Sintroduction Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, because she found somebody local. They've been together since, but she's told me that she stills loves me, and isn't sure who to pick. She says she's trying to handle it in a way that causes the least amount of damage to me and e other guy, with no regard for how she herself feels. I told her to do whatever makes HER he happiest, and to forget about me and the other guy, and that's when she opened up to me a little. She told me that she straight up thinks I'm better than him, and that she misses me. As she wants to stay friends, and I can't do that. But my problem is with this guy. This guy broke up with his last girlfriend 1 month ago, and has been dating my ex for the last 2 weeks. In this time, he has convinced her that he would kill himself if she left him. Also told her that he wants to get her pregnant, move her to Italy from the US, AND PROPOSED to her in these short 2 weeks. She seems to be enjoying all of that, except for one part. She told me he's controlling. Forces her to have her hair a certain way when they go out etc, and that she feels she's bein treated like 'a black barbie'. She has also told me that she's scared to break up with him because he's unstable, she thinks he might really kill himself, or somebody else. I told her I would come over and make sure he doesn't do nannying to harm her, but she says despite all of that, she still loves him. How so I get her away from this nutcase? I don't even care if she decides not to come back to me, I just don't want her near this guy, it scares me to think that she might not be safe, or happy.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 She should go to the cops if she thinks he might kill someone if she leaves him, why the hell did she get mixed up with him in the first place. She must have support there, people who can help? It's not your responsibility. I think you're being there for her cos you want her back, if you knew she wouldn't come back would you still help? She's not asked for your help anyway has she? Anyway, like you said, she seems to be enjoying it and she loves him, so it's her lookout if she wants to be a fool. She must be loving the attention from both of you, she's got it made. Walk away. My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, because she found somebody local. They've been together since, but she's told me that she stills loves me, and isn't sure who to pick. She says she's trying to handle it in a way that causes the least amount of damage to me and e other guy, with no regard for how she herself feels. I told her to do whatever makes HER he happiest, and to forget about me and the other guy, and that's when she opened up to me a little. She told me that she straight up thinks I'm better than him, and that she misses me. As she wants to stay friends, and I can't do that. But my problem is with this guy. This guy broke up with his last girlfriend 1 month ago, and has been dating my ex for the last 2 weeks. In this time, he has convinced her that he would kill himself if she left him. Also told her that he wants to get her pregnant, move her to Italy from the US, AND PROPOSED to her in these short 2 weeks. She seems to be enjoying all of that, except for one part. She told me he's controlling. Forces her to have her hair a certain way when they go out etc, and that she feels she's bein treated like 'a black barbie'. She has also told me that she's scared to break up with him because he's unstable, she thinks he might really kill himself, or somebody else. I told her I would come over and make sure he doesn't do nannying to harm her, but she says despite all of that, she still loves him. How so I get her away from this nutcase? I don't even care if she decides not to come back to me, I just don't want her near this guy, it scares me to think that she might not be safe, or happy.
Author Sintroduction Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 I don't really see us getting back together anymore, I've spoken to her about it like 3 times and she's always chosen him. But now that I know what he's like, I can't let her stay with him. I love her, and I refuse to walk away while she could be getting hurt. She should go to the cops if she thinks he might kill someone if she leaves him, why the hell did she get mixed up with him in the first place. She must have support there, people who can help? It's not your responsibility. I think you're being there for her cos you want her back, if you knew she wouldn't come back would you still help? She's not asked for your help anyway has she? Anyway, like you said, she seems to be enjoying it and she loves him, so it's her lookout if she wants to be a fool. She must be loving the attention from both of you, she's got it made. Walk away.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I think you're pretending to yourself that you're concerned for her sake purely, rather than it's cos you want to show her you care cos you want her back. You're only human. It's nice that you show concern even though you're not together now, but just be aware of what your intentions are. And this isn't keeping you hoping then? It would me. >They've been together since, but she's told me that she stills loves me, and isn't sure who to pick< >She told me that she straight up thinks I'm better than him, and that she misses me< She's keeping you dangling and it's not fair of her. And she said she loves him and she's enjoying it. I don't really see us getting back together anymore, I've spoken to her about it like 3 times and she's always chosen him. But now that I know what he's like, I can't let her stay with him. I love her, and I refuse to walk away while she could be getting hurt.
Woggle Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Let her be. She chose this so she has to deal with it. 1
Author Sintroduction Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 You're absolutely right, I definitely want to get back with her, and I'm hoping that I can convince her to get away from this guy and stay with me. But even if she doesn't, I'm scared of letting her stay with this guy, she's being taken advantage of so easily at this point. For claritys sake, she is also only 16 and I feel like she is being manipulated. She's absolutely keeping me hopeful, honestly I'm sure she's doing it on purpose to keep me around as I've told her that I will have to leave and move on. Everytime I try to leave, I feel like she gives me a little bit of hope, and last night I told her to stop doing that, which is what lead to the conversation about her boyfriend. I just wish I knew the right things to say.. Everybody tells me to play it cool, or hard to get, but it never works and she ends up hurt, and I usually end up pouring my heart out anyway. I should leave, but I love her, and I've never felt love like this before, I need her :/ I think you're pretending to yourself that you're concerned for her sake purely, rather than it's cos you want to show her you care cos you want her back. You're only human. It's nice that you show concern even though you're not together now, but just be aware of what your intentions are. And this isn't keeping you hoping then? It would me. >They've been together since, but she's told me that she stills loves me, and isn't sure who to pick< >She told me that she straight up thinks I'm better than him, and that she misses me< She's keeping you dangling and it's not fair of her. And she said she loves him and she's enjoying it.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 It's very nice that you still care about her, because you have strong feelings for her. But the truth is, she broke up with you, chose the other guy (for better or worse). There is nothing you can do about this, because she has kept saying that she wants the other guy. She's not your concern anymore. She told me that she straight up thinks I'm better than him, and that she misses me. As she wants to stay friends, and I can't do that. Hmm, she claims you are better than him, but only as friends. Sounds manipulative. This guy broke up with his last girlfriend 1 month ago, and has been dating my ex for the last 2 weeks. In this time, he has convinced her that he would kill himself if she left him. Also told her that he wants to get her pregnant, move her to Italy from the US, AND PROPOSED to her in these short 2 weeks. She seems to be enjoying all of that, except for one part. She told me he's controlling. Forces her to have her hair a certain way when they go out etc, and that she feels she's bein treated like 'a black barbie'. She has also told me that she's scared to break up with him because he's unstable, she thinks he might really kill himself, or somebody else. I told her I would come over and make sure he doesn't do nannying to harm her, but she says despite all of that, she still loves him. She is enjoying the idea of getting impregnated, whisked off to a foreign country, and get hitched? Really? This girl is really crazy and unstable herself. The guy being controlling is not her only problem. But again, she chose him. she is also only 16 and I feel like she is being manipulated. First off, she is definitely trying to manipulate you. Second, most importantly, where are her parents or legal guardians in all of this? If you really care about her, you should inform them about the guy. 2
justwhoiam Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 She's just a teenager, for heaven's sake. One of my friends was in this very same situation, when we were teens. She was afraid her boyfriend would really kill himself if she walked away. He was controlling and suffocating. We supported her. Her parents never really took a stand as far as I know. As a friend and schoolmate, I convinced her that the more she would go on with him, the harder getting rid of him would be. So she finally put an end to the relationship. He was a very negative presence in her life. But everything went well. As far as I know, he didn't kill himself. Talking to her parents can be a way to address the problem, but her life might get seriously affected by that, for example if they become rigid, confine her, etc. The best would be having her talk to a therapist or psychologist who can help her grow up and make the right choices for her life. If she has an older sister or borther, maybe they can help too. In short, it's legit that you want to help her, but do it through someone else. Or let her have the tools to get out of that situation.
HeavenOrHell Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Doesn't mean he should help her just cos she's a naive teenager. He needs to think about what's best for him too, he's talking about helping her as he wants her back, that is not a good reason to help. You're right he should get her to get help from someone else, local to her, and then walk away as it's not doing him any good, he needs to move on. She's just a teenager, for heaven's sake. One of my friends was in this very same situation, when we were teens. She was afraid her boyfriend would really kill himself if she walked away. He was controlling and suffocating. We supported her. Her parents never really took a stand as far as I know. As a friend and schoolmate, I convinced her that the more she would go on with him, the harder getting rid of him would be. So she finally put an end to the relationship. He was a very negative presence in her life. But everything went well. As far as I know, he didn't kill himself. Talking to her parents can be a way to address the problem, but her life might get seriously affected by that, for example if they become rigid, confine her, etc. The best would be having her talk to a therapist or psychologist who can help her grow up and make the right choices for her life. If she has an older sister or borther, maybe they can help too. In short, it's legit that you want to help her, but do it through someone else. Or let her have the tools to get out of that situation.
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