LoveFloats Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I recently was dating someone, and only went on 4 dates, but they felt great, and we had good chemistry, conversations etc. I was really into him really fast and got 'attached' to him. We had plans to have dinner tonight, but he sent me a text explaining that he is in an open relationship and knows thats not something that I'm looking for...that i deserve someone who fits better with me etc. However, he told me before that hes looking for something long term, not just sex. How can you be in an open relationship if its not just about sex?? Maybe he just wasnt into me and needed an excuse ...all i said was 'okay'..when he cancelled, and he didnt respond. I don't know why I'm so emotional about him because it was only 4 dates. I don't know how to date without thinking about the future with that person and investing too much too soon. Im trying my best not to text him and ask more questions etc., but i know I should just leave it alone. Do any of you go through this? How do you date and not get heart broken/let down every time
todreaminblue Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 dont be a third party attachment.......its really pretty pointless......and abuisve to yourself to even try to maintain...... when its not what you really want......feeling attached excited is not bad after four dates so if you feel it and they feel it...all is good.......you should feel an excitement to see them.....but disengaging when you know its wrong.....with dignity.......is a saving grace.....you did so with dignity and grace...rock on sister.....now you can "attach" to someone who is worth your time and you can be excited about that 1
Author LoveFloats Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Thanks so much! I know it's not right...he cant have his cake and eat it too. Thanks for the awesome words!! ...trying to keep my dignity 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Do any of you go through this? How do you date and not get heart broken/let down every time For me I do it in three parts: 1) I do it by assuming there's a strong possibility things won't pan out anyway or that the guy will find someone better or decide he doesn't like me. It's not due to low self-esteem or feeling I'm unlikable either, (because I don't), but out of realism. Because that's human nature in the modern world. People are fickle and are capable of having their interests shift like the wind. It is what it is and I accept that. 2) I live "in the moment". A lot of people tell others to do this but for some, it's just not in their nature. However I have no problem going out on a a fun date (even a few) and enjoying it for what it was and attaching no more significance to it than if I had just spent a nice evening with a platonic friend. Thinking about things like the future so early on is futile, in my mind. There are so many variables in the initial stage of dating that it could literally go in a half dozen different directions. It's like trying to sit there and pinpoint the date of your death. 3). I multi-date; I see no reason to put all my eggs in one basket and doing so prevents this from happening because I've always got multiple things going on. There isn't time to sit there and dwell on one guy every second of every day or feel utterly devastated at the loss of your only prospect if he decides to move on because there's always something else in the works. Is this the best, or even practical for everyone? Certainly not, but it's what works for me. 1
Author LoveFloats Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Thats really good advice. I will try that approach and see what happens..as well as dating more than one person at once in order to avoid unecessary attachment. 1
halfcrazed_i Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Sweetie, you should be thanking your lucky stars that the guy broke you this news only after 4 dates. It's still early enough to pick yourself up, dust your knees and go your merry way. Imagine if he strung you along way longer? I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. I know how it feels to really have your hopes up in a guy and eventually finding out that he's a dud... But don't despair, believe it or not, there is someone else out there better for you. And you wouldn't have to deal with his open relationship crap either 3
todreaminblue Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Thats really good advice. I will try that approach and see what happens..as well as dating more than one person at once in order to avoid unecessary attachment. theres a problem i find with mullti dating tried it once turned me off forever when two guys i dated came across each other.....they both reacted badly and started fighting and i chose none in the end because guilt overcame any feelings i had for either one....i prefer to date without a feeling of guilt and an openness i can afford because i am not hurting anyone ....if get hurt i can deal with that...if i hurt another.......ummm nah not good with it...i dont protect myself from attaching, feeling the loss of something or someone is never bad it means you understand what it is they feel if it is the other way around and you dont take it lightly before you date another....but that si my opinion and i just wanted you t think about possibilities before multi dating....like you having to make a choice......between two guys you really cant split and like equally.........deb
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