lost_in_chgo Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I called an old friend, not home, left a msg. She called back that night. Nice chat for half an hour. Caught up, talked about what she wanted out of life. Trouble with her bf, they are breaking up. She wants kids, disappointed with her life, not where she wants to be. I asked to get together for dinner sometime, she agreed and said she'll call tues or wednesday. Tuesday and Wednesday pass by. No call. Is she running The Rules on me? Changed her mind? Never intended to call? wait it out? call? send a valentine card? I'm a little gun shy at the moment. I don't like game players, but I can deal if she is just playing hard to get. Advise me!!
krbshappy71 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Eh, I'd look elsewhere. Sounds like she's hanging onto you on the side. Flattered someone is interested in here. I wouldn't be surprised if she reconnected with him for a bit longer. That may even be why she didn't call. Anyhow you don't want rebound leftovers, pal. Ugh. She'll be whining about him for awhile when you first hook up, etc. Be a friend if you like, but don't waste more time than that if you want something serious.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I'm sorry did I miss the part where you were asking her out on a date vs. suggesting 2 friends get together for dinner? Are you sure that message came through to her? Otherwise I agree with Krbshappy she'll only be whining about her current or ex etc. she's probably not ready, you need to pursue greener pastures and be her friend. Who knows what the future may bring.
HotCaliGirl Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 I think you should just give her a call yourself. Sometimes girls prefer the guy to call them even if they say they'll call. I know that is what I end up doing, I'll say I'll call and don't get around to it, preferring him to call which will reassure me that he's really interested... especially if she's breaking up with someone, she might not want to be the persuer... I don't think she's playing games, just playing it safe, so go ahead and give her a call...
Israfil Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by lost_in_chgo Is she running The Rules on me? Changed her mind? Never intended to call? wait it out? call? send a valentine card? First, Do NOT send a valentine's day card! I think if you were at the top of her list, she would have called you. However, this doesn't mean you at the bottom either. Don't assume you know why she didn't call you. It could be a million things. However, if you are still interested, I would call her again and just say that you were concerned that you didn't hear from her, hope that she is ok, and ask if she would still like to have dinner. If you don't hear from her after that, then you have your answer. Plus, if you don't hear a response from her either way, you know she's a pussy and not someone you want to hook up with anyway. Good luck.
Author lost_in_chgo Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 Ok, I'm concerned that calling again would throw me into the stalker category in her mind. And the call was strange. We haven't spoken in probably 8 yrs, We never dated but we flirted alot, but she was too young at the time. But she went almost straight to problems with her bf and she wasn't sure if they were broken up already and she wanted me to know that up front. As if she knew exactly why I was calling her. Before I ever said anything about getting together or asked anything other than "how are you?". Looks like my timing is good here, but other things might be going on. Thought she might just not want to start anything pre-valentines to avoid the whole awkard pressure thing. But that's like a perfect time to start up I'd think. Still if she's just playing it cool, I don't want to come across as too pushy or desperate or stalker boy. overanalyzing......
Author lost_in_chgo Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 curiousnycgirl & Krbshappy So your theory is that people should only date other people who have been unattached for some undefined time? Bizarre. Sounds like she's hanging onto you on the side. Flattered someone is interested in here. Kind of a leap there. She didn't call back. How is that hanging onto me on the side? I wouldn't be surprised if she reconnected with him for a bit longer. That may even be why she didn't call. could be. Though when we talked she was discussing moving back into her parents place. Anyhow you don't want rebound leftovers, pal. rebound? just because two people break up doesn't mean there is a rebound scenario. Without knowing the history, length of relationship, etc. you can't make an assumption like that. Anyway... I took HotCaliGirl's and Israfil's advice and called. Not there again, so I left a message with her sister. Phone # and tell her I still want to take her to dinner. hey, it's just dinner after all.... Thanks to all for the advice, keep it coming... I'll keep posting updates.
Author lost_in_chgo Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Well, no reply to my second call either after 4 days, and after Vday too. Perhaps she decided to try again with the bf. Or she just decided I was a bad idea. Not that either of those are permanent states, but I'm done with the waiting game.
Lonestar Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Had to edit my whole post b/c I responded to your first question before seeing that you called her again. At this point let it go. Don't call her again.
Author lost_in_chgo Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Yeah I won't. No point to it. And I'd be entering the stalking zone anyway. You never know how these things will turn out in the long run. I once asked a girl out, to have her accept and then call back and cancel. (actually that happens alot, I hate that, just say no in the first place ladies!) Then she got to thinking about it and after about a month, she called, and then came to my work, but by then I had moved on. I still have regrets about that one, as I moved on to what ended up to be a major mistake/failed marriage. But the point is that you never know what will happen down the road. In this case for instance, she might never call. Or she might call when she's done with the current bf. Next...
Lonestar Posted February 16, 2005 Posted February 16, 2005 Yeah, steer clear of the stalking zone. There was absolutely nothing wrong with you calling the second time to see if she still wanted to go out to dinner. Obviously, she's not into it right now for whatever reason. I don't know why girls don't say no right from the beginning. In fact, I've been guilty of doing that too on a few occasions. I think I just got caught off guard with the invitation. I may have been having a friendly conversation, thinking we were just touching base, and then the question of going out some time is asked. At that moment, I thought, why not? but then thinking about it further, I would decide it wasn't a good idea and that I didn't want anything more than a casual friendly conversation here and there. I have always found it stressful to turn men down, because I know how hard it is for them to set themselves up for possible rejection. I feel like I'm being mean or something, so there were also times where I just made myself unavailable for further conversation. Right or wrong, none of it is easy.
Author lost_in_chgo Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Well, no followups. Kinda weird, I think she was going to call, and then reconsidered. She was after all telling me that her lunch break was too short and that dinner would be better because we'd have more time. Couple days after we talked, I got two calls from a guy refusing to identify himself asking if this number was a business or a residence. Hmm.... Women! Well, her b-day is next month, so I'll send a card and see.
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 I'm thinkin' she's still in the middle of her messy breakup.
Author lost_in_chgo Posted March 25, 2005 Author Posted March 25, 2005 After some thought on this I realize that I am looking at this girl in the same way I looked at my ex, that she is insecure and flighty. That's probably not the case. That leads me to think that while she was breaking up (she thought) with her boyfriend and that he was very controlling and insecure, that it wasn't her choice to break up and that she was hoping they weren't broken up. So that leaves me out of her picture until she is broken up. Her b-day is coming up and I want to send a card. What's the best angle to take with that? I can give her a long involved letter, or just a nice happy b-day, or somewhere in between, or just say call me if things don't work out with him (thereby sowing the seed of destruction in her relationship), or offer her cash, or tell her what I'm looking for and what I have to offer, or just say it was nice talking to you, or say die bitch die, or beg her to see me, or well you get the idea..... Meanwhile...back at the ranch... Our hero is still getting russian mail order bride brokers masquerading as local girls in his online dating mailbox. They're not too careful as they are running multiple profiles that are similar and about 2 minutes work reveals that they are tailoring the profiles to the audience before sending them. For instance I got a flirt from a 28 yr old whose desired age range and picture are different in every profile, but the text of the profile is identical. Nasty nasty. Got an email from a very local woman who is about my age that keeps popping into my mind, but she's not what I'm really looking for so I've been putting that one off. Seems the older chicks dig me too. So it's older local women or young russians. Could be worse, it could be older russian men...
Justine_WOODhouse Posted March 25, 2005 Posted March 25, 2005 Hey, You should have called her on wednesday if you didn't hear from her sooo...you pretty much ****ed yourself over because now shes definetly moved on! ...anyway! on better note you should invest in a BLOW UP DOLL!!!! :lmao: :lmao: honestly, if your too afraid to call her and have a simple conversation on the phone, then what chance could you possibly think you'd have had with her in the first place. i on the otherhand, dont have these problems becuase im not afraid to express my sexual side.
Author lost_in_chgo Posted March 26, 2005 Author Posted March 26, 2005 Yeah ok, I called her twice. Follow the thread. I'm unable to call her directly as I don't have her direct number, all I can do is leave messages for her at her family's house, where she doesn't live. As far as the blow up dolls, I've been thru about two dozen, I keep popping the damn things. Thank god you are able to express your sexual side, as it's no doubt a primary skill in your line of work. :) :)
Author lost_in_chgo Posted April 10, 2005 Author Posted April 10, 2005 OK deadline here.... Recap: I called her after many years to catch up (and more) Not there, so I left a msg She called back We talked for 30 minutes She told me about her bf in the first 5 minutes and said she wasn't sure if they were broken up or not. They had a fight last week. She spends most of her time at his place, but is working on moving her stuff into her parents house. He's controlling and jealous. etc. Ended the call with a request for dinner or lunch. She said lunch was no good, she didn't get enough time. Dinner was better. She wasn't sure of her work schedule but said Tues or Wed. She'd call to finalize. No Call. Caller her again after a couple days, again left a msg. No reply. That was before Valentines Day. Her b-day is imminent. I am planning on sending her a simple card. Should I put a letter in there too? Saying call me if things don't work out. or more. or much more. This isn't about saving face or foolish pride. It's about getting the girl in the end. Thoughts?
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