crazybestie101 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I think i want to break NC because i am just DONE with everything. I am sorry this is going to be confusing post..8 months of NC but nothing from EX. I know he will never contact me again. This is how my story goes: Met a guy , dated for very short time. He was head over heels from begining and then i became involved too. Everything went well until he realized that this is going in relationship direction . He was scared of commitments , didnt want to loose his freedom, he was scared of his parents and lot of other things. So he dumped me out of blue with no reasons. I begged for reasons , he ignored me and gave me silent treatment until i gave up. Later i accepted his being friends offer , thought friendship was only thing written in our faith. I thought i will learn and accept that he no longer want me. Even during friendship , i grew close to him , realize how similar we are, i still resisted . Then some drama happened on my bday, he ignored my texts. I went NC straight after that. During all this time we both tried to work it out to be in contact regardless of whatever was happening. But during NC i realized i miss him and i want him back. Just like how they say if you want something , fight for it. I did some crazy stuff because i just wanted to go out of my own way to pursue this guy. I just drove to his work place ( i live in Arizona and he lives in California), i know pretty stupid. I knew his apt address but some how i just chose to go to his work. He was very upset and he told me he was very disappointed. He said some stuff which i knew he never wanted to say because i know he didn't want to hurt me. That was last day i saw him and then i got email of " leave me alone and never contact me again".. Nothing after that. Now its been 8 months. Now i feel like i want all this to end , i know he isn't coming around and there is no point of keeping this NC. I just want to tell him i have came to terms with myself that you are not coming back. Lets put all these to rest and be atleast civil may be friends one day. I am cool with my previous ex and i want to do same. I am tired of this silence. Life is too short of carrying around this . I know i might not be doing right thing but you know what i want this to end
jbelle6 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You know what would really show him you came to terms with all this? NO CONTACT. You don't have to do the dramatic announcement. You know you are making excuses to contact him. You are FAR from over him. Over him is not thinking about him at all. You went to that mans place of work. If ANYONE did that to me I would be PISSED, to a man I think it must be worse. Leave him alone. No contact was not your choice, it was his, so respect his decision and don't embarrass yourself. He is allowed to not be into you. You are allowed to move on and meet someone else. Just never ever do this again. 8
Author crazybestie101 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 You know what would really show him you came to terms with all this? NO CONTACT. You don't have to do the dramatic announcement. You know you are making excuses to contact him. You are FAR from over him. Over him is not thinking about him at all. You went to that mans place of work. If ANYONE did that to me I would be PISSED, to a man I think it must be worse. Leave him alone. No contact was not your choice, it was his, so respect his decision and don't embarrass yourself. He is allowed to not be into you. You are allowed to move on and meet someone else. Just never ever do this again. Thank you for your input. I know it was really stupid to go to his work. But i don't know why i didn't think that before. i am human and humans make mistakes, of course i would never repeat that. But something i don't understand every one makes mistake , a person can be angry for weeks , one month or two months but its 8 months. Don't you think a guy should understand that. i agree any one would be pissed but for how long. I didn't commit crime or killed somebody, i just wanted to pursue a guy. I just took wrong way. I feel like i am being punished for unintentional mistake. I don't want to live with this.
Greeneyegemini Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Contacting him after 8 months is just going to make you feel worse when he doesn't reply. I've only been broken up for a week, and I now know the first step is acceptance. Accept that he doesn't want to be with you and work on healing. Having hope that one day he is going to come back is NOT accepting that he's gone. Just realize, it's over. And try to heal and move on. If he wants to be with you sometime in the future he'll contact you...perhaps you'll be in a better relationship by then with someone more awesome and you won't even want him. If he never contacts you again, then it won't matter anyway because you will have moved on. 3
Million.to.1 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 ... I don't mean to be harsh but from the sound of your story, he never wanted a relationship with you... ... you "dated" for a short time, and then were "friends" ... some talk of drama and him ignoring you. You acted like a crazy stalker so he said "no more!" ...8 months later, and you are still waiting for something to happen. LET IT GO. DO NOT CONTACT HIM. Seriously, don't embarrass yourself any more. 3
jbelle6 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Thank you for your input. I know it was really stupid to go to his work. But i don't know why i didn't think that before. i am human and humans make mistakes, of course i would never repeat that. But something i don't understand every one makes mistake , a person can be angry for weeks , one month or two months but its 8 months. Don't you think a guy should understand that. i agree any one would be pissed but for how long. I didn't commit crime or killed somebody, i just wanted to pursue a guy. I just took wrong way. I feel like i am being punished for unintentional mistake. I don't want to live with this. I understand, I really really do. You are hurting, I am too right now. Thing is, he's been no contacting you, you aren't asking about breaking no contact that you self imposed, you are asking about breaking no contact that HE has put in place. That's not right. Not for you or him. It's been a while and you need to put this energy into moving on. If there was ANY chance of you two getting back together, he would let you know, you wouldn't need to do this. I know I sound harsh but it's only because the tough love on here helped me a lot and woke me up. I was hoping you'd see too.
Natsume21 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 By "dated" I'm guessing that means ya'll had sex? Sounds like your classic hit and run relationship...if you can call it a relationship cause it sounds like you were wanting love... Sounds like he was just in it for the sex.
elseaacych Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 It only ends when you want it to end. By choosing never to contact him again, you have ended it. Keep it ended. 2
BC1980 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Thank you for your input. I know it was really stupid to go to his work. But i don't know why i didn't think that before. i am human and humans make mistakes, of course i would never repeat that. But something i don't understand every one makes mistake , a person can be angry for weeks , one month or two months but its 8 months. Don't you think a guy should understand that. i agree any one would be pissed but for how long. I didn't commit crime or killed somebody, i just wanted to pursue a guy. I just took wrong way. I feel like i am being punished for unintentional mistake. I don't want to live with this. If doesn't really matter if you think he should forgive you, be okay, be friends, whatever. You can't force someone to see you a certain way or offer you friendship. You can only control yourself. Your entire story on LS, from the beginning, has been about trying to force him to either be with you or see you in a certain way. You are trying to control something that is not controllable. He said to leave him alone. Everything else is irrelevant. 6
Zahara Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Now i feel like i want all this to end , i know he isn't coming around and there is no point of keeping this NC. I just want to tell him i have came to terms with myself that you are not coming back. Lets put all these to rest and be atleast civil may be friends one day. I am cool with my previous ex and i want to do same. I am tired of this silence. Life is too short of carrying around this . I know i might not be doing right thing but you know what i want this to end BC is right. When you were together, you tried to force it to work. When it ended, you tried to force it again by driving 700 miles to change his mind. You're doing the same thing now. Forcing it to fit how you feel and what you want because you cannot stand that he isn't validating you. The thing is IT HAS ENDED. His request for you to stay no contact is exactly that. The only reason you want to break NC is because 1) you cannot stand he is ignoring you 2) it's bothering you that his silence is an indication that he doesn't care 3) you're itching to break the silence in hopes that maybe something will turn around. He probably doesn't want to be civil and he doesn't want to be friends. Don't embarass yourself by chasing him. If anything you're only going to look like you're still emotionally incapable of letting him go and you again will come off as stalkerish. 3
Author crazybestie101 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 Thank you all for your replies. I definitely will never contact him because i think that's right thing to do. However i would like to clear up something here. First of all, i didn't want to break NC because i was still hoping for something to happen. Its been 8 LONG months and nothing has happened , my hope has vanished while back. Why i am saying this because i know kind of guy he is.Also, i didn't want to break NC because i wanted some kind of validation from him. He isn't talking to me because he wants me to move on not because he doesn't care. He doesn't want to give me false hope, he knows that if he will be around , i will always want him back. He is doing NC for my good, we tried friendship and he saw how my feelings came back. So he thought to cut it off completely. Some one said here that i always forced him to do things in certain way , not really he always did everything on his own wish. if i wanted to force him, i would have not waited 8 months..Also, some one said he never wanted to be in relationship with me at first place -Not true , this guy never want get into relationship. That's reason he is still single. The guy was so much into me until he realized he doesn't want to commit. I was relationship before this guy. But this time around i knew he is the one, even we both expressed that too each other. Amount of time can't define relationship. Any ways , all i mean is that i wanted to break NC to let him know that i am okay and no longer angry and lets be cool. We had such great time together , brief but amazing ,Life is too short to carry around all this , and i am not trying to prove anything by carrying around NC. But i will be silent...
BC1980 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Thank you all for your replies. I definitely will never contact him because i think that's right thing to do. However i would like to clear up something here. First of all, i didn't want to break NC because i was still hoping for something to happen. Its been 8 LONG months and nothing has happened , my hope has vanished while back. Why i am saying this because i know kind of guy he is.Also, i didn't want to break NC because i wanted some kind of validation from him. He isn't talking to me because he wants me to move on not because he doesn't care. He doesn't want to give me false hope, he knows that if he will be around , i will always want him back. He is doing NC for my good, we tried friendship and he saw how my feelings came back. So he thought to cut it off completely. Some one said here that i always forced him to do things in certain way , not really he always did everything on his own wish. if i wanted to force him, i would have not waited 8 months..Also, some one said he never wanted to be in relationship with me at first place -Not true , this guy never want get into relationship. That's reason he is still single. The guy was so much into me until he realized he doesn't want to commit. I was relationship before this guy. But this time around i knew he is the one, even we both expressed that too each other. Amount of time can't define relationship. Any ways , all i mean is that i wanted to break NC to let him know that i am okay and no longer angry and lets be cool. We had such great time together , brief but amazing ,Life is too short to carry around all this , and i am not trying to prove anything by carrying around NC. But i will be silent... Whether you realize it or not, you do want to contact him for validation. You want him to think you are okay with the breakup because you want him to care. It's about him. Also, he said never to contact him again. I think to won't even get a response if you try. You freaked him out too much with what you did. I think you need to forgive yourself for that first and don't worry about him.
Zahara Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Thank you all for your replies. I definitely will never contact him because i think that's right thing to do. However i would like to clear up something here. First of all, i didn't want to break NC because i was still hoping for something to happen. Its been 8 LONG months and nothing has happened , my hope has vanished while back. Why i am saying this because i know kind of guy he is.Also, i didn't want to break NC because i wanted some kind of validation from him. He isn't talking to me because he wants me to move on not because he doesn't care. He doesn't want to give me false hope, he knows that if he will be around , i will always want him back. He is doing NC for my good, we tried friendship and he saw how my feelings came back. So he thought to cut it off completely. Some one said here that i always forced him to do things in certain way , not really he always did everything on his own wish. if i wanted to force him, i would have not waited 8 months..Also, some one said he never wanted to be in relationship with me at first place -Not true , this guy never want get into relationship. That's reason he is still single. The guy was so much into me until he realized he doesn't want to commit. I was relationship before this guy. But this time around i knew he is the one, even we both expressed that too each other. Amount of time can't define relationship. Any ways , all i mean is that i wanted to break NC to let him know that i am okay and no longer angry and lets be cool. We had such great time together , brief but amazing ,Life is too short to carry around all this , and i am not trying to prove anything by carrying around NC. But i will be silent... As much as you deny it, it's pretty glaring that you can't accept that he has a negative view of you after all that happened. You want to break contact to reverse that -- hoping that by extending the olive branch, you can eliminate the discomfort you feel about how he perceives you and how it all ended. "Any ways , all i mean is that i wanted to break NC to let him know that i am okay and no longer angry and lets be cool. We had such great time together , brief but amazing ,Life is too short to carry around all this , and i am not trying to prove anything by carrying around NC." If he wants to know if you are okay, he'll contact you. Why would you go telling the dumper you are okay? How foolish does that sound? It doesn't matter if you are no longer angry, you don't know how he feels about it. He may not even care anymore. He's probably not carrying this baggage around -- he's probably indifferent. You're the one that's been carrying it for 8 months and projecting the feelings you have on him. NC is for you to heal and move on. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not used to prove to the dumper that you have moved on. The only proof you need is proof to yourself that NC has worked for you. The fact that you are posting and feeling this way, is an even greater sign that you are still emotional and still unable to let go.
Elle1975 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 I think i want to break NC because i am just DONE with everything. I am sorry this is going to be confusing post..8 months of NC but nothing from EX. I know he will never contact me again. This is how my story goes: Met a guy , dated for very short time. He was head over heels from begining and then i became involved too. Everything went well until he realized that this is going in relationship direction . He was scared of commitments , didnt want to loose his freedom, he was scared of his parents and lot of other things. So he dumped me out of blue with no reasons. I begged for reasons , he ignored me and gave me silent treatment until i gave up. Later i accepted his being friends offer , thought friendship was only thing written in our faith. I thought i will learn and accept that he no longer want me. Even during friendship , i grew close to him , realize how similar we are, i still resisted . Then some drama happened on my bday, he ignored my texts. I went NC straight after that. During all this time we both tried to work it out to be in contact regardless of whatever was happening. But during NC i realized i miss him and i want him back. Just like how they say if you want something , fight for it. I did some crazy stuff because i just wanted to go out of my own way to pursue this guy. I just drove to his work place ( i live in Arizona and he lives in California), i know pretty stupid. I knew his apt address but some how i just chose to go to his work. He was very upset and he told me he was very disappointed. He said some stuff which i knew he never wanted to say because i know he didn't want to hurt me. That was last day i saw him and then i got email of " leave me alone and never contact me again".. Nothing after that. Now its been 8 months. Now i feel like i want all this to end , i know he isn't coming around and there is no point of keeping this NC. I just want to tell him i have came to terms with myself that you are not coming back. Lets put all these to rest and be atleast civil may be friends one day. I am cool with my previous ex and i want to do same. I am tired of this silence. Life is too short of carrying around this . I know i might not be doing right thing but you know what i want this to end So.. you basically stalked the guy (that's what it's called when you show up at someone's work after it's over), he told you to leave him alone in a clear voice, but you want to reconnect regardless to get some closure back? Leave it alone indeed. It's over. "This" has ended, by his own words and actions. Life is too short indeed, choosing not to contact him is the right move.
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