jt27 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Hey everyone, just want to know what your thoughts are on closure letters. I am getting the stupid idea of it. I know closure comes from within but I am fighting the urge to send one thought I know I won't. Just curious... Has anyone sent one? What was your intention? What was the result/response? How did you feel afterwards? 1
organizedchaos Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Hey everyone, just want to know what your thoughts are on closure letters. I am getting the stupid idea of it. I know closure comes from within but I am fighting the urge to send one thought I know I won't. Just curious... Has anyone sent one? What was your intention? What was the result/response? How did you feel afterwards? Do a search on these forums. It's been asked a million times and the answer is always the same. Don't do it. 2
Jay77098 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Do you REALLY think that he/she will give the straight scoop? Really? Don't do it.
redbaron005 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Has anyone sent one? Yes, as a Facebook message, 1 month post-bu What was your intention? To tell her how I felt and to force a decision when she was stringing me along. What was the result/response? The response was cold and shallow. The result was that I did not like the response and probably ruined future chances of reconciliation. How did you feel afterwards? So horrible that I lost 20 lbs in a week and cried in my shower with my clothes still on for an hour. Seriously don't contact her Jt, I know it's hard.
rester Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Hey everyone, just want to know what your thoughts are on closure letters. I am getting the stupid idea of it. I know closure comes from within but I am fighting the urge to send one thought I know I won't. Just curious... Has anyone sent one? What was your intention? What was the result/response? How did you feel afterwards? I wrote one once, but didn't send it. Sealed it away in an envelope and hid it away in a box of photos. That was about 15 years ago. I searched for it a few months back, opened it, and read it. It was therapeutic to write, but VERY happy I never sent it! About three years ago I wrote an email to the woman I was seeing at the time. We had had some trouble and I poured my heart out. It was horrendous and she never responded. I think it was the beginning of the end and I never should have sent it. Very embarrassing. Write it if you must, but seal it up, label it, and hide it away for years.
fabulousgal Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I wrote one to tell him how he needs to learn to treat others better and not to contact me ever again. Do I regret it? No. Do I wish I had just disappeared without the letter? Yes. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 You can write one. Put it away. Re-read it a few days later & burn it. You may feel better. The closure letter is otherwise a BAD idea. Probable outcome: it won't matter. Worse case scenario: the other person shares it & it goes viral making you look pathetic to the whole world.
me85 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) Funny you started this thread. I just sent my closure email last night! It was fairly short and to the point. It was not mean. I did not point out any flaws of his or anything like that. I wasn't seeking out his intentions for still contacting me or to find out where I stood with him once and for all or blah blah blah. I was clarifying that I was done, or specifically that "I needed to fully move on with my life" and I asked him to please not respond either, as I "had endured all that I could." Meaning, I do not wish to communicate anymore. Period. The end! I think this was the type of closure I have been needing in order to truly move on. What was the motivation for me to do this? Well. Firstly, he sent me a music video and I sent one back and I suddenly thought, "OMG! Here we go, starting this whole thing up all over again. No!! I can't do this anymore, I just can't. I have to be done with this for good now." & secondly, because I have never done this before. It's never really been "over" with us. I've been holding out hope but now all hope is DEAD. I needed the satisfaction of knowing that I actually ended it. Not just in my mind through NC like I always did in the past, but by actually telling him "I'm moving on." I feel like I did the right thing for myself. Others seem to think this is not a good idea, well, maybe not for them. I for one am glad I did it & have no regrets about it either. Edited May 27, 2014 by me85 2
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 First If you're writing a closure letter - it shouldn't be with any hopes of reconciliation. Closure means the exact opposite of that. If it will make you regret it because they don't coming rushing back - or if they respond unkindly - cause ya know - breaking up with someone for no given reason is so kind right - don't do it, However - if you are like me, and you've gotten to the place where YOU do not want to reconcile. Where you miss the person but recognize the relationship for what it was and do not miss THAT, then a closure letter can be very therapeutic. For me - he responded super nasty - then not at all. But his response showed me who had actually learned and grown from our experience. It was the "straw that broke the camels back" so to speak, and truly did give me the closure I needed to move on with MY life. I do not regret the way things worked out now. His response to my repeated - and open apology for MY actions - while not allowing him to lay blame soley at my feet - showed me that he still can not take responsibility for his own actions. He is still emotionally immature - and still sees aboslutely no issue with the fact that he is commitment phobic - but will "future fake" to get what he needs from a relationship - knowing he won't follow through. And so yeah - I'm moving forward. I still love him - so I'm not moving into another relationship - some small stupid part of me hopes he will experience that growth and we can be friends again. But no part of me wants him back without it. Or rather wants US back without that. And so I am happy to move forward with my life. No regrets 2
bluenote Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Where I come from any and everything must have an alterior reason why it hapens, someone may die in a car crash caused by himself driving way way over the speed limit, and ofcorse it will be atributed to his neighbour or even brother who is always either jealous of his academic qualifications, beautiful wife, wealth or even endowment. Humanbeings are conditioned with cause and effect. I strugle with the same thing, I have a million and half questions why she did what she did. It is impossible for me to just accept what hapened without questions and or answers. if someone cheats on you and tries to give you reasons, the question is why did they not tell you before they went and cheated. If the person doesnt tell you it feels like total betrayal because they rejact you by keeping you out from their secret, and kind of protect the person they cheated with meaning you are not on their side. Its the toughest thing to just let it go without examining it thoroughly in your mind and visit and revisit everything, even very minor details such as was she wearing her most favoured dress that evening, must mean that she realy cares for him than me etc. First accept that it hapens and tell yourself you dont need answers or reasons, it will be dificult. Its a mental process and you have to train your mind to over time find very little need and use with that information. Don't know if its possible but I assume if I can say it then I can do it.
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I sent the letter. Didn't get a response. Spoke to her a few days later asking if she got it, read it and she said yes. But she also reaffirmed her belief that the relationship needed to end.
Always Pondering Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Did you ever send one jt27? I hope you did not! Hey everyone, just want to know what your thoughts are on closure letters. I am getting the stupid idea of it. I know closure comes from within but I am fighting the urge to send one thought I know I won't. Just curious... Has anyone sent one? Yes, months after BU while the ex was in another relationship. What was your intention? To relieve any bad feelings, attempt to end on a bad note, and expect an equal response. I'm sure I unconsciously wanted reconciliation too at that point though. What was the result/response? She said nothing. She read it, but said nothing. How did you feel afterwards? Complete garbage. I felt so terrible that it put me back even further. All it did was hurt me because I broke NC. Moral of the story and many others here on LS: Write the letter if you want to but don't actually send it!
Author jt27 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 I didn't send one. I am not going to especially with the state of mind I am in. Maybe I just needed reaffirmation to not do it. I know it won't accomplish anything. Did you ever send one jt27? I hope you did not! Moral of the story and many others here on LS: Write the letter if you want to but don't actually send it! 2
Itspointless Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 (edited) I did a few months afterwards, not to seek closure but to say what I needed to say and didn't before as I was walking on eggshells. Do I regret it, definitely not. I am sorry but I do not keep quiet as if I am ashamed of having feelings. Did that far to long in my life. Has it changed something, yes it has made me set a big step forward. Not to say that I do not wish things were otherwise, but they are not. Edited May 29, 2014 by Itspointless 3
realfriends Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Has anyone sent one? Yup. I sent 2 What was your intention? Try to fight for her back and get questions answered. Nothing in my world made sense anymore. What was the result/response? Nothing. No response. Just feeling of regrets within How did you feel afterwards? After I sent them I was on a bit of a high, but that train quickly crashed and I fell back to my low when reality kicked back in.
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