d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 OLD is great in many ways, you meet people you most likely might not ever see IRL...but, with the way the world is today with creepy and violent people, the screening process online takes a bit longer. You spend way too much time talking and getting to know people online before you ever meet up that it ruins all the first date questions and stuff most people would talk about. Am I the only one who feels this way? I work from home, and don't get out much so OLD is pretty much the best way for me to meet people right now. and its starting to get frustrating.
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I didn't like OLD. Then again I can't sjop on line because the experience loses something for me so I didn't really think it was going to work. I also think that the OL getting to know you process gives people a false sense of seurity & leads them to believe that the genuinely know the stranger they are meeting for the 1st time. 2
PegNosePete Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 with the way the world is today with creepy and violent people, the screening process online takes a bit longer. Really? How long does your "screening process" take if a guy asks for your number in a bar? Or do you simply forego the screening process because weirdos and nutters don't hang around in bars...? My "screening process" takes place on the profile rather than in the messages. I am very picky about who I will message. So far that's worked out very well for me, I've never had a "bad date" that so many seem to complain about - and I've met a lot so it can't just be luck. You spend way too much time talking and getting to know people online before you ever meet up Do you? I don't. I always meet up sooner rather than later. Usually within a week of initial contact, 2 at the very most. 1
carhill Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Life is rife with compromises. 'Getting out and socializing' costs time and money too, and meeting ostensibly single and interested partners is a crap-shoot in that realm as well, so there's really no panacea, rather what works in the moment. Personally, I had more success with meeting single women from online (or telephone, or newspaper if going back to the dark ages) dating than I ever did with socializing and I spent a ton of time and money on socializing from my late teens until late 20's, so nearly a decade. Does OLD have pitfalls? Sure! You spend way too much time talking and getting to know people online before you ever meet up that it ruins all the first date questions and stuff most people would talk about. Am I the only one who feels this way? You have control over that process and have choices. Myself, if I find a few online messages flow, I simply ask them to meet up at a restaurant I like and take it from there. Max interaction, a week at most, sometimes less. I found, aging, such interactions are more brief because both parties have plenty of experience and know what they want. When I was younger, like in my 20's, I was more circumspect, likely to my own detriment. Life taught those lessons. Lastly, manage expectations. One has choices there as well. Not every interaction has to 'go somewhere'. That's OK!
Author d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Exactly. But most people won't meet you IRL for a real date unless you spill your guts online and that ruins that first date get-to-know the real you deal. They already know everything but your real personality 2
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I don't think you have to spill your guts 1st to move from OL to IRL. You need to carry on some sort of conversation to put the other person at ease but if you say you would rather get to know each other IRL a genuine person who you are compatible with will meet you. If they remain hesitent, perhaps that is a sign you aren't a good match. Remember OLD is a tool. It should be used as such -- as one of a number of ways to meet people, not the only way.
PegNosePete Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 If you're running out of things to say before even meeting then I think you would have problems on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th or 5th dates anyway! If someone doen't want to meet then just press NEXT.
carhill Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I tend to focus on interests and sense how the conversation flows. IOW, ask questions and share some of my interests and watch the interaction dynamics. Would we interact well in person, regardless of attraction? The attraction part is unknown until being in each other's physical presence so, in the realm of romantic relationships, getting to that point is the goal of any prior interaction. Otherwise, I'll be hanging out with my male friends and talking cars and drinking beer.
TheBladeRunner Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Exactly. But most people won't meet you IRL for a real date unless you spill your guts online and that ruins that first date get-to-know the real you deal. They already know everything but your real personality That was my problem with it. I work from home as well and yes, it is tough to get out. Might I suggest pushing yourself to get out there to meet people IRL, this is what I have had to do. I go to the gym, I go bowling, I am starting to go to church, and even a trip to a crowded bar let's me start conversations with other people. Last date I had I met through a friend whose kid goes to school with my kid. Gotta' try to build a network, it's scary at first but it gets easier. No more OLD for me: It's too much like a job interview and yes.....there are some crazies on there. It's easy to hide behind the Internet IMO. Good luck and get out there!........It's pretty fun! 1
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Online dating is not meant for you to 'get to know' someone on line. It's meant to make contact then the 'getting to know' is suppose to be happening face to face. If you are the type to be scared about meeting strangers then meet during the day in public places as many times as you wish till you feel comfortable. When I was online and made an interesting contact we made plans to meet over coffee often during the first conversation and the meeting was scheduled within 5 days. Any man I came across that wanted to 'chat' was dismissed. I was not in business to chat, or text, or skype, I was in business to meet. 4
TheBladeRunner Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 When I was online and made an interesting contact we made plans to meet over coffee often during the first conversation and the meeting was scheduled within 5 days. Any man I came across that wanted to 'chat' was dismissed. I was not in business to chat, or text, or skype, I was in business to meet. Yup, in bold! You will NEVER know until until you meet them face to face. I could never fall in love or have spark with a photo and so much meaning is lost in ANY text.
user165464 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 (edited) OLD is great in many ways, you meet people you most likely might not ever see IRL...but, with the way the world is today with creepy and violent people, the screening process online takes a bit longer. You spend way too much time talking and getting to know people online before you ever meet up that it ruins all the first date questions and stuff most people would talk about. Am I the only one who feels this way? I work from home, and don't get out much so OLD is pretty much the best way for me to meet people right now. and its starting to get frustrating. OLD sucks! It's a shopping catalogue for women and men and people NEVER turn out exactly like their profile (even if they try to be accurate). It's extremely grueling because you spend so much time with messages (I get blocked usually if I ask within a week in my experience) and when you do meet a lot of the small talk is already covered leaving you with either going over the same things again or trying to find something else in common. Like someone else said here you end up knowing everything about this person bar their real personality. I'm impressed if anyone has ended up meeting their SO through it, I'd wager it to be extremely rare. I mean, some of the people you've seen - how many of them would you have directly asked out at a bar or something? Probably only 5-10%. Edited May 29, 2014 by user165464 1
jbelle6 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I will never do it. I love forums and discussion, went on the POF boards and tried to respond but had to make a profile in order to do so. So I made a just friends one. My header at the top was actually FRIENDS. In my profile I have things I would like to do like a sushi class, any cooking class, baking, wine tasting. I asked for male or female, guess maybe I should have said female. But ewwwwwwwwwwwwww. I got a lot of gross messages. They have died down since the first days but that put me right off it. I see my friends seeing people that seem addicted to it, just wanting to go on date after date never choosing anyone, thinking the next will be better maybe?
FitChick Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 you spend so much time with messages and when you do meet a lot of the small talk is already covered leaving you with either going over the same things again or trying to find something else in common. Like someone else said here you end up knowing everything about this person Then don't marry. You have to make conversation with the person the rest of your life. And that's how you know if someone is for you. You never run out of things to say. I prefer online dating. More efficient. 1
PegNosePete Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I see my friends seeing people that seem addicted to it, just wanting to go on date after date never choosing anyone, thinking the next will be better maybe? Ya cos no-one ever does that in "real life" right?
soccerrprp Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 OLD worked very well for me. Made contact, emailed a bit, talked on the phone and set-up a date to "really" get to know the person. I don't allow the emails/electronic communication to go too long. I ask sooner than later.
carhill Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Outlining one frustration which has apparently struck people, the first lady I dated after splitting up with my exW commented, after giving me a hug when we first met, that I looked exactly like my pictures. I was thinking 'why shouldn't I, I just took them!'. I don't know whether she was just a hugger or happy to see that I wasn't using images from 20 years ago IME, looking back to the late 80's, I think I only ran into one questionable person, as described in the OP, and that was back during the days of 'telephone personals' where you'd respond to an ad in the newspaper, leave a phone message for the person and they'd call back if interested. This one lady seemed to have her days and nights reversed and I'd get calls at all hours. After a couple days of that, I blocked her number. Shortly after that, though, I met a nice single mom the same way and we dated for a couple months. No real frustrations here. I'll likely check out OLD once I'm moved if I find I'm not meeting single ladies in everyday life. It has its place, mainly to provide first contact. After that, who knows?
Mrin Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 OLD worked very well for me. Made contact, emailed a bit, talked on the phone and set-up a date to "really" get to know the person. I don't allow the emails/electronic communication to go too long. I ask sooner than later. This. Same here. OLD is all about deciding if and getting to the first meet up. Period.
jbelle6 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Ya cos no-one ever does that in "real life" right? It's worse with online dating as you could easily approach twenty women in a night if one chose to. I doubt it would be as easy to approach that volume in real life. 1
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