Alcatraz Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Just a quick post. Hoping for some advice. Nearly 6 weeks post BU now. Wish I had gone NC from the start but stupidly told myself that if I stayed in her life she'd take me back (idiot). Even started a thread preaching that you don't have to go post break up to get your ex back, hypocritical now I know. Just wanting to move on now and forget about her, but keep on getting visions of her with her new bit on the side. Keep remembering the good stuff about her and missing her. I know it's natural to have these thoughts as it hasn't been an eternity since the break up, but just wondering if anyone has any advice on forgetting about them? Obviously there's always a slight chance that we could reconcile down the line but I don't know if I would let myself to try and savour my pride. Ps. I've been exercising and hanging out with friends to try and take my mind off it, the usual, but it's the alone times that are more difficult.
erklat Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You will never forget. In the end you'll start also remembering bad things. And then you'll grow numb to it. 1
Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 This is normal the first thing u need to realise u r not alone, I'm currently feeling the same thing. I'm starting the NC rule now. The advice I have is get yourself back out there, don't beat yourself up it's not your fault. Don't think about we may reconcile down the toad why would u consider waiting for someone who can't seem to see how awesome you already are...... Chin up 1
somedude81 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You will never forget. In the end you'll start also remembering bad things. And then you'll grow numb to it. What if the bad things are so few and far between that your memories are dominated by the good things? I'm almost at six months post break up.
Always Pondering Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 It's alright that you made a mistake about NC, a lot of people do but it's natural and just a mistake. The three things that helped me: - Becoming a member of LS. - Enormous amount of motivation this past month or two to change my lifestyle to what I want it to become. - Time. Lots and lots of time. I went from thinking about her every waking hour as I woke up and went to sleep and having dreams about her almost every night to not having a serious thought about her in weeks/months and I don't even remember the last time I had a dream with her in it. Aside from the things you probably know already (hanging out with friends, gym, etc.) there hasn't been any "special technique" that I've done. It took a lot of time, I'm not completely done, but the process rapidly accelerated around the time I joined LS and decided to actually do things in my life career-wise/new hobbies.
erklat Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 What if the bad things are so few and far between that your memories are dominated by the good things? I'm almost at six months post break up. Because you consistently put her on a pedestal. For example, in my mind my ex is not the person who imagined our family together. She is the person who left me crying in the car and mocked me later with her scumbag friends. Get the picture? Also it takes as long as it takes. It took me 9m to get over a rs of three. 1
Itspointless Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 What if the bad things are so few and far between that your memories are dominated by the good things? I'm almost at six months post break up. Well we can shack hands with each-other. It has to corrode and our minds have to get sick of thinking about it, as it is useless and there really is no point: no rationale. At one point we will accept that uselessness and get sick of it. But entirely forgetting no, there is to much 'could have been' here.
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Just keeping extremely busy is the key. For some, the weekends are the worst (know it was for me), so you keep a massively busy schedule. I used to pack my weekends to the gills. Anything to help take your mind off of her and focus on the fun you're having. Some people will try and tell me that no matter how busy they are it doesn't work because any free time they have their mind usually drifts towards them. That's when I know it's working! Because your mind only drifts to them WHEN YOU HAVE DOWN TIME!!!! You pack your schedule on a Saturday morning and are on the move, your mind might drift to them maybe 1 to 2 hours which is fine because it's a hell of a lot better than 14 hours sitting at home and not doing anything. So, keep busy! 1
Author Alcatraz Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 If only there was something that could block them out of our minds for good. I think negative thoughts about her aswell, knowing fine well that she was probably seeing this guy when we were together but it's just so difficult not to miss her. I've been feeling really lost and confused and I just want to get back to my old self. I've massively lost confidence and starting again with someone new just seems like such an effort right now.
emotionalMess Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 In my mind, I have made it to the "point of no return" and it feels great to think this out loud. See if you can make it to this place. There is almost nothing he or she could ever do or say that would ever allow me to trust her/him with my heart again. I know this is true for many at LS, you just have to be honest with yourself. Do you want to be that person who has settled for someone who at some point decided they could do better than YOU? They left you hanging and suffering in misery. They may feel guilty but guess what? They f**ked up and lost you and you are now at " the point of no return". Repeat after me, "I am at the point of no return". Now you and I have to follow-up on this promise to ourselves. 2
chardayze Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 It's so difficult to completely forget about someone you love and pretty impossible! The best thing you can do is to have no contact with them and surround yourself with family and friends and enjoy other people's company. I had a similar situation a few years ago after my boyfriend and I broke up and I couldn't stop thinking about him for a whole year even when I tried to see new people I would always compare them to him. After a year I bumped into my ex and he felt the same way and we have been together again for the past 2 years. 1
Author Alcatraz Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I can't help but hold the hope that she'll just some day soon say that she made a mistake and wants me back, but I know that it is more common than not for this not to happen. Right now I just want to get to the stage where I can feel like I can move on and be happy again. I don't think I've felt a moment of real happiness since the break up. Today is a painful one for some reason. Some days are easier.
Itspointless Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I can't help but hold the hope that she'll just some day soon say that she made a mistake and wants me back, but I know that it is more common than not for this not to happen. I am familiar with this thought. The trouble is that even when this is true people often have some kind pride (or fears) that refrain them of doing what we hope they will do.
jphcbpa Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 what is helping me now in therapy is making a list of the truth/reality/her actions vs the fantasy (the one she helped create with words and the ones I created on my own). example: fantasy: Before the BU she says, "when WE have our house one day..." Her words reality: She ended the R 7 days later. Her action 1
Author Alcatraz Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I go through so many different emotions through the day that I've started to make a list of how I'm feeling and between what times. Hopefully the length of time I feel negative will decrease soon.
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