ThatMan Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 You will be smeared, demonized unfairly, and treated like dirt. How do I know this? Because it already happened during the vacation. There was nothing you can do to stop it and there is nothing you can do to stop it from continuing. You can count on your ex trying to persuade everybody she knows that you're rotten to the core. This is completely out of your hands now. You aren't obligated to so much as speak to ANYBODY involved with your ex. You don't need to keep her sister and mother in the loop because your ex will still demonize you regardless. And what these three individuals think about you shouldn't be important in the first place. You're what's important right now and her mother has no right to determine whether or not you're angry. Whatever it is that you are feeling, it's okay, and you have every right to be angry. Most people in your position would absolutely loath their ex for behaving this way. So I ask again - Why is it relevant for the sister and mother are involved in your personal business? Why are you even speaking with them when you should be looking after yourself? 1
Author MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 You will be smeared, demonized unfairly, and treated like dirt. How do I know this? Because it already happened during the vacation. There was nothing you can do to stop it and there is nothing you can do to stop it from continuing. You can count on your ex trying to persuade everybody she knows that you're rotten to the core. This is completely out of your hands now. You aren't obligated to so much as speak to ANYBODY involved with your ex. You don't need to keep her sister and mother in the loop because your ex will still demonize you regardless. And what these three individuals think about you shouldn't be important in the first place. You're what's important right now and her mother has no right to determine whether or not you're angry. Whatever it is that you are feeling, it's okay, and you have every right to be angry. Most people in your position would absolutely loath their ex for behaving this way. So I ask again - Why is it relevant for the sister and mother are involved in your personal business? Why are you even speaking with them when you should be looking after yourself? Yes, very true. 1
Spectre Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Yes. That's exactly what I meant. She told me she was simultaneously in relationships of varying seriousness with 5 guys, with some of them being long-distance relationships. She broke it off with them for me, and some of them dumped her (I wonder why) before I came along. But that would never happen to me, right? I'm special, right? Hold on wait let me understand this, she was dating 5 different men at the SAME time? Or that she has just had 5 serious relationships in her life? Since, if you meant she was dating 5 dudes all at the same time..that should of told you right there. I mean okay, I've heard of girls dating 2 men at once, but frickin 5? Come on now, that is ridiculous. Get this woman out of your life. 1
Author MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Hold on wait let me understand this, she was dating 5 different men at the SAME time? Or that she has just had 5 serious relationships in her life? Since, if you meant she was dating 5 dudes all at the same time..that should of told you right there. I mean okay, I've heard of girls dating 2 men at once, but frickin 5? Come on now, that is ridiculous. Get this woman out of your life. 5 at the same time. She's had a lot more than that in total. I think I'm about number 20. I wanted to be the one guy with enough patience to allow her to be better. I stuck with her for 3 years. I don't know how she's going to do any better than that because (this might make you cringe) she even told me that her mom once told her that she can't do better than me... and on top of that, I was struggling to stay. I guess it was inevitable. By the way, Spectre, thanks for that long reply on page 3. I appreciate you taking the time to help me. *bro fist* Edited June 2, 2014 by MrBossMan
Keke1 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 5 at the same time. She's had a lot more than that in total. I think I'm about number 20. I wanted to be the one guy with enough patience to allow her to be better. I stuck with her for 3 years. I don't know how she's going to do any better than that because (this might make you cringe) she even told me that her mom once told her that she can't do better than me... and on top of that, I was struggling to stay. I guess it was inevitable. By the way, Spectre, thanks for that long reply on page 3. I appreciate you taking the time to help me. *bro fist* Lol don't ever be that dude man. She was/is a freak. Once a person shows you who they are believe that and nothing else. Ppl rarely change man. Rarely. It should have never been your job or duty to try to fix what's broken. If you were to get with her it should've been just to do what the other guys were doing. I personally would've stayed away period. 1
hope2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I'm going to ask and see what she says. Even if she denies, I'll look for other signs. I mentioned the graduation thing in response, and she said, "it's just a ceremony" as if it isn't a big deal. Like what they said, I also feel like something wrong is going on. But, I also like to know if you still love her? And are you willing to accept all these if true?
ThatMan Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I wanted to be the one guy with enough patience to allow her to be better. I stuck with her for 3 years. I don't know how she's going to do any better than that because (this might make you cringe) she even told me that her mom once told her that she can't do better than me... and on top of that, I was struggling to stay. No doubt you had many reasons why you sought her out in the first place. I imagine things were great to begin with. You probably told yourself that you can win the prize at the end if you stick things out with her and she'll come around eventually. Try to look at things differently. Just look at who she is as a person. Your ex is a very confused individual. She clearly did not know what she wanted in a relationship because five simultaneous relationships at the same exact time is laughable. She still probably feels horribly conflicted and I bet she will continue going through men like a revolving door long after you forget about her. That's just how she is as a person. You must have lost track of all that and wanted to believe she'll change into something better. She won't change. You have to accept her for who she is - a conflicted woman who has no problem going through men like a revolving door, with zero qualms about demonizing any of them. She never was that person you wanted to be and it's unfair and unrealistic to believe for a second that she'll somehow change just because you stuck things out. You clearly wanted to get out years ago as you've said. I can only hope you feel a sense of being unburdened and free. Now is the perfect time to broaden your horizons and do something good for yourself. Maybe you deserve a brief vacation for graduating. There's certainly no reason to freeze your entire life on a standstill be continuing contact with her and her family. 3
DArtagnan2 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 You will be smeared, demonized unfairly, and treated like dirt. How do I know this? Because it already happened during the vacation. There was nothing you can do to stop it and there is nothing you can do to stop it from continuing. You can count on your ex trying to persuade everybody she knows that you're rotten to the core. This is completely out of your hands now. You aren't obligated to so much as speak to ANYBODY involved with your ex. You don't need to keep her sister and mother in the loop because your ex will still demonize you regardless. And what these three individuals think about you shouldn't be important in the first place. You're what's important right now and her mother has no right to determine whether or not you're angry. Whatever it is that you are feeling, it's okay, and you have every right to be angry. Most people in your position would absolutely loath their ex for behaving this way. So I ask again - Why is it relevant for the sister and mother are involved in your personal business? Why are you even speaking with them when you should be looking after yourself? I don't think he is keeping them involved, they are involving themselves and trying to talk to him, for her. I only saw that her mother reached out to him. Her mother, told him what her sister said and what crazy girl was saying / doing. I am hoping though, that her mom is peaceful and not one of those moms that have to get involved and is just as crazy as the daughter. basically, showing where his ex-gf (im gonna call her that cus she is that), got her crazy from. I was about to write a "WTF are you thinking Man?" When I saw your comment about "Her mom wants us to be civil even if we ultimately decide to end the relationship, which sounds reasonable." But then you said a few posts later, that you were definitely done. I am hopeful that is true and sticks. As for her things, since you are on good terms with the mom, I would give them to her. This way, you won't get blamed for any damages and / or keeping her stuff "hostage" by not getting it back to her. And yes, she will start to say that even though she wont come get it. Plus, you won't have to see her and be subject to any "I'm sorries, please give me a chance" or hateful words and actions. You said yourself, that you have given 3 years and here you are. You have tried, given more then enough to work at having a relationship with this girl. So I truly hope you stick with being done. 1
joystickd Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Charge her to the game! There was someone else and she didn't have the balls to end it. She wants you to do it so she won't be the bad guy. 2
Spectre Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 5 at the same time. She's had a lot more than that in total. I think I'm about number 20. I wanted to be the one guy with enough patience to allow her to be better. I stuck with her for 3 years. I don't know how she's going to do any better than that because (this might make you cringe) she even told me that her mom once told her that she can't do better than me... and on top of that, I was struggling to stay. I guess it was inevitable. By the way, Spectre, thanks for that long reply on page 3. I appreciate you taking the time to help me. *bro fist* Okay yikes, this chick has issues and..I hate to say it, but 5 guys at once..that is ho behavior. That isn't just someone "experimenting" it is just grade A ho behavior. I'd of fled for the hills at the speed of light the second I heard that. Ignoring everything else she has done, if I knew in the past she dated 5 dudes at once.. I'd be very worried about her going on some tropical vacation without me. The thing is, if this girl could fool 5 guys all at once.how do you know she isn't fooling you?
Author MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Okay yikes, this chick has issues and..I hate to say it, but 5 guys at once..that is ho behavior. That isn't just someone "experimenting" it is just grade A ho behavior. I'd of fled for the hills at the speed of light the second I heard that. Ignoring everything else she has done, if I knew in the past she dated 5 dudes at once.. I'd be very worried about her going on some tropical vacation without me. The thing is, if this girl could fool 5 guys all at once.how do you know she isn't fooling you? Yes. It's just about impossible to trust after knowing that, which is why info gathering was the next step. That's just unheard of.
Author MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 I don't think he is keeping them involved, they are involving themselves and trying to talk to him, for her. I only saw that her mother reached out to him. Her mother, told him what her sister said and what crazy girl was saying / doing. I am hoping though, that her mom is peaceful and not one of those moms that have to get involved and is just as crazy as the daughter. basically, showing where his ex-gf (im gonna call her that cus she is that), got her crazy from. I was about to write a "WTF are you thinking Man?" When I saw your comment about "Her mom wants us to be civil even if we ultimately decide to end the relationship, which sounds reasonable." But then you said a few posts later, that you were definitely done. I am hopeful that is true and sticks. As for her things, since you are on good terms with the mom, I would give them to her. This way, you won't get blamed for any damages and / or keeping her stuff "hostage" by not getting it back to her. And yes, she will start to say that even though she wont come get it. Plus, you won't have to see her and be subject to any "I'm sorries, please give me a chance" or hateful words and actions. You said yourself, that you have given 3 years and here you are. You have tried, given more then enough to work at having a relationship with this girl. So I truly hope you stick with being done. Yes, the mom is peaceful, fair, and extremely reasonable. My now ex told me that her mom always takes my side, and it's pretty obvious why.
Author MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 No doubt you had many reasons why you sought her out in the first place. I imagine things were great to begin with. You probably told yourself that you can win the prize at the end if you stick things out with her and she'll come around eventually. Try to look at things differently. Just look at who she is as a person. Your ex is a very confused individual. She clearly did not know what she wanted in a relationship because five simultaneous relationships at the same exact time is laughable. She still probably feels horribly conflicted and I bet she will continue going through men like a revolving door long after you forget about her. That's just how she is as a person. You must have lost track of all that and wanted to believe she'll change into something better. She won't change. You have to accept her for who she is - a conflicted woman who has no problem going through men like a revolving door, with zero qualms about demonizing any of them. She never was that person you wanted to be and it's unfair and unrealistic to believe for a second that she'll somehow change just because you stuck things out. You clearly wanted to get out years ago as you've said. I can only hope you feel a sense of being unburdened and free. Now is the perfect time to broaden your horizons and do something good for yourself. Maybe you deserve a brief vacation for graduating. There's certainly no reason to freeze your entire life on a standstill be continuing contact with her and her family. Yes, I do feel free. I made the near-fatal mistake of sticking around because she needed me and not because we were a good match. Even now, my intention isn't to punish or destroy her, but for her to get better... alone. I told her she needs to seek professional help (and I said it in a serious way).
Author MrBossMan Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Like what they said, I also feel like something wrong is going on. But, I also like to know if you still love her? And are you willing to accept all these if true? Of course I still love her, but I have superhuman self-control. I've gone on break with her earlier this year for her disrespect for a month of NC and she actually stalked me and ambushed me when I arrived to class. Yes, she actually sat down in the back of my class (there was about 10 mins before class started). She was happy to see me. I spoke to her and was ready to end the break. She waited for me after class. But when I got back to her, she started tearing into me about going on break with her and risking our relationship. NC continued after that. By that point, I knew it probably wasn't going to last. She can't seem to control her behavior. I feel sorry for her, but there's really nothing I can do. 1
Spectre Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Tell her to just leave you alone and that she blew it. If she shows up in class again next time embarrass her by pointing out how she is not supposed to be there.
ThatMan Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Of course I still love her, but I have superhuman self-control. I've gone on break with her earlier this year for her disrespect for a month of NC and she actually stalked me and ambushed me when I arrived to class. Yes, she actually sat down in the back of my class (there was about 10 mins before class started). She was happy to see me. I spoke to her and was ready to end the break. She waited for me after class. But when I got back to her, she started tearing into me about going on break with her and risking our relationship. NC continued after that. By that point, I knew it probably wasn't going to last. She can't seem to control her behavior. I feel sorry for her, but there's really nothing I can do. I just saw this message. I would absolutely count on her to repeat this behavior again. If you ever continue your education call campus security immediately if she pulls this stunt again. She doesn't belong there and that sort of behavior is unacceptable. It also helps to have a good personality and be on friendly terms with the professor as well. Any sort of stalking behavior from her and you need go directly to the security at your place employment with her photo. If she's stalking you in a public setting walk into a store. Purchase something if she follows you and report the problem with a cashier and manager. They'll be on your side as you're a paying customer. 2
Do_The_Herp Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It's so blatantly obvious.. Reminds me of an old friend's girlfriend.. Used to cop an attitude spontaneously and practically every other week just to cheat on him on the weekend.. His brother had even caught her.. You're not ill, are you? Physically? MENTALLY? You'd BETTER have gotten rid of this broad.. Ask her about the other guy. Matter of fact, get a cheap tape recorder or hell, use your iphone or whatever, and press play when you ask her, for ****s and giggles. Evidence that can be used to shut her any anyone else up instantly.. Not that you need to, anyway. Go do YOU.
Keke1 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It's so blatantly obvious.. Reminds me of an old friend's girlfriend.. Used to cop an attitude spontaneously and practically every other week just to cheat on him on the weekend.. His brother had even caught her.. You're not ill, are you? Physically? MENTALLY? You'd BETTER have gotten rid of this broad.. Ask her about the other guy. Matter of fact, get a cheap tape recorder or hell, use your iphone or whatever, and press play when you ask her, for ****s and giggles. Evidence that can be used to shut her any anyone else up instantly.. Not that you need to, anyway. Go do YOU. Agreed but I wouldn't even bother recording her. Just get away. Like 2wks ago. Waste no more of your life man.
Woggle Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 When you get the time go on your own vacation without her and enjoy yourself
Author MrBossMan Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 Update!!!!!: You guys were right. She ambushed me again. I, like a fool, listened to her. Ok, so maybe my self-control isn't super-human. I guess the outrage wore off and I forgot how I felt before. I was ready to try to give it one last try. I admitted that maybe I was a bit too harsh, etc. My bro told me I should leave because I will teach her that I'm a punk and she will only think she can get away with it whenever she wants. I knew it was a risk, but one more try wouldn't be that hard. Then today, she suddenly tells me she wants me to: A. Clearly apologize to her in writing. B. Apologize to her family for speaking to her that way. C. Apologize to her best friend (who went with her on the trip). D. Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend. (I really don't know why all these people know anything at all about this) I promptly said I had to do something, so I'll talk to her later. She sent a few texts giving me more instructions and also doing a little damage control, calling me a "king" and saying that I should be humble or something. Now... Do I even need to ask what you guys think?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Update!!!!!: You guys were right. She ambushed me again. I, like a fool, listened to her. Ok, so maybe my self-control isn't super-human. I guess the outrage wore off and I forgot how I felt before. I was ready to try to give it one last try. I admitted that maybe I was a bit too harsh, etc. My bro told me I should leave because I will teach her that I'm a punk and she will only think she can get away with it whenever she wants. I knew it was a risk, but one more try wouldn't be that hard. Then today, she suddenly tells me she wants me to: A. Clearly apologize to her in writing. B. Apologize to her family for speaking to her that way. C. Apologize to her best friend (who went with her on the trip). D. Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend. (I really don't know why all these people know anything at all about this) I promptly said I had to do something, so I'll talk to her later. She sent a few texts giving me more instructions and also doing a little damage control, calling me a "king" and saying that I should be humble or something. Now... Do I even need to ask what you guys think? You need to cut contact with her, for real this time. She is only going to continue to try to manipulate you. This isn't coming from a place of love on her part. It's a need for validation and ego-boosting. It's a desperate attempt at control. She is not a well person. As you already know, you can't make her well either. It will be a constant battle to please someone who is never happy. It won't matter what you do; she'll only see that can play puppet-master and it will continue. Been there, got the T-shirt. 2
hasaquestion Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Update!!!!!: You guys were right. She ambushed me again. I, like a fool, listened to her. Ok, so maybe my self-control isn't super-human. I guess the outrage wore off and I forgot how I felt before. I was ready to try to give it one last try. I admitted that maybe I was a bit too harsh, etc. My bro told me I should leave because I will teach her that I'm a punk and she will only think she can get away with it whenever she wants. I knew it was a risk, but one more try wouldn't be that hard. Then today, she suddenly tells me she wants me to: A. Clearly apologize to her in writing. B. Apologize to her family for speaking to her that way. C. Apologize to her best friend (who went with her on the trip). D. Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend. (I really don't know why all these people know anything at all about this) I promptly said I had to do something, so I'll talk to her later. She sent a few texts giving me more instructions and also doing a little damage control, calling me a "king" and saying that I should be humble or something. Now... Do I even need to ask what you guys think? For the love of God.... RUN Your bro is spot on. Have some balls dude. Don't let her trample you like she's irreplaceable. She's not. 2
CarrieT Posted June 10, 2014 Posted June 10, 2014 Do I even need to ask what you guys think? Here you go: A. Clearly apologize to her in writing. - Why don't you write her an apology that you weren't strong enough the first time and that this is the LAST TIME she will ever hear from you. - B. Apologize to her family for speaking to her that way. - Apologize to her family for rearing such a self-centered child and for enabling her for as long as you did. - C. Apologize to her best friend (who went with her on the trip). - Apologize to her best friend and advise that at some point, she too may be the brunt of this girl's insanity. - D. Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend. - Apologize to her best friend's boyfriend that he has been caught up in some Shakespearean drama not of your making. - Then, get a bottle of really good Champagne and toast your freedom and sanity. p.s. And next time your super-human strength starts to fail, reread these threads! 2
Author MrBossMan Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 You need to cut contact with her, for real this time. She is only going to continue to try to manipulate you. This isn't coming from a place of love on her part. It's a need for validation and ego-boosting. It's a desperate attempt at control. She is not a well person. As you already know, you can't make her well either. It will be a constant battle to please someone who is never happy. It won't matter what you do; she'll only see that can play puppet-master and it will continue. Been there, got the T-shirt. You're very right. I better cut it off before I'm tempted again.
Author MrBossMan Posted June 10, 2014 Author Posted June 10, 2014 For the love of God.... RUN Your bro is spot on. Have some balls dude. Don't let her trample you like she's irreplaceable. She's not. You're right about that one.
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