Sammy1223 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 So first time poster not really sure how I feel about actually asking for advice on the internet but hey, whatever. So in a bit of a pickle and not sure what I should do. For the past few months there was a girl that worked at the coffee shop I go to every morning. Never really noticed her at first but about 1.5 months ago she started talking to me in the morning and we would just have small talk every morning. figured she was just being friendly as any girl in the service industry would be. After a while though she would kind of go out of her way to say hi, wave, make sure I said something to her and all that. Now at this point in time I was not really looking to ask anyone out. Last relationship was a longterm about 10 months ago now, and messy. Have been enjoying being single ever since. That is until this Girl started talking to me every morning, made comments about why I don't dress a certain way more often. Asking me what I was doing, and giggling and smiling at all the stupid crap I said that I hit myself for later. Well here is the pickle. the last time I talked to her was about 3 weeks ago and I vowed to ask her out the next time I saw her... I haven't seen her since except I saw her once as I was leaving the store about a week and a half ago but was running late for work, she was talking to her manager and I was didnt even think until I was half way to work. Not really sure what to do, should I accept that I missed my opportunity and suck it up, ask one of her coworkers to pass my number on to her. wait it out or what? I don't want to seem creepy or like a stalker or anything. Keep beating myself up over it, and sucks every time I go into the coffee shop I hope shes there to ask her and she never is. Thanks in advance sorry for writing a story
Frank2thepoint Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 My advice, just ask her out the next time you see her (and she is not busy). Be straight about it and smile. If she turns you down, just smile back, and go your merry way Now in case you do see her and she might be busy, one thing you can do is give her a note with a message on it, such as that you want to take her to out, and if she accepts, to contact you. Leave your number at the bottom of note. My suggestion is get yourself a small stationery with an envelope (like a Hallmark card type) and write her name on it (hopefully you know her name). This part requires being prepared. 2
berry1 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) If the other colleagues in the coffee shop have seen you plenty of times and you sort of know them then i dont see why you couldn't ask them to pass your number onto her. If you dont know them then its possible they will be like who tf is this guy lol. But its worth a try especially if you think its possible she might not be working there anymore If she's not left then i would wait it out though as asking her face to face has got to have a higher success rate with the confidence and all that. Edited May 27, 2014 by berry1 additional details
Author Sammy1223 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Thanks for the quick responses Frank A friend of mine suggested I wait another week and see if she turns up, then after that I should do similarly to what you said and just pass my number on to one of her coworkers and see what happens. Fortunately I do know her name, made a point to get that from her, and we were calling one another by our names the last few times I talked to her. I do talk to some of her other colleges, they have seen me a lot and some know my name, or at least who I am. Do you think I should ask them about her at least, possibly just to see if she is still working there, maybe after this week? 1
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Don't get other people involved. If you don't see her soon, ask if she still works there but don't involve others more than that. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I agree, don't ask the coworkers to pass your number on. Do it yourself when you see her next.
Poppyolive Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Well, I've been that coffee shop worker (haha not your lady.. Ha can you imagine) anyways I've been in her place. From what you've written, I think she likes you. I agree with the above posters, don't pass on your info, hopefully you'll see her next time, say you've missed seeing her and all the others coffee making skills are crap. Then bam ask her for a drink. If you don't see her, you could ask for her number from another server or leave a note "hey *****, where are you...come back to work or something light fun & fluffy or use something you've said that she's laughed at before and leave your number. Ahhhh exciteeeen
Frank2thepoint Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 A friend of mine suggested I wait another week and see if she turns up, then after that I should do similarly to what you said and just pass my number on to one of her coworkers and see what happens. Don't pass the note to anyone except her. The note idea is only if you see her again and she is busy.
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I know it's not a coffee shop but I did work in a bar, if someone asked me to pass a note along but then I got slammed, there's a good chance I'd forget all about it. I also think if she doesn't call or text you after you left it with them you will always wonder if she got your note and you will never know for sure. I disagree with one poster who mentioned asking for her number, I would never give one of the girls numbers out, even to a regular. I would have the note in case it's busy and you can hand it to her quick, or if she's not busy just ask her out. If a week or two goes by then maybe think of leaving your number. I think it's ok to say to one of her coworkers "hey, haven't seen xxxx in a while, is she still working here?" Would be nice to know if she isn't coming back at all since there is high turnover in the service industry. Good luck! And don't forget to come back and tell us what happens!!!
Author Sammy1223 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Don't get other people involved. If you don't see her soon, ask if she still works there but don't involve others more than that. Yeah I have been trying not to, seems weird when people do so glad my instincts on that seem to be right on and the general idea of everyone. Well, I've been that coffee shop worker (haha not your lady.. Ha can you imagine) Can imagine and am curious if the outcome would be awkward or if it would work for me haha. Glad to know a girl in her shoes is commenting on this though. cause I imagine you all get hit on quite often. one issue I had with asking her out initially. Don't pass the note to anyone except her. The note idea is only if you see her again and she is busy. got it, thanks for clarifying that. guess I got to pick up a nice envelope and stationary tomorrow. Good luck! And don't forget to come back and tell us what happens!!! I like the note Idea as well and think its a practical make up for a busy morning. probably would take the pressure off her too if I were to ask in front of a bunch of people. I do agree with you about not asking a coworker for her number, something about that seems to intrusive and stalker like. Thanks for the advice everyone, we will see where this week goes and hopefully I can reply back on here with some good news.
Author Sammy1223 Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 So, said Id let you all know what happened and seems things are still a bit more messy. (about right for my luck) So didnt see her all last week, had the letter on hand and everything. Had to work through this weekend so didn't make it in but went in this Morning and I talked to her assistant Manager, good guy who I talk to frequently. so here is the deal. She mutually quit just couldn't be reliable about getting in to work, shes moving to California in a month and she is living with friends because she had issues with her house until she leaves. (didn't mention why Cali, Im on the east coast if anyone wondering so big move). Have been laughing at the whole situation all morning. Well I joked with him about it for a minute; just saying things like "go figure, right when I was gonna ask her out" and similar stuff. Well he gave me her number without me asking for it. Whats my move? she obviously has a lot on her plate. One not sure if it would be creepy to get in touch with her, I mean I didn't ask for the number so that's plus. But I am pretty straight forward and was attracted to her in the potential relationship sort of way. But it seems like this could be a messy ring to step into, for both her and myself.
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I don't see the upside of starting anything with her. LDRs are hard. Do you have any desire to move to California (before you heard she was going)? If not, this was just one of those things.
DArtagnan2 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 weird he gave you her number, that could get him in trouble legally. What to do? Well, I worry about all the issues she has; cant even get in to work on time. If you contact her, you have to keep your senses about you if you do. Since she has no job, no place to live, and is moving, I would worry about you getting wrapped up in it, then end up being a sugar daddy versus a boyfriend. I know I am reaching, because I do not even know her, but there are all kinds of things going on in her life that to me, doesn't show any stability. I have a feeling you are going to call her regardless. Nothing wrong with that, maybe it will be good to get some answers and to find out more from her then just what you knew when she served you coffee. But don't get in to the pitfall that you finally got something you have wanted, now you are blind to any issues of what may be real. Good luck whichever you decide. 1
Charmander Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Hrmmm, tough pickle. So she is leaving and I guess staying permanently in California? If she is returning back for whatever reason I would say stay in touch with her. If she is staying permanently then chalk this up as a blessing in disguise. Would you want her to stay with you when she has an opportunity to go do something she wants to do when the relationship would only just be getting started? I will say this though on whether you should contact her or not. What will it hurt to contact her? She's leaving and you will never see her again. Just shoot straight with her, be honest, tell her that you asked about her at the coffee shop, and if you're feeling really ballsy tell her you liked her and wish you had at least gotten the opportunity to ask her out on a date (or if it's not to late ask her out on a date now.) As the once great grand master jedi once said, "Do or do not their is no try." The honestly worst thing that can happen is that you do nothing and end up regretting it later. You may feel bad if she says no, but regret will loom over you much longer then knowing your feelings were one sided... PS Where she is leaving don't take the date as anything serious if you do go just make sure it's fun! Char! 1
Gottabestrong Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 This is coming from someone who met people months, weeks or DAYS! before I moved far way. I'd say go for it! At least call her up or send her a text and ask her if she wants to meet you for a drink before she leaves. Nothing ventured nothing gained! You might have a magical time and always remember her fondly! Or you might never hear back from her (or she might decline due to her upcoming move) but at least you won't have to wonder: What If?
Frank2thepoint Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Whats my move? she obviously has a lot on her plate. One not sure if it would be creepy to get in touch with her, I mean I didn't ask for the number so that's plus. But I am pretty straight forward and was attracted to her in the potential relationship sort of way. But it seems like this could be a messy ring to step into, for both her and myself. First, would you be willing to invest time and energy into a potential long distance relationship? If you can, then call her up and ask her out. There is no harm in going on a date with her, getting to know her, and see what her plans are. Maybe she might stay on the East Coast, maybe not.
Author Sammy1223 Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Wow thanks for all the feedback everyone. I think her leaving the job and becoming more unreliable about getting to work was more about lack of transportation and just domino effects from life. Her A manager liked her and said she was a good employee just some thing happened and made it hard for her. Been debating it for the past day on what to do. Honestly wouldn't be opposed to a LDR, done it before, its hard but who knows what will happen. My brain kinda works on the Gretzky quote you miss 100% of the shots you don't take on things I find worthwhile. So im kinda with some of you on the just go for it and see what happens. worst case I know a second person on the West Coast if I ever find myself out there. one question, you think I should straight call her, or send her a quick text just telling her who I am, how I got her number and asking if I can give her a call sometime?
HappyLove Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I'm thinking a text wouldn't be so bad in this situation, just so she could digest the situation and see if she'd like to respond. Hopefully the manager gave her a heads up. When you ask her out definitely CALL!
Frank2thepoint Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 one question, you think I should straight call her, or send her a quick text just telling her who I am, how I got her number and asking if I can give her a call sometime? No text. Call her, leave a message if she doesn't pickup. For the voice mail, keep it succinct. Tell her who you are, you came around her old job looking for her, you'd like to ask her out and chat. And leave your number (clearly). If she calls you back, great. If not, you can still look yourself in the mirror and know you tried.
Author Sammy1223 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Yeah I ended up texting her and letting her know How I got her number and if I could call her the next day. She got back to me and we texted for a little bit. Had to be up early but she told me to sleep tight and she would talk to me tomorrow. So when I called (as I said I would) -she was busy doing some stuff online for school. (Application/Placement) Said she would call me back when she was done. -I said no worries and I was heading out for a run. she responded she would be done by the time I got back, and about 2 min later sent me another message saying there were 75 min worth of exams (online entrance exams and placement tests) -I made a sarcastic joke just being like "really!" (hoping she didn't take it seriously) mentioned the fact I was kidding and just it wasn't a problem and to give me a call back when she was done. This was all around between 630-730pm That was last night, haven't heard back since. Debating calling her back tomorrow. but wanted to see what you guys had to say. Was thinking she may have just gotten busy and overwhelmed. she was very apologetic when I called and she was busy on the application. and literately texted me as I was leaving a voice mail. Edited June 5, 2014 by Sammy1223
HappyLove Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Sounds like she was just busy. Text her to see how it went. Good for you for going for it! Seems she's open to you as she did respond back so that's a good start!
Author Sammy1223 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Yeah so I text ed her the following late morning just said "Hope the assessments went will, Can I call you tonight" She responded "yeah im going to a grad party for a friend but I will be able to talk" said awesome and told her Id be calling a bit later as Id be at a BBQ. So night comes around and I give her a call 9-930ish, no answer, leave a voicemail. about 1-2 hours later I get a text from her saying her phone was almost dead an If I was still awake, I didn't feel my phone vibrate so I was about 15 min late on responding but I said yes.never heard back. Next morning she text ed me and apologized but she fell asleep. This was Friday night. Saturday we talked for a bit on and off, texted her at one point and didnt hear back from her. ended up going out with some friends and didnt see I had a text from her until around 2am. was a little tipsy so was gonna wait to text her till the AM. well AM rolls around and my phone is dead in my car. I start charging it and head off for my Sunday plans. Service where I was going is pretty much non existent and I don't carry my phone with me. So I ended up not responding to her till Sunday night. Said she was spending time with her dad. (was like 10:30) responded to a question she had included in the message and got nothing back. Monday I just said F it and sent her a text asking if she was still able to meet up this week so I could give her a time and place. responds saying shes going to her grandparents for a week to say goodby to them before she takes off. her words " but Next week, I promise", told me where she was going, I said "great place have some friends up there, but you have my number give me a call when you get back." she responded with where about and we talked for a little, ended up with me making a joke about hunting and which led to another joke about how guys find girls with guns attractive. Nothing after that. Not gonna lie, my interest level started swaying after I called her the second time with no call back. (obviously still bothering me though otherwise I wouldn't be asking) All gut instinct tells me do just cut all ties and move on. anyone think she was serious about actually meeting up next week or doing that stupid thing girls do instead of just telling a guy they are not interested.
HappyLove Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 Well you knew before you contacted her that she was moving right? She sounds legit. I mean the only thing you did wrong was take too long to ask her out. But she still sounds like she really goes want to catch up with you. But is this something you want to pursue knowing that she's moving away? Sounds like you wouldn't be able to handle that.
Author Sammy1223 Posted June 11, 2014 Author Posted June 11, 2014 Well forgot to mention I had asked her on Thursday Night. we texted till she fell asleep. But we were talking about something regarding food and she made a joke about waiting around for me at a local place and I used it as a opportunity to ask her out. and she had said "Not this week, but definitely next week (being this current week)" because she had a grad party, was helping a friend move, spending the day with her dad and all that. The call Friday night was to actually say hey, Ill meet you at "blank" at #AM and we can catch up. Honestly I could do it, and I'm probably tripping over my own feet, Never really been in a situation where I actually liked a girl that I had 20 or so days to try and make an impression on (well iv done that but its its never seemed like a countdown). So for some reason I'm putting pressure on myself. Usually make sure a girl is willing to go on a date before I even get a phone number, this was kinda backwards and seems unfamiliar to me. (not a bad thing) just making it different.
beach Posted June 11, 2014 Posted June 11, 2014 What's the point when she's moving? You know she's unreliable. She hasn't MADE time for you. I don't care how "busy" someone is - they make time IF they are interested. She's not that interested. Don't invest too much in her...
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