I dont get you men!

[mangetout]

]Is it me or is it him?

 

I went on a date last Friday. The chemistry between us was smoking. We had so much in common and we couldn’t stop touching each other. He gave me numerous compliments about the way I looked and how much he admired me as a person etc. He even made the effort to text me when he was getting the drinks at the bar to say how lovely I am.. I was a bit taken back with the way he openly expressed how much he liked me but flattered anyways.

 

The night ended with a passionate kiss and he asked to see me again.I couldn’t have been happier.

 

I didn’t hear off him for the next couple of days so I made the first move and texted. I kept it light and asked him how he was and eventually asked him what he really thought about our date. He replied with “ I think we had an amazing time…you are fantastic, very attractive, sweet and very sensual”.We then texted a bit more but there was no mention of another meetup.

So I asked him if he would like to meet again in the near future to which he replied that he has an issue of just seeing me at the weekends ( he knew I was a single mum and can only go out weekends).I explained again that I couldn’t get a babysitter except for the weekends.

]He didn’t reply that that. Heard nothing back off him since.That was four days ago.And no he isn’t busy because he use to answer all my text messages within five mins before our date

 

So I have deleted his number.

But whats with the mixed signals? That guy was all over me on our date.WTF?

Edited May 28, 2014 by mangetout

[mangetout]

He is clearly not a sincere man. Anyway, whether he changed his mind after the date or wants to keep me sweet for a back up plan, he has lost me for good.

 

 

Cant be doing with immaturity like that. Why all those stupid compliments

[Grumpybutfun]

He is afraid of being involved with or inconvenienced by your schedule of being a single mom. He was trying not to sound like a douche and say he couldn't handle you having other, more pressing, responsibilities. You did the right thing. Don't waste any more time and move on.

IMHO,

Grumps

[Keenly]

You're giving up too easily

[Mrin]

That's a pretty douche move in my opinion. The variable he is objecting to was known before you even met up - that you are a single mom. That didn't change. So why even meet up? What did change is that you two hit it off on the first date. And now he's objecting to the variable that was already known??

 

Forgive me, but that's a dick move. Either he just wanted to seduce you and that's why he took you out or he's immature. Either way move on.

 

There is a big difference between dating full time single moms and part time / shared custody single moms. You don't screw around with a full time single mom's time. It is far too precious. IMHO

[mangetout]

You're giving up too easily

 

Why do you think that?

 

 

If he was a mature person he would understand that seeing me on the weekends would be the initial stages of dating. Obviously as we get to know each other better then he can meet my son and stay with me during the week.

 

 

Its hard work already.

[mangetout]

He is afraid of being involved with or inconvenienced by your schedule of being a single mom. He was trying not to sound like a douche and say he couldn't handle you having other, more pressing, responsibilities. You did the right thing. Don't waste any more time and move on.

IMHO,

Grumps

 

So why meet me in the first place. He knew I was a single mum.

[carhill]

If this was a first date, IMO wonderful time turned into reality check and he bailed, of course presuming he didn't choose to progress things with another lady he was seeing. Happens. The realities of dating a single mother (I know, having dated lots of them, and enjoyed it) perhaps didn't match up with the fireworks of the evening so things fizzled.

 

Since he had expressed interest in seeing you again while on the date, if such happens again in the future with another man, either make date plans at that moment or leave it for him to initiate those plans later, of course accepting the invitations of other kind gentleman you like who ask you out in the interim. If things work out, they do. If not, not. That's how dating goes!

[Gaeta]

You're giving up too easily

 

You think she should hang on to a man that disappears in the middle of a text exchange and doesn't give any sign for 4 days after that? If he cannot be a man and show his interest than some other dude will be happy to.

 

OP: A man appearing into you on a first date means nothing. I have learn that a lot of men are just into 'living in the moment' then they go to next to 'live in the moment' again. In my experience, a man that is impressed with meeting you will set a second date at the end of the first date.

[mangetout]

That's a pretty douche move in my opinion. The variable he is objecting to was known before you even met up - that you are a single mom. That didn't change. So why even meet up? What did change is that you two hit it off on the first date. And now he's objecting to the variable that was already known??

 

Forgive me, but that's a dick move. Either he just wanted to seduce you and that's why he took you out or he's immature. Either way move on.

 

There is a big difference between dating full time single moms and part time / shared custody single moms. You don't screw around with a full time single mom's time. It is far too precious. IMHO

 

 

Absolutely agree. I have moved on very quickly. But it just shows that you cannot trust people

[d0nnivain]

He liked you. He did not like te idea of your child. He's one of those people who consider other people's children baggage.

[Gaeta]

Absolutely agree. I have moved on very quickly. But it just shows that you cannot trust people

 

And you should not trust men you've been on 1 date with no matter what they say.

[Emilia]

Absolutely agree. I have moved on very quickly. But it just shows that you cannot trust people

Of course not, not this quickly. It was only 1 date.

[mangetout]

You think she should hang on to a man that disappears in the middle of a text exchange and doesn't give any sign for 4 days after that? If he cannot be a man and show his interest than some other dude will be happy to.

 

OP: A man appearing into you on a first date means nothing. I have learn that a lot of men are just into 'living in the moment' then they go to next to 'live in the moment' again. In my experience, a man that is impressed with meeting you will set a second date at the end of the first date.

 

This has never happened to me before.If a man isn't into me then they don't freak out and want to touch me all the time nor give me tons of compliments.

That was a first for me. Oh well. You live and learn.

[Zahara]

OP: A man appearing into you on a first date means nothing. I have learn that a lot of men are just into 'living in the moment' then they go to next to 'live in the moment' again. In my experience, a man that is impressed with meeting you will set a second date at the end of the first date.

 

^^^ This ^^^

[serial muse]

He liked you but he's wishy-washy. He probably knew that evening that he wasn't going to be able to go forward with more dating, but he couldn't tell you to your face.

 

Not everybody is wishy-washy, though - this is just one guy. I can understand your disappointment but he gave you valuable information, and you wouldn't want to date a guy like that anyway.

[mangetout]

Of course not, not this quickly. It was only 1 date.

 

Maybe trust was the wrong description to use because I don't trust him.

 

 

I thought he was sincere and took his word that he found me attractive enough to go on a second date. This man is 43 years old. He should know better.

 

 

Plus we were talking for three weeks before our date. He could have had the decency to at least let me know where I stood rather than not replying to my last message. What a coward.

[serial muse]

What a coward.

 

Yep. And good riddance.

[Emilia]

Maybe trust was the wrong description to use because I don't trust him.

 

 

I thought he was sincere and took his word that he found me attractive enough to go on a second date. This man is 43 years old. He should know better.

 

 

Plus we were talking for three weeks before our date. He could have had the decency to at least let me know where I stood rather than not replying to my last message. What a coward.

Lots of people aren't self-aware or aren't nice unfortunately. The best thing you can do is spend the first 3 months getting to know them to decide.

[carhill]

With the additional information about the three weeks thing, that's another issue to watch for. Since the 'talking' was apparently not in person, and you were apparently strangers, seek to limit non-personal contact prior to the first meeting. If a man is 'talking' to you and not asking you out on a date, accept dates with men who are asking you out on dates. At his age, 43, and presuming he's had the usual milieu of dates, relationships and maybe a marriage, there's no ambiguity about these things.

[Sunfire73]

Yup, I learned to not get my hopes up or get too excited about date 1. People can put their best foot forward on date 1, try to enjoy themselves, and just what others said, 'live in the moment'. But that doesn't mean anything. If there was not enough interest or if there are other better options, and if there is just too much inconvenience it ends there.

[mangetout]

With the additional information about the three weeks thing, that's another issue to watch for. Since the 'talking' was apparently not in person, and you were apparently strangers, seek to limit non-personal contact prior to the first meeting. If a man is 'talking' to you and not asking you out on a date, accept dates with men who are asking you out on dates. At his age, 43, and presuming he's had the usual milieu of dates, relationships and maybe a marriage, there's no ambiguity about these things.

 

 

 

The reason why we were talking for three weeks is because I had to cancel our first date that we arranged within a week of talking. We had planned to go for dinner but my son ended up in A and E because he cut his knee open.

 

 

And my goodness did this stupid man sound concerned. He tried to call me on that very night to make sure my son and I were okay. Followed by lots of messages asking how my son was for days afterwards.

 

 

What a hypocrite. Argh I hate men like him.

[mangetout]

Anyway I have just sent him a final message online saying that he is a coward for not even having the balls to reply to my last message.

 

 

I wont contact him after that now

[carhill]

Given more information (!), I'm leaning more towards path of least resistance/reality check and the 'issue with seeing me at the weekends' was his way of communicating that to you. Ambiguous, perhaps, but it clearly was a point of resistance, versus other, less resistive paths. Some men aren't cut out to date single mothers; others are.

 

I haven't read yet that he's a single father....is that coming? If he's not, and at his age, the path of least resistance will usually be with women whose children are grown or are childless.

 

All of this is of course presuming he's really single. I've 'gotten to know' enough married women to know that 'single' is just a word for some people.

[Keenly]

You went on one date. He didn't respond to one one text message. You made a threats non the internet to bash him, and you sent him a message insulting him.

 

 

Maybe I should make a thread about how I don't get women.