Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 So last night I spoke to my ex, we broke up over a week ago and last night I told her I wouldn't contact her again. She ended it with me and I've been devastated, when I told her this she got upset. Now I want to message her and make sure she is ok and basically just speak to her........ Wat should I do? I would love to have her back?
Greeneyegemini Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 If she broke up with you....shouldn't she be the one checking to see if you're ok? I don't know the details of your relationship, and I've only been broken up for a week...but I know without a doubt No Contact is the way to go. You'll go crazy if you contact her and she doesn't reply...or if she does reply it'll be something you don't want to hear. You just need to apply NC. And focus on yourself. If she wants back with you... she'll let you know. And not in some half assed "oh how was your day" kinda text. Don't be tempted to reply to those. The guy who dumped me is NCing me...so I don't have to worry about stuff like that... 2
Hello201 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 im one week after she broke it off and two weeks since she said she wants a break dont do it go no contact , she may breadcrumb you as mine did monday dont reply be strong focus on your self read all the threads on here it will help you does she want you back ? you wont know if you keep on at her it may make it worse
scrazee Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Trust me... I've broken NC multiple times over the last two weeks. Each time I keep banging my head against the wall asking myself WHY???? No POSITIVE emotions ever came out of the NC. EVER, at least from my experience. I was also the one who got dumped. It hurts more for us because most of the times, we weren't ready for it. If you're like me, I was more invested emotionally into the relationship. Being the one more emotionally invested doesn't help during times like these. You need to take these emotions and divert it to focus on yourself and improving yourself. You need to accept that things ended and not going fully NC is not going to do you any good.
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 I contacted her and it turned into an argument. I'm just so bitter about it all, I'm gutted that I didn't have the strength to keep NC. Now I'm back at square 1 of NC AAAAHHHHHH
scrazee Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) Yeah, man... Mine was the same way. I broke NC and contacted her MULTIPLE separate occasions and each time it turned into an argument. Like I said, even though I havn't been able to stick to NC 100%, I don't think contacting her will do you any good at all. It's going to be a struggle, but that just shows you how good a person and caring you are for another. It's normal to feel all the difficult emotions and wanting to contact her. Be good to yourself and know that breaking NC is not doing any good to yourself. Edited May 28, 2014 by scrazee
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 It's hard and sounds pathetic but I believed this person was the one for me, it's so hard when I truly believe it and she can't see it. I would love her to come around and see it but it's not gona happen
scrazee Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You know... in fact the multiple times I've broken NC was to try and persuade her to see if she would have a weak heart and come back to the relationship. I've always been the one making the necessary changes but it never worked out in the end. It takes two to clap. Relationship is the same way. If you're head over heels into the relationship and she's not, then it's going to eventually end. All I'm saying is it seems like you and I are in a very similar situation and our exes acted in a very similar way in dumping us, but at this point, I've already accepted that the relationship between her and I ended and will no longer work. I think that is the first step in addition to NC. Allow yourself to feel the pain and don't react to it. Easier said than done... because I'm struggling the same way. But we got to try.
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 I'm annoyed that it seems so easy for her even though when we do talk I tell her I love her and she says "we shouldn't say that anymore but I love you too" I keep telling myself I need to get over it but I can't and sometimes feel so low
David87 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I'm annoyed that it seems so easy for her even though when we do talk I tell her I love her and she says "we shouldn't say that anymore but I love you too" I keep telling myself I need to get over it but I can't and sometimes feel so low Don't be a doormat my firend, you told her you wont call her again and now you want to talk to her ? to see if she's ok ? She dumped you, it's over done, caput try to move on. 2
scrazee Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Yeah... my ex seemed to moved on already. She's already going on dates... and we broke up two weeks ago. I know how you're feeling that it seems so easy for her even though for us it's just like our veins are running in acids... Hang in there. You won't get over her now but know that it's a process and give yourself time. Be good to yourself, man.
ahthepain Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You told her you wouldn't contact her. Prove to yourself you are strong enough to live life without her. Go NC and in a few months when you are happy with yourself and don't even want her back wait for the texts when she realises what she lost. 1
elseaacych Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 She made her choice. She isn't going to take you back. She doesn't want you back. You did the right thing by telling her not to contact you. Stick to it, because there is nothing you can do right now to get the outcome you want. The best thing for you to do now is to do right by you and keep your mouth shut, and move on gracefully. Only then will she realize what she's lost, but it will likely be too late, you will be happier, and you will "win". 1
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 I literally have messaged her abt 15 times today even though she replies it just pity I assume..... Where do I restart and go back NC. All I seem to do is rant and it makes me feel worthless and pity myself. Need some harsh realities and some stern words I think???
counterman Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Yeah, don't contact her. Stay strong. She made a decision to end it with you and no amount of contact would make her want to change that. Use this time to really accept that it's over and to heal. Do things you enjoy. Meet other girls. Hang out with friends. 1
CarrieT Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Delete her number off your phone. Today is a new day. Post here when you are tempted to contact her so we can talk you out of it. 1
ahthepain Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I know it is so hard bro. You don't need to send a final text or anything. Just don't text her. Don't do it to try to win her back from NC, do it for yourself. I know it's so hard but trust me you will feel SOO much better if you stick at it. I jut wanted to talk to my ex all the time, but after doing NC it has helped a hell of a lot. 2
Zahara Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I literally have messaged her abt 15 times today even though she replies it just pity I assume..... Where do I restart and go back NC. All I seem to do is rant and it makes me feel worthless and pity myself. Need some harsh realities and some stern words I think??? Seems like 15 messages a day hasn't changed anything, has it? So, what's the alternative? NC today and it starts now. NC is empowering because it helps you regain control, and eventhough painful, it serves a very important purpose. Unlike ranting and raving -- 15 messages a day has produced zero results except to diminish you. Everytime you want to break it, step back and talk yourself out of it or come here and vent. Call a friend. Rant at them. Honestly, the more you behave this way, the more you push her away and the longer you stay in your hole. 2
lauri Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 How long do you want to be in pain for? I suggest you go NC. I would stop messaging her completely...if you can't do that, I suggest you message her telling her you would appreciate if she wouldn't contact you again unless she is willing to get back together, because you still love her and now need to spend some time getting over her and focusing on yourself. After that, delete her number and never respond again. You really don't want to be put into the friend zone or be pitied. You need to regain your strength and self control - she will NEVER respect you if you stick around...trust me. Every message you send her and every time you are around, the more she is turned off and the more she realizes she made the "Right" choice. Get out before this gets worse.
martaldn Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Leave your phone at home/work and go for some fresh air. go for a walk or a coffee or a ciggi anything that can help to distract yourself from contacting her. I have done exactly the same thing less than 1 week ago. last time I have contacted him i have sent so many emails and Facebook messages I lost the count. he didnt even respond me cause mine were only rants and angry words. I have been there so many times but nothing made things better. this from Zahara the more you behave this way, the more you push her away and the longer you stay in your hole is SO true. 3
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 The frustration is killing me I know her number of by heart..... I'm just gona rant to you guys everytime I want to message her, or when I do I'm gona come on here and get advice and at least give u guys a chance to help me 1st Thanks everyone I really appreciate your help and support. I only joined this yesterday and it's already making me feel stronger with everyone's help 1
Zahara Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 The frustration is killing me I know her number of by heart..... I'm just gona rant to you guys everytime I want to message her, or when I do I'm gona come on here and get advice and at least give u guys a chance to help me 1st Thanks everyone I really appreciate your help and support. I only joined this yesterday and it's already making me feel stronger with everyone's help So, when you rant to her, what are you saying to her? And what are her responses to you? Curious at to what you're saying 15 times a day -- as in are you bashing her or are you pleading/expressing your hurt?
Always Pondering Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 The frustration is killing me I know her number of by heart..... Don't worry, just delete her number from your phone, any kind of contact source that you may have (her email, social media, etc.) and in due time you may end up forgetting completely. I used to know my ex's number by heart too and nowadays I cannot even remember the first digit besides the area code for the life of me.
Author Jupiter1111 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 I'm just ranting about stuff like "if u say u love me why are we breaking up, surly if u loved me u would want to work at it?" Stuff like that then I feel fine and just apologies for bugging her at wrk etc Them think I've blew all my chances of getting back together when in reality we won't anyway..... I'm genuinely fine at nights it's just mornings and mid afternoon I start getting the urge to message her
lauri Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) I'm just ranting about stuff like "if u say u love me why are we breaking up, surly if u loved me u would want to work at it?" Stuff like that then I feel fine and just apologies for bugging her at wrk etc Them think I've blew all my chances of getting back together when in reality we won't anyway..... I'm genuinely fine at nights it's just mornings and mid afternoon I start getting the urge to message her I'm going to be completely honest with you, as I feel you'll need to hear this to help you move on. You are correct, you have 0.1% chance of getting back with her. Every message you send, every time you respond, you push her further away. By begging, pleading, etc you have dug yourself into a hole. You can still regain your strength and self control. You appear weak, look like you lack self control and seem like you lack confidence. What girl will want to be with someone who is in this state? She broke up with you because she lost that "spark" over a period of time. You will not convince her to change her mind by sticking around - she needs a chance to miss you and re-evaluate things without you around. All you are doing is painting an image in her head of negative attributes of yourself - this isn't what made her fall inlove with you in the first place. Good news is, not all is lost. You need to bring that person back you were before this breakup and stop wasting your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you. It is a simple as that. They say things to make the blow less painful to you, such as I still love you, but all your mind does is play tricks on you and takes it as a chance to get back together. Your relationship is over. Finito. There is nothing more for you to say to her...but I promise you, once you disappear and stop messaging her, she will start to wonder and throw out a few meaningless breadcrumbs to try to lure you in. Some ex girlfriends cannot stand that you are moving on and no longer an option for them...they love to keep you in their back pocket until they are fully over you and don't feel guilty anymore (some people are very selfish). Best thing you can do is hit the gym, look better, dress better and improve yourself. Then one day, she may try to come back to you and the best part is, you'll be in control and you can make a SOUND decision if you want to get back with HER (not the other way around). Your end goal is to regain self-control...your first step is deleting her number. Edited May 28, 2014 by lauri 4
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