not sure what's going on here

[Xenon2]

Hey All. This is pretty complicated. Just met a girl I really like, have been on some dates, and for the first time ever, I'm not really sure what is going on with this one. really looking response from the ladies on this one

 

I'm a guy, early 30's. Im in excellent shape, good looking, awesome job. Usually no problems for me with women, but I really like this one! I'm too damn picky for my own good, i just can't help it. We're both into all of the same things,. It's very cool, but almost unbelievable how much we have in common. The attraction is REALLY strong both ways.

 

We met while I was traveling home for a weekend, we hit it off, and I got her number and gave her mine. Nothing intimate, just sorta met each other. Awesome chemistry. She texted me the first night I got her number. I live in Chicago, she lives in L.A. currently. However she is moving to Chicago within the next year for a new job so this is not permanent, and I work out of L.A regularly, and she will be Chi town and the surrounding area for a several weeks this summer.

 

So this last week, I came home again for a week. We hung out for several days (and nights..not nonstop, but a lot), I saw a lot of friends and family in between these 'dates' - these are my impressions at the time of the actual date:

 

Date 1: I call her to let her know I'm coming home and want to take her out to dinner. She's instantly on board. I take her out, and the date is amazing. She is clearly into me. Asks me back to her place. Says she wants me to stay over, but no sex yet... We make out. We get naked. There's some oral. No sex. She is VERY into it and is pretty much the initiator for stepping up the sexual activity. Has like 10 screaming orgasms lol. Telling me how hot I am, sexy, sweet, know exactly how to touch her, she so attracted to me, wants me to visit her a lot..the list goes on. Everything in the book. I probably started it by saying: I wouldn't usually say this, but I want you to know I like you, am very attracted to you and want to see where this goes if you're interested. She looked pretty damn happy about it. Asked me like a couple times in the heat of the moment to go all the way. I REALLY wanted to but didn't...

 

the next morn - we goto breakfast. the breakfast is an extension of the dinner the night before. goes perfectly. she touching me, holding my hands, and has a permanent look on her face that looks like she is just smitten lol. I touch her or kiss her and squeals with joy, squeezes me, can't stop grinning and looking at me. Just trying to get the point across that she's into it. And to be clear I'm into it too.

 

Date night 2 take her dinner again. her favorite spot. she's impressed. Night number 1 is repeated essentially. Except we get back to her place and she says she really likes me and wants to take it a little slower. Not necessarily sexually, but she says she feels like it's getting really emotionally intense quickly. Now, to me, this means that she likes me too much, and is freakin' out about it. I say, "no problem...I'm not going to pretend I don't like you, just am looking to get to know you and see what happens. no pressure She gives the usual look of smitteness, we hookup and hangout for the rest of the night. and basically all the same stuff happens. Lots of O's...orgasms and oral. more emotional intensity. asks me to come to a 3-4 day event with her in a month.

 

the next morning breakfast again. good again same thing as previous time.

 

night 3 and morning 3 - for the sake of not repeating this again, i think you can guess what happened.

 

Night 4 - same thing, good dinner, great chemistry, back to her place. but she shuts down this time. hard. doesn't want to even kiss. now lets not forget. i kissed her first obviously, but she was (in my opinion) pushing the intensity up from there. (getting naked unsolicited, major grinding on me etc...just really trying to turn me on i think) she says she really likes me, but she's worried about the emotional attachment and the distance. I reiterate the same thing I've said before: I want to get to know you better and see what happens. She says she's freaked out with how intense it's gotten. I say, well I can leave if you'd like, I like you, and I don't want this too fast either. (honestly I'm glad no sex yet, it's just too soon...imo.) - We barely kiss, or touch all night, I just sleep there and talk to her. I was not feeling great about this. It was uncomfortable. I ask her about the upcoming 3-4 day event and say, if you don't want me to go, I won't. She says she's not sure.

 

next morning 4 wake up. she apologizes profusely. says she is SO glad I 'took it well and stayed, that she blew it, and had I left she wouldn't have the chance to say all this. Kisses me deeply for awhile, says I'm so great, so sweet and that she's a little worried because she says: Im so smooth and amazing with words, and take her on the best dates of her life, and am so hot says she really likes me etc. I reiterate my stance, just looking to get to know her better, I like her and just want to see what happens. And that I want to take it slow because i like her and I definitely let her know I'm into her, but do my best not to contribute anymore than necessary to her apprehensions.

 

We hangout all day, lots of romantic activities together. she asks every person that walks by to take pics of us together in on her camera. Leave on good terms. Says she will call me when she comes into my area in a few weeks. I reply, sounds good, but Ill probably want to talk to you long before that. She smiles, says okay. Kisses me, hugs me and we part ways.

 

 

Sorry that's so long, but hold crap. I'm rowing my boat down a river of mixed signals lmao. Btw, i realize this post is filled with compliments to myself, but i just trying to give you an idea of how into me it would appear she is.

 

Help a dude out. I really haven't screwed this up imo, it's almost like I'm doing too well. maybe i came on too strong, but the last two nights, she initiated with me, saying she wanted to do something with me, not the other way around. so i dunno...she hasn't been in a relationship for 2 years, so shouldn't be anything like that.

Edited May 28, 2014 by Xenon2

[Assasda]

I didnt read the post yet, but I'm curious. why are you looking for response from the Ladies?

Seems like you'll be giving yourself a raw deal, if you dont get a mixture from both

[halfcrazed_i]

Well... it could be that this girl may be overwhelmed with the intensity of your initial dates / contacts. While she really likes it, there might be a nagging voice inside her head telling her to back off a little just in case this is going too fast.

 

It happens. Especially to girls. I mean, society has programmed us to think that we should be coy and shy during the courtship stage. So it's possible that this girl may be pulled apart by what she wants with you and what she thinks she should be doing instead (ie. not being too forward so fast).

 

Maybe you should talk to her to reassure her that she's doing perfectly well in terms of where she's taking this relationship -- and that you don't think it's going too fast at all. She is probably worrying about what you think of her as well *shrug* and she may be thinking that if she gave you so much now, you might get tired of her.

 

I mean, it could be anything really. But if I had to guess, she could be overwhelmed by the fast intensity of your relationship now. Take it down a notch (without sacrificing affection and emotions) and see if she'll respond better to that.

[Xenon2]

actually i want to hear from everyone, but just was sayings i want some female opinions on this sitch.

 

thanks half crazed. i think your right. she warned me that she can get a little guarded and crazy when she feels like things are going to fast. and also thinks I'm a player but honestly, that's not true. she said she only thinks that 'because she basically said she thinks I'm a pro at dating or something. i dunno. TBH, i don't really like dating that much. more of a girlfriend guy. just cause a guy knows how to date and talk to women doesn't mean he's a player... told her that i am being nice to her etc because i like her, and that it doesn't have to go any faster than she wants it to.

[halfcrazed_i]

Hey Xenon -- I think you should tell her exactly what you just told me. Maybe she doesn't feel secure enough in you, that's why she's holding back.

 

I understand the whole idea about being guarded (especially if you've been burned before). There's a chance she might think you'll get bored of her once the whole novelty of the honeymoon period is over. Or she might be thinking that she always has to keep this up in order to keep your interest in her.

 

Sit her down and talk to her sincerely. And tell her that you're interested in a long-term relationship with her (and not just the physical stuff). Believe me, it might do a world of difference. She could be well intimidated by your 'experience' or whatnot, and as you said, she might think you're just another 'player' who will drop her once you're done with her.

 

Assure her that's not the case at all (it's not, is it?)... and then continue to make her feel like she's the most important girl in the world

[Mrin]

So I know you wanted to hear from women on this and I don't blame you. I have no clue what she's thinking. My only advice to you is stay consistent in your messaging with her - mainly if your continued interest. She's probably hyper aware of any changes you go through and is probably also looking to red flag confirmation of anything that voice in the back of her head is saying.

 

I've been on the exact flip side of this - her shoes. My little voice, and those of a few of my female friends who didn't like the lady I was dating put me on a hair trigger. The second she did something I was like "ah ha! I knew it. Done with you" and I didn't behave like a rational person and just talk out my fears.

 

Not exactly sure what you do with this knowledge. Good luck dude!

[Assasda]

Just read it.

No problem here... whats the problem?

 

The only advice i can give you is dont come on too quick, let her make the rules of the relationship instead of putting gpressure on her

[Versacehottie]

We pump the brakes sometimes too. Sometimes were just scared like guys get too. While you said the fact that she has been single for 2 years isn't the issue--i agree BUT it is probably telling about how she processes relationships--not too needy and ok being independent. So imagine the rush of strong emotions is a bit scary for her, especially if there's an element of long distance to it.

 

I actually think things are going ok/good. My guess is that she pulled back with all the "talk" after the first night because she actually really liked you and didn't want to f*ck it up by moving too quickly sexually.

 

I think you're as fine as you can be. Just watch for the fact that maybe she likes to create up and down situations to add drama to the relationship, ie i'd be weary of too many more of those talks. At this point she should just go with it if she continues to see you. Good luck

[Xenon2]

Thanks. I guess now I'm just kinda worried about being rejected since that talk of slowing down. She kinda just planted that seed that maybe I'm going too fast and doing something wrong. I'm usually so sure of myself, that self-doubt is not really something I'm comfortable or familiar with.

 

half crazed, I thought about it, and the long term relationship talk is too early. We're not there yet. When she comes to visit, how that goes will be telling. If it goes well, then maybe. Im aggressive, but with that one, I'd rather dip my toe into the pool before i dive in. If ask her now for a relationship, she's going to be freaked out. she asked for slower emotionally, and that is definitely faster. If she trusted me, sure that'd be great I bet, but she doesn't know me well enough to trust me, which I think is fair. I won't be less sweet or anything, I'm just going to choose my words more carefully. If i thought she wasn't being guarded maybe i could wear my heart of my sleeve, but honestly I don't want to get hurt either. I like the girl a lot for the amount of time we've known each other. Plus I don't that's a good one for the phone, and thats the only option right now. Skype doesn't help. And she's leaving to go to the virgin islands this weekend with some girl friends. I don't want to stress her on her trip. She should have a good carefree time.

 

Versace, interestingly enough if you look closer, she actually said she didn't want to slow down sexually. Kinda a shot in the heart, and a stroke of the sex ego at the same time haha. I might have laughed when she said it. She also told me that she has never had O's like that before in her life and has been with BFs that she's been madly in love with in the past. She was going INSANE, it was probably the most arousing thing I've ever seen in my life. never been with a woman who has chains of continuous, multiple orgasms. it's like...whoa. Definitely like getting mine, but I live giving a girl hers too, possibly just as much.

 

I think she's very sexual and likes that part. I think the attachment is what's scaring her. ...and truthfully I'm the same way. the personal chemistry, the sexual chemistry is insane. I talked to her today, and she was pleasant and nice, nothing over the top.

 

I dunno. I'm just way too attracted to her way too her early also. In my eyes, she's a 10 (and fyi, this is not being based on looks...even though it could be). I'm afraid of her hurting me, she's afraid of me hurting her, and I think maybe she's a little afraid of hurting me too, although i dunno about that last one.

Edited May 29, 2014 by Xenon2

[Versacehottie]

Thanks. I guess now I'm just kinda worried about being rejected since that talk of slowing down. She kinda just planted that seed that maybe I'm going too fast and doing something wrong. I'm usually so sure of myself, that self-doubt is not really something I'm comfortable or familiar with.

 

half crazed, I thought about it, and the long term relationship talk is too early. We're not there yet. When she comes to visit, how that goes will be telling. If it goes well, then maybe. Im aggressive, but with that one, I'd rather dip my toe into the pool before i dive in. If ask her now for a relationship, she's going to be freaked out. she asked for slower emotionally, and that is definitely faster. If she trusted me, sure that'd be great I bet, but she doesn't know me well enough to trust me, which I think is fair. I won't be less sweet or anything, I'm just going to choose my words more carefully. If i thought she wasn't being guarded maybe i could wear my heart of my sleeve, but honestly I don't want to get hurt either. I like the girl a lot for the amount of time we've known each other. Plus I don't that's a good one for the phone, and thats the only option right now. Skype doesn't help. And she's leaving to go to the virgin islands this weekend with some girl friends. I don't want to stress her on her trip. She should have a good carefree time.

 

Versace, interestingly enough if you look closer, she actually said she didn't want to slow down sexually. Kinda a shot in the heart, and a stroke of the sex ego at the same time haha. I might have laughed when she said it. She also told me that she has never had O's like that before in her life and has been with BFs that she's been madly in love with in the past. She was going INSANE, it was probably the most arousing thing I've ever seen in my life. never been with a woman who has chains of continuous, multiple orgasms. it's like...whoa. Definitely like getting mine, but I live giving a girl hers too, possibly just as much.

 

I think she's very sexual and likes that part. I think the attachment is what's scaring her. ...and truthfully I'm the same way. the personal chemistry, the sexual chemistry is insane. I talked to her today, and she was pleasant and nice, nothing over the top.

 

I dunno. I'm just way too attracted to her way too her early also. In my eyes, she's a 10 (and fyi, this is not being based on looks...even though it could be). I'm afraid of her hurting me, she's afraid of me hurting her, and I think maybe she's a little afraid of hurting me too, although i dunno about that last one.

 

First of all, I think the plan you told halfcrazed about is the exact right one. I don't think i explained myself well. I meant that sometimes girls hookup with a guy first night for example without thought at all for where a relationship with the guy will go. Very spontaneous, a bit like lots of guys do. However, then you spent some good time together and expressed an interest possibly in seeing where things could go relationship-wise. That's where even though she liked the sexual parts a lot, to the point where she can't help herself, she pulls back because she wants you to see her as girlfriend material too. She's considering the relationship part of it now because it's on the table. And there could be the combo of being a little bit scared of the whole thing. I don't think at all that it means that she doesn't like you. In fact, I think your relationship will turn out great--as long as you don't get impatient. Go with your plan. If the beginning is as fun as you have made it sound, i think things will work out fine. Good luck