SpotyLove Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 What is the best way to manage people are slow to respond to emails, texts, phone calls? Some people suggest replying back in a similar amount of time they take to respond to you, in a similar format. I know it's always best to keep communication at a 1:1 ratio, but it can be annoying when trying to plan logistics of dating. For example, I received a text today this afternoon from a woman I provided my phone number to online. She asked how my weekend went. I replied saying it was good and asked her the same. I also asked when she was free. My initial message was about an hour after she sent her message to me. She didn't reply back until about 930 pm, about 6 hours later. I hate to play games but I know people subscribe to them. Do I wait until the next day day to text or just do it when I feel like it?
Charmander Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You pick the pace for your own relationship... If someone doesn't give you the same reciprocation it's up to you on whether or not you wish to continue the communication. Just because someone takes 2 years sometimes to get back to you doesn't mean it has to be that way. Set the pace and see if she picks up on it. If she does not it's her loss for playing into societal "norms." 2
morbot_k Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Maybe she has a busy life. 6 hours response isn't bad. 2
Charmander Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Maybe she has a busy life. 6 hours response isn't bad. Yeah if she is working or has a kid it is important to take that into consideration. The point I want to make is that if she does not make the time of day to have at least one decent back to back conversation with you it likely means that she isn't as invested in the potential of the relationship as you are and you should probably withdraw from it before you get burned. 1
halfcrazed_i Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Ask her if there's a convenient time of the day to text her. I do have friends who can't text at all during their working hours (because they're super busy with meetings, because they deal with other people, etc), that's why I can never reach them during the day. And I have friends who can't text at all at night because they're busy with their kids, families, whatever. So show her that you respect her schedule, but at the same time, you're interested in being part of it. Whenever it's most convenient for her to have some time to banter with you a bit, ask her when it is. And stick to that. 2
SadNLonley Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Not to take away from the OP, but what is normal? I had a guy respond to an email I sent OLD 2 days after the fact. This was Sunday, we emailed back and forth through the website that day. Last email was from me saying if its easier, just text me and gave my number. That was the last I heard from him and yet I see he logs into the site daily. Should I just consider that done?
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I hate being dropped in the middle of an exchange on text. It takes 2 seconds to let the other person know you're about to drive, get in a meeting, leaving for lunch, or what ever. How long does it take to type: Ok will get back to you shortly on that? No time. It's basic politeness and if you don't have it you're not worth my time especially in those very few moments of dating when you are suppose to be on your best behaviour. My experience has thought me that in general someone like that isn't that much into me. 1
Gaeta Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Forgot to answer your question You reply when you can, if it's now then be it now. Don't play games even if some women will try to play games with you.
user165464 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 6 hours is okay. I had a woman take a week to respond every time. I had a gutful after the second message but it turned out she was extremely busy with exams. You never know...but usually if it takes that long just move on, they can't be that interested right?
GemmaUK Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 In the early stages of getting to know someone and dating each person needs to set their own boundaries of communication levels. If the first few weeks are filled with pinging texts/mails/calls back and forth and then reality kicks in and one or the other realises they are not giving themselves enough time to do normal every day stuff like eating/housework or whatever then they'll have to cut back with communication. What happens then is you get someone saying they need a bit of space and the other person thinks they are seeing someone else. Either that or the responses become quick and short so the person sending them appears offish..so again..the other person assumes they're not interested. Setting boundaries isn't playing games. I failed to set boundaries one time and then later explained that I would be back at work (I had had a week off to get some things done)..being back at work and unable to text all hours of the day got me in a pile of trouble with that guy. He drove me nuts with incessant contact. 6 hours is fine.
morbot_k Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Yeah if she is working or has a kid it is important to take that into consideration. The point I want to make is that if she does not make the time of day to have at least one decent back to back conversation with you it likely means that she isn't as invested in the potential of the relationship as you are and you should probably withdraw from it before you get burned. I rarely talk on the phone with someone I am dating. These days people send a text not even every day. People have busy lives. I don't think you can analyze patterns without taking into consideration that persons MO. If they have never texted or talked frequently at the get go, it could just be the way they operate. You can't analyze things too much early on. What counts is whether you go on dates with someone, and whether you have a great time.
MissBee Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) I'm confused...if the person is slow or non-responsive, why continue to pursue? I'd assume they weren't that interested. I'm a woman and I don't play games. If a man texts me and I take a long time (hours) to respond it's because something genuinely happened/I was busy and I will state I was in my response and apologize. But if I'm interested in a man and am excited about potentially going out with him I don't leave him guessing, neither do I calculate text response times or have him wait. If he asks me out (which I prefer a phone call for that first off) then I agree and we plan it and that's that. If however I am not interested in a man I will respond to him whenever I get the chance and am not as pressed to respond or sometimes because I'm not interested, I genuinely forget as life happens. But this ONLY happens when I'm NOT interested. If I am interested it becomes something important to me. This is with anyone...people do the things they want to do and make time for the things that they are excited or care about. When they're not that interested then it's whatever. So please look at non-responsiveness and slow responses in that light. Women into you will respond in a timely manner and you won't be guessing about their interest. The idea that everyone plays games isn't true, as many people are straight forward and if you don't like games don't play them and only aim to date women who are straight forward too. But I don't get the sense that this is a "game" in any way though, but a case of interested vs. uninterested and sometimes I see people try to read disinterest as "hard to get" or "games" when it's nothing more than plain NOT INTERESTED. If the person routinely responds hours and hours later esp with nothing significant or no apology or never responds, or responds days later or doesn't follow up about a date...suffice it to say, they are not that bothered about going out with you. Edited June 1, 2014 by MissBee 2
MissBee Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 6 hours is okay. I had a woman take a week to respond every time. I had a gutful after the second message but it turned out she was extremely busy with exams. You never know...but usually if it takes that long just move on, they can't be that interested right? I only date people with common sense and MANNERS. If you are busy, how is not responding for a week or days, esp about the logistics of a date acceptable? NOBODY is busy 24/7 ....and if they care they have 15 free seconds in an entire week to say "Hey I'm busy, don't think I forgot about our date/you. I'll get in touch on Tuesday(whatever day/time/hour) I'm free." How is this NOT the standard thing to do? Yea I don't play that. If a man is sooo busy that he has no manners and cannot even say so...NEXT! Likewise if I am busy, if interested in a man I have the interest and MANNERS to let him know. You shouldn't accept less than that...but if you do....then be prepared to be with someone who has no common courtesy. But it all boils down to interest again. People interested in you don't want you to lose interest and also care about if you're left hanging and no matter how busy they will try to be in touch even for 3 seconds...it's a text for crying out loud...people can text on the toilet. If they will not be free they will let you know beforehand and also apologize. Interested people act interested, plainly. 2
soccerrprp Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Maybe she has a busy life. 6 hours response isn't bad. I used to be more understanding about this. About the possibility that people are SO busy that they can't respond within a reasonable amount of time to a text. But, no more. I'm dating a very busy doctor and it doesn't take her six hours to quickly respond. So, no matter how busy, people DO have the time to quickly respond. Everyone has time for a lunch break or bathroom break, or just 30 seconds to say, 'hey, i'm busy now, but will get back to you later...." If someone I was getting to know, dating early on was unpredictable, lazy about responding within a responsible period of time, I would move on to the next person.
J21 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 If this is causing you problems, maybe you need to reevaluate whether you guys are compatible or not. What is the sense of trying to create some kinda ploy to get back at her. It's not like it's gonna do anything for her to respond quicker. Unless you get a legit reason, I don't think she is as interested.
morbot_k Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I used to be more understanding about this. About the possibility that people are SO busy that they can't respond within a reasonable amount of time to a text. But, no more. I'm dating a very busy doctor and it doesn't take her six hours to quickly respond. So, no matter how busy, people DO have the time to quickly respond. Everyone has time for a lunch break or bathroom break, or just 30 seconds to say, 'hey, i'm busy now, but will get back to you later...." If someone I was getting to know, dating early on was unpredictable, lazy about responding within a responsible period of time, I would move on to the next person. I don't know. I like girls who take a bit of time to respond. Makes me feel they aren't too clingy and will allow me to be independent if I do get involved with them. I guess to each their own.
Marks Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I don't know. I like girls who take a bit of time to respond. Makes me feel they aren't too clingy and will allow me to be independent if I do get involved with them. I guess to each their own. But would you be okay with a girl who consistently takes a whole day or even more to respond? Or who won't call you back for days? Especially after knowing her for a while? I don't know...I'd find it very frustrating. And not particularly considerate for the reasons that MissBee explained. It's like the girl I wrote about in my last two threads...she usually takes a pretty long time to respond...and then when she told me that she'd call me back, she didn't. It would have been nice for her to at least tell me, "hey, I'm busy, can I call you on xxxday?" It doesn't take a long time to write a short message like that. And I'd be totally cool with it. Instead, now I'm left wondering whether she's even interested anymore...
morbot_k Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 But would you be okay with a girl who consistently takes a whole day or even more to respond? Or who won't call you back for days? Especially after knowing her for a while? I don't know...I'd find it very frustrating. And not particularly considerate for the reasons that MissBee explained. It's like the girl I wrote about in my last two threads...she usually takes a pretty long time to respond...and then when she told me that she'd call me back, she didn't. It would have been nice for her to at least tell me, "hey, I'm busy, can I call you on xxxday?" It doesn't take a long time to write a short message like that. And I'd be totally cool with it. Instead, now I'm left wondering whether she's even interested anymore... The girl I started dating now - we had known one another for about 8 months. She was always terrible at responding. She has called me once. I have dialed her number 3 times in that period. She texts me randomly and infrequently. One of the reasons she says she decided to date me was because I gave her so much space and no one gives her that, she loves it. I am ok with it. Because I am pretty busy and I rather would hang out with her than text or talk on the phone. We usually only text to make plans. Everyone has their own pace. There are no rules.
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