sis11382 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 It's been in the relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. He is the most wonderful guy any girl could ask for. There's where one of the problems lies, there's no negative things about for why I shouldn't be in love with this guy. Over the past month, my feelings for him are being questioned. I just don't have that same feeling anymore. At first I was thinking I wasn't attracted to him anymore, but I look at our pictures and know that isn't true. I'm 23 and he is my first boyfriend ever (I've always had major self-esteem issues). I'm just very confused about my feelings. I have thought recently about other guys I'd like to date, and I feel horrible. I would never cheat on him and he has discussed with me that if I ever feel I'm missing out on anything in the dating world that I should talk to him about it because he knows he's my first relationship ever. But that's easier said than done. I know I'm holding on to the fact that I have a great catch and wonder if I'm holding on because I fear I won't find anyone else. I can't figure out why I feel I'm not in love with him anymore...anyone advice???
upsetnhurt Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Sis, Your feelings are normal and although you really like being with and care immensely for this guy you are "not" in love. There is nothing wrong with that as it is your first relationship and probably the first of many times you discover feelings for men. Do yourself a favor and be open with the guy. The likelihood is the you should go out and meet other people and if it is meant to be then like they say it will be meant to be. If you are questionning yourself now, just think what types of questions will be going through your mind later down the road.
axle_boy Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I think you do love him but the problem that you are experiencing is that you are not sure what love is really supposed to feel like. My first girlfriend was like that. Now I just broke up with a girl after 2 and 1/2 years because she is confused just like you. She says she loves me but isn't sure if she wants to be with me. I have never doubted her love for me but I would doubt whether she feels it is right . Here is the problem you face. What if you break up and leave only to find out that other men are kinda of like him but not much better and in 6 months you realize that you are in love with your first and you ended up making a mistake by leaving as he has moved on. It is risk you need to take. Also, sometimes time apart or seeing someone else can help figure out what you wantr.
glitter-gal Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 I read somewhere that brain chemistry has a lot to do with this... If you want to be with him and he is great like you say then this is probably the case. When you first are infatuated with someone your brain releases chemicals that give you a natural high i.e. increased happiness, colors are brighter, & flowers smell better than before. After some time these chemicals aren't produced as strongly so you are not "high" anymore. This is the point where most relationships fail because people think that you should have this feeling forever if you are really in love. Your natural high should be replaced by a loyalty to, comfort, and intimacy with this person. An ability to relate to you like no one else on earth can and still maintain a healthy sexual relationship. If the natural high dissapates and there are no feelings for this person then by all means go find someone else but if there are still feelings there maybe you should do some research into "what makes relationships work" and traditional love VS romantic love VS lust... I learned TONS when reading about these subjects.... Hope this helps despite my rambling...
axle_boy Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 ~glitter gal~ i agree with you and this where I believe that you can't really find this out in most cases if it is your first boyfriend. My first girlfriend I felt the world didn't matter and had no other thoughts than her. But my next girlfriend lasted 2.5 years and was amazing because it felt like love on every level. Now she is doubt her feelings for me becauase I am her first. But I agree with you, but someone who has a "first love" doesn't really have anything to compare it to.
glitter-gal Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Yes, sadly this is true... having been through "my first love is everything" mentality before and being broken hearted forever... To marrying someone who couldn't keep his thing-a-ma-jigger in his pants & leaving him... to dating men recklessly... to finally wondering if the one I have now may be "The One"... gives me a bit of an insight. What I think is that first loves are great, and so are second and third ones but please go out, experience the world and all it has to give, grow into a wonderful beautiful person inside & out, THEN and only then should you entertain thoughts about settling down with someone forever and ever and ever.... because that is SUCH A LONG TIME!!!
Sckott Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 Originally posted by ~glitter*gal~ I read somewhere that brain chemistry has a lot to do with this... If you want to be with him and he is great like you say then this is probably the case. When you first are infatuated with someone your brain releases chemicals that give you a natural high i.e. increased happiness, colors are brighter, & flowers smell better than before. (edit) This deserves another look. I was in a relationship with someone who had pretty wacky "brain chemistry". She slept sometimes weird hours, sometimes manic, sometimes just fine. One day, she just came to me and told me she just doesn't want to live with me anymore. Soon after, the eventual breakup. Just weeks before this, we were about to come up to 3 years in a relationship that we shared so much with, built, on and on. I'm certain her heart and her mind wasn't talking straight when we were in ups and downs. Her desire for sex was up and down, her excitement was followed by sadness sometimes and so on. While it's no one's perfect answer, it's a very good point. Bravo.
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