lauri Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 What a lame breadcrumb. Of course your okay. You're going to make her realize that by you not responding and "appearing" to be perfectly fine with her breaking up with you. Even though this hurts, you need to stay strong and not cave in. Every response you give her the bigger the hole you will dig. Disappear and give her what she wanted. 1
realfriends Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 What they say is true "I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her." I started NC with the same hopes as you, but with due time, things change. You just have to give it time.
Zahara Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Don't answer, Jupiter. NC has to start somewhere. Going back and forth, putting little bandaids and ripping them off will never allow that wound to heal. Feel the pain. She knows you need NC. She's not stupid. She knows the only way you're going to recover is by detaching and she knows that you're doing it because you have to move on and not because you don't love her. Day 1.
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 So last night I asked my ex could we talk, this was after she have me a breadcrumb, I was great all day until last night when my mind began to wonder what if...... So we talked and again I broke into an argument but this time I asked her to respect my wishes and leave me....... Unless she wants to be with me while heartedly. I said I did not want to hear from her unless this is what she wanted. She was annoyed because "I was telling her how this is ending" her words not mine. So I've woke up this morning missing her more than ever? It's weird but it feels like I'm back at square 1 AGAIN
Greeneyegemini Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 You feel like you're back at square 1 because you talked to her. I know, it's hard. I broke NC a couple days ago and got all butthurt that he didn't reply at all. But I figure he's doing the NC too. Just try to keep busy so you don't think about her so much. I'm gonna learn to play the guitar, and run...alot. Helps with the endorphins and all that stuff. Don't forget, you're not alone. If you ever get the urge to message/contact her just post here
Marco Valerio Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 If I was you I would stop contacting her by using NC. Try for once in this situation to think just in your needs. So stop thinking about her and move on. Be brave.
miffymars Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 So last night I asked my ex could we talk, this was after she have me a breadcrumb, I was great all day until last night when my mind began to wonder what if...... So we talked and again I broke into an argument but this time I asked her to respect my wishes and leave me....... Unless she wants to be with me while heartedly. I said I did not want to hear from her unless this is what she wanted. She was annoyed because "I was telling her how this is ending" her words not mine. So I've woke up this morning missing her more than ever? It's weird but it feels like I'm back at square 1 AGAIN This...is exactly what I've been going through in my head. My ex has been giving me breadcrumbs nonstop and I feel like I just want to tell him to leave me alone but I don't have the balls to do it and I feel like I'd be a complete mess if I talk to him again. I know an argument would occur. I've been in NC for a month and 2 weeks now and I wish I had the guts to do what you did. You let her know that hey this is what I expect and if you're not going to deliver there is no point in contacting me. You're putting your needs first and making it clear to her. In my eyes I feel like even though you broke NC it was necessary and that it may actually be easier for you here on out. That is...if she quits breadcrumbing you. I understand that you feel that way but to be honest it's for the best you've laid it all out and the balls in her court now. It's better than having your ex breadcrumb you to the point of driving you completely mad with the over-analyzing, over-thinking, and second-guessing your NC decision. It's really testing my strength...sometimes I feel like I should talk to him but I know full well I won't be able to handle that at all..I realize it's what helps me to keep NC. It's up to her to show you if she really wants it to work. Actions speak louder than words! I also give you major credit for doing what you did as it is NOT easy...keep up the NC! Stay strong!
slouch Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Weird- I did almost the exact same thing a few days back! I think if you've broken NC for necessary reasons, it is very hard to then go back to it- for both people. In my case, there was a genuine and unavoidable issue that we needed to address, but she took that as a green light to tell me she was worried about me. Not what I wanted to hear at that point in my healing process. So I asked her, in so many words, to leave me alone. I would've preferred to have stayed NC, but I think there are some positives to this. Telling them to back off is a pretty powerful statement, particularly if you've been through that whole phase of begging them to stay. If you can say that and mean it, no matter how badly you miss them, you've at least proved to yourself that you can see yourself living without them. In a way I also think it flips the dynamics of the break-up- maybe they start to feel a bit like the dumpee. I would never advise it as a substitute for NC but if the situation demands it then it's not a bad option. Certainly better than falling for every breadcrumb they drop.
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I broke NC a few days back as well. I logically understand that with the results of why our child passed just weeks away - a true NC is just not possible - as my doctor will not share this information with him - and he deserves to know as much as I do. Some things had come up in life as they sometimes do. We fought - we talked. He diverted blame (something he's good at) and I acknowledged MY PART in the blame and held him accountable for his as well. He ended the conversation asking me to come by for a beer when he got back from his weekend trip "for the road" At the end of the weekend after thinking about it all weekend I wrote him an email. Explaining that I had never claimed to be a victim or angel in our split - that in truth - my lashing out at him afterwards was precisely so I WOULDN'T FEEL LIKE A VICTIM. And that if he was so angry over me treating him with as little care and respect as his actions made me feel he had treated me, then perhaps he might learn from it. That despite his accusations over and over again about how he wasn't coming back - and he was done with me - that he was still obviously trying to use my emotions and fear of abandonment to manipulate me, which showed he has not grown at all from our experience. I then told him I would not be contacting him again until the results of our tests came back - and even then I may just mail them to him, and I would appreciate it if he would do the same, until he had at least learned from his mistakes. He had the same impression - that I had no right to be hurt or angry because I was the one who decided how our relationship would end. (Refused his offer to be "good friends - the top of the list!" four days after a miscarriage) You need to accept that this DOES change the dynamics of the relationship. They do feel like the dumpee. Some will react as your ex - and plead so they can regain the "upper hand" ... some like mine and try to use your own weaknesses against you for the same reason. NC NC until the day comes that what she needs and wants from you doesn't matter to you NC until the day you don't really care if she comes back or not.
lime87 Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 I think you're beginning to head down the path that's right for you. Well done for telling her to leave you alone. NC is a hard path to follow but it's the right one for you at the moment. I had a single breadcrumb from my ex via WhatsApp. I ignored it. It made me feel truly horrible - after all this isn't what I used to do to him, I would be happy and text away! But in your case she chose to end your relationship - you don't owe her anything as she has ended the bond you had. She has broken that bond! You'll miss her, but work on building yourself back up and healing your heart. It won't happen overnight sadly, but you'll see progress soon. No-one can tell you what'll happen in the future, but let her know what it's like without you in her life by maintaining NC. You took an important step today. Post on here if you're tempted to contact her - don't bottle feelings away. I found this very good to read when I felt at my lowest (and I do still feel very low in waves so I re read it a lot): Breakup Recovery Guide 1
counterman Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 This line here tells me your girl has some serious issues. Trust me, you are better off. I agree with what enigma said. When my ex broke up with him and when I said I wouldn't be contacting her because it'll hurt too much, she said "I know with you it's always that way -- I want you there for me but with you, it's all or nothing". Excuse me? You broke up with me and you expect me to hang around and feed off your bread crumbs? It is wrong on so many levels. If she said "you are telling me how it is ending", think too yourself "Er, no, you told me how it is ending, when you broke up with me". Just look out for yourself, man. This is crap. Don't buy into it. Now you really have to stick by what you said and stick to NC, unless she whole heartedly (it'll have to be a drastic turn around) says and shows that she wants to be with you. That's funny, she got angry at you for you trying to protect yourself from getting hurt.
martaldn Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 So last night I asked my ex could we talk, this was after she have me a breadcrumb, I was great all day until last night when my mind began to wonder what if...... So we talked and again I broke into an argument but this time I asked her to respect my wishes and leave me....... Unless she wants to be with me while heartedly. I said I did not want to hear from her unless this is what she wanted. She was annoyed because "I was telling her how this is ending" her words not mine. So I've woke up this morning missing her more than ever? It's weird but it feels like I'm back at square 1 AGAIN yes - you are back to square 1. now you know how bad this feeling is.. and try not to go back there again! Be strong!!!
Zahara Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 She was annoyed because "I was telling her how this is ending" her words not mine. So I've woke up this morning missing her more than ever? It's weird but it feels like I'm back at square 1 AGAIN Of course she was annoyed. She's not in control of her emotional puppet anymore. She won't be getting the ego stroke anymore. Where will she now get the attention of a pining man? Take that as a sign that she's more concerned about how she feels versus the pain that you feel with contact. Everytime you break NC, you go back to square one. You're never going to allow the wound to heal if you keep going back and picking at it. Day 1. 1
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Thanks guys I was tempted to txt her right now so came on here and now I'm defo not going to...... Having a bad day with wrk etc so usually reach out to her but now I will just deal with it!
Zahara Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Thanks guys I was tempted to txt her right now so came on here and now I'm defo not going to...... Having a bad day with wrk etc so usually reach out to her but now I will just deal with it! Can't keep going to her whenever you have problems or keep using it as an excuse to break NC. Find your own coping skills.
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 So last night I asked my ex could we talk, this was after she have me a breadcrumb, I was great all day until last night when my mind began to wonder what if...... So we talked and again I broke into an argument but this time I asked her to respect my wishes and leave me....... Unless she wants to be with me while heartedly. I said I did not want to hear from her unless this is what she wanted. She was annoyed because "I was telling her how this is ending" her words not mine. So I've woke up this morning missing her more than ever? It's weird but it feels like I'm back at square 1 AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE BACK AT SQUARE ONE, DUMMY! HELL, YOU NEVER EVEN GOT OFF SQUARE ONE!!!! Ugh....okay, look. NC is a tool. It's a tool to help YOU heal and move on with your life. It's a tool to help you heal more quickly from this relationship. NC is NOT a tool to help you get your Ex back, RARELY does this ever happen. Look, she made the choice to have you out of her life. So, be out of it! There are 7 billion people on this planet and you're hung up on the one that told you she doesn't want you anymore! Dude, there are more women than men on this earth! There's going to be more girls and more opportunities for you and you might meet a girl that is going to rock your world and you'll look back at your Ex and think, "What the hell was I thinking?!?!" But, your never going to find this girl if you're hung up on the one that doesn't want you! You've broken NC twice and what was the outcome of BOTH instances? Ummmm.....a big fight. BOTH TIMES!!! Dude, time to buy a clue! Now, is what I'm writing a little harsh? YEP! But, hopefully it's enough to open your eyes and say to yourself that you don't deserved to be treated like sh*t and that there is a girl that would love to spend time with me. So, I'm gonna go find her. 1
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 She did another breadcrumb...... After I asked her not to. Telling me what she's been doing today and "hope my day is been good" WTF NC still going strong lol
KaliLove Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 And you haven't blocked her yet because...why again? 2
Zahara Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 She did another breadcrumb...... After I asked her not to. Telling me what she's been doing today and "hope my day is been good" WTF NC still going strong lol Why haven't you blocked her? 1
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Posted May 30, 2014 Blocked, I guess I just wanted to see if she would make an effort but let's be honest if she did we wouldn't be in this predicament, now she's BLOCKED 2
JoeFallkon Posted May 30, 2014 Posted May 30, 2014 Here's a free ebook I just found on NC Hope it helps. Barely goin half way. Just click.on the book .. Rules of No Contact - All About The No Contact Rule To Help Get An Ex Back! | Rules of No Contact
jbelle6 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Glad you blocked her. And to anyone previously who told you good for you, it was necessary to let her know not to contact you, bull. When she breadcrumbs you and you text back to tell her not to text you, it's ridiculous. Would you phone someone to tell them you don't want to speak with them? Know what says leave me alone the best? Not responding. But you don't really want her to leave you alone. You need to really want her to.
David87 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Blocked, I guess I just wanted to see if she would make an effort but let's be honest if she did we wouldn't be in this predicament, now she's BLOCKED Finally you got the b***s to do it.
Author Jupiter1111 Posted July 18, 2014 Author Posted July 18, 2014 It's been 8 weeks since we broke up, she dumped me. After fin lay doing NC I had what I thought had seen a somewhat light and got in the right path but last Tuesday I broke NC, don't ask me why I guess I just felt down and wanted to lean on her. But now I find I'm contacting her a lot and she's seems fine and not interested in seeing me. I feel like I've been dragged back to square 1. How do I reset and restart back on the path? I constantly have thoughts of her meeting someone else and moving on and I know its inevitable that we both will I just want to do it 1st (some what petty I know) Don't get me wrong I have been messaging new woman but every time it goes to going out with them I bottle it or can't go through with it because i think about her.
d0nnivain Posted July 18, 2014 Posted July 18, 2014 You rewire your brain to not contact her. You come up with something else you are going to do when you have the urge to contact her. There's a thread on LS where you can post. Call your BFF & tell that person to talk you out of contacting the EX. Go for a walk. Do jumping jacks. Do whatever you have to until the urge passes. Meanwhile rearrange your environment. Box up all the photos, gifts mementos, anything that reminds you of your EX. Now get a hair cut. Rearrange your living space. Put the chair in the other corner, move the bed etc. 1
Recommended Posts