this short. I know it hurts...but your attitude right now should be "I'm a young single guy free to sleep with multiple women now...YES!!!" Go no contact. If your ex wants to get back together, give it some consideration. Suddenly dropping off her radar will drive her crazy. DO NOT BE NEEDY. That will kill your chances. Don't sit her down and talk to her or whatever. Just cut contact. Trust me. 2
ThatMan Posted June 12, 2014 Posted June 12, 2014 (edited) I just made the list. I have 100 reasons why I will be happier without her, and 8 reasons why I would want to stay (and they're not good ones). I will go against your advice a bit and will break up with her the gentlemanly way. We've been together for years, and I would just not feel right if I simply disappear. I plan to do it tomorrow and I'll make it pretty clear and final with no room for argument. I'll make sure to post an update maybe a day or two afterwards. That's your choice. Gentlemanly is synonymous with enabling in your case. Knowing her, and her reactions towards you throughout this ordeal, you can reasonably assume the only thing you'll accomplish is pouring fuel on the raging fire. When any form of mistreatment in a relationship begins to escalate there will come a moment when people must drop off the face of the earth, and never to cross paths again despite many years together. It's definitely an odd experience, although often necessary in learning how to reclaim your life. I can assume that this wasn't the first argument in the relationship. After all, you needed her mother to keep the craziness at bay. Maybe you got yelled at one afternoon and became a real gentlemen about all of it. You sound like the type to be very patient. I can see it now, though, that your ex would probably yell at you, tell you wouldn't give her all of yourself, and you passively thought that being a gentlemen about it would change/control her behavior. If you just become patient and understanding... The two of you could work past this argument. She would approve of you for doing the right thing. At least that's what you probably thought at some point. And so you permitted yourself to sit through god knows how many fights and arguments. This is a dysfunctional control mechanism which never works. I can see the same exact thing going into play right now as you sit there informing all of us that you'll sit down with her to talk about it and leave no room for argument. This is where the therapy would come into play. Please invest in your own future. Remember that she already broke up with you. She broke up with you during her vacation while also probably ****ing another man. It's over. Walk away, stop enabling her, stop encouraging the fighting, stop being a willing participant of your own suffering. You never answered her manifesto of demands and you should leave it that way. Things have already ended and dragging it out further is a very bad idea. Talking with her is a bad idea and you need to maintain zero contact with her starting immediately. You need to reclaim your own life right now. Edited June 12, 2014 by ThatMan 1
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