Corduroy Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Here's what happened. She officially dumped me earlier this month, but she wanted to test it out to see what would happen if we "tried" it again. so i went to her place, cooked her dinner, and we had sex. The thing is, she told me stop and she went to sleep crying. This morning, i cooked her breakfast, and she gets upset that i ate while she was getting ready. So now we're at a state fair and she's upset that i'm not talking. She made a comment saying "i know a couple of guys who can do your job better." i got upset and said "wtf?!" she responded saying "oh, but i choose you out of all the guys out there." i just left without responding and went for a walk by myself. So here i am typing this not knowing how to take what she said, what to do now. Edited May 18, 2014 by Corduroy
Elle1975 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Here's what happened. She officially dumped me earlier this month, but she wanted to test it out to see what would happen if we "tried" it again. so i went to her place, cooked her dinner, and we had sex. The thing is, she told me stop and she went to sleep crying. This morning, i cooked her breakfast, and she gets upset that i ate while she was getting ready. So now we're at a state fair and she's upset that i'm not talking. She made a comment saying "i know a couple of guys who can do your job better." i got upset and said "wtf?!" she responded saying "oh, but i choose you out of all the guys out there." i just left without responding and went for a walk by myself. So here i am typing this not knowing how to take what she said, what to do now. My only advice is not to use the silent treatment. This passive aggressive behavior will only make things worse. Talk to her. It's hard for a man to talk about feelings and all that good stuff, but communication is your best tool. Edited May 18, 2014 by Elle1975 2
Simon Phoenix Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Sounds like you opened a box you should have left shut, no pun intended. 8
Scorpio Chick Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 The only thing I can see that you did 'wrong' was in eating breakfast without her, while she was getting ready. Otherwise, it's females like her that give females a bad name. Too much whining and sulking and self-pitying. Good Lord, she dumped you, you jump when she wants to give it another 'try', you go over and cook dinner AND breakfast, she cries after stopping you from having sex with her....geez. Move on. Where's the fun and lightheartedness here?? Tell her you tried and you want to go back to being dumped by her. It shouldn't be too hard to meet another girl who won't bring things down so much. 3
me0wth Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 You should have left first thing in the morning and disappeared.
oldshirt Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Here's what happened. She officially dumped me earlier this month, but she wanted to test it out to see what would happen if we "tried" it again. She's ovulating. That's called 'ovulation sex,' when someone gets horny out of the blue and makes a booty call to an ex or a FWB about once a month. That's her body telling her she needs to have sex and procreate. There just didn't happen to be another guy around at the moment. Just keep your fingers crossed she's not knocked up now. so i went to her place, cooked her dinner, and we had sex. "Welcome to my parlor," said the spider to the fly. The thing is, she told me stop and she went to sleep crying. Her body was telling her to have sex and bond with a mate, but her heart and her brain is not wanting an actual relationship with you. She was upset and crying because of the inner turmoil she is feeling. This morning, i cooked her breakfast, and she gets upset that i ate while she was getting ready. She would have been upset if you had put your left sock on before your right or if you would have blown your nose to loudly in the bathroom. She is upset because she is torn between her conflicting feelings and actions. it had nothing to do with breakfast or you eating. No matter what you did or didn't do, it would piss her off. So now we're at a state fair and she's upset that i'm not talking. Get used to her being upset and psycho any time you have any contact with her. She made a comment saying "i know a couple of guys who can do your job better." i got upset and said "wtf?!" Next time say, "OK' and then walk away. .....and go on about your business and don't go back. she responded saying "oh, but i choose you out of all the guys out there." Yes and no. She has a history and a comfort with you and she knew that you would drop everything and come right over and give her attention, companionship and validation. She knew that you'd have sex with her with no questions asked and would be good with it. You can take that as either the good news or the bad news, whichever you prefer. The real bad news here though is you were most likely not the first dude she called. the others were either busy or out of town or didn't want to get involved. i just left without responding and went for a walk by myself. So here i am typing this not knowing how to take what she said, what to do now. What to do now is to keep moving forward with your life. Do not invest anything in to her that you are not willing to lose. This was a hormone induced booty call - and an awkward and uncomfortable one at that. In a few days she will be ice-cold to you. If you want to bang her and be her booty call boy, that's your business but do not invest your heart, money or feelings into her because whatever you put in to her and your relationship with her you will lose. She is not invested into this relationship and she is not really wanting to get back together. She had probably gotten the brush off or something from some other dude and was feeling lonely and unvalidated (I don't really know what that means either, but chicks suffer from validation issues a lot) and when she ovulated and her hormones spiked she gave you a booty call and you fell right into like clockwork. So bottomline here is, she will probably be a monthly booty call until she gets another BF or until she hooks up with some dude that trips her trigger more than you (which it sounds like she's working on that already, so this may have even been the last booty call) Best advice any can give here is to just keep moving on and start meeting and dating other girls and just keep moving on with your life and accept that things didn't work out with this gal. Responses in bold above. Edited May 18, 2014 by oldshirt 5
jbelle6 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 She got mad you ate breakfast while she was getting ready? Got to say, this reminds me of the ex that had annoyed me so much by the end that I wanted to stab his face with a fork when he breathed or ate chips too loud lol. Just end it, no good will come of it. 6
Author Corduroy Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 Thanks for the advice everyone. So i went back and spent the day with her. i tried to apologize and kiss her, but she gave me the cold shoulder for about an hour. Then we had a decent time all day, it was like when we dating, holding hands etc. But heres where it gets rocky, we argued at dinner for god knows what, and on the way back to the car she told me "ITS OVER! why don't you show how much i mean to you?" I couldn't stand the fighting anymore & said "fine, i don't care, just go." She responded saying "you don't care?! fine after today i'm cutting you off and never speaking to you again." we talked in the car for about an hour about everything that is wrong with me & she wouldn't take the blame for why its not working out. She dropped me off at my place, and texted me "thanks for trying."
oldshirt Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Just walk away dude. This can only go downhill. Take Jbelle6's story to heart, walk away now before you get stabbed in the face with a fork. No matter what you do or say will loss her off. My advice is to walk away and not look back. But if you absolutely have to say something, just send her a txt and say you do car about her and there for you will give her the space she needs so you don't keep pissing her off. Say you can still be friends but then go on with your own life and assume she is gone and carry with your life as such. If she doesn't have another guy in 27 days, you'll probably get another booty call at that time. 1
Author Corduroy Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 Just walk away dude. This can only go downhill. Take Jbelle6's story to heart, walk away now before you get stabbed in the face with a fork. No matter what you do or say will loss her off. My advice is to walk away and not look back. But if you absolutely have to say something, just send her a txt and say you do car about her and there for you will give her the space she needs so you don't keep pissing her off. Say you can still be friends but then go on with your own life and assume she is gone and carry with your life as such. If she doesn't have another guy in 27 days, you'll probably get another booty call at that time. I'll just walk away then, even though i still love her. She said "I don't want to keep using you..." I didn't know what that meant, but now i assume that means sex. Maybe this relationship is purely physical and she's not interested in nothing else. Sucks because i've invest so much emotionally into this relationship, i'm somewhat attached.
oldshirt Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 No she's using you for comfort and validation and to tell her she's cute and stroke her ego etc. If she's was in love with you and seas attracted to you and had a sincere sexual desire for you, she wouldn't treat you like dog crap in the treads of her shoes and break up with you. Don't invest anythi ng more into her because she is not returning your investments at all. Look up the term "sunken cost fallacy." That is when people keep sinking resources into a failure because they have already invested a lot and just sinking more into a losing proposition when they should be cutting their losses by walking away and not sinking any more into it. If she wanted to be with you, she would. 1
barky2 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I could try and bring some humor and say you should've kept going and finished...but idk if you would laugh. She was just seeing how far she could make you go before dropping you again. Make sense? Barky 1
nerdlingZA Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Why do you guys say he must walk away ??? He's story isn't severe at all.
Author Corduroy Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Why do you guys say he must walk away ??? He's story isn't severe at all. Actually there is a whole lot more to the story, quite intense. We broke up in the past many times, and she always came back...
Shinobi Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 We broke up in the past many times, and she always came back... And you took her back every time she comes after throwing you away? Haha. I can tell you 100% that you are not the only one who's fu*king that girl because you have no spine and her tricks always work on you. Most women need a man like you who carries them on his back and is 100% secured for them while she sucks other dudes. Congratulations. By the way, don't take it personally, I am just delivering the truth from real life.
johnpatric Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Sounds like she wants to keep you in her back up option.. so its better to stay away from her...
oldshirt Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Why do you guys say he must walk away ??? He's story isn't severe at all. Huh???????? Are you crazy???????? How "severe" do things have to be before someone can do something to end the pain and chaos and trouble in their lives. Why do things have to be severe AT ALL before he can shake his head and say "no more?" When you are young and single, there is no reason to ensure misery untill it reached the point of severe. Pain is the ass is good enough reason to walk. 1
2sunny Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I'll just walk away then, even though i still love her. She said "I don't want to keep using you..." I didn't know what that meant, but now i assume that means sex. Maybe this relationship is purely physical and she's not interested in nothing else. Sucks because i've invest so much emotionally into this relationship, i'm somewhat attached. So detach!
Author Corduroy Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 And you took her back every time she comes after throwing you away? Haha. I can tell you 100% that you are not the only one who's fu*king that girl because you have no spine and her tricks always work on you. Most women need a man like you who carries them on his back and is 100% secured for them while she sucks other dudes. Congratulations. By the way, don't take it personally, I am just delivering the truth from real life. i feel so dirty
Author Corduroy Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Alright, i was hanging out with my friends the past weekend and they told me my Ex girlfriend already has a new boyfriend. After we tried to make it work not to long ago, and her saying she can't put any effort into relationships, i feel played. It hella sucks knowing she's with someone else, and i just really want to get back with her. I was thinking about doing something romantic and apologizing for what ever i did wrong. So, can you guys give me advice? Should I act like i'm cool with her seeing someone else, & make it seem like i'm moving on? Or should i do something Romantic, apologize & whatever???
amf1991 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Well it really depends what the reason for your break up was. It seems to me that she's on the rebound since you said that you two tried to make it work not too long ago. If there is nothing you should apologize for then I don't think you should do that and also she's with someone and your attempts to win her back may come off as desperate.
bulldogz Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 On this forum, you are going to get a bunch of replies that basically say: -Don't contact her -You can't get her back -You don't want to get her back -If you do want her back, DO NOT contact her -Move on, for yourself, not her The breakup forum seems to reduce people to robots who do not get what they currently have (especially what they have lost). So, that's the advice you'll get. Are you concerned, regardless of the result, that if you don't do something you will regret not trying? It is possible, however, if you do try and don't get the response you want, that you will also regret that. These things often turn into something like: the only reasonable thing is to move on.
Always Pondering Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 If she left you for someone else, why would you want to get back together with her? It doesn't seem like she is interested anymore and like you said, she has a new boyfriend now. You shouldn't make it "seem like you're moving on", you should actually move on. Even "if" her current boyfriend is a rebound, you can't wait on her and secretly wish every night that they broke up because it'll just hurt you in the end.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) On this forum, you are going to get a bunch of replies that basically say: -Don't contact her -You can't get her back -You don't want to get her back -If you do want her back, DO NOT contact her -Move on, for yourself, not her The breakup forum seems to reduce people to robots who do not get what they currently have (especially what they have lost). So, that's the advice you'll get. Are you concerned, regardless of the result, that if you don't do something you will regret not trying? It is possible, however, if you do try and don't get the response you want, that you will also regret that. These things often turn into something like: the only reasonable thing is to move on. Or maybe.....and this is crazy so stay with me.....its the best advice for the situation. I know its crazy right?!? Someone telling you to move on when theu broke up, spun in circles with them, and they are now seeing someone else. Its insane, but moving on JUST might work!!! I do appreciate you being the forums mouthpiece. God knows we need it. OP, it sucks I get that, but it's time to move forward. Edited May 28, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing
redbaron005 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 i feel played. This is how I felt too, you ignored the red flags because you have feelings for her. Make the healthy choice to move forward. This will be hard, no doubt about that.
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